Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I'm going through the pre-workout prep on Sunday Morning and thought these two just fit together.  For me, time for a carbo-load, enjoy your morning, I hope this helps!




An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.

The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or you'll be sorry you crossed me!”

The old man replies, “Woah, wait buddy, I don’t have that much money, but let me call my son - he trains dolphins.”

The old man dials his son. As he is about to speak, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins? Well, your old man just hit and damaged my car. You bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna whoop his and your ass."

The son answers, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”

In exactly 15 minutes, the son pulls up in a Jeep. He jumps out and slaps the expensive car owner about a bit, then walks over to his father and says,

“Dad, I train Navy SEALs, not dolphins.”

 

To the thief who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts.

Back during the Cold War, Heinrich, who was just drafted into the West German Army, asked his superior Major Schmitt for a three day pass.

The major says, "Are you crazy? You just got here last week and you're wanting a three day pass? Those aren't just given out to anyone. They must be earned!"

So Heinrich left dejected but comes back a day later driving a brand new Soviet tank! Major Schmitt was very impressed, he said, "For that act of bravery you are getting your three day pass. By the way, how did you do this by yourself?"

"Well", said Heinrich, "I jumped into one of our tanks and drove to the East German border. When I got there, I saw an East German soldier sitting alone in this tank. I waved a white flag. He waved a white flag. We met right at the border and I asked him 'Do you want to get a three day pass?'.

He said, 'sure' so we swapped tanks!"

Weather Watching At Pompano Airpark

I guess we can file this one under things I just like.

Kansas is flat.  Florida is flatter.

I workout at an airport in Pompano Beach Florida.  The trail here is one big square.  About a Mile on a side.  1.6 Km if you must.  4.5 miles once around.

Thing is that here, where the air is liquid even in the dry season, there are some seriously small micro-climates.
 

I'm standing about 2 miles 3 Km away from the Ocean.  The other side of the park is a mile away.  I'm standing in the sun.

Riding around that big old box I can see where there was a Thunderhead just off shore.   I can do that loop on the bike in about 17 minutes reliably, although today I was taking things easy and relaxed a bit. 

Standing at the gates, I put the camera in the gap between them and squeezed off this picture.

The point is that you have to be able to read the weather. 

When I was in Philadelphia, I had a long run.  It was 15 miles, about 28 km in one direction away from the car.  I'd stop and have a break and skate back to the car.  It was predictable.  You would be able to read the radar and say that it would be a good dry run that day and not get out and be wet.  After all, on a 3 hour workout, getting soaked in the middle of it is simply not an option.

Here things are different.  If you liked yesterday's weather, you will like today's.  In this specific case, warm and sunny with leopard spots of storms marching across the radar developing into some strong storms later. 

Welcome to Wet Season.

I have to watch.  Things can change at a moment's notice.  I have stood in that same spot and known that I was going to get quite wet by the time I got back.  Not today actually because that little leopard spot disappeared and reformed twice in the two hours I was at that park.

One of the adaptations I made was to get ceramic bearings in my inline skates.  You can run them through water and they do not rust, they're made out of material similar to the coffee cup you took out of the dishwasher last time you ran the thing.  Regular steel bearings rust if you look at them wrong.

I get to the car on the other side of the park now and since it is still warm, I am using one of the two bottles of water that I carry to pour over my head and helmet, shoulders and arms to cool down to be able to go around for another hours.  Yet another adaptation.

Endurance Sports are subtle that way, you change things to put yourself through the workout over the years.  Eventually you get where you are going even if it isn't the way you were going last time.

Florida is a very granular place.  Just a little way away and the entire character of where you are at has changed. 

Weather, Neighborhood, Opportunities.

I suppose that would be why people move here.  It never freezes, we're only 8 miles below the freeze line in winter.  Maybe further because of the "Global Warming That Does Not Officially Exist" nonsense.  Most people who own property can tell you how far above sea level they are.  Mine is 15 feet, 5 meters, and is the highest point on the block if not in town.  You need to know because if it rains on your roof, it will drain into the neighbor's property or pond in their yard - or not.

