Wandering around town, it seems that one of the things I find all the time are pennies. Nobody seems to want them. You find little cairns of these slugs sitting on parking meters, under meters, in the parking lots, and other spots.
I'm starting to see pictures of people using them as washers because they're cheaper to use than getting into the car and driving to the hardware store and actually buying a box of the right sized washers for your construction project.
Inflation caused that. It used to be that Penny Candy would cost a penny and you'd get two or three bits for that copper cent. Then they changed the chemical makeup of the coins so they went from a brass that rang when you dropped it to these Copper Coated Zinc slugs that make a sour thunk on the table when you empty your pockets after a walk around town.
Four Pennies
A few years ago, I volunteered with a high school band, who had a performance at a local veteran's home. After the concert, we spent some time with the residents, listening to their stories.
One gentleman came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke. I agreed.
He held out a hand with a shiny penny in it. He asked if I could see a snake. I said no. He said it was a Copperhead.
He added another penny and asked if I could see a fruit. I could not, and he said it was a Pear.
He added a third penny and asked if I could see a car. I stare at the three pennies to no avail. I could not. He said it was a Lincoln. (D'oh!)
He adds a fourth penny and asks if I can see a naked lady. Now I'm trying to work it out in my head, trying to figure any puns or word play looking at the four pennies. After a moment, I admit my defeat and tell hem I could not see a naked lady.
He grins and tells me, "and for four pennies, you're not going to."
An Open Letter To My Sister, or Whatever Pops Into My Head at the Time...
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Saturday, September 28, 2019
If I had a dollar for every joke i told wrong... To get the other side.
South Florida is an interesting place. It's a place that teaches you to dig deeper than the surface. It definitely changes as you live here longer and really learn about things here.
I guess that can be anywhere that you move to, away from where you grew up. After all, my little pond near the house in Cherry Hill NJ had a car tire sized Snapping Turtle pulled out of it by my neighbor Johnny and I caught snakes bare handed in Mrs Alderfer's Shrub once.
If you do dig, for example here in my back yard, you will hit ground water at around ten feet.
I may be the highest property on my block.
Yes, we all do know our elevation down here.
When you're a tourist driving around town, too slowly in the fast lane and too fast in the slow lane, you will see a lot of really beautiful lakes and rivers. The Canals that drained The Swamps look inviting, but we see a lot of things in those canals that don't really belong.
Like Tourists and their cars from taking that curve just a wee bit too fast.
It's a bit like Hippy Star Trek. Paradise, yes, but it has some very dangerous aspects to it.
Swimming pools are better. It is a rare day we don't have a Rip Tide warning on the beach, but my 32 Foot by 16 Foot pool never has one.
Stay out of the lakes and canals unless you can go very fast.
It's not important that you are faster than the Piranhas, just that you are faster than the next guy.
This next little joke explains it pretty well.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast in Key West, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber walking on the shore, the tourist shouted,
“There wouldn’t by chance be any alligators in these waters?!”“No,” the old man hollered back, “haven’t been any for years!”
Feeling relieved, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway toward shore he asked the old man, “Say, how’d you get rid of the gators, anyway?”
“We didn’t do anything,” the old man said. “The sharks got ’em.”
I guess that can be anywhere that you move to, away from where you grew up. After all, my little pond near the house in Cherry Hill NJ had a car tire sized Snapping Turtle pulled out of it by my neighbor Johnny and I caught snakes bare handed in Mrs Alderfer's Shrub once.
If you do dig, for example here in my back yard, you will hit ground water at around ten feet.
I may be the highest property on my block.
Yes, we all do know our elevation down here.
When you're a tourist driving around town, too slowly in the fast lane and too fast in the slow lane, you will see a lot of really beautiful lakes and rivers. The Canals that drained The Swamps look inviting, but we see a lot of things in those canals that don't really belong.
Like Tourists and their cars from taking that curve just a wee bit too fast.
It's a bit like Hippy Star Trek. Paradise, yes, but it has some very dangerous aspects to it.
