Two Hurricanes Will Have An Effect On Each Other, And On Your Week

Whenever Florida gets any kind of big storm, my friends and family, gotta love them, will ask "You ok?".  This time there were three tropical storms in the North Atlantic.  I decided to pay close attention and write things down, in my typical rambling fashion with too much detail.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Sunday Morning.   It is about an hour before sunrise.  I'm sitting in a dark house drinking some "jet-fuel" coffee, Home Roasted Ethiopian Yirgacheffe medium roast if you are curious.  Rack, my faithful sidekick McNab SuperDog is at my right elbow smiling and panting for some reason.

I check Radar trying to decide whether to Inline Skate or Cycle today.  The Pompano Air Park is sitting under a "Dark Green Blob" which means it is currently raining enough that there will be ponding on the trails.  Ok, Cycling it is.

There is a Tropical Storm trying to form into a hurricane.  It won't be "Our Storm" and we will be safe.  Or so I hope at this point. 

There is a significant breeze coming in off the ocean.  This is South Florida after all, this is what the weather is like.  You are a bowling pin and a kid is down the alley tossing a too big bowling ball at you and it may or may not hit you and knock you over. 

You get up, check radar.  Temps are basically like yesterday.  If you liked yesterday, you will like today.  Or tomorrow. 

I am an endurance athlete.  I have to plan for a solid 5 or 6 hours of weather.  I don't have that today.  I'll let you know if I end up getting that water stop at the Jeep or will I have my mid workout "dousing" provided by Mother Nature.

Rack is up, getting curious.  I guess it is time to get up and motivate.

It's Sunday which means amateur day in any athletic pursuit.  The "Civilians" are out clogging gyms, trails, and other active places.  The rain did arrive, all of 5 drops, and the winds are up here but not appreciably so.  Good day for a little wind surfing.


This business of having two hurricanes within a certain distance has the Fujiwhara effect.  (Spelling courtesy of the link, sorry if I botched it)  The smaller of the two gets drawn into the larger.  It means that the smaller one that was heading for us here in Florida got stripped of a lot of its energy.  It also means that the prevailing winds here got turned around and we had a cool morning.  Storm isn't coming here, but the morning was cool and dry.  I guess that's from the North.

I went out into the yard.  Started messing with the irrigation.  During the 1970s a lot of these houses were built with this flimsy plastic tubing for pipes.  My house missed that but the prior owner used some of that stuff for irrigation.  I have been in the house for 20 years.  So instead of spending my morning enjoying the somewhat unseasonably cool 76F morning, I got started chasing after irrigation leaks.  You have irrigation, you will have leaks.  Especially if you used substandard pipes plumbing the yard.

It started a task that lasted all day.  I suppose it would be better off if I did not admit to people that we know how to work on sprinklers, it's a big business here in Florida.  It's also an annoying one to work on.  The glue takes 12 plus hours to set, closer to 24 hours, and it means everything has to be screw fit together or else.


Tuesday, Both storms, Humberto and Imelda, have moved somewhat North of where I sit.  That cool air that they pulled down from the North is still here, but the winds have shifted.  So as I prepare to go to the park to go do circles around the giant gas bag,  it will get warmer.  While yesterday had a low that was lower than normal for us at 75, like it is now at 5 AM, the high today will go up to higher than normal for us at 90.

I go for that workout because, despite the winds gusting over 25, it's dry.  Today will be a day for placing myself with the wind at my back for the longest leg of the workout and enjoy a rest at too fast a speed.

It was gusty but not obscenely so.  One of those days where the gusts would slow you down to almost a runner's pace, and then when you return, you find yourself going at the traffic's pace on the main road next to you with little effort.  

It's one of those days that slow you down overall but doesn't matter because you aren't being a lump on the couch.  But, definitely on a bike.  All the inline skaters were missing on the trail.

For us, this is not a big deal.  I have lived here for 20 years and you get to the point where you can read the radar for the weather, and you end up second guessing the Weather Guys on the TV.  

Why not, I have been doing that since I was a child.  I'm getting good at this.  But if you are North of me, keep an eye out and hone your weather forecasting skills.  You never know if it will save your hide some day.


It is Wednesday.  I usually release this stuff on Wednesday morning.  It's not our storm, nor did we expect it to be.  The storms are off the Outer Bank of NC and are making trouble for Bermuda.  I expect this to pretty much end the hurricane season, at least for a while.  

These storms have "Spun Fish" for enough time to pull colder water up from the depths and cool the ocean surface down.  That's the engine for the creation of the storms after all, warm surface water at 86F/30C.  

Our own forecasts in South Florida are dropping from the upper 80s to the mid 80s for the rest of the week.  

Enjoy your weather, I certainly will be!

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I'm going through the pre-workout prep on Sunday Morning and thought these two just fit together.  For me, time for a carbo-load, enjoy your morning, I hope this helps!




An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.

The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or you'll be sorry you crossed me!”

The old man replies, “Woah, wait buddy, I don’t have that much money, but let me call my son - he trains dolphins.”

The old man dials his son. As he is about to speak, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins? Well, your old man just hit and damaged my car. You bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna whoop his and your ass."

The son answers, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”

In exactly 15 minutes, the son pulls up in a Jeep. He jumps out and slaps the expensive car owner about a bit, then walks over to his father and says,

“Dad, I train Navy SEALs, not dolphins.”

 

To the thief who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts.

Back during the Cold War, Heinrich, who was just drafted into the West German Army, asked his superior Major Schmitt for a three day pass.

The major says, "Are you crazy? You just got here last week and you're wanting a three day pass? Those aren't just given out to anyone. They must be earned!"

So Heinrich left dejected but comes back a day later driving a brand new Soviet tank! Major Schmitt was very impressed, he said, "For that act of bravery you are getting your three day pass. By the way, how did you do this by yourself?"

"Well", said Heinrich, "I jumped into one of our tanks and drove to the East German border. When I got there, I saw an East German soldier sitting alone in this tank. I waved a white flag. He waved a white flag. We met right at the border and I asked him 'Do you want to get a three day pass?'.

He said, 'sure' so we swapped tanks!"

Weather Watching At Pompano Airpark

I guess we can file this one under things I just like.

Kansas is flat.  Florida is flatter.

I workout at an airport in Pompano Beach Florida.  The trail here is one big square.  About a Mile on a side.  1.6 Km if you must.  4.5 miles once around.

Thing is that here, where the air is liquid even in the dry season, there are some seriously small micro-climates.
 