Everywhere you live will change you.  So if you are moving down here, remember to spay and neuter your pets and especially your MAGA relatives, and get ready for the changes. 

And get a good radar app for your phone.  Or two.  Plus Ceramic Bearings.

I have a trickle down economics joke, but 99% of you won't get it.

 Wow, that one is on point with what I have been reading today...

Anyway, remember being asked what do you want to be when you grow up?  I'll let you know when I grow up, at this point, I'm still going with the flow.




 School kid dreams

A teacher asks each student in her class about their dreams when they grow up.

"Richard, what do you want to be when you grows up?". She asked.

"I want to be a firefighter! I want to save people just like my dad."

"Very good! How about you Tiffany? What is your dream when you becomes an adult?"

"I want to be a good housewife just like my mommy." Tiffany answered.

"Okay. Isabella? What is your dream?"

"I also want to be a housewife just like my mom. I want to take care of little kids just like she takes care of me."

"Alright. It's fine if you want to idolize your mother, but take care to also consider your future career." The teacher commented on them.

"What is your dream, Ali?". The teacher turned to Ali.

Ali rub his chin for a few seconds. Then, he answers.

"I want to help both Tiffany and Isabella to achieve their dreams! "

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

I love a good dad joke.  The more of a groan the better.  I have folks sending me to them here, and on social media.  A good sense of the absurd is always helpful, especially in this time.


 Magic words:

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

Jeep TJ Horn Repair - For when the horn sounds on its own or the button is "soft"

Ok! Let me get the warning out of the way:

Standard Internet Warranty Applies - you follow my instructions at your own risk.  Ramblingmoose will not be responsible with any damage you do to your car, your self, or anything else.  If you do not feel comfortable with these instructions, or your capacity to follow them, don't do them. 

OK?

This is written as instruction to my future self because I don't see myself getting rid of the car any time soon and I expect to have to do this again.

I gathered my own process by reading forums and looking at pictures and drawing conclusions.  I will say that there are rarely one set of instructions with repairing my own 23 year old Jeep.  I love the car but little issues are getting tiresome to track down and new parts are getting more scarce.

This is a "hack".  I fixed my horn by flipping the horn button actuator pad and replaced it within my horn button assembly.  I do not expect this to be "permanent" but I do expect it to give me some time. Many parts for the car are "Unobtanium" and you simply can't find "new" any longer.  Dorman makes a lot of fine reproductions of parts, and may be a good source but not for this repair.

The horn button actuator pad is two sheets of metallic material on the back of some sort of plastic.  When you flex them, they make contact and can be tested with a continuity tester. 

Other people's repairs were successful by cutting the sheets apart and putting a bead of silicon around the edges to hold them apart as they were put back into a parallel sheet.  Fortunately I did not have to re-manufacture the actuator (yet) by going that far and if I do, I will document that process later.

To complete this you will need multiple tools. 

8MM Socket.
10MM Socket.
11MM Socket.
Socket wrench driver.
Leatherman style multi-tool, although I only used the knife blade.


1:  Disconnect the battery from the car.  Really.  No.  Do this first.  Don't take a chance.  Let the battery be disconnected for at least 5 minutes before proceeding.  I used an 11MM socket to loosen the terminal, but your size may be different.  This is why I listed three socket sizes above.

2: Remove the horn button cover in the middle of your steering wheel.  There are two bolts holding the cover down.  They are 8MM and readily accessible from behind the sides of your wheel.  Remove the bolts and set them aside.  The entire horn button assembly with the air bag will easily come loose.

3: Disconnect the wires from the horn button assembly and the air bag.  If you did not disconnect the battery, this is why.  Your Air Bag will be very difficult to replace if it blows up in your face.  So will your nose.  DO NOT CUT ANY WIRES.  The air bag is connected by a tan connector that easily snaps off the back of the air bag.  The red positive wire has a spade connector that is covered by a plastic or vinyl sleeve.  Slide the sleeve back and separate the wires at the connector.  Your horn button assembly will now be free for you to take into your work area.

4: Remove the Air Bag from the mounts on the back of the horn button assembly.