Swimming pools are better. It is a rare day we don't have a Rip Tide warning on the beach, but my 32 Foot by 16 Foot pool never has one.
Stay out of the lakes and canals unless you can go very fast.
It's not important that you are faster than the Piranhas, just that you are faster than the next guy.
This next little joke explains it pretty well.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast in Key West, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber walking on the shore, the tourist shouted,
“There wouldn’t by chance be any alligators in these waters?!”“No,” the old man hollered back, “haven’t been any for years!”
Feeling relieved, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway toward shore he asked the old man, “Say, how’d you get rid of the gators, anyway?”
“We didn’t do anything,” the old man said. “The sharks got ’em.”
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Morning Dew on Betty's Vinca
Down here if you are eating anything with seeds and some of it falls on the ground, you will have plants.
I need to remember that with some tomatoes and melons, preferably in the back on the drip feed irrigation chains.
There are a lot of pots on those chains, and they're all watered in a measured way. The orchids don't hold water in their pots so they drip down into pots that are strategically placed. I have two layers of plant pots in most places, sometimes three. It all depends on what is back there.
The thing is that I have some plants that are just growing everywhere and getting leggy.
They would be Betty's Vinca.
Betty was my Aunt. She was a powerful woman, but in the best of all possible ways. A person you wanted on your side. She gave of her self readily, and was well loved by her family.She had two places, one on Long Island, and the other North of me in Century Village. Yes, it's a bit of a stereotype, but sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason.
In front of her condo she had some flowers that she was quite proud of. Proud as she was, she liked to share. She insisted that I have some cuttings on my last visit with her and they made it to my yard.
On the other hand, all of mine got very leggy so they needed to be cut back and replanted.
In a bit I'll have pot after pot of these plants all over my back yard. All blooming in the
morning dew, they'll be there. Spreading.
But if you are lucky, and the conditions are just right, these simple blooms are just beautiful. In the golden hour, misted by the dew or my irrigation misters, they will do their best to shine.
I hope so, since they've now spread into my neighbor's garden from the back of the yard to the front.
If he likes it, I have some mint that I need to repot. We all know how that stuff spreads.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but I'll try my best to make you loaf.
Lately there have been a couple quickies, shorter jokes that are too short to stand on their own, but too long for the topic, I've put them here.
(Since I am working on my Spanish right now...)
Did you hear about the Mexican magician?
He walked onto the stage, addressed the audience, and told them that he could disappear.
Though the audience doubted him, he started counting; Uno...Dos...And he disappeared without a tres!
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seat belts.
"Private Foley!!"
- "Sir yes Sir!"
"I didn't see you at the camouflage exercise, Private!"
- "Thank you Sir!"
A raincoat was having an argument with a poncho about which was the more useful piece of clothing.
The raincoat made the point that he kept the user dry, while the poncho spoke of his warmth and comfort.
The raincoat then suggested a contest to prove which piece of clothing was superior.
"I'm afraid I would have to ask permission to participate in such a contest," said the poncho.
"Permission?" the raincoat scoffed, "Who do you need permission from?"
The poncho replied, "Well, I'll have to speak to the Head Poncho, of course."
Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek
Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"
Neighbor: what did you say to me?
Shut Up: I said Shut Up
Neighbor: Son tell me your name right now! or I will go get your parents!
Shut Up: *slowly* S H U T U P
Neighbor: ALLRIGHT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TROUBLE BOY?
Shut Up: No Trouble's looking for me.
(Since I am working on my Spanish right now...)
Did you hear about the Mexican magician?
He walked onto the stage, addressed the audience, and told them that he could disappear.
Though the audience doubted him, he started counting; Uno...Dos...And he disappeared without a tres!
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seat belts.
"Private Foley!!"
- "Sir yes Sir!"
"I didn't see you at the camouflage exercise, Private!"
- "Thank you Sir!"
A raincoat was having an argument with a poncho about which was the more useful piece of clothing.
The raincoat made the point that he kept the user dry, while the poncho spoke of his warmth and comfort.
The raincoat then suggested a contest to prove which piece of clothing was superior.
"I'm afraid I would have to ask permission to participate in such a contest," said the poncho.