I'm standing about 2 miles 3 Km away from the Ocean.  The other side of the park is a mile away.  I'm standing in the sun.

Riding around that big old box I can see where there was a Thunderhead just off shore.   I can do that loop on the bike in about 17 minutes reliably, although today I was taking things easy and relaxed a bit. 

Standing at the gates, I put the camera in the gap between them and squeezed off this picture.

The point is that you have to be able to read the weather. 

When I was in Philadelphia, I had a long run.  It was 15 miles, about 28 km in one direction away from the car.  I'd stop and have a break and skate back to the car.  It was predictable.  You would be able to read the radar and say that it would be a good dry run that day and not get out and be wet.  After all, on a 3 hour workout, getting soaked in the middle of it is simply not an option.

Here things are different.  If you liked yesterday's weather, you will like today's.  In this specific case, warm and sunny with leopard spots of storms marching across the radar developing into some strong storms later. 

Welcome to Wet Season.

I have to watch.  Things can change at a moment's notice.  I have stood in that same spot and known that I was going to get quite wet by the time I got back.  Not today actually because that little leopard spot disappeared and reformed twice in the two hours I was at that park.

One of the adaptations I made was to get ceramic bearings in my inline skates.  You can run them through water and they do not rust, they're made out of material similar to the coffee cup you took out of the dishwasher last time you ran the thing.  Regular steel bearings rust if you look at them wrong.

I get to the car on the other side of the park now and since it is still warm, I am using one of the two bottles of water that I carry to pour over my head and helmet, shoulders and arms to cool down to be able to go around for another hours.  Yet another adaptation.

Endurance Sports are subtle that way, you change things to put yourself through the workout over the years.  Eventually you get where you are going even if it isn't the way you were going last time.

Florida is a very granular place.  Just a little way away and the entire character of where you are at has changed. 

Weather, Neighborhood, Opportunities.

I suppose that would be why people move here.  It never freezes, we're only 8 miles below the freeze line in winter.  Maybe further because of the "Global Warming That Does Not Officially Exist" nonsense.  Most people who own property can tell you how far above sea level they are.  Mine is 15 feet, 5 meters, and is the highest point on the block if not in town.  You need to know because if it rains on your roof, it will drain into the neighbor's property or pond in their yard - or not.

Everywhere you live will change you.  So if you are moving down here, remember to spay and neuter your pets and especially your MAGA relatives, and get ready for the changes. 

And get a good radar app for your phone.  Or two.  Plus Ceramic Bearings.

I have a trickle down economics joke, but 99% of you won't get it.

 Wow, that one is on point with what I have been reading today...

Anyway, remember being asked what do you want to be when you grow up?  I'll let you know when I grow up, at this point, I'm still going with the flow.




 School kid dreams

A teacher asks each student in her class about their dreams when they grow up.

"Richard, what do you want to be when you grows up?". She asked.

"I want to be a firefighter! I want to save people just like my dad."

"Very good! How about you Tiffany? What is your dream when you becomes an adult?"

"I want to be a good housewife just like my mommy." Tiffany answered.

"Okay. Isabella? What is your dream?"

"I also want to be a housewife just like my mom. I want to take care of little kids just like she takes care of me."

"Alright. It's fine if you want to idolize your mother, but take care to also consider your future career." The teacher commented on them.

"What is your dream, Ali?". The teacher turned to Ali.

Ali rub his chin for a few seconds. Then, he answers.

"I want to help both Tiffany and Isabella to achieve their dreams! "

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

I love a good dad joke.  The more of a groan the better.  I have folks sending me to them here, and on social media.  A good sense of the absurd is always helpful, especially in this time.


 Magic words:

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

Jeep TJ Horn Repair - For when the horn sounds on its own or the button is "soft"

Ok! Let me get the warning out of the way:

Standard Internet Warranty Applies - you follow my instructions at your own risk.  Ramblingmoose will not be responsible with any damage you do to your car, your self, or anything else.  If you do not feel comfortable with these instructions, or your capacity to follow them, don't do them. 

OK?

This is written as instruction to my future self because I don't see myself getting rid of the car any time soon and I expect to have to do this again.

I gathered my own process by reading forums and looking at pictures and drawing conclusions.  I will say that there are rarely one set of instructions with repairing my own 23 year old Jeep.  I love the car but little issues are getting tiresome to track down and new parts are getting more scarce.

This is a "hack".  I fixed my horn by flipping the horn button actuator pad and replaced it within my horn button assembly.  I do not expect this to be "permanent" but I do expect it to give me some time. Many parts for the car are "Unobtanium" and you simply can't find "new" any longer.  Dorman makes a lot of fine reproductions of parts, and may be a good source but not for this repair.

The horn button actuator pad is two sheets of metallic material on the back of some sort of plastic.  When you flex them, they make contact and can be tested with a continuity tester. 

Other people's repairs were successful by cutting the sheets apart and putting a bead of silicon around the edges to hold them apart as they were put back into a parallel sheet.  Fortunately I did not have to re-manufacture the actuator (yet) by going that far and if I do, I will document that process later.

To complete this you will need multiple tools. 

8MM Socket.
10MM Socket.
11MM Socket.
Socket wrench driver.
Leatherman style multi-tool, although I only used the knife blade.


1:  Disconnect the battery from the car.  Really.  No.  Do this first.  Don't take a chance.  Let the battery be disconnected for at least 5 minutes before proceeding.  I used an 11MM socket to loosen the terminal, but your size may be different.  This is why I listed three socket sizes above.

2: Remove the horn button cover in the middle of your steering wheel.  There are two bolts holding the cover down.  They are 8MM and readily accessible from behind the sides of your wheel.  Remove the bolts and set them aside.  The entire horn button assembly with the air bag will easily come loose.

3: Disconnect the wires from the horn button assembly and the air bag.  If you did not disconnect the battery, this is why.  Your Air Bag will be very difficult to replace if it blows up in your face.  So will your nose.  DO NOT CUT ANY WIRES.  The air bag is connected by a tan connector that easily snaps off the back of the air bag.  The red positive wire has a spade connector that is covered by a plastic or vinyl sleeve.  Slide the sleeve back and separate the wires at the connector.  Your horn button assembly will now be free for you to take into your work area.

4: Remove the Air Bag from the mounts on the back of the horn button assembly.

• DO NOT CUT ANY WIRES.
• Remove the plastic clip that retains the wire in place.
• The Air Bag is held in place with four 10MM(?) nuts. 
• Save and set them aside. 
• There are two metal mounts that hold the air bag in place.
• Remove the mounts from their slots and set them aside.
• Free (to lift from the mount screw) the ground wire from the back of the air bag mounting plate.
• Bend or flex the vinyl so that you can free the air bag from the horn button assembly.
• Set the Air Bag aside.
  