• DO NOT CUT ANY WIRES.
• Remove the plastic clip that retains the wire in place.
• The Air Bag is held in place with four 10MM(?) nuts. 
• Save and set them aside. 
• There are two metal mounts that hold the air bag in place.
• Remove the mounts from their slots and set them aside.
• Free (to lift from the mount screw) the ground wire from the back of the air bag mounting plate.
• Bend or flex the vinyl so that you can free the air bag from the horn button assembly.
• Set the Air Bag aside.
  
  
  

5: Free the horn button actuator pad from the plastic shield on the inside of the horn button assembly. 

• The horn button actuator in my TJ is about the same proportions as those in the/some XJ Cherokee. 
• The round version of the horn button actuator is for those cars that have cruise control or automatic transmission.  Or are just older and "different". 
• Your mileage may vary. 
• I had to use my Leatherman's Tool knife blade to trim the rectangular posts to create room to work on the "top" side of the assembly. 
• There was a clear bit of plastic that was welded at the factory under the posts that I had to cut on the top row. 
• This created enough room to work to gently slide the horn button actuator pad out.
• Before reassembling the pad into the assembly, I strongly suggest testing your continuity on the pad with a tester.  This is just enough work to be annoying to have to repeat.
  

6: Flip your horn button actuator pad and reinsert it under the clear plastic window.  In my case, this was enough to get everything working again (for now).  Push the rectangular posts back through the holes in the plastic sheeting to hold everything in place.

7: Replace the Air Bag assembly within the horn button assembly and reverse the steps so that the assembly is SECURELY snapped into the vinyl assembly and then bolted back in place.  Your wires will be reversed for the horn button actuator pad but there will be enough wire for connections to be restored.

8: Reconnect the Air Bag connector on the back of the assembly, and the red wire for the horn button.

9: Place and Bolt in place the horn button assembly with air bag back in the steering wheel. 

10:  Reconnect the battery to the car.  Test the horn.  The hack should have worked and you should have a horn that works now.

11: Resetting the dash gauges.  After reconnecting the battery, my Tachometer was not working.  Closer inspection showed that the needle had dropped below the pin at the Zero RPM point.  To reset the tach, follow these steps.

• Get in the driver's seat and place the key in the ignition.
• Press and hold the trip set reset button.
• Turn the ignition key to accessory.
• The lights will cycle on one after another, and all of the gauges will activate.
• If this does not get your tach to be functional, the following Percussive Maintenance might be needed:  Whack the side of the instrument cluster with the heel of your hand while the tach is cycling.

Seriously, I had to do this and my tach is now working.  This link will show you the process, but not how I managed to hold the button while whacking the cluster.  This was done on the upper left corner of the cluster while the Tach was vibrating during the self-reset.

This is a link to the process that I derived my own process from.  You will notice that the steps are similar.  It is here in case my own steps are not helpful.

They said follow your dreams. So I went back to bed.

 When you get up about 2 hours before sunrise, that is not a terrible start to the day.  Oh well, before I go off to do laps around a giant gas bag in a park, this little gemstone will shine for you.

I do seem to remember that in grade school we had things called Spelling Bees.  I can't say I won them.  I tended to spell in British English, and we were quite firmly, in the US.  South New Jersey where we said "wudder" when we wanted a cool drink.



After a long illness a woman dies

She finds herself at the golden gates, heartbroken to have left her husband behind.
St. Peter notices & informs her it will be many years before his time. she sadly agrees to enter heaven alone.
St. Peter admits he gets bored at his job so sometimes makes up games for admittance.
"Today is a spelling bee, to enter heaven spell angel". she does so & enters.

Decades later St. peter asks her to fill in for him at the gate for the day.
Lo & behold her husband arrives!
She cries over him, "oh darling i hope you didn't suffer the rest of your life grieving over me!"
"Far from it", he replies, "turns out your beautiful young nurse had the hots for me, so we quickly married, then she came into an inheritance & we traveled the world & retired on the riviera. but it's nice to see you. how do i get in?"

"Well there's a spelling test"
"Ok what's the word?"
"Czechoslovakia".

