Off the Bench, to the Flooded Park, Near the Blimp.

I hate being benched.  In this case, it was by my own choice.

My "backup team" was in Europe having his European Vacation.  Madrid, Barcelona, Paris, London.  

Almost sounds like an old dance song.

I don't workout without knowing that there is someone I can call in an emergency.  Since I am an Endurance Athlete with many miles under my belt in two sports, I am being prudent.

I am also carrying titanium bars and about 30 screws to hold it all together.  I don't want to buy my Orthopedic Surgeon in Boca Raton another BMW via my health insurance.

Again.

This week I am finally getting back to training.  Goal is, by the end of December, to be back to predictably riding at least a 27 mile marathon three times a week.

At this point, after six weeks of doing nothing but walking 6 miles a day, 10K, with the dog, I am feeling it.

If you are (ahem) a Masters Class athlete, don't take a long break.  You will hate what you are up to when you get back.  You know "The Masters", us "old duffers" plodding around doing various sports.

At least we will be once the flood waters recede.  South Florida had 18 consecutive days of rain, at least here near Fort Lauderdale.  The last of those 18 days was "only" 4 inches (10 cm) at the park.  The parking lot had calf deep standing water, and the entry is still underwater.  Having to ford a standing pond is never fun.  A Friend of mine up in Ft Pierce sent me a weather report saying there was up to a foot near him, so we got off lucky.

A lot can happen in six weeks.  They changed from blocking off large sections of the park, that the blocks were largely ignored, due to construction of a questionably large apartment community almost directly on top of the trail, to reopening most of the trail.   There are still blocks up, and one segment is unpaved, but it is a big help for distance athletes.

4 2/3 miles of asphalt, one "lake" later, you can loop around, do multiple laps, and get something approaching a workout.  

Or at least once you train up to that ability.

Being forced out onto a six lane highway is never fun.

One of the oddball things I saw was The Blimp. 

Or rather one of the four of them.  I had to look it up.  The tail proudly calls them Wingfoot One, through Three. 

I never saw Wingfoot Three before but it had a visit.  Wingfoot One and Two are here from time to time.  One is based in Akron Ohio, Two is based here.  Three is based in Los Angeles.  Complete with a logo on the side.

There is a Wingfoot Europe that is in Essen Germany, which is something I never expected.

After six weeks, things do change.  Projects come to a phase change, someone spray paints a neon logo on the side of a blimp, and the flood waters begin to recede.

Me?  I only did 18.5 miles last time out.  I have a way to go.  Too bad I can't go for a ride on one, it would be fascinating.

Did you hear about the man who fell asleep on his horse? He has night mares.

A Wee bit late this morning.  Managed to get to the flooded park and actually put in 90 minutes of cycling.  Not bad considering.

So what follows is a Blonde Joke that the blondes will like.  Promise!  And I'll even toss in a shorty at the end because I'm that way!



 Reverse engineering

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.

Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"







In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." 

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself - and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know. 

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

Did you know before they invented crowbars, crows mostly drank at home?

Sunny Saturday Morning here, and we are in the secret season.  Snowbirds haven't yet flown south, and that's good because I don't want to share my fried plantains with anyone!  :)

One plantain beginning to turn from yellow to black, sliced into medallions, dusted with cinnamon and sugar, and fried in a teaspoon of butter.

You can't complain about that for breakfast even if it is a bit high in carbs.




A beaver wants to start dating. He sees a nice girl online, reaches out and they agree to meet at the bar.

The beaver arrives first and orders a drink. Just then the girl arrives. He looks at her and sees the flat tail, webbed feet, brown fur and then…. Oh no, her face!

She comes over and he blurts out, “you’re a platypus!”

She seems slightly embarrassed, “well, yes, there was a picture of me on my online profile”

“Oh, I thought you were just doing duck lips for the camera.”

She sits and the bartender takes her order.

The beaver goes on, “I’m sorry, just not too many platypuses around, I mean, are you even from here?”

The platypus, now visibly upset says, “I don’t know why that is any of your dam(n) business!”

“What does my families construction company have to do with this!” And the beaver stands up and leaves.

The bartender comes over with the platypuses drink and says, “err, sorry love, but he didn’t leave any cash or a card.”

The platypus sighed, “I guess this means the bills on me” 

Social Media, Ads, and other Annoyances and Time Sinks.

On a day after the elections, when the blue tsunami has hit showing that we the people haven't indeed lost our minds to the Magas, I sit here pondering online advertising.

