Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Between the Dragonflies and the Monarchs, I think not spraying the lawn for grubs really helps.

I guess it's the Law of Unintended Consequences.

This is when something unexpected happens due to your action or inaction.

The Law, is also one of the things that stuck in my mind from my Sociology courses in university all those years ago.   Fun thing, Sociology.  Half of the course is defining the term Cohesion, the rest of it was using the term in creative ways.

I don't believe in coating your lawn with chemicals unless you really do need it.  If you are having grubs that are killing off the grass and natural means are not controlling them, go for it, but only as much as is truly needed.

In our case, I think my neighbors' spraying pesticides are causing me to be an Island of Nature.  Or perhaps it is merely a nice thought.

I watch what goes on in the front yard very closely.

I chase the ducks off.  That time there was a duck "party" on my front porch that was so loud that through the hurricane glass, I could hear every single one of the seventeen of them that were cramming onto that one female duck at the bottom of the pile.  That was enough.  Chase the female, the males follow.  The eggs they are laying are giving me an opportunity to watch the foxes and perhaps coyotes that come through here at night.  They have a taste for duck eggs just like your "outdoor cats".

If you feed the ducks, you are really feeding the foxes and the coyotes.  The ones that amble about this neighborhood are an introduced species, and not native.  They also bring parasites that sicken your dogs.  There is no such thing as an outdoor pet in suburbia or the city.

Lately I have noticed that there are quite a few Dragonflies taking residence here and at the little M.E. dePalma park nearby.  They, and my treasured Monarch Butterflies shuttle back and forth with great regularity.  

Those grubs sometimes hatch into a mature Dragonfly.  Frequently, by my count.  They are drawing these nondescript birds that have been coming to keep the count of Dragonflies in check.  I'm fine with that, they are in balance with nature.

I'm also noticing that these same birds are not on any of my neighbor's yards.  For the same reasons.  They spray, we don't.

A Green Lawn may be what we have been conditioned to expect in suburbia, but in a climate like ours, that comes at a cost.  You spray, you water, you fertilize, you edge.  Extra carbon dioxide and other pollutants leech into the atmosphere.  Ground water contamination means don't drink that water out of the irrigation that has to happen twice a week, all year around.

It would make more sense to find a landscape more in tune with where you are.   Oh sure, if you live in the UK or Ireland where lawns need nothing but a trim from time to time, great.  I'm in a place in South Florida where I truly have to wonder have we all lost our minds.

Salt intrusion will fix that I am sure.  

Native plants are best.  Following that, as I was told by a lovely Jamaican woman once, they need to give you something back.  Fruiting plants that something can eat as well.  

I guess that is partly why I made it a point to plant a Mango in my own backyard as well.  Can't put the thing in the front yard, after all, I wouldn't get any of them myself!

You see, someone came through the neighborhood the other day and picked every fruit they could reach.  They will be on sale at a flea market near you soon.

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Why can't a T-Rex clap their hands? They're dead.

 Well THAT topic is a bit dark!  It did make me laugh so there you go!  And this story is a bit dark too, or maybe it is just that I put this together before dawn with my coffee?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite donkey Bessie into the... "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'". Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the motorway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the officer came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."

He said, "Your donkey was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

Saturday, April 24, 2021

Trains never get angry because they're always blowing off steam!

 So lets keep things short and sweet today.  Four times over, four short ones to amuse you!

My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender.
I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."

When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, “Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, “Go forth and multiply,” but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, “Why have you not followed my command?”

“We can’t multiply. We’re Adders.”

Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement. No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car. The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 miles, for $1. She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?" The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money received from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.

“Please, come quickly.” She said in horror, “We’ve found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!”

“Don’t worry,” the policeman said reassuringly, “We’ll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”

The gym manager nodded, relieved, “And what about the hole in the wall?”

“Rest assured” The other police officer said, “We’ll be looking into it”

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Gyro Spices for Pita or Gyro Burgers on the Grill

It's a winner.

I made this over the weekend, and I liked it so much I made it again for this blog posting.

The recipe is three parts for 2 pounds of meat.  Should serve 8.

Spices, Prep, Grill.

The result is burgers that taste like a Gyro.  Or if you prefer you can stuff a pita with this, veg, and tzatziki sauce and have it more traditional.


  • 2 teaspoon Minced Garlic
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 Tablespoon Oregano
  • 1 teaspoon Rosemary
  • 1 teaspoon Thyme
  • 1 teaspoon ground pepper
  • 2 Tablespoons Dried Onion
  • 2 teaspoon Paprika
  • Your choice of 2 Pounds Total of Ground Meats.  Traditionally:
    • 1 pound Ground Lamb
    • 1 pound Ground Chuck/Burger meat
  • 1/2 lemon for juicing


Gather the list of spices and mix in the proper amounts in a small cup.

The amounts can be halved or doubled as needed.

Add 2 pounds of ground meats to a bowl.

Sprinkle the spice mix a bit at a time into the bowl as you mix this in.

When you have incorporated the spices, juice the 1/2 lemon into the meat and mix it in.

The end result may be grilled with good results, or cooked as needed.

Traditionally, this is cooked on a spit or in the oven and sliced similar to a meatloaf but yours truly wanted burgers and did not have Pita.

Sunday, April 18, 2021

I’m so glad I wasn’t born in Germany because I can’t speak German.