  
  

5: Free the horn button actuator pad from the plastic shield on the inside of the horn button assembly. 

• The horn button actuator in my TJ is about the same proportions as those in the/some XJ Cherokee. 
• The round version of the horn button actuator is for those cars that have cruise control or automatic transmission.  Or are just older and "different". 
• Your mileage may vary. 
• I had to use my Leatherman's Tool knife blade to trim the rectangular posts to create room to work on the "top" side of the assembly. 
• There was a clear bit of plastic that was welded at the factory under the posts that I had to cut on the top row. 
• This created enough room to work to gently slide the horn button actuator pad out.
• Before reassembling the pad into the assembly, I strongly suggest testing your continuity on the pad with a tester.  This is just enough work to be annoying to have to repeat.
  

6: Flip your horn button actuator pad and reinsert it under the clear plastic window.  In my case, this was enough to get everything working again (for now).  Push the rectangular posts back through the holes in the plastic sheeting to hold everything in place.

7: Replace the Air Bag assembly within the horn button assembly and reverse the steps so that the assembly is SECURELY snapped into the vinyl assembly and then bolted back in place.  Your wires will be reversed for the horn button actuator pad but there will be enough wire for connections to be restored.

8: Reconnect the Air Bag connector on the back of the assembly, and the red wire for the horn button.

9: Place and Bolt in place the horn button assembly with air bag back in the steering wheel. 

10:  Reconnect the battery to the car.  Test the horn.  The hack should have worked and you should have a horn that works now.

11: Resetting the dash gauges.  After reconnecting the battery, my Tachometer was not working.  Closer inspection showed that the needle had dropped below the pin at the Zero RPM point.  To reset the tach, follow these steps.

• Get in the driver's seat and place the key in the ignition.
• Press and hold the trip set reset button.
• Turn the ignition key to accessory.
• The lights will cycle on one after another, and all of the gauges will activate.
• If this does not get your tach to be functional, the following Percussive Maintenance might be needed:  Whack the side of the instrument cluster with the heel of your hand while the tach is cycling.

Seriously, I had to do this and my tach is now working.  This link will show you the process, but not how I managed to hold the button while whacking the cluster.  This was done on the upper left corner of the cluster while the Tach was vibrating during the self-reset.

This is a link to the process that I derived my own process from.  You will notice that the steps are similar.  It is here in case my own steps are not helpful.

They said follow your dreams. So I went back to bed.

 When you get up about 2 hours before sunrise, that is not a terrible start to the day.  Oh well, before I go off to do laps around a giant gas bag in a park, this little gemstone will shine for you.

I do seem to remember that in grade school we had things called Spelling Bees.  I can't say I won them.  I tended to spell in British English, and we were quite firmly, in the US.  South New Jersey where we said "wudder" when we wanted a cool drink.



After a long illness a woman dies

She finds herself at the golden gates, heartbroken to have left her husband behind.
St. Peter notices & informs her it will be many years before his time. she sadly agrees to enter heaven alone.
St. Peter admits he gets bored at his job so sometimes makes up games for admittance.
"Today is a spelling bee, to enter heaven spell angel". she does so & enters.

Decades later St. peter asks her to fill in for him at the gate for the day.
Lo & behold her husband arrives!
She cries over him, "oh darling i hope you didn't suffer the rest of your life grieving over me!"
"Far from it", he replies, "turns out your beautiful young nurse had the hots for me, so we quickly married, then she came into an inheritance & we traveled the world & retired on the riviera. but it's nice to see you. how do i get in?"

"Well there's a spelling test"
"Ok what's the word?"
"Czechoslovakia".

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry.. so I threw a coconut at his face.

Yesterday I had an appointment.  Everything in Florida is in "Strip Malls" or what we tended to call a "Shopping Center" Up North.  There is rarely one sort of business in one of those places, Dollar Store next to a Shoe Store next to a Supermarket.  That kind of mixed up thing.

I went into a discount clothing store after the appointment and noticed a very similar situation.  I merely smiled at the security guard and nodded my head yes, then went on.

I never did find that cycling jersey.  Oh well!





 Lost my job on the first day

Started my new job at a hardware store today. Lasted less than a day.

About two hours in, this fat, ugly woman covered in tattoos and piercings storms in with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them the whole way through the entrance. She was loud enough to rattle the shelves.

Trying to be polite, I said: “Good morning, welcome! Nice kids you’ve got there. Are they twins?”

She snaps back: “Hell no! One’s 9 and the other’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or just stupid?”

I smiled and said: “Neither, ma’am. I just couldn’t believe someone shagged you twice.”

My supervisor suggested retail may not be the career for me.

Rack, after 14 years, you are still weird. Old Dogs, New Tricks.

Ok, this may be your Ceremonial 14th birthday, but I could use a little slack.

We will never know if it is today or even a different month.  Part of the mystery of sharing your life with a Rescue Dog is having to figure things out on your own terms.  Both of your terms.  As far as it goes, this day mystery is a minor and forgettable one.  It is today because I say it is.  Maybe next year it will be a different one.

We have gone through a number of scares. 

You were a terrified dog when we got you.  Your first walk was across the street on your belly to meet up with the neighbors.  I think you realized that we weren't going to allow you to fail, we simply had no other option.

With a fearful dog, you plan every activity and make sure that there will be success at the end of it.  These neighbors were perfect for that.  Lisa was the older lady who treated everyone with kindness, Bill her son did not fall far from that same bottle brush tree.  The tree is there, Lisa is gone, Bill moved on.

You are now one of the longest residents of this town.  People don't tend to stay long in South Florida.  I've been here myself two weeks shy of 20 years which is longer than I have lived anywhere else.

The thing about having a herding dog is that you have to keep their bodies and their minds active.  I mean, Truly Active, in capital letters.  You can do that as long as you give them long walks, I give you upwards of 6 miles a day.  10K may sound like a lot but it isn't really, especially spread across four walks. 

Luckily for you, I am an endurance athlete.  It is keeping us both alive.

Truly Active means you have to be able to find New Things.  Greeting New People is a major plus, and in a Resort Town near a shopping area is a plus as well.

You have never been a Morning Person.  Too bad, I am.  When you live in a hot climate, you have to be.  There really isn't a winter, it never freezes here.  We get you out before 10 and after 5 daily because you're wearing a black fur coat.