"Permission?" the raincoat scoffed, "Who do you need permission from?"
The poncho replied, "Well, I'll have to speak to the Head Poncho, of course."
Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek
Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"
Neighbor: what did you say to me?
Shut Up: I said Shut Up
Neighbor: Son tell me your name right now! or I will go get your parents!
Shut Up: *slowly* S H U T U P
Neighbor: ALLRIGHT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TROUBLE BOY?
Shut Up: No Trouble's looking for me.
Saturday, September 21, 2019
I don’t have a “dad bod.”... I have a father figure.
While I don't live in a city where the parking is outrageous, they do tend to nickle and dime you in South Florida.
If you want to go anywhere these days, including some shopping malls, there are meters waiting for you.
I fail to see this as an improvement on life and avoid meters where possible.
On the other hand, having lived in big cities before, I do enjoy this woman's creativity in this story.
A young aristocratic woman pulls up to a large New York bank in her Rolls Royce.
She parks in front of the bank and goes inside where she is greeted by a banker.
"Hi, Sir. I would like to take out a loan using my Rolls Royce as collateral" the woman says to the banker.
"Yes ma'am. How much money will you need to borrow?" he asks.
"$500.00 please" says the woman.
"Ma'am, that car is easily worth $200,000! Are you certain you only want $500?".
She reassures him that is all she needs and she will be back in 30 days to pay the loan balance plus interest in full.
The banker can't believe it, but he writes up the paperwork, has her sign and gives the woman her money. He then orders security to move the car down to the vault where it can be safely stored as collateral. He laughs with his co-worker about how much of a idiot this woman is!
30 days later the woman returns to the bank with $534.00, the amount of the loan plus one month interest, just as she promised.
As the banker is waiting on the car to be brought up, he can't help but ask the woman why she used her $200,000 car on a $500 loan.
She replied "I didn't need the $500 but I was leaving the country for a month and needed a secure place to store my car. $34 is WAY cheaper than anywhere else in New York."
If you want to go anywhere these days, including some shopping malls, there are meters waiting for you.
I fail to see this as an improvement on life and avoid meters where possible.
On the other hand, having lived in big cities before, I do enjoy this woman's creativity in this story.
A young aristocratic woman pulls up to a large New York bank in her Rolls Royce.
She parks in front of the bank and goes inside where she is greeted by a banker.
"Hi, Sir. I would like to take out a loan using my Rolls Royce as collateral" the woman says to the banker.
"Yes ma'am. How much money will you need to borrow?" he asks.
"$500.00 please" says the woman.
"Ma'am, that car is easily worth $200,000! Are you certain you only want $500?".
She reassures him that is all she needs and she will be back in 30 days to pay the loan balance plus interest in full.
The banker can't believe it, but he writes up the paperwork, has her sign and gives the woman her money. He then orders security to move the car down to the vault where it can be safely stored as collateral. He laughs with his co-worker about how much of a idiot this woman is!
30 days later the woman returns to the bank with $534.00, the amount of the loan plus one month interest, just as she promised.
As the banker is waiting on the car to be brought up, he can't help but ask the woman why she used her $200,000 car on a $500 loan.
She replied "I didn't need the $500 but I was leaving the country for a month and needed a secure place to store my car. $34 is WAY cheaper than anywhere else in New York."
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Belling The Cat or How A Jingle Bell Helps A Mobility Scooter be More Mobile
We all have our moments, but this maxim that I have was illustrated to me perfectly clearly, when I took a friend to a supermarket.
You see that friend broke his foot. He's recovering from an emergency freak accident where the bone broke for no apparent reason.
Since he was in London, he got much better care than he would have gotten here in the US where even the doctors were amazed at the quality of care of the NHS.
I am thinking that had it happened in Philly, NYC, or LA he may have had a chance of a similar level of care, but at this point we'd be talking about selling his house to pay for it.
Thanks to the NHS (National Health Service) in the UK, he came home with a pair of shiny crutches, a cast on his leg, and a really fascinating collection of screws and stays to stabilize his bones.