See, I run a lot of software to block ads.  A Bloody Huge amount.  Recently Facebook decided to tweak their page.  Their right.  But when I see five ads, literally, for ever single pertinent "friend's post" i have to question why I bother.

On the other hand, I hear this often.  People dropping Facebook for other alternate social media outlets.  I've kept Facebook going for family.  I don't have a lot of "friends" on there, but I do that for a reason.  Only about 150 friends there and almost all are family or a direct connection. 

On Blue Sky, I do.  13000 at last count.  I have been vetting like-minded people there who have stumbled across what I am putting out and who think "hey, let me follow him".  Both outlets I have the same attitude - find me, and I will see what you have to say.  

Early on, I decided chasing fame online was overkill.  I go about my business, and do my thing.  The blog is my own echo chamber, a scratch pad for my life.  I put thoughts out into the ether, and things that I feel that I need to remember.  Deep dives into mechanical maintenance on sports equipment, or total teardowns of electronics, or cooking/baking.  Ya know, normal crap that I decided I needed a ramble on about.

Since 2009, I have been doing that.  I don't seem to want to stop that so many years later, even if it is canned humor on the weekends that have its own audience, and I have been recipe heavy on Wednesdays.

Good grief, have I really been doing this blather for 17 years?

It's all kind of feeding itself, pun intended.  After all if I am going to make something to fuel my training efforts, I will want to keep that recipe where I can get at it.  Everything is tested, and vetted.  It's also right sized so it doesn't cause issues.  

So I have had my fun for the day on there.  I think I may have reported more than 50 ads for ludicrous reasons, and that could be closer to 100.  

I don't understand why, nobody likes them, and there isn't really any reason why I would have someone screaming at me to buy their product.  It won't change my mind.  Especially at this ponderous volume that they have decided to shout at me, you, and everyone.

Can't say that the "Influencer" life makes all that much sense.  I"m kind of an edge case.  Sitting in my rocker, listening to a Soca station in London, while the thunder rumbles on the 16th day in a row.   I doubt I'd find many people in the US that like to listen to Caribbean music, unless they have a connection there.  I don't but I am amused.

So influence away.  I'll keep blasting away at annoyances.  Besides, I have to go tend to the oven.  It's time to set out food for dinner.  

I was gonna tell a joke about time traveling ...But you guys didn't like it.

 Ok, today is time change day.  For most of us at any rate.  Set your clocks back an hour where you need to.

That reminds me of Mom's Lincoln.  It had a clock that was just easier to leave alone on whichever time it was set because it was wickedly difficult to find just the right set of buttons to set.

As for the clock on the stove?  It's a touch screen and for some reason touch screens and I are not friends.  I despise them.  They may work for you but not for me.

Ask me how I feel about this whole smart phone economy some day, I hate it.

As I am listening to the 6AM news broadcast on CBC Canada I am thinking they are going to have a collective well thought out decision as to whether to stop this twice yearly ritual.  They are already chipping away at it.

Here, we have said a resounding No to it but like everything else in Washington, gridlock is the rule.





One day in the junk shop


Back in the days of my youth when I used to help the owner out, I was pleasantly surprised to see a lovely young woman come in, look around a bit and then come up to the counter. "Please," she said, in a voice that sounded kind of Russian, "I am looking for one night stand."

Well, when I was young and bold I used to know what to do, and as there was no-one else in the shop I shut up early and we got along to a bar I knew where they used to have a talent night, and over cocktails we watched a young magician doing his stuff, and as I recollect down the years, he was pretty good. Then later we went along to about the fanciest restaurant I could afford, I saw her back to her front door after dinner, leaned in for a kiss and was delighted to be invited in for coffee.

Like I say, back then I used to know what to do (I still do, but the flesh is weaker now than then), and I'll draw the curtain of discretion over the next eight hours or so, until the sun crept over the windowsill and I turned to her and said, "Well, how was that?"

"Was wonderful," she said with a sigh, "but I still have nowhere to put alarm clock."

A time traveller steps on a butterfly and says "Ah no! Not this again"

So for today, it's a bunch of short ones.   Six, Short, and Sweet.  I have a friend like that up North so this one is for you, and all the short and sweet dears out there! 




My brother went to a job interview,

Manager: “this is an impressive resume, but what were you doing during this 4 year gap? “
Brother: “I went to Yale”

Manager: “Well, in that case, you’re hired!”
Brother: “Thank you! I really need this yob”.



 I called a psychic to ask if I’d ever stop wasting money.
She said, “Absolutely.”
I said, “When?”
She said, “That’ll be another $40.”