That works well with my own schedule.  Just not yours.  We notice that you eat your food faster at lunch and dinner than you do  before dawn.  It can't be helped.  I just have not figured out why you have to pick mouthfuls of food and pick it all back up after standing on it at 5:30AM.  You don't do that any other time of day.  That meal can take as long as 45 minutes and you are slowing me down from my own routine.

Bizarre.

You don't like being home alone.  Most dogs don't.  I have not figured out how you know when I am coming home after a workout, but you seem to have.  There you are standing at the door, smiling and wagging and waiting for the routine to begin.

It is all about The Process with a McNab.  I walk in the door, you greet me, and immediately after, you go to the back door and ring a bell to be let out.  It is The Process that is important.  Coming home means Greet, Bell, Sniff the Air Out Back.  Lunch is Eat Quickly, Get Ball of Cookies, Ring Bell, Go Out Back. 

If you could figure out how to open the sliding door it would be easier.  I guess that's not happening, sliding doors need thumbs and that is a lot of heavy Hurricane Glass to get past.

It isn't really separation anxiety although science has proven that dogs do have that.  You are only alone for about 5 hours a week plus whatever time it takes to run to the market. 

You taught yourself how to ring that bell at the back door.  There is a string of Elephant Bells that I got for my sister's wedding.  You get your snoot in the string and give it a too gentle shake.  We know you enjoy that because it's like that dog talking buttons, it makes you smile.  You ring that about every hour in the morning, less at other times of the day.

Going for a walk is more strangeness.  "Go get your leash".  You'll walk to the door then immediately back to me.  "Where is your leash".  Back to the door.  It's like playing tennis.  SERVE!

We get the leash and loop it over your head.  You taught yourself to put your foot through the loop on the side strap that snaps under your belly.  You use that trick assertively.  As the foot waves in the air until you realize we noticed, which can be as many times as you need to get your point across.  A couple dozen times when you are excited is reasonable even if it does look strange.

You don't bark aimlessly at a leaf falling in the yard like many, you have a purpose.  If I am sitting here, I tell you that I know about it, you quiet down.  But not completely.  Deliveries become a Discussion. 

"Yes, I know there's someone here, they're bringing us things". 
"GRUMBLEGRUMBLE!" 
"I know, they're here, calm down." 
"Grumble. Grumble?"

A dog that has learned how to process inflection.  I wish that the talking buttons had been a thing when we got you, but that was a different time.

"Moan"  as you sit down.  I swear you are learning the art of friendly discourse even if the hardware in your body won't allow for it.

You are older, you did not get deaf, you are the poster child for selective hearing.  Deliveries sometimes miss you, other times you are startled into action by someone dropping a box at the door which will mean you'll complain about the intruder long after they've left the premises.

You have been bitten, had and survived cancer, and walked thousands of miles each year.  Your first year meant that you never had a problem with the Vet as it is comforting to you. 

I think you made it this far because I have a tailored diet to get past food allergies and pancreatitis bouts that put you in the shelter in the first place.  I think we may have gone through Pancreatitis yearly.  I don't want to think about what hell you went through in your first year, there are still echoes of it in your personality, but I will say that the food issues probably put you there.  A piece of chicken the size of a thumbnail will turn you into a soft serve dispenser.  It's just easier to make your food from a proscribed recipe that is carved in stone.

As you got older, I did have to adjust that diet using spreadsheet to reduce the protein you take in.  You are due for another visit to the vet for a blood test to see if everything is working.

With all the strangeness and weird quirks I'd do it all over again.  At 14 years old you are closer to the end than the beginning.  Dogs only very rarely make it much past this to 20 years.  The breed is not well known, but the McNab breeders seem to think that 16 years is reasonable with expert care.

I'm doing my best to be that expert carer you bizarre and weird dog.  I'd do it all over again.

My son said he doesn't understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.

 Cars are a puzzle.  Mine certainly is.  23 year Jeep Wrangler, good luck finding parts.  I'll have to manufacture a few myself. 

Am I allowed to get that 3D Printer yet?





 A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him.

    “Sure, no problem.”

    “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?”

    “Nice idea, no problem at all.”

    “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?”

    “that will require some planning, but I think i can manage.”

    “And i would like the wheels to roll, and if i turn the steering wheel then the wheels should turn as well?”

    “Mmmh that is fiendishly difficult in chocolate, I will need to carefully plan and experiment…”

    “And finally, can you make it so that the chocolate windows can move up and down when you turn the handles?”

    “Man this is insanely difficult. But give me 3 weeks and i’ll try my best.”

Three weeks later the man returns and indeed there is a lovely chocolate VW Beetle model on display. The chocolatier proudly shows it in all its glorious details: interior, wheels, steering wheel, windows, everything works perfect, and after the demo he asks, “shall I put it in a nice gift box?”

    “No need, I will just eat it here.”

I have a language joke, but you wouldn't understand.

 Ironically this is kind of what they say about people that learn a foreign language solely with Duolingo.  You do the course, but you really don't grasp what's being said.

With the internet, reading foreign language newspapers, listening to and watching foreign language media is easy. 

I have a particular preference for a radio station in Mexicali, Mexico but that's just me.



A married couple was in a terrible accident, and the husband’s face was severely burned.

The doctor told him they couldn’t graft any skin from his own body because he was too skinny. His wife lovingly offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only suitable area was from her buttocks—a rather delicate matter.

They both agreed to keep it a secret, and the doctor promised not to say a word.

After the surgery, everyone was amazed by the man's transformation. He looked more handsome than ever!

Friends and family couldn’t stop complimenting his fresh, youthful face.

One day, deeply moved, he said to his wife, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I ever repay you?"

She smiled and replied,

"My love… I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Mango Jelly Recipe for 2025 and Instructions for Canning for Future Self

I don't like repeating blog articles, but I do change things around from time to time.   I have been at this since 2009 and there are things that I modify and put back on the blog.

In this case, it isn't so much the Mango Jelly recipe as much as the process.  The recipe is same as it was but it was tailored for my canning pot, and I did increase the amount of Bulk Pectin.  I got a much more "me friendly" result.  The result is more firm and more like what I expect a jelly to be like. 

If you like a soft jelly, reduce the amount of pectin from 12 to perhaps 10 or 8 Tablespoons.  I am using Bulk Pectin.  It's cheaper that way and being retired, I save money where I can.