We don't know why nor will we ever know why it happened.
One thing he did not get was a scooter. NHS does not supply them nor did his US Insurance since Insurance is not here to serve you so much as to try to keep as much of your money as possible while giving you the absolute minimum of care.
However, he did not have to pay a dime on the NHS. At. All.
I just may move to Vermont or Southern California when I truly retire so I can have a walk across the border for my future meds in Canada or Mexico, but that's a different story.
We have all seen these contraptions where you kneel on it and glide along to where you are going.
I'm afraid of that damn thing, he's faster than I am while walking.
But he is also just this side of silent on it.
Since as my maxim goes, Other People Don't Believe Society's Rules Apply To Them, I went along as Security. Being as tall as I am, people may not notice him but they surely won't miss me and I can run interference.
As it was we both got crowded out of places we wanted to go. My heart goes out to the wheelchair bound and the blind. If we had trouble with all of this, I can only imagine what they go through.
So I had a brainstorm. I belled the cat.
Not literally, don't get your animal rights in a twist.
I put a jingle bell on the front of his scooter.
While going through his paces, now you can tell he's coming. He jingles.
Yes, I finally found a use for those over large jingle bells I found one holiday season and set aside. It's September and I have no pressing need for a golf ball sized bell, let alone two.
Taking a small piece of Copper Wire, I tied the things to his basket.
Yes, they have baskets, that is where you put your crap when you get out of the easy chair and scoot to the kitchen to do dishes, get your snacks, or use El Baño to get rid of same snacks.
It was helpful. When he went to his next appointment, the bells were cheerily announcing his presence at a subliminal level and he had an easier time of it.
Next time if it happens, I swear I'm going to a toy store and getting a squeaky horn and some tassels. The horn will shock people awake from their phones.
The Tassels is just because. May as well have a sense of humor with it. The horn should be as outrageous a color as possible since if you're going to look silly, Own It!
Sunday, September 15, 2019
A lawyer walks into a bar. He should have ducked.
There are a few professions that get no respect. Lawyers are one.
Even Shakespeare got into the game, however that specific quote didn't really mean what we think it did. "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" is actually said by a criminal in how to improve a country.
In other words, how to make a place better is to remove all the laws.
Or as it was once explained to me, If you want Anarchy just get rid of the Lawyers.
Since it's a Sunday Morning that's a little deep so I'll just lob these two lawyer related jokes over the fence for your enjoyment, neighbor.
An engineer dies and goes to hell.
When he gets down there and starts going through his punishment he get really tired of the constantly bad living conditions, so he starts working.
He makes an industrial air conditioner and gets the temperature under control.
He makes some industrial mining machines and clears the forced labor punishments.
He overhauls the living situations with an entire city of high rise apartments.
Eventually God looks down and notices that he’ll is no longer, well, hell. He calls the devil up to explain what’s going on so the devil tells him, “I got an engineer, it’s awesome!”
God exclaims “An engineer!? I’m sorry that was a mistake you need to send him to heaven where he belongs.”
The devil laughs and tells him no.
God says “don’t make me sue you over this.”
The devil starts cackling and asks “Where are YOU going to get a lawyer!”
God cooly replies “All the good ones argued their way out of hell.”
Lawyer in a car accident
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!” he whined.
“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!”
“Oh my god,” replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex!”
Even Shakespeare got into the game, however that specific quote didn't really mean what we think it did. "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" is actually said by a criminal in how to improve a country.
In other words, how to make a place better is to remove all the laws.
Or as it was once explained to me, If you want Anarchy just get rid of the Lawyers.
Since it's a Sunday Morning that's a little deep so I'll just lob these two lawyer related jokes over the fence for your enjoyment, neighbor.
An engineer dies and goes to hell.
When he gets down there and starts going through his punishment he get really tired of the constantly bad living conditions, so he starts working.
He makes an industrial air conditioner and gets the temperature under control.
He makes some industrial mining machines and clears the forced labor punishments.
He overhauls the living situations with an entire city of high rise apartments.