I keep trying to negotiate a better bargain on a used carousel
No matter how much we discuss it, we just keep going around and around.



I just caught a glimpse of my laugh lines in the mirror.
I don't remember anything being THAT funny.




A man accidentally bumps his canoe into someone else's. He was promptly attacked.
It was a case of rowed rage



Whats green has four legs and if it falls out of a coconut tree will kill you?
A pool table.

Scratch Muffin Mix Recipe, This Time With Pumpkin Spice

 This pumpkin spice thing.  It's a recipe I have used for years and I keep it on hand because it is a nice change of pace.  

It works in Coffee, Homemade Soap, and this time I made Muffins with it.

I used a Tablespoon in this mix that is completely from scratch because I wanted something a little different in the freezer for snacks.  The picture has Raisins along with the Pumpkin Spice and the trick with baking with them is to add the raisins to a coffee mug with equal amounts of boiling water and allow them to soak.  It adds a little bit of chew.  Drain off the water, and bake as your "add in" on the muffin mix.  One cup of add ins by volume is recommended.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups All Purpose Flour
• 2/3 cups Sugar
• 1 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
• 1/4 teaspoon Salt
• 2 teaspoons Powdered Milk or Buttermilk Powder

Process:

Makes 12 Muffins - I put the batter in a plastic bag, snip the corner off, then pipe it into the muffin cups.  Nice and even sized muffins.

Add Mix to bowl with the following Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup Milk
• 1 Egg, Beaten
• 1/4 cup Melted Butter
• 1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
• 1 cup of add ins such as Nuts/Raisins/Chocolate Chips
• To make Chocolate Muffins - Add 4 Tablespoons Cocoa
• To make Pumpkin Spice Muffins - Add 1 Tablespoon Pumpkin Spice Mix

Bake at 350F for 18 minutes and remove when toothpick inserted in the middle of a cupcake comes out clean.

Bigamy has its own penalty… Two Mothers-In-Laws!

 Ok so the topic is very 1950s boomer humor but it made me have a dopey smile so I'll pass that on.

Where as this little gem reminds me of the stories of the food deliveries during Covid Lockdown and later.  How were your fries?





Bitten menu

"Excuse me, waiter!" Says the man
Waiter: yes, can I help you sir?

Man: yes what does it it mean by "bitten burger" here on the menu?
Waiter: because the burger has a bite taken out of it

Man: a bite?... out of the burger?
Waiter: yes sir

Man: and what about the steak, is that bitten too?
Waiter: yes sir, it's bitten as well.

Man: ah but I see here on the menu that the salmon doesn't have "bitten" written with it
Waiter: yes but it comes with bitten potatoes instead

Man: why?
Waiter: because I don't like salmon

I need advice on how to handle a very controversial situation. Earlier today, I lathered and rinsed, but I did *NOT* repeat.

Ahh the things I get away with when the house is "empty"!



Another one of those that when I re-read for the dozen-th time, I got a chuckle out of it.

Here you go!





Southern charm

In a crowded city, at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman in a tight mini skirt waited for the bus.

When the bus arrived and it was her turn to board,

her skirt was so tight she couldn’t lift her leg to the first step.

Slightly embarrassed, she flashed a quick smile at the driver, reached back, unzipped her skirt a little, and tried again.

No luck.

More embarrassed now, she reached back, unzipped it a bit further, and attempted the step once more.

Still no luck.

With another polite smile to the driver, she reached behind a third time, unzipped even more, and still couldn’t make it.

A big Texan standing right behind her gently grabbed her by the waist and lifted her effortlessly onto the step.

She spun around, furious.

“How dare you touch me!

I don’t even know you!”

The Texan grinned, tipped his hat, and drawled,

“Well, ma’am… normally I’d agree with ya. But after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

 

Can You Go Out In Public In Underwear If It Really Is Workout Clothes, Honest!

I have always said that workout gear is something that lets you go out in public in your underwear.

I have two sports I participate in.  Inline Skating and Cycling.  Both as an endurance sport.  When you are in a "Monsoonal Warm" climate like South Florida, the problem isn't staying warm, it is getting rid of sweat.  Especially through August, you can be completely soaked in sweat after only a half hour of cardio outdoors.

I cracked the code of how to get proper workout gear for cycling online a while back.  Going to the shopping website that everyone likes to laugh at, I was getting suited up for under $15, even now while rampant runaway inflation goes on.

Cycle Jerseys can cause ten times that, so since I am not flush with cash, the chance for picking up a full zipper spandex jersey for $8 was one of those moments where I said "Yoink, you are mine".  Padded shorts for the same or less.  I paid $4 for a pair of those more than once.