Of course the Full Internet Warranty Applies - No Warranty implied or expressly written.  You follow these instructions at your own risk.  Just because this "works for me" does not mean it will work for you.  Read them, re-read, get your equipment set up, and re-read again.  Ramblingmoose.com takes no responsibility for any actions on your part.

That being said, I do this a couple times a year.  These are instructions from me to my future self.  I could do this with one jar in a sauce pan and a sealing lid if I had to. 

But I am a special character.  I've been told I am an ampersand.

The Full Recipe is at the bottom.

Wash your hands, frequently.

Canning.  The USDA has instructions, and "everyone else" does as well.  This is what I did Monday.  I've been canning for a couple years now and I have gotten good results.  Usually only one jar per batch fails to seal.  BUT, I tend to reuse my lids.  I have been told don't do that.   I roll the dice and don't pass on jars until a week or two after they are sitting around so I know they're going to seal.  The one that fails is mine and goes into the fridge.  Mango Jelly Pie on a Graham Cracker Crust can be a very nice dessert, and this jelly is great on Pancakes for syrup.  I had it on pancakes today and enjoyed it.

Into the canning pot, place more lids than jars.  Rings do not to be sterilized. I can comfortably fit 8 jars on the grid inside of my pot.  So I tend to put 8 to 10 lids in to the pot.

Place the funnel and the magnet stick into the pot.  Any scoops or paddles I think I will need go into the pot.

Note:  If you place all the things other than the jars that you want to sterilize into a separate sauce pan, and can fit them in, it may make life easier.  Using tools to remotely fish things out from a boiling pot of water from under jars and grid can be painful.  I did not use a separate pot for the lids and tools this time and I managed.

The tools that do not go into the jars will remain on a dinner plate outside of the pot.

Do not use a paper plate.  I made that mistake this batch and when I turned the fire back on, it caught and you had ashes everywhere.  Bad move.  Hank will tell you Propane cooks hot, it's God's Own Gas.

Put the pot in the sink and fill all the jars with water after you lift the metal grid and place it on the bottom of the pot.  Then fill the pot to the line so that all the jars are completely submerged with about an inch of water on top of the jars.

Yes, that's a lot of water. 
Yes, it all has to come to a full rolling boil.

The Boil.  Place the full pot on the stove and turn the heat on, full.  You want the water to come to a rolling boil.  This will take about a half of an hour.  Make sure the propane tank has enough gas for this project.  The entire canning episode yesterday only used 1% of the 100 gallon tank.  You most likely won't move the needle on the larger tanks.  You won't want to do this on a smaller bottle since those are for the Grill.

Sterilizing.  Once the pot, jars, lids, and tools are on a rolling boil, set the timer on the stove for 30 minutes.  This must boil for 30 minutes to sterilize everything.  Yes, I know you can't kill all the tardigrades in the pot, but this will get the botulism out of anything.  This way when you send jelly Up North to family, they won't get sick.

Jelly needs to cook to 165F or 74C.  Start this when the water is boiling, it takes about 20 minutes to go from room temp to 165F.  This kills any nasties that might be on the fruit or the pot.  The temp gun helps but the numbers dance around while you are stirring with the immersion blender. 

As long as the fruit is not frozen, adding the ingredients to the separate cooking pot, then turning on the heat on medium will be fine timing.  Your immersion blender or stick blender is great for the task. 

Use the white blender.  The other blender is for making soap.  Don't mix them.  This takes too long to "restart" because you did something stupid.

Keep stirring the jelly until you are ready for it, and do NOT use high heat.  The Mangoes will hot spot and you will end up with discolored fruit.  Not the best when you want "Gift Quality".  This also will mean that the jelly, jam really since it is complete fruit, will be smooth and pureed with no chunks.

When the timer sounds, check the temp on the jelly.  If it finishes before the water has boiled for 30 solid minutes, turn the heat down on the jelly.  You don't want hot spots.

Hopefully everything is done correctly, no hot spots and you are now ready to can.

Turn the heat off the canning pot.

Filling Jars.  Fish the tools you need out of the water bath.  Place them on the clean plate you just reached out of the cabinet or dishwasher for this purpose.

You will need the scissors clamp, the funnel, the scoop, the paddle.  The magnet stick should have floated upright so you can grab that without getting burned.

Once you get the tools out of the water and set out to cool on the plate, get the metal rack out of the bottom of the pot.  It can be set so the metal handles are elevated and the jars are no longer in the hot water.

Using the scissors clamp, grab the first jar and dump the boiling water back into the pot.  Place this on the work plate.  Put the funnel into the mouth of the jar.  Fill the jar no higher than the bottom of the funnel.  For wide mouth jars, do not fill above the line under the threads.

Tools do cool quickly but do be careful.  It will be a little uncomfortable at first.

Take the funnel out of the jars, and set it aside.  Since you are using it to fill the jars with the jelly, I set it on top of the jelly, narrow side down. 

In filling, if you slopped any jelly on the rim of the jar, wipe it off with a wet paper towel.  Carefully, you don't want to contaminate the jars.  Paper Towels are considered by me to be sterile-ish compared to a cloth towel.

Place a lid on the top of the jar, rubber side down, and seat it on the rim.  Then screw down a ring gently.  Make sure the ring is not "tight" as the air inside of the jar needs to be forced out during the second boil to create your vacuum seal.  Usually getting it to meet the lid then backing off a "wee bit" is enough.

Place that jar back on the metal grid and repeat for all of the jars you intend to can for this batch.

Now that you have your jars on the grid, check to make sure the rings are not constricting the lids.  Lower the grid to the bottom of the pot.

Second Boil to seal your jars.  You now have all your jars submerged and it is time for the second boil.

Turn the heat on full, the fan back on, and wait for the water to come back to a full boil.

When the water is on a full rolling boil, set the timer on the stove for 30 minutes.  As the water is boiling, the heat will push some of the air out of the jars and create your later vacuum when you are waiting for the buttons on the lids to snap to seal. 

Time to remove the jars from the boiling water. 

Raise the grid to the top of the canning pot.  If you are confident, you can remove the grid to a safe workplace and deal with the jars.

Check each jar.  Make sure each lid is seated on the top of the jar and when you are confident, tighten the ring down.  Repeat for each jar and set them aside to cool.

By the time the jars have reached room temperature, each vacuum button should have snapped to prove that they are sealed.

Just because you need clean pipes, dump the hot water in the sink.  It will help melt the grease you didn't know you were putting in there.

Recipe.  USDA says you can store canned jelly for 6 to 12 months.

Ingredients:

• 8 Cups chunked ripe Mango pieces.
• 2 Cups Sugar.
• 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
• 12 Tablespoons of bulk Fruit Pectin.

