Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Black Hole of 9 Tiles

I have a floor here that is "Florida Tile" over terrazzo.  Or at least I think it's Terrazzo.  It's covered because the previous owners could not care for it properly. 

The house is covered with these beige tiles that make it look... like it needs a good scrub.  I mean really, there's just some colors that never really look clean.  Even when they are.

Yesterday, I had three things fall into the black hole of my house.  I swear there is one specific spot near where the room divider and the kitchen and dining room all meet.   The Four Corners of the Living Room.  What is interesting is that things break... there.  Almost everything that has suffered deceleration trauma and shattered have hit those nine tiles. 

If you come to visit, you do so at the peril of your own breakable objects.

It started early, the sun wasn't even up yet.  After feeding Mrs Dog and giving her her daily meds, we went for a wander around town to make chocolate pudding and water the neighbor's grass.  She is recovering from her stroke of last week, and this morning (think of it as tomorrow since we're speaking of weird singularities) she even had a "Normal Walk".  What ever that is...

I got in the house with her wandering past me to get to the water bowl.  The Prednisone that she is on along with the Cipro means that she's drinking about four times as much water as normal.  As she's wandering over to the water bowl, I had picked up a glass from last night.  Ok, two nights ago by now... She got to the end of the leash, it pulled the hand with the glass and CRASH.  Into the black hole with an explosion of super chilled Silicon Dioxide.  One Less Ball Jar.  With a swear, I herded her into the bedroom, closed the door and got the vacuum out.  Vacuuming the house at 645AM... at least the neighbors are up at 530!

Once all of that was done, it was onto the second event.

I decided that I needed breakfast and some coffee.   I make it using the "Turkish Method".  Take the grounds and pour boiling water over them and stir a couple times to make sure they all sink to the bottom.  This requires a timer.  I reach for the timer that was on the end of the Island and ... CRASH... one less item in the house.   It's ok, I hated that timer anyway.  It brought the dog over to see what broke, and why I was cursing at the thing....

I bet you thought I was going to spill that coffee... No, that would make the floor clean wouldn't it.   Beige and Ecru... why do people use those colors? They look dirty out of the box!

Finally... since things come in threes, here is event number three!

After going through the morning nonsense, having more coffee, and my foot tapping to the classic disco on the headphones, I decided that today would be a good day to go out and attempt some landscaping.  I went out and got the gas powered string trimmer started ... first try!  Wow, this day's looking up!  With a cloud of butterflies around me (yeah sometimes the back yard looks like a scene out of a Disney Movie), I walked around and got all the edging done.  It was a solid hour and getting close to lunch.  Time to go inside. 

I was covered in bits of plants of dozens of species, smelled of green and gas and sweat, and hot and hungry.  The shower would wait.  It was time for lunch.   Making the sandwich in the kitchen, I walked out to the bouncy Poang chair under the ceiling fan since it was the coldest place in the house.   Lettie's mat migrated over next to the chair through her daily motions.   She was laying stretched out with her nose into the Black Hole.

Yes, you guessed it right, I broke my dog.

As I sat down and had the third bite of the burger, I reached down and pet Mrs Dog.  My hand came back wet.  I don't mean just wet, I mean sodden.  Saturated.  I looked down at her, and she thinking she had Done Wrong in the way only a Border Collie could do, she started giving me Attitude.  I mean full on growling and teeth - please don't mess with me!

She couldn't hold her bladder and was embarrassed with soiling the mat and the black hole. 

"Come on Girl, lets go pee!".   She was up and at the door like a 50 pound dart.  Out to the front yard and emptied herself in The Spot.  I swear she was at it forever.  

I grabbed her collar, walked her to the hose and got her drenched.   One of the remaining aspects of her stroke is that she's not completely stable, and when she shook she toppled over so now I have a wet dog with attitude blaming me for not letting her out in time and thinking that she's going to need to have some down time.. but the rest of the day she made it out to the yard every hour on the hour!

Luckily the black hole hasn't claimed anything since then but it is only a matter of time!

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