I used to laugh at the people in the cycle pack in Fairmount Park in Philadelphia wearing stinky spandex.  They would be going past in a large group and you could smell them.  You people really should wash better.  I do.  

But the thing is that something that form fitting looks like underwear, something that you wear under your clothes.  If you are in a place where it is appropriate, like a park or gym, great, but in your neighborhood or at a Mall?  Nope, No way.

My neighborhood is not one of those places.  At least not while I am on the bike.  I prefer more "room to breathe" when I am on skates and there is too much rubbish on the streets here to skate.  I will stick to the trails where the worst thing to have to deal with is an errant Karen.

ON YER LEFT!!!

However I learned shortly after moving to Flaky Florida, that you need to watch the weather very closely.  The emphasis is on the VERY.  In fact if you like today's weather you will like tomorrow.  Changes are rather small.  It never freezes this far south, and temperatures only vary, at most, about a degree a week on average.  

Fahrenheit or Centigrade?  First one, then the other.

You have Dry Season where South Florida is a desert for six or more months, then you have Wet Season where the air is liquid and it can rain at ... well, it is raining now isn't it?

A good radar program or website is better than tuning into the local talking head on AM/FM or TV.  I learned how to read radar as well as the well paid loudmouth on broadcast.  Maybe better because my radar program is immediate. 

There is also Hurricane Season - June 1 to November 30.  Better to just hope it spins fish and watch radar, again.

First thing in the morning, I look and I judge if I am in the barrel of the shooting gallery of "green leopard spots" on the map.  Then dress accordingly.  If the Leopard has brought the rest of its friends and you get yellow/orange/red blobs dancing across the map, you are on for a wet time.

I had a walk where I told those who I was going with that we were going to be wet, very wet.  Getting laughed at I took a golf umbrella that had carbon fiber ribs and no metal.  When I heard "there's the FEC from Miami coming North" from them, I said "No it's not a train, that is weather, we are going to get wet.  RUN!".  

After they stopped laughing at me, I told them to get out from under my umbrella since they were waiting for a train and cramping my style.  "Go play on the tracks, you two dinguses!"

This morning, there was a different situation.  More Leopard Spots.  I had my umbrella and a neighbor was asking.  I said if it rains, we're going to get about a half hour of wet.  The response was "So that is why you are dressed for the Tour de France?"

"Mais Oui, mon ami"  

You see this stuff, that is basically a recycled soda bottle with added stretchy stuff, has its purpose.  Not indoors, you need a breeze to make it comfortable.  The dog doesn't care about how you are dressed, nor whether it is raining.  Only if it is thunder and lightning, very very frightening.

None of that in the thermometer's Mercury, Freddy, just some rain.  Bloody unpredictable rain.

When we are out walking in the neighborhood, a short walk is a half hour.  It is why Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) has made it to 15 years old after being a Butt Cancer Survivor.  Exercise plus excellent nutrition, even if I have to take a half hour to get him to eat before sunrise.

I got going and was out a little more than a half mile, call it a kilometer, from the house.  It began to rain in that tropical, soaking way.  It was as if someone was on a balcony above you using a spray bottle at first.  Walking on, my Tour de France spandex was now skin tight, had a sheen of slightly salty acid rain that had blown in off the Ocean from The Bahamas.  

On and off, the rain came during that walk, and it stopped about 15 minutes before getting home.  Rack really did not care.  Cow Dogs, Farm Dogs, and Mc Nab Dogs just don't care about rain.  I didn't either.  That cool rain was fine, and when the rain stopped, I had a breeze.  

The Tour turned into an Air Conditioner.  Form Fitting, and I do look good in that stuff.

But basically it's Socially Acceptable Underwear in this context.  Big hairy scary athlete in underwear, walking his dog, being cooled by the winds off the ocean coming in from Freeport.

So I guess, really, I do wear it in the neighborhood, but rarely.  Even if it does raise an eyebrow.  Even if I do think this stuff looks like underwear that can get ripe if it doesn't go into the washer immediately with "bacteria fighting laundry soap".

I mean, I don't want someone to find me by scent.  They aren't a bloodhound and I am not a rabbit.  

After all, my nickname is Moose.  Not Bugs Bunny, silly Wabbit.

I think my best friend must be dyslexic. Last night we threw a Roman-themed party and he turned up wearing a goat.

 Ok, that was BAAAAD.  Wasn't it?


After watching Bohemian Rhapsody last night, this just seems appropriate.


A drummer gets kicked out of a jazz band.