Eventually God looks down and notices that he’ll is no longer, well, hell. He calls the devil up to explain what’s going on so the devil tells him, “I got an engineer, it’s awesome!”
God exclaims “An engineer!? I’m sorry that was a mistake you need to send him to heaven where he belongs.”
The devil laughs and tells him no.
God says “don’t make me sue you over this.”
The devil starts cackling and asks “Where are YOU going to get a lawyer!”
God cooly replies “All the good ones argued their way out of hell.”
Lawyer in a car accident
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!” he whined.
“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!”
“Oh my god,” replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex!”
Saturday, September 14, 2019
A Baker's Dozen of Themed One LIners
When you get people sending you jokes, you rapidly get a collection. Like all collections sometimes you get some patterns and groups. Variations on a theme.
My Jokes file is getting a bit long at this point so I collected a few of these themes and put them out for your "enjoyment".
I do have a habit of liking "Dad Jokes" or "Groaners" so these should run pretty quickly for you.
Why do ducks make bad babysitters? Because they use fowl language!
Why did the Time Traveler run away from the park? The first time he went to one he ran over his grandpa while getting chased by a pair of ducks....
A doctor walks into a bar. He should have ducked.
Two men walk into a bar. . . “Doors over here,” says man number 3.
A perfectionist walks in to a bar. He walks out again because the bar wasn't set high enough.
How did the vacuum cleaner die. It bit the dust.
How do you cure a peanut allergy? Give them peanuts.
How do churches acquire holy water? They boil the hell out of it.
Doctor, doctor I think I’m turning into a cat. Don’t ask meow.
I got my cat to cut my grass today. Such a good lawn meower.
Gave my cat a bath. I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, and it was fun for me too. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…
I have a bird feeder in my garden. It's also a cat feeder.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to challenge the powers of the establishment, which makes him not chicken at all if you ask me.
My Jokes file is getting a bit long at this point so I collected a few of these themes and put them out for your "enjoyment".
I do have a habit of liking "Dad Jokes" or "Groaners" so these should run pretty quickly for you.
Why do ducks make bad babysitters? Because they use fowl language!
Why did the Time Traveler run away from the park? The first time he went to one he ran over his grandpa while getting chased by a pair of ducks....
A doctor walks into a bar. He should have ducked.
Two men walk into a bar. . . “Doors over here,” says man number 3.
A perfectionist walks in to a bar. He walks out again because the bar wasn't set high enough.
How did the vacuum cleaner die. It bit the dust.
How do you cure a peanut allergy? Give them peanuts.
How do churches acquire holy water? They boil the hell out of it.
Doctor, doctor I think I’m turning into a cat. Don’t ask meow.
I got my cat to cut my grass today. Such a good lawn meower.
Gave my cat a bath. I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, and it was fun for me too. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…
I have a bird feeder in my garden. It's also a cat feeder.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to challenge the powers of the establishment, which makes him not chicken at all if you ask me.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Remember
I had recently ended my morning call to my rather competent client, and hadn't yet gone to do battle for my client with my rather incompetent management at work.
Things started getting strange out in the hall outside my door. It was a buzz that was unnatural. One of those moments that remains in your mind a long time afterwords.
Internet access got slow.
My immediate boss came in and asked me to check the news.
That was how I learned that thousands of people were in the process of being murdered by a terrorist attack in NYC, The Pentagon, and Pennsylvania.
Suddenly my incompetent management problems at a University on North Broad Street in Philadelphia became even more unimportant than they were before, it became a September Tenth Problem.
Later we had heard of this once ever commercial put out by Budweiser Beer. This went out on the Super Bowl in 2001 during Half Time.
I missed it. Then as now, I aggressively skip commercials.
If I see a commercial there's going to be a compelling reason for me to watch it.
As much as I try not to share Youtube links, here it is in case you have not seen it.
Sunday, September 8, 2019
I took a video of my shoe yesterday. It was some pretty good footage.
Yep, it's a two-fer. Haircuts and Lawyers. Or is it? reality is that both of these subjects are prime fodder for someone to twist into a story with a punch line at the end.
Not me though, it's an early sunday morning and I need to go to skate!