Process:

• Cut up your Mangoes into chunks until you have 8 cups of the fruit.
• Mash slightly the Mangoes, and add to the cooking pot.
• Add 2 Cups of Sugar.
• Add 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
• Add 12 tablespoons of bulk Fruit Pectin.
• Cook on medium on the stove until the jam begins to set at about 30 minutes.

Someone Stole My Coffee Cup. I'm heading to the police station to look at mug shots.

I was going through things and saw that this one is perfect for a Sunday and perfect for what we're seeing here in the world these days. 

I may be cynical, but...




 
 A man entered the confessional and told his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The man said, "Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!"

The priest said, "Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You'll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box!"

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.

The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The man replied, "Yes, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

I have a procrastination joke. I'll tell it to you later.

Does "Tech" need to infuse everything with its own character?



 
 As Pete strolled down the street, he saw his buddy Steve striding along anxiously with lots of bags in his hands.

"Hey Steve, is everything alright? You seem kind of jumpy."

Steve set the bags on the ground and said, "Yeah, I was just now at the state-of-the-art supermarket that they launched in the industrial part of the city."

"Oh? What's it like there? I heard it's remarkable."

"Kind of..." Steve replied.

Pete was amazed when his friend described the grocery store with enthusiasm - emphasizing the atmosphere of naturalness and genuineness. You could hear cows mooing and smell the barn in the milk section. In the egg aisle, chickens were cackling and the chicken coop was in the air, and it was even better in the vegetable section - you could literally hear the farmers and smell the fields.

"Wow, that sounds incredible!" Pete exclaimed.

"Well, yes, in principle," said Steve with a grimace, "But this is the last time I'm going there to buy toilet paper!"

Toasted Pecan Bumper Brownies - Right Sized For Your Pleasure

This started at the park when I had the last Right Sized Brownie on the bumper of the Jeep at a water stop from the previous recipe.  I repeat the recipe below the SHORT narrative. 

See, I realized that I needed Toasted Pecans in this Brownie.  Sure they are great without, but I personally can afford the extra 30 calories each Brownie since Without they are 110, With they are 140, and my workouts burn 1000 calories per hour and my workouts are typically 2 hours or more.

Right Sized Toasted Pecan Brownie Recipe:

Toasted Pecans:

1. Measure out 40g, 1.4 ounce of chopped Pecan pieces.
2. Warm a skillet over low to medium heat.
3. Add the Pecans to the skillet. 
4. Stir, Shake or Jiggle the Pecans frequently as they will toast FAST!
5. I cook my Pecans for about 3 minutes on the heat and then test for flavor.

Brownie recipe:

Note:  I measured everything with a gram scale.  I have one and it works well, however typically volumes are used.  Maybe next time, huh?

I followed the recipe below faithfully and got some wonderful treats.  It fell together in about 10 minutes.  Cooked in 15.

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup (42 grams) whole wheat flour or all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup (29 grams) Cocoa Powder (sifted if needed)
• 1/16 teaspoon salt (nobody has one of those, I eyeballed "half" of a 1/8 tsp)
• 1/4 cup plus 2 teaspoons (65 grams) coconut oil or unsalted butter (melted and slightly cooled)
• 1/2 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar or coconut sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 large egg (about 50 grams, out of shell)
• 1/4 cup (43 grams) chocolate chips, plus extra mini chips for the top

How to make them:
9 Brownies as in the picture are 40g/1.4 oz each.

1. Prep your pan: Line cupcake pan with 9 cupcake papers.
2. Mix the dry ingredients: In a bowl, combine the flour, cocoa powder, and salt. Set aside.
3. Mix the wet ingredients: In a separate bowl, stir together the melted coconut oil or butter with the sugar and vanilla.
4. Once blended, mix in the egg until just combined.
5. Combine everything: Add the dry mix to the wet bowl a little at a time. Stir gently until almost no flour is visible. Fold in the chocolate chips.
6. Preheat the oven: Set it to 350°F (175°C).
7. Pour and top: Transfer the batter into your prepared pan. Sprinkle mini chocolate chips on top for extra gooeyness.
8. Cook for 12 to 20 minutes. The top should look set with a thin crust.
9. A toothpick in the center will come out a bit wet. The edges should have soft crumbs.
10. Cool before serving: Let them cool completely in the pan. They’ll continue to firm up as they sit.

I have a fast food joke, but it's still being prepared.

Having just gotten back from a Sunday Ride on the Bike, my feet are up on the coffee table (Don't tell Mom), and I am having lunch dessert.  Yes, when you do loads of Cardio, you can have three desserts plus a snack just before bed.  

A small benefit of that sort of thing!



 A man and his wife excitedly visit Texas

They spend the day exploring the sights of San Antonio. After walking around the city, they sit down at a local diner and enjoy a delicious American meal of buffalo wings and burgers.

As they’re finishing up, their waitress — speaking in a warm Southern drawl — comes over and says, “Y’all want some dessert? My pie is to die for.”

The man says, “Sure, I’ll have a slice of apple.” The wife adds, “Just a coffee for me.” The man continues, “Oh — and a scoop of ice cream with that pie.”

The waitress nods and repeats the order as she scribbles on her notepad: “Okay, a coffee for the lady, and some apple pie for the gent.” She turns to leave.

The man calls after her, “Wait! What about my ice cream?”

The waitress keeps walking, unfazed.

Frustrated, the man stands up and yells:

“REMEMBER THE À LA MODE!”

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. Here’s some happiness for you. Goodnight!

Remember, Fellow Babies, Clear and Concise instructions are dependent on your audience!




 A pharmacist's bad day.

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist ... he insulted me this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, “Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the pharmacy there was a group of people waiting for me to open up.

I opened the shop and served these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.

I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it; half of them hit the floor and broke.

The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, I told her!”

Why You Want Ceramic Bearings In Your Inline Skates

 

I used to work with someone who decided to mess with my head.  He said "Why are you still skating, nobody does that any more?". 

I responded with "When is the last time you could see your toes without a mirror?".

I know.  Catty.  But hey, never compare your 100th session with someone else's first.

The thing is that I still skate.   I still measure the distance in fractions of Marathons.  It is August and I have not stopped.  Resting heart rate is 48.  I think that guy is still casting a large shadow at noon.

Jus' Sayin'.  Trails are filling up with skaters again.  This is the second "rebirth" of inline skating.  It isn't like in the 90s but you can find friendly faces out there again.