The other members of the band tell him it's because his sense of timing is just the worst. 
He's so depressed that he goes down to the train yard and throws himself behind a train.




And since it is a Sunday Morning...





Road to perdition

A priest comes to a village STEEPED in sexual deviancy and fornication. It makes Sodom and Gomorrah look pure and holy.

When the people come to confess they get graphic with a capital G! So the priest makes a rule. Instead of them relating their sin in such detail, they are to simply say, "Forgive me, Father, I have fallen."

This goes on for a long time.

The people - "Forgive me, Father, I have fallen."

The priest - "Go, child, and sin no more."

20 years go by and the priest dies.

His successor arrives and takes over. He doesn't know the village history or his predecessor's edict. So when the people come to confession ("Forgive me, Father, I have fallen"), the new priest is puzzled.

One day he receives a visit from the mayor. He says to the mayor, "You really need to fix the streets in the village. The people keep falling and they are going to seriously hurt themselves."

The mayor gives him a quizzical look, thinks about it and then all of a sudden bursts out laughing. The priest, annoyed, asks, "Why are you laughing? Your wife fell 100 times last week!"

I have a calculus joke, but it’s derivative.

 I never got Calculus.  They taught it as a quit course - one designed to make you quit the university.  Hard way to calculate a derivative first.  They then said "Oh forget all that, you can do it this way".  Much easier.

Soured me on higher education from then on out.



And speaking on things that might sour you... this is a wee bit edgy, so proceed on forearmed.




Doctor doctor give me the news

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

"Johnny!", his mom screams, "Knock it off or you're going to break something!"

Johnny stops and shortly thereafter mom leaves to go grocery shopping. Johnny starts up again immediately.

Finally growing bored, he gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom gets home and while putting away the groceries gets a bubbling feeling in her gut. It's a diarrhea run!!!

She makes it to the toilet just in time and SPLOOSH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!

She calls her doctor, but he's baffled as she describes the situation. He assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the brown thing.

Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere! It's on him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been a doctor over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually SEEN a fart!'"

Jeep Wrangler 25 years on, Acting Weird in the Driveway.

My support team, as I sometimes call him, is currently in London.  Doing Business things.  Previously he was in Barcelona and Madrid before that.

Lucky guy, huh?

What this means, to me, is that I don't get to workout.  I have been at home "doing things" for these two weeks.  I have had some pretty nasty accidents on inline skates and on a bicycle.  As a result, I am carrying some Titanium for the rest of my life.

I am grateful to have someone who can rescue me when I have a problem, but that stops me when they aren't around.

On the other hand, I had a rather annoying surprise yesterday.

I realized that it was two weeks since I had started the Jeep.  It has been sitting in the driveway wondering when I was going to take him for a drive.  Two more weeks, then the support team comes back, and I go back to being an athlete carving large circles around giant gas bags and goofy golfers.

"He" is a 2002 Jeep Wrangler.  January 2027 I will have had him for 25 years.  I would put classic or antique plates on the Jeep but I think it is 30 years here in Florida and I am not sure that I would want to be limited to daytime only use on my own car.

Yes, "He".  Black Jeep, Tan Soft top.  A friend of the time looked at it and said that Jeep looks like Darth Vader.  I laughed and have been thinking of it as Darth Jeep ever since.

DJ the TJ.  I'll stop, it's a little "cute" for me too.

25 year old cars do weird things.  I purposely got the Jeep as I thought that I could repair things on it.  And I have.  I have replaced Oxygen Sensors, Drained the oil numerous times, flushed the radiator, replaced the fuel rail, had the fuel injectors out, cleaned them, and replaced them, upgraded the lights to LED (all but four bulbs), and I'm on the second soft top.

There are other things that have been done like replacing the radio because I wanted to listen to CDs.  A different radio for MP3 listening.  Then I wanted HD Radio and a Line In port and replaced it again.  Then I wanted Bluetooth more than anything else because the whole music market has changed drastically in 25 years.

I am sitting in South Florida listening to a Classic Disco feed from a "station" in London, on a Bluetooth link to my phone.  As much as I hate smart phones, I rather like Classic Disco.  This way I can do it on the road as well.

When I went out to the Jeep, I pulled the radio and re-soldered all the wires to the harness.  That gave me four speakers.  Sufficient because over about 60 mph, that Jeep only has a passing acquaintance to the music I am playing.

All that said and done, it was time to test it all out.  

Accessory switch proved that the music worked.  

Realizing that I needed to do more than drain the battery playing Cerrone,  I thought it best to take old Darth for a roll around town.