How long before I can get a haircut?
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" . The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes". Bill comes back laughing hysterically after a while.
The barber asks "Bill, Where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
A guy calls a law office...
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I`m sorry, but he died last week."
The next day the guy phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
And the guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
Not me though, it's an early sunday morning and I need to go to skate!
How long before I can get a haircut?
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" . The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes". Bill comes back laughing hysterically after a while.
The barber asks "Bill, Where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
A guy calls a law office...
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I`m sorry, but he died last week."
The next day the guy phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
And the guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
Saturday, September 7, 2019
Someone calls you a contrarian. How do you prove ‘em wrong? By agreeing.
One thing I have learned, if someone is in a position of wealth or power, they generally are at least clueless or lacking in common sense.
Sure they have specialized knowledge, but generally they aren't the kind of person you want to associate with during your own personal time, without some sort of "reason". It's not normally completely a free association without strings attached.
This is the kind of thing I've seen in an office. So for me it's more of a strange flashback sort of thing than a joke.
The CEO
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
On the other hand, Job Interviews are never a positive experience. I've been on both sides of the table and frankly it seems like you are trying to either be or dodge the gatekeepers.
So I got a certain smile with this next one
Job Interview
- How was your job interview yesterday?
- Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting on the table... He pointed towards his Laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop.. He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The Wolf of Wall Street" movie.. So I took the laptop and left..
- Left...!! Then what? -Nothing 30 minutes later he called me up... begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it..
So I asked him: Will you buy it ??
Sure they have specialized knowledge, but generally they aren't the kind of person you want to associate with during your own personal time, without some sort of "reason". It's not normally completely a free association without strings attached.
This is the kind of thing I've seen in an office. So for me it's more of a strange flashback sort of thing than a joke.
The CEO
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
On the other hand, Job Interviews are never a positive experience. I've been on both sides of the table and frankly it seems like you are trying to either be or dodge the gatekeepers.
So I got a certain smile with this next one
Job Interview
- How was your job interview yesterday?
- Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting on the table... He pointed towards his Laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop.. He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The Wolf of Wall Street" movie.. So I took the laptop and left..
- Left...!! Then what? -Nothing 30 minutes later he called me up... begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it..
So I asked him: Will you buy it ??
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Dorian's Florida Sunset
The storm in South Florida was minimal.
It did however ruin Grand Bahama.
I saw a before/after map of the island where about 1/2 of the place was underwater. There were videos of utterly demolished places with a random wall standing and other videos of where people were standing knee deep on their second floor as flood waters were turning their couches into pool floaties.
Watching the coverage on Bahamian National TV at ZNSBahamas.com you could hear the desperation in the voices of the callers.
And this storm isn't finished. It's heading for the Carolinas. Finish your storm prep up there, don't wait.
Even though it is currently a Category 2 storm, it can still wreck your day.
These storms are a way for the environment to move excess heat from the ocean into the atmosphere. The explanation I heard was that this mechanism was a partial reason why Dorian stalled out over Grand Bahama. The heat of the Bahamian ocean got lifted into the upper atmosphere and got dumped into North Carolina and broke down the steering currents.
All this caused an upwelling of the cold water in the deeper parts of the ocean and slowly weakened the storm until it got a nudge from the environment and started it moving North again.
After two days. Imagine a category 5 storm sitting on your house unleashing the hounds of hell for two solid days.
Relief efforts are beginning. The Major Cruise Lines pledged support. Carnival and Royal Caribbean both have pledged direct efforts. Disney has already announced relief efforts. I'll expect to hear more as the days go forth.
If you can't give to the Bahamas Red Cross or go there directly in a Flotilla like I heard my neighbors were going to do, consider shopping those companies that are supporting the efforts and let them know why you are.
For now, there are four storms in the Atlantic, one more in the Gulf. The season does not end until December 1 so we can have this happen again in a week or two.
It did however ruin Grand Bahama.
I saw a before/after map of the island where about 1/2 of the place was underwater. There were videos of utterly demolished places with a random wall standing and other videos of where people were standing knee deep on their second floor as flood waters were turning their couches into pool floaties.