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry.. so I threw a coconut at his face.

Yesterday I had an appointment.  Everything in Florida is in "Strip Malls" or what we tended to call a "Shopping Center" Up North.  There is rarely one sort of business in one of those places, Dollar Store next to a Shoe Store next to a Supermarket.  That kind of mixed up thing.

I went into a discount clothing store after the appointment and noticed a very similar situation.  I merely smiled at the security guard and nodded my head yes, then went on.

I never did find that cycling jersey.  Oh well!





 Lost my job on the first day

Started my new job at a hardware store today. Lasted less than a day.

About two hours in, this fat, ugly woman covered in tattoos and piercings storms in with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them the whole way through the entrance. She was loud enough to rattle the shelves.

Trying to be polite, I said: “Good morning, welcome! Nice kids you’ve got there. Are they twins?”

She snaps back: “Hell no! One’s 9 and the other’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or just stupid?”

I smiled and said: “Neither, ma’am. I just couldn’t believe someone shagged you twice.”

My supervisor suggested retail may not be the career for me.

Rack, after 14 years, you are still weird. Old Dogs, New Tricks.

Ok, this may be your Ceremonial 14th birthday, but I could use a little slack.

We will never know if it is today or even a different month.  Part of the mystery of sharing your life with a Rescue Dog is having to figure things out on your own terms.  Both of your terms.  As far as it goes, this day mystery is a minor and forgettable one.  It is today because I say it is.  Maybe next year it will be a different one.

We have gone through a number of scares. 

You were a terrified dog when we got you.  Your first walk was across the street on your belly to meet up with the neighbors.  I think you realized that we weren't going to allow you to fail, we simply had no other option.

With a fearful dog, you plan every activity and make sure that there will be success at the end of it.  These neighbors were perfect for that.  Lisa was the older lady who treated everyone with kindness, Bill her son did not fall far from that same bottle brush tree.  The tree is there, Lisa is gone, Bill moved on.

You are now one of the longest residents of this town.  People don't tend to stay long in South Florida.  I've been here myself two weeks shy of 20 years which is longer than I have lived anywhere else.

The thing about having a herding dog is that you have to keep their bodies and their minds active.  I mean, Truly Active, in capital letters.  You can do that as long as you give them long walks, I give you upwards of 6 miles a day.  10K may sound like a lot but it isn't really, especially spread across four walks. 

Luckily for you, I am an endurance athlete.  It is keeping us both alive.

Truly Active means you have to be able to find New Things.  Greeting New People is a major plus, and in a Resort Town near a shopping area is a plus as well.

You have never been a Morning Person.  Too bad, I am.  When you live in a hot climate, you have to be.  There really isn't a winter, it never freezes here.  We get you out before 10 and after 5 daily because you're wearing a black fur coat.

That works well with my own schedule.  Just not yours.  We notice that you eat your food faster at lunch and dinner than you do  before dawn.  It can't be helped.  I just have not figured out why you have to pick mouthfuls of food and pick it all back up after standing on it at 5:30AM.  You don't do that any other time of day.  That meal can take as long as 45 minutes and you are slowing me down from my own routine.

Bizarre.

You don't like being home alone.  Most dogs don't.  I have not figured out how you know when I am coming home after a workout, but you seem to have.  There you are standing at the door, smiling and wagging and waiting for the routine to begin.

It is all about The Process with a McNab.  I walk in the door, you greet me, and immediately after, you go to the back door and ring a bell to be let out.  It is The Process that is important.  Coming home means Greet, Bell, Sniff the Air Out Back.  Lunch is Eat Quickly, Get Ball of Cookies, Ring Bell, Go Out Back. 

If you could figure out how to open the sliding door it would be easier.  I guess that's not happening, sliding doors need thumbs and that is a lot of heavy Hurricane Glass to get past.

It isn't really separation anxiety although science has proven that dogs do have that.  You are only alone for about 5 hours a week plus whatever time it takes to run to the market. 