Pushing foot to the firewall, I turned over the motor.  Purrs like a kitten.

Clutch in I tried to shift it into reverse and it fought me.  There was no pressure in the hydraulics to the clutch plate.  

Try to shift into first, and the same thing.  Nothing.

When I had the Clutch Master Cylinder replaced a couple years back, I had to pump the clutch so that I got enough pressure to engage the transmission.  Remembering this, and feeling my heart rate climb in fear to above 100, I did manage to get the transmission to shift into gear.  

Testing forward and reverse, and seeing that they engaged, I thought it best to take the old boy out for a short jaunt around town. 

Bottom line is that with a 25 year old Jeep, weird things happen.  Gremlins.  Mind you, I am fond of weird cars, and that Jeep is certainly weird.  

I bought it in the middle of the 1996-2006 production of the Jeep Wrangler TJ.  It used to be common on the road.  Through time and bad planning, my DJ The TJ seems to be one of the last of a breed.  I just don't see many of them.

It isn't time to sell it.  I enjoy it way too much.  Every time I get behind the wheel, I get a goofy grin on my face.  Besides, the EV market has not gotten mature enough for me to find one that is to my liking.  I like what the Blank Slate promises.  It's basically a "Work Truck" about the size of an old Toyota Truck, Chevy Luv, and Mazda B2000.  1990 Called and they are bringing back a truck in the form of an EV.  

The Slate Truck also has the same ethos as a Jeep Wrangler from my era and earlier.  No spyware reporting back to Ford/GM/Toyota/Who-Knows-Who.  No subscriptions for hardware you have on the vehicle and are carrying around for the life of the thing.

It is as basic as my Jeep is.  I like that in a car or truck.  I like weird, but I also don't like paying for things I don't actually need or want.  That's just pointless and stupid, and "Momma didn't raise stupid".

So for now, I have to put up with weirdness and make it a point to drive the Jeep around town more frequently, even at $4.29 a gallon, and invent places to go.  

At least until my support team returns. 

If you are curious, and haven't checked your Clutch Master Cylinder for a while, it may be low.  Before you get involved, make sure you have the correct fluid.  It is marked on my cylinder at the firewall.  If not there, check your owner's manual, or (gasp) your favorite search engine.

Seriously, look it up and make sure you are using the right fluids.  I have seen videos of people destroying their vehicles by using the wrong one.  If In Doubt, Get An Expert.

My Jeep uses DOT 3 Brake Fluid.  Open up the top by turning it and make sure that you have it about 1/2 full.  Close it tight. 

It's also a good time to make sure your brake fluid, oil, washer fluid, and coolant levels are up where they should be.  

Why was the fish let go from his job? The company was scaling back.

Ahh spammers.  I have to laugh at them.  May as well, they won't stop.  They probably are nothing more than a phone on a wall in a third world nation.  

As for Political Spam I am getting, I am torn between simply delete and spam block or just sending 43 copies of my middle finger in a picture.  Comic relief that is.




Papa mole, mamma mole and their two baby moles were in their tunnel beneath the grocery store.

Papa mole stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the sugar now.” 

A little later he stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the honey now.” 

A little more time passed and papa mole stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the maple syrup now.”

After the moles got home, the two baby moles asked mamma mole whether she was able to smell the sugar, honey, and maple syrup. 

She said, “Not as well as your papa, but yes. Couldn’t you two smell them?”

The baby moles looked at each other and one spoke up, “To be honest, all we could smell was molasses.”



This one I think I used before.  So I'll turn this into a two-fer in case someone hasn't seen it yet.  



"God will save me"

In a small town by the riverside, it started to rain heavily. As the water levels began to rise, the townspeople started to leave, except for one very religious person. They said "God will save me".

At first, an army bus was helping evacuate the people. The person refused the bus, saying "God will save me".

As the water rose, the person had to climb to the second floor to not drown. At this time, a boat appeared and offered help. Once again, "God will save me". The boat left.

Rain continued, the water rose even more, forcing the person to go to the roof. A rescue helicopter appeared, but once again, "God will save me".

The water continued rising and the person drowned. Once in heaven, they went to God and asked "Lord! Why didn't you save me? I was a loyal servant for my whole life!"

To which God replied: "I sent help! I sent you a bus, a boat and a helicopter!"

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.

I haven't been to the Park in too many days now.  I'm climbing the walls because walking six miles a day is kind of boring and not intense enough.

So if this is a repeat, just think of it as me going around the golf course six times on the bike laughing at those thinking they're getting a workout.