Watching the coverage on Bahamian National TV at ZNSBahamas.com you could hear the desperation in the voices of the callers.
And this storm isn't finished. It's heading for the Carolinas. Finish your storm prep up there, don't wait.
Even though it is currently a Category 2 storm, it can still wreck your day.
These storms are a way for the environment to move excess heat from the ocean into the atmosphere. The explanation I heard was that this mechanism was a partial reason why Dorian stalled out over Grand Bahama. The heat of the Bahamian ocean got lifted into the upper atmosphere and got dumped into North Carolina and broke down the steering currents.
All this caused an upwelling of the cold water in the deeper parts of the ocean and slowly weakened the storm until it got a nudge from the environment and started it moving North again.
After two days. Imagine a category 5 storm sitting on your house unleashing the hounds of hell for two solid days.
Relief efforts are beginning. The Major Cruise Lines pledged support. Carnival and Royal Caribbean both have pledged direct efforts. Disney has already announced relief efforts. I'll expect to hear more as the days go forth.
If you can't give to the Bahamas Red Cross or go there directly in a Flotilla like I heard my neighbors were going to do, consider shopping those companies that are supporting the efforts and let them know why you are.
For now, there are four storms in the Atlantic, one more in the Gulf. The season does not end until December 1 so we can have this happen again in a week or two.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Where do wunderkind go to drink? The Wunderbar!
I have always been fascinated by languages. Both human languages and computer languages. They all serve a basic purpose: to exchange information and to give instruction.
Some of the more interesting human languages have a host of sounds that you are not going to run across in English and European languages like the click languages in southern Africa. Each Click is a different letter, and some of these same languages have a number of different clicks.
An anthropologist visits a local translator in Zimbabwe.
"I'd like to set up a meeting with the nearby Xhosa tribe," he says. "But I haven't had any luck finding them. Can you help me send a message?"
The translator smiles. "Ah yes, it is difficult to find them. This particular tribe has little interest in Westerners. But they will still meet with you. All you need to do is head to a specific plateau, and wait there after saying this phrase." He uttered a series of Xhosa syllables and clicking sounds. The anthropologist took careful note of the phrase and thanked him.
On his way, he became slightly lost but eventually came upon a plateau fitting the description. He stood on the edge and proceeded to make the clicking sounds. A few moments later, a woman from the tribe arrived. He smiled and began to introduce himself, but the woman suddenly started flirting and rubbing herself all over him.
Unsure what to do next, the anthropologist froze, but a few moments later, the translator appeared and shooed her away.
"This is the wrong plateau, my friend," he laughed. "This is a meeting place for prostitutes!"
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry...." the anthropologist began.
"It's perfectly fine, my friend. Just be more careful what you click on, you could have gotten a virus!"
Some of the more interesting human languages have a host of sounds that you are not going to run across in English and European languages like the click languages in southern Africa. Each Click is a different letter, and some of these same languages have a number of different clicks.
An anthropologist visits a local translator in Zimbabwe.
"I'd like to set up a meeting with the nearby Xhosa tribe," he says. "But I haven't had any luck finding them. Can you help me send a message?"
The translator smiles. "Ah yes, it is difficult to find them. This particular tribe has little interest in Westerners. But they will still meet with you. All you need to do is head to a specific plateau, and wait there after saying this phrase." He uttered a series of Xhosa syllables and clicking sounds. The anthropologist took careful note of the phrase and thanked him.
On his way, he became slightly lost but eventually came upon a plateau fitting the description. He stood on the edge and proceeded to make the clicking sounds. A few moments later, a woman from the tribe arrived. He smiled and began to introduce himself, but the woman suddenly started flirting and rubbing herself all over him.
Unsure what to do next, the anthropologist froze, but a few moments later, the translator appeared and shooed her away.
"This is the wrong plateau, my friend," he laughed. "This is a meeting place for prostitutes!"
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry...." the anthropologist began.
"It's perfectly fine, my friend. Just be more careful what you click on, you could have gotten a virus!"
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