You taught yourself how to ring that bell at the back door.  There is a string of Elephant Bells that I got for my sister's wedding.  You get your snoot in the string and give it a too gentle shake.  We know you enjoy that because it's like that dog talking buttons, it makes you smile.  You ring that about every hour in the morning, less at other times of the day.

Going for a walk is more strangeness.  "Go get your leash".  You'll walk to the door then immediately back to me.  "Where is your leash".  Back to the door.  It's like playing tennis.  SERVE!

We get the leash and loop it over your head.  You taught yourself to put your foot through the loop on the side strap that snaps under your belly.  You use that trick assertively.  As the foot waves in the air until you realize we noticed, which can be as many times as you need to get your point across.  A couple dozen times when you are excited is reasonable even if it does look strange.

You don't bark aimlessly at a leaf falling in the yard like many, you have a purpose.  If I am sitting here, I tell you that I know about it, you quiet down.  But not completely.  Deliveries become a Discussion. 

"Yes, I know there's someone here, they're bringing us things". 
"GRUMBLEGRUMBLE!" 
"I know, they're here, calm down." 
"Grumble. Grumble?"

A dog that has learned how to process inflection.  I wish that the talking buttons had been a thing when we got you, but that was a different time.

"Moan"  as you sit down.  I swear you are learning the art of friendly discourse even if the hardware in your body won't allow for it.

You are older, you did not get deaf, you are the poster child for selective hearing.  Deliveries sometimes miss you, other times you are startled into action by someone dropping a box at the door which will mean you'll complain about the intruder long after they've left the premises.

You have been bitten, had and survived cancer, and walked thousands of miles each year.  Your first year meant that you never had a problem with the Vet as it is comforting to you. 

I think you made it this far because I have a tailored diet to get past food allergies and pancreatitis bouts that put you in the shelter in the first place.  I think we may have gone through Pancreatitis yearly.  I don't want to think about what hell you went through in your first year, there are still echoes of it in your personality, but I will say that the food issues probably put you there.  A piece of chicken the size of a thumbnail will turn you into a soft serve dispenser.  It's just easier to make your food from a proscribed recipe that is carved in stone.

As you got older, I did have to adjust that diet using spreadsheet to reduce the protein you take in.  You are due for another visit to the vet for a blood test to see if everything is working.

With all the strangeness and weird quirks I'd do it all over again.  At 14 years old you are closer to the end than the beginning.  Dogs only very rarely make it much past this to 20 years.  The breed is not well known, but the McNab breeders seem to think that 16 years is reasonable with expert care.

I'm doing my best to be that expert carer you bizarre and weird dog.  I'd do it all over again.

My son said he doesn't understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.

 Cars are a puzzle.  Mine certainly is.  23 year Jeep Wrangler, good luck finding parts.  I'll have to manufacture a few myself. 

Am I allowed to get that 3D Printer yet?





 A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him.

    “Sure, no problem.”

    “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?”

    “Nice idea, no problem at all.”

    “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?”

    “that will require some planning, but I think i can manage.”

    “And i would like the wheels to roll, and if i turn the steering wheel then the wheels should turn as well?”

    “Mmmh that is fiendishly difficult in chocolate, I will need to carefully plan and experiment…”

    “And finally, can you make it so that the chocolate windows can move up and down when you turn the handles?”

    “Man this is insanely difficult. But give me 3 weeks and i’ll try my best.”

Three weeks later the man returns and indeed there is a lovely chocolate VW Beetle model on display. The chocolatier proudly shows it in all its glorious details: interior, wheels, steering wheel, windows, everything works perfect, and after the demo he asks, “shall I put it in a nice gift box?”

    “No need, I will just eat it here.”

I have a language joke, but you wouldn't understand.

 Ironically this is kind of what they say about people that learn a foreign language solely with Duolingo.  You do the course, but you really don't grasp what's being said.

With the internet, reading foreign language newspapers, listening to and watching foreign language media is easy. 

I have a particular preference for a radio station in Mexicali, Mexico but that's just me.



A married couple was in a terrible accident, and the husband’s face was severely burned.

The doctor told him they couldn’t graft any skin from his own body because he was too skinny. His wife lovingly offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only suitable area was from her buttocks—a rather delicate matter.