 
 
What's fairway for the goose, is fairway for the gander!

Two guys were playing a round of golf. As they finished one hole and headed for the next, one of them realised he'd left his jacket back at the previous one.

"Hang on a sec", he said to his buddy, "I'll just run back and get it."

As he approached the previous hole, he noticed two women about to tee off. Suddenly he stopped, turned around, and headed back toward where his buddy was waiting.

"Holy Hell! That could have been awkward! That was my wife and mistress back there!"

"Good Lord!" says his buddy, "That could have ended badly! No problem, I'll run back and get it for you."

Like the first guy, he got half way to the previous tee, turned around, and headed back.

Reaching his buddy he looked somewhat flustered and said "Small world isn't it?"



This one is for my vegan friends.  You know who you are.  We know who you are.  You told us...






 A man orders a steak at a fancy restaurant. He soon sees the waiter approaching with the big juicy steak dinner plate.

As the waiter gets closer, the man notices the waiter has his thumb directly on top of the steak, squeezing it to the plate.

The man says to the waiter, "Hey man, would you mind taking your thumb off my steak??"
The waiter replies, "What, and drop it on the floor again?? Geez what a fool!"

Up At Four Means Your View Doesn't Change, Dog Walks In An Empty City

I have the city to myself.  That isn't exactly a bad thing.  

There are always lurkers and leftovers hovering in the shadows no matter where you are. When you are out on the dog walk, being on your own means you aren't finding yourself having to be on guard as much.

I got started getting up early years ago.  Mostly due to training.  I'd weight lift or walk before work, then settle in for the rest of the day.  Training happened 12 months of the year and would shift concentrations depending on weather and season.  Hard to inline skate when there is snow on the ground, so I would get into the gym and "Pump Aluminum".

Then Lettie happened and that pushed the wake up time at least another half hour earlier.  She was a joy to have and I would do it all over again.  I would walk around my block at the top of a hill and get her settled before going into my own schedule.

We moved her here to Florida from Philadelphia years back, and I found a different reason to be up.  Heat.  I have always been good with temperature, I have actually made it through years of August while having my training schedule in two sports maintained.  There is a reason why you snowbirds don't come down in August.  

"The air is liquid" is a line I have used to describe it.

Getting started early means some of that heat is left to others to navigate.  Lettie went to her reward, and I was told "Get another dog, now" by others.  Some people just need a dog in their life. 

The answer was Rack.  Rack is now 15 and quite a bit slower.  The zoomies we had in the back yard were fun to watch but that hasn't happened for years.  Dogs may tough it out but you do want to make sure that the heat won't affect them. 

Earlier still.  Not to mention that he's a slow eater.  Painfully slow some days.

We are still out walking around, watching the sunrise to beat the heat on the two early walks.  Having the city to ourselves.  I get to see the place as if everyone has moved out.  We notice when things change, whether intentional or not.  

At the moment, my "support team" is out of town.  My training has drastically shifted.  Before then, "The Afterburners Are On" and I could eat anything I wanted, and did.  It all just burned up.  700 calories plus for a meal, plus dessert for all three meals.  Plus "nibbles" every time I walked through the kitchen.  

Now, with only long walks and no other training, I am limited to a firm ceiling of 600 calories a meal plus desserts.  It will take at least a month to get back to peak condition, but a resting heart rate in the low 50s is fun.

Cardio is a Cheat Code to nutrition.  Hit your macro nutrient requirements for Protein and you can have pretty much whatever you want if you are doing enough Cardio.  I measure workouts on the bike in multiples of marathons.  27 miles is enough, three times a week.

But I have to get there.  Rack helps.  6 miles a day of dog walks is possible, but I limit him because he would walk the pads off his paws if I let him.  So he gets "only" four to five miles, and I go out on my own even if he doesn't like that.

Loyal is a metaphor for Dog.

Dog walks are "Dog Directed" as a result.  Rack knows the city as well as I do, and on a very different level.  I open the door and follow him, follow his lead.  I can easily steer him, he is an agreeable soul, and definitely not an Alpha Dog.   

Depending on my own time constraints, and whether I am up at four like I was today, we can cover a lot of ground.  I limit that ground, frequently, but a long walk makes for a happy dog.  

Just keep it reasonable.  Happy is good, Too Happy is not.

If you see us out there, I'm wandering along, cleaning up after my dog and the leftovers.  My headphones are usually on, BBC/CBC for the news, typically or some Classic Disco keeping the tempo up.

Classic Disco?  Yes, still.  When the mood hits. 

What do you call a live-in nanny with breast implants? A faux pair.