And that is the point.  I do it because I like to.  I do it because the beta endorphins are a great rush.  I do it because I have a distance goal of "Once Around The World At The Equator" and I am within 250 miles.

I skate once a week, bike twice a week.  Skating is 1.5 times more calories burned than Biking at my level.  1500 calories per hour.  I'll drop it when I'm "old" and I'm not there yet.

There are a few things that I picked up over the years.  You don't skate 24659 miles without learning a few things about a sport.

I am endurance, not speed, not tricks.  I go to log miles, as you might have gathered.  I pick a pace and "just go". 

August in Florida is hot, it was hotter in my native Philadelphia last week.  I found that taking a break every 45 minutes is a requirement, not "nice".

I bring a LOT of water.  My home park has lots of water stops, as did the park in Philly.  I time my breaks to be near water.  Getting through the heat in August wherever you are (February in the upside down world of the southern hemisphere) is helped by this strategy.

Stop, dump water on your head and clothes.  Don't get the bearings wet for the love of the skating gods.  But definitely do the water dump.  "Room temp" will feel nice and cool.  Ice water will send a chill up your spine.  Then dump a similar amount down your waiting gullet and enjoy.  I also bake brownies for my water stop since I'm stopping very close to an hour and it burns up your blood sugar.  Once you get going that water will evaporate and you will get about a half hour at "your pace" of being cool.  Trust this "Senior Skater" on this one, you will like the feeling of the breeze on your head and chest.

Second thing to mention is Bearings.  If you are still on your original bearings consider an upgrade.  I am in a wet climate.  I got very tired of having to tear down bearings every week, even up North.  That is about 100 miles in my old pace of 4x25 miles on the trails.

Hybrid Ceramic is a big improvement and they cost online about $25 a set.  You still have to keep them dry but they are a little better at rolling resistance than a steel bearing.

I know some out there say ABEC 7 or Bones Swiss but I disagree.  I have two containers of formerly useful bearings that were ABEC 5 and better.  ABEC is just a measure of precision of the bearings within the race in the bearing themselves, not a durability rating.   Once you hit the dust or wet on the trails, they will rust up and are no longer smooth. 

Hybrid are only good as long as they are maintained.  Degreased, Dried, Reoiled after a session.  

A much better solution is the more expensive Ceramic bearings.   A set of Full Ceramic bearings cost me about $70.  With the orange menace adding tariffs and taxes on anything he does not understand, I am sure they have gone up.

But do consider them.  Add a cheap Ultrasonic Cleaner to the purchase price at around $35-50.

Why?  They are made of a ceramic mixture like your coffee mug.  They are designed to never need lube.  Lube will pick up dust and corrupt your shiny white or black ceramic bearings.  Care is simple - Put them in the ultrasonic cleaner with water and a drop of dishwashing soap and let it run through a cycle.  When through dry them out with a hairdryer and reinstall.

The difference is a roll test or spin test.

You take a pair of skates and flip them over.  Run your hands, quickly, over the wheels to get them to spin.  Watch your clock to see how long the wheels spin.  My rule is 1 minute spin on steel bearings.  2 minutes on Hybrid is a good number although I see regularly upwards of 2 minutes 30 seconds. 

I have seen one wheel spin 5 minutes on ceramic bearings.  I shoot for 3 minutes 30.  I tend to get bored when I do a spin test.

Anything less than those numbers and into the ultrasonic they go.

Steel gets lube.  I'm not sure of the Hybrid but since they feel a little oily, I would tend to put more lube back.

Lube for me is "Tri Flow" oil.  It has Teflon in it, and it is a light machine oil.  I have been using it for the majority of my 24700 miles.

Ceramic Bearings do not get oiled.

Let me repeat that.

Ceramic Bearings do not get oiled.

You dry them off as much as possible, and put them back into the wheels.   My own ceramics are open bearings, unshielded.  The Steel and Hybrid are both shielded and I have stuck myself many times with the push pin to get the C Clamp off the individual sides of the bearings.

Steel Bearings have gotten so cheap that there are many out there that just get a new set rather than refurbish a set of steel bearings and take the hours of time to do it right.

Spin test them.  You will never get a set of steel bearings to spin the 2:30 of a hybrid let along the 3-5 minutes of a ceramic.

Ceramic bearings are smooth.  It makes for a much better feel on the trails.  More like you are on Ice than on asphalt.  More of what you are putting onto the trail gets converted to speed so this is not for someone who is just "taking up skating".  As an upgrade, I can't think of a nicer one other than perhaps a harder or larger wheel.

Both of my pairs of skates are hard wheels.  88A durometer.  My small set of 80 mm wheels are pure urethane - creamy colored plastic.  The 100 mm big wheels are probably polyurethane but they are 88A. 

Softer wheels will give you more grip but will wear out faster.  They are also stealing your momentum.   Higher durometer wheels will last longer, roll further.  You choose. 

I chose hard wheels.  A long time ago, that is.

I've been at this so long that the terminology has changed.  The "Frame" or "Skate Frame" where the wheels are bolted in was called a "Truck" from the old quad skate designation.  I still slip and call the Frame a Truck from time to time.

But I prefer a long frame, and I have a pair of Rollerblade Twisters from 2023 (I think) that I installed a set of 4x100mm wheels on that look like a demented set of skis.  They have the feel of riding on a rail because of the length of the frame but I don't do tricks.  If you do, you will want to get a custom shorter frame.

For me, and my distance, I'll stick with the longer frame.

(Or Truck)  Long frame on a big heavy boot is a heavy skate, a beast of a skate.

But definitely, if you can find them at a good price, get the ceramics.   You will appreciate the smoothness.

Better to roll than to talk about it.  Find yourself some trainer's tape and tape up the hot spots.  Then get out there and enjoy a workout, I know I will!

I have an economics joke, but it is not in demand.

 Economics is fascinating.  The Dismal Science they call it but it explains a lot of things.  Just keep that in mind.  If you think things are wrong, they probably are.




 A man & his wife are flying...

A man & his wife are flying in a 4-engine jumbo jet to vacation in the Bahamas. Soon after they depart the captain comes on the intercom and says "Good day ladies & gentlemen, we have a great flight for you today. We should be arriving to our destination in about 2 hours". The man & wife settle comfortably into their seat.

About 30 minutes later, there's a loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane starts to shake a little. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost one of our engines, but it's okay. We have 3 more. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 3 hours." The wife looks around nervously and her husband appears angry saying "oh, great..."