They both agreed to keep it a secret, and the doctor promised not to say a word.

After the surgery, everyone was amazed by the man's transformation. He looked more handsome than ever!

Friends and family couldn’t stop complimenting his fresh, youthful face.

One day, deeply moved, he said to his wife, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I ever repay you?"

She smiled and replied,

"My love… I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Mango Jelly Recipe for 2025 and Instructions for Canning for Future Self

I don't like repeating blog articles, but I do change things around from time to time.   I have been at this since 2009 and there are things that I modify and put back on the blog.

In this case, it isn't so much the Mango Jelly recipe as much as the process.  The recipe is same as it was but it was tailored for my canning pot, and I did increase the amount of Bulk Pectin.  I got a much more "me friendly" result.  The result is more firm and more like what I expect a jelly to be like. 

If you like a soft jelly, reduce the amount of pectin from 12 to perhaps 10 or 8 Tablespoons.  I am using Bulk Pectin.  It's cheaper that way and being retired, I save money where I can.

Of course the Full Internet Warranty Applies - No Warranty implied or expressly written.  You follow these instructions at your own risk.  Just because this "works for me" does not mean it will work for you.  Read them, re-read, get your equipment set up, and re-read again.  Ramblingmoose.com takes no responsibility for any actions on your part.

That being said, I do this a couple times a year.  These are instructions from me to my future self.  I could do this with one jar in a sauce pan and a sealing lid if I had to. 

But I am a special character.  I've been told I am an ampersand.

The Full Recipe is at the bottom.

Wash your hands, frequently.

Canning.  The USDA has instructions, and "everyone else" does as well.  This is what I did Monday.  I've been canning for a couple years now and I have gotten good results.  Usually only one jar per batch fails to seal.  BUT, I tend to reuse my lids.  I have been told don't do that.   I roll the dice and don't pass on jars until a week or two after they are sitting around so I know they're going to seal.  The one that fails is mine and goes into the fridge.  Mango Jelly Pie on a Graham Cracker Crust can be a very nice dessert, and this jelly is great on Pancakes for syrup.  I had it on pancakes today and enjoyed it.

Into the canning pot, place more lids than jars.  Rings do not to be sterilized. I can comfortably fit 8 jars on the grid inside of my pot.  So I tend to put 8 to 10 lids in to the pot.

Place the funnel and the magnet stick into the pot.  Any scoops or paddles I think I will need go into the pot.

Note:  If you place all the things other than the jars that you want to sterilize into a separate sauce pan, and can fit them in, it may make life easier.  Using tools to remotely fish things out from a boiling pot of water from under jars and grid can be painful.  I did not use a separate pot for the lids and tools this time and I managed.

The tools that do not go into the jars will remain on a dinner plate outside of the pot.

Do not use a paper plate.  I made that mistake this batch and when I turned the fire back on, it caught and you had ashes everywhere.  Bad move.  Hank will tell you Propane cooks hot, it's God's Own Gas.

Put the pot in the sink and fill all the jars with water after you lift the metal grid and place it on the bottom of the pot.  Then fill the pot to the line so that all the jars are completely submerged with about an inch of water on top of the jars.

Yes, that's a lot of water. 
Yes, it all has to come to a full rolling boil.

The Boil.  Place the full pot on the stove and turn the heat on, full.  You want the water to come to a rolling boil.  This will take about a half of an hour.  Make sure the propane tank has enough gas for this project.  The entire canning episode yesterday only used 1% of the 100 gallon tank.  You most likely won't move the needle on the larger tanks.  You won't want to do this on a smaller bottle since those are for the Grill.

Sterilizing.  Once the pot, jars, lids, and tools are on a rolling boil, set the timer on the stove for 30 minutes.  This must boil for 30 minutes to sterilize everything.  Yes, I know you can't kill all the tardigrades in the pot, but this will get the botulism out of anything.  This way when you send jelly Up North to family, they won't get sick.