Hey, I'm allowed and Mom was Italian.




A Russian spy, an American spy and an Italian spy

All three were captured by a terrorist organization and kept in the same cell.

The terrorists first dragged out the American spy, tied him to a chair and started asking him questions about the nation's secrets, codes and plans.

The American spy refused, and when threatened with torture he spat on their face.

After 2 continuous hours of brutal torture the American finally gave up and gave them every thing he had.

They then picked up the Russian and again asked him for his country's confidential information. The russian refused.

After 5 continuous hours of goreish, sick and disturbing torture even the russian gave up and gave them every thing he had.

Then they moved onto the Italian, did the whole thing with him, he too remained quiet.

After 6 hours of bloody indescribable torture, the italian hadn't said a word.

Soon 8 hours passed and the italian was still quiet, the terrorists grew tired and told him they'd be back in some time and left the three to rot together.

The american then turned to the italian and asked him "Hey, Luigi! What the hell was that? Do you not feel pain?"

The russian too was very shocked, "Comrade! How in the world did you endure that!"

The italian, with tears rolling down his face replied

"I wanted to talk, but my hands were tied"

I noticed most musicians wear glasses. It's so they can C#

Ok so how about a little humor wrapped around a country stereotype.  I have a friend in Europe right now, and he's always talking about "The Angry German" in his Mercedes Benz especially when a fluid level is low.



 A British couple decided to adopt a German baby.

They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. 

Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a pastry, and said "It is a little tepid."

His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."



And since that was short... here are two more short ones!




 A man wins a pig at a fair and the host congratulates him, then asks him if he has a barn to keep the pig.
"Nah", says the man "I'll just keep it in the bedroom."

The host is taken aback and asks "But what about the smell?"
"Well", says the man "that's something the pig's gotta get used to."









My friend, who noticed a bulge in my pocket says "What's that"?

I said "Golf ball".

He says "Oh man, that must hurt! I had tennis elbow once."

Balsamic Barbecue Sauce Recipe. Yes, Homemade!

I was running low on ingredients.  My refrigerator held a vacuum packed slab of Pork Shoulder, Boneless.  

Where do they get Boneless Pigs, and how can they live without bones?

Anyway, I remembered that I lived near a restaurant supply store where I previously bought a gallon of Balsamic Vinegar. 

Yes, A Gallon.  Right around four liters if you prefer.

Most barbecue sauce has vinegar in it in some level and this recipe has saved me multiple times.

Since the Pork Shoulder was about 8 pounds (4kg), I wasn't going to soak it in the sauce overnight.  I merely coated it at 6 PM and then a top off coat an hour later at 7:30 in the evening.

At 9pm, I turned on the oven at 225F (107c) for 12 hours.  At 9AM I added another 2 hours.

Perfect.  I had a Slab of Meat that shrank some, but was at 205F (96c).  

At 11:30 I was able to eat some of the most buttery barbecue that I had in a very long time.  

This sauce you make at home, over the stove.  It took about 1/2 hour of total time, 15 minutes prep, 15 of simmering.  It thickened and I was able to say this is a winner again.

Yes, I used it on Pork but it works well with Beef, and Poultry.  Yes, I have done all three.

For my Vegetarian and Vegan friends and Family, try it on tofu or a Veggie Burger.  

It is awesome.  It is my go to barbecue sauce.

Ingredients: 

• 1 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper  

Process:

• Add the ingredients to a saucepan and stir until all the ingredients are incorporated and the mixture is smooth.
  Alternately add the ingredients to a blender and blend until smooth. 
• Simmer over medium heat until reduced by 1/3, about 15 to 20 minutes.
• Refrigerate and use fairly promptly like any homemade goods.

What happened after the wheel was invented? A revolution. (That's one way to spin it.)

 A truck carrying a shipment of Worcestershire sauce was driving through Loughborough, when it ploughed head-on into a Lamborghini Murcielago.

The truck then swerved and crashed into a Hyundai, carrying refractive geo optical accoutrements, severely injuring two ophthalmologists seated inside. 

One practitioner, originally from Saskatchewan , already afflicted with strongyloidiasis, instantly suffered an onset of hypercholesterolemia.

A local man, Tarquin Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh who witnessed the scene, alerted the emergency services using his Xiaomi smartphone.

A police spokesman later said

“It’s really difficult to say what happened here”.

And since that was a bit weird and shortish...

My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.

He said, 'You know, you could do better.'

'Thanks, Dad, that means a lot,' I replied.

He winked and said, 'I was talking to your girlfriend!'