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane start shaking a bit more. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost another of our engines, but it's okay. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 4 hours." The wife grips her husband's hand tightly even more nervous while her husband gets even more agitated saying "Are you kidding me?!"

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane shakes around more violently. The captain comes on the intercom considerably more nervous this time and says "Uh, nothing to worry about folks, we just lost our 3rd engine, but uh it's okay. We should be uh arriving to our destination in about um 5 hours." The wife is frantic and starts crying. Her husband jumps out of his seat and yells out "OH, COME ON!"

The wife looks sharply at her husband and asks, "What's wrong with you?! Why are you so angry?". He looks at her and says "I want to get to my vacation. If we lose that last engine, we're going to be up here all day!"

Age is not a number. It is clearly a word.

I really can commiserate with Paddy here.  I was outside playing sprinkler tech before the heat went from onerous to punishing, and there's always something to do with this house of cards!



 
Paddy is known to be a hard working lumberjack. He fells one hundred trees a day all with his axe.

Watching him cut a swathe through the trees one day the foreman tells him, "Paddy, you're a wild man with that axe, but it's time to modernise. You should go get yourself a nice chainsaw. You'll triple your work easily and it'll be easier on the body."

Paddy thinks about it s few days before deciding to take the advice. He heads into town to the hardware store and buys himself a new chainsaw.

The next day he only manages to fell eighty trees. "Well, that's to be expected," he thinks. "I'm still getting used to it."

The day after he's only managed fifty trees. Paddy decides to tough it out until he gets the hang of it. The third day, only thirty.

That's the end of that then. Paddy takes the chainsaw back to the store and complains that its not working.

"That's odd," the salesman says. "Let me have a look then." He takes the chainsaw, pulls the start cord, and it roars to life.

"Holy fooken shite!" Paddy shouts. "What the hell is that noise?!"

I haven't bought a new cell phone since day one, but a New To Me phone needs a parallel test.

I'm fine with having somewhat old, or at least "older" electronics.

My long time friends might be surprised about that.  At one point I had to have the newest items.

I came to the realization that these things are tools.  I simply need them to "just work".

I am fortunate that I have a ready supply of these "older" electronics come through my sticky little fingers.

I am using 5 year old laptops running Debian Linux and they just work.  As in Super Fast.

I giggle at the people standing in a line at the gadget stores before dawn.  Sure, that's a bit rude but... come on.  It is manufactured demand.  Perhaps "manufacturing demand" might be the point.

I am using a phone that is 4 versions old right now.  I hate the thing because the Apple Walled Garden concept is faulty.  At least it is faulty to me.

I resent being told that I must back my phone up, and pay them for the privilege because they are giving me a "generous" 5GB of space, while the phone has 128GB on it.  Let me back the damn thing up to my own computers, or somewhere else, and step the hell off.

Every time I try to get something off the phone, I have to start a third party program to get my photos off the thing.  It is a computer.  If I plug it into another computer, it should come up reliably as a drive.  It does not every time, and it gets confused.

Anti-Apple rant aside, the newer versions are evolutionary and not revolutionary.

Slightly better camera, slightly better speakers, slightly more spyware I assume. 

I don't trust them.

More important I use the thing for a few very important, to me, items.

Photography.  Most of the pictures on this blog are taken by me, for my own entertainment.  Occasionally I'll grab something from elsewhere.  I try to remember to attribute the original person but I do forget.  Those pictures get big fast.  I have to get the third party software started, bring them into a browser, cut, paste, annotate them with a title and my URL and post them.  The camera does get better, but it tends to be a few steps behind the state of the art for the time the phone was put out.

Athletics.  Once upon a time, I was "Picked Last" for sports.  I was kid who had no clue about "ball sports".  I still am not good at those.  Doesn't matter, I had a resting heart rate of 50 yesterday and I regularly bicycle and inline skate at a heart rate above my theoretical maximum for my age.  My personal motto is "Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The Way".  I will help you along, and give you information on nutrition and training to get to my level.  For my age bracket, I am in the 99% percentile for inline skating - my goal is 25,000 miles in my career and at 24645 miles, I am very close.  Once around the world on Inline Skates.

So I monitor my heart rate, distance, and speed.  Assertively.  The phone does help.  In order for it to help I measure out the trail on the phone via GPS.  It tells me the trail is 4.5 miles.  I verify that aggressively via mapping software and obsessively measure that out.

Entertainment.  Music.  I have a data plan that lets me listen to international music for unlimited time.  I am also using it to watch video internationally in two languages.  News as well.  I see nothing wrong with walking the dog an hour and a half before dawn listening to the CBC for news bulletins and switching to BBC for in depth coverage.

When I was given a New To Me phone, it was because my old one had a battery in it that was wearing out.  I could have had the battery replaced, but the New To Me phone had a brand spanking new battery with "96% health".  More importantly it is slightly larger and a number of generations newer.  Faster processor, although frankly, I did not notice that.  Once upon a time I had an android phone that I could snap the battery in and out, and repaired the daylights out of it.  Tech is not getting better, it's getting more annoying to maintain.

I am in the process of migrating onto that phone.  It means I have to proofread the thing and make sure that everything I depend on works.

I listened to my preferred music which is surprisingly diverse.  Classical, Classic Disco, Happy Hardcore, and EDM as well as Norteño from Mexico, and news outlets in 5 different countries.  I could do that from my chair, and did.

Then I had to workout "in parallel".  I had once been given a New To Me phone that had a bad GPS.  It told me that the 2 mile walk I had with the dog was actually 1.9 miles, roughly.  I knew better.  But I also knew that phone was damaged. 

Tuesday I had a workout on the bike.  Along with the GPS enabled sport watch, the GPS enabled bike computer, and the GPS enabled phone, I had the second phone with me telling me where I was in a woman's voice to let me know it wasn't the main phone which was in a man's voice.

The differences were .01 mile over a basis of 27.18 miles.  52 feet or less than the distance across the front of the house, and I can live with that.

Good workout Tuesday as well, but I won't strain my shoulder patting myself on the back.

So the New To Me phone seems to pass the athletics test.  The only thing I need to do is try a different sport and see how the walk is with Mr Dog. 

Some folks are less demanding, they just slide it out of the box, charge it up, and shrug because it works.  Me... nothing is simple.

Mind you, yesterday?  I was taking my old daily driver laptop with a bad USB C power port apart.  I used the monitor to repair a laptop that was dropped and shattered the screen, the hard drive was swapped, and it was tested to be completely functional. 

Yes, Ramblingmoose runs on old stuff. 

Now! Let me tell you about my 23 year old car!