Jelly needs to cook to 165F or 74C.  Start this when the water is boiling, it takes about 20 minutes to go from room temp to 165F.  This kills any nasties that might be on the fruit or the pot.  The temp gun helps but the numbers dance around while you are stirring with the immersion blender. 

As long as the fruit is not frozen, adding the ingredients to the separate cooking pot, then turning on the heat on medium will be fine timing.  Your immersion blender or stick blender is great for the task. 

Use the white blender.  The other blender is for making soap.  Don't mix them.  This takes too long to "restart" because you did something stupid.

Keep stirring the jelly until you are ready for it, and do NOT use high heat.  The Mangoes will hot spot and you will end up with discolored fruit.  Not the best when you want "Gift Quality".  This also will mean that the jelly, jam really since it is complete fruit, will be smooth and pureed with no chunks.

When the timer sounds, check the temp on the jelly.  If it finishes before the water has boiled for 30 solid minutes, turn the heat down on the jelly.  You don't want hot spots.

Hopefully everything is done correctly, no hot spots and you are now ready to can.

Turn the heat off the canning pot.

Filling Jars.  Fish the tools you need out of the water bath.  Place them on the clean plate you just reached out of the cabinet or dishwasher for this purpose.

You will need the scissors clamp, the funnel, the scoop, the paddle.  The magnet stick should have floated upright so you can grab that without getting burned.

Once you get the tools out of the water and set out to cool on the plate, get the metal rack out of the bottom of the pot.  It can be set so the metal handles are elevated and the jars are no longer in the hot water.

Using the scissors clamp, grab the first jar and dump the boiling water back into the pot.  Place this on the work plate.  Put the funnel into the mouth of the jar.  Fill the jar no higher than the bottom of the funnel.  For wide mouth jars, do not fill above the line under the threads.

Tools do cool quickly but do be careful.  It will be a little uncomfortable at first.

Take the funnel out of the jars, and set it aside.  Since you are using it to fill the jars with the jelly, I set it on top of the jelly, narrow side down. 

In filling, if you slopped any jelly on the rim of the jar, wipe it off with a wet paper towel.  Carefully, you don't want to contaminate the jars.  Paper Towels are considered by me to be sterile-ish compared to a cloth towel.

Place a lid on the top of the jar, rubber side down, and seat it on the rim.  Then screw down a ring gently.  Make sure the ring is not "tight" as the air inside of the jar needs to be forced out during the second boil to create your vacuum seal.  Usually getting it to meet the lid then backing off a "wee bit" is enough.

Place that jar back on the metal grid and repeat for all of the jars you intend to can for this batch.

Now that you have your jars on the grid, check to make sure the rings are not constricting the lids.  Lower the grid to the bottom of the pot.

Second Boil to seal your jars.  You now have all your jars submerged and it is time for the second boil.

Turn the heat on full, the fan back on, and wait for the water to come back to a full boil.

When the water is on a full rolling boil, set the timer on the stove for 30 minutes.  As the water is boiling, the heat will push some of the air out of the jars and create your later vacuum when you are waiting for the buttons on the lids to snap to seal. 

Time to remove the jars from the boiling water. 

Raise the grid to the top of the canning pot.  If you are confident, you can remove the grid to a safe workplace and deal with the jars.

Check each jar.  Make sure each lid is seated on the top of the jar and when you are confident, tighten the ring down.  Repeat for each jar and set them aside to cool.

By the time the jars have reached room temperature, each vacuum button should have snapped to prove that they are sealed.

Just because you need clean pipes, dump the hot water in the sink.  It will help melt the grease you didn't know you were putting in there.

Recipe.  USDA says you can store canned jelly for 6 to 12 months.

Ingredients:

• 8 Cups chunked ripe Mango pieces.
• 2 Cups Sugar.
• 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
• 12 Tablespoons of bulk Fruit Pectin.

Process:

• Cut up your Mangoes into chunks until you have 8 cups of the fruit.
• Mash slightly the Mangoes, and add to the cooking pot.
• Add 2 Cups of Sugar.
• Add 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
• Add 12 tablespoons of bulk Fruit Pectin.
• Cook on medium on the stove until the jam begins to set at about 30 minutes.