A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

A Chinese takeaway order is about 25 dollars. The price of gas to get there and back is about 3 dollars.

Realizing that you forgot one of the containers at the shop is riceless.

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in.
As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter.
The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it.
The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.
Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied," Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!"

What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
Oh the pot of glue? I figured you’d get stuck there.

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why. They finally brought in an expert to fix the problem.
The guy basically walks in, inspects the equipment, takes out a chalk piece, marks one unit with an X mark and leaves.
The plant’s owner replaces the unit and viola! everything’s working again.

A week later, the guy’s invoice reaches the owner - $5000. The owner is outraged. 5 grand for drawing one measly X mark. He writes a letter demanding an itemized bill, so he could ‘review expenses’.
The expert obliges. His itemized bill goes as follows -

    X mark - USD 1.00

    Knowing where to put it - USD 4,999.00

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Someone once told me to search for inner peace. I've looked, it's not in here.

I thought by now you'd realize

A taxidermist and his apprentice are working late into the night to get their big project done - a full size lion on a purpose built stand. This once-mighty big cat had been killed in a fight with another lion, and was being fixed up for display at a natural history museum. The taxidermist had skillfully blended in hide from another big cat where the larger wounds were, to make the lion look whole and healthy.

The taxidermist is called away for an urgent phone call, and instructs his apprentice to look over the facial features, check the fake eyes and ensure it was ready for display. The apprentice, thrilled that his boss was trusting him with such a task, carefully checked over everything as he was instructed.

Alas, accidents happen and the apprentice managed to gouge a large mark into the lion's upper face. He was terrified that he would be fired on the spot. After fretting for a few minutes he remembered how his boss had patched the other marks, and attempted to do the same. He worked quickly and carefully and was able to repair the damage. Pleased at his quick thinking, the apprentice stood back and admired the animal. The taxidermist returned and as soon as he caught sight of the face he sighed and shook his head. When the apprentice asked what the matter was, the taxidermist simply said,

"Don't you know by now you can't hide your lion eyes?"

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Mangoes are starting to drop, is season starting?

I have a mango powered workout again.

I was sitting on a bench at the park.  I decided that after 7 miles of bombing the trail, it was time for a water bottle.  The Goodyear Blimp was on the other side of the trees.

I was sitting under a 30 foot tall Mango tree there by the water fountain and looked up.

Hey you tree!  Lets have some fruit, Oscar needs some too.

It really is early for this.  On the dog walks, if there are any unripe fruit I will pick it up.  We had a wind storm and some rain for the first time in months, probably before xmas.  On the ground there were quite a few golf ball sized and larger fruit waiting.  Right after the last storm there were a couple quarter pound fruit there for the passers by to enjoy.

I had those this morning, Oscar had a few golf ball sized mangoes and some peanuts.

I was thinking about all of this and talking to the big tree while looking up.  Probably  I was just hungry.

My mind flicked back to the cookies I took for a post workout snack sitting on the passenger seat of the Jeep and I thought, may as well get back to it.

It was just a quick couple of miles to get to the car anyway, and while the conditions were perfect, it was about time to go.

Skating in South Florida is a bit different.   In Pennsylvania, I could easily go for a 5 mile stretch without having a break in the pavement, road crossing the trail, or even a water stop.  Marathons were common.  My usual workouts were 33 miles three times a week.  I'd make the difference up for a "Hundred Mile Week".  

Here at the Pompano Airpark, it is a short loop of only 4.6 miles.  Every mile has breaks in it.  Rumble strips for the blind, ingress and egress for the airport, close corners around the little mall where if you don't watch for debris on the trail, you will fall.

So I sat there.  Semi New Skates with only 100 miles on them.  I finished that bottle of ice water I brought with me.  You don't want to drink from a public water fountain these days.  It is the only source of water on that side of the park and it gets used in odd ways.

Standing up, I looked at the tree and the benches, and moved on.  

New skates with new bearings with new wheels mean that you can move.  In my case, a Four Minute Mile is not unheard of, although I have been purposely holding my speed down.  

After all, a missed pebble and you're painting asphalt with your own skin.  I've done that too many times.  But let me tell you, moving along with the speed of the birds and the wheels humming out the miles is a wonderful way to spend a morning.

Getting back to the car, the treat of those cookies and a rather nice view across the open grass to the Goodyear Blimp was in store. 

It's time.  A wonderful time to eat up the miles and the cookies.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Never trust people who renovate kitchens. They specialize in counterfeiting.

 It's a Sunday.  The Pre-Fab Pizza Crust is thawing.  The Cheese and Sauce are thawed.  Mushrooms are sauteed and thawed.  Got to grate some Parmesan though... We will be making more of Kevin's Pizza Sauce today too.  Best sauce I ever had and simple too!

Hmmm, can you guess what is on order for lunch?

But I will say I could use a proper "Counter Fitter".  You can do a lot in an old kitchen, after all you have for all these years but things are a bit tight when you put someone whose nickname is Moose.

An old billionaire marries a young woman.

He tells his wife that his only wish is to be buried with all of his wealth. The wife agreed without a second thought. Months went by and the man sadly passed away.

At the funeral, his wife walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. Solemnly, she placed the envelope in the casket with her husband.

The priest stood nearby and asked the wife: “What’s in there dear?”

The wife replied: “My husband’s final wish was to be buried with all of his money. So I had to make sure it happened.”

The priest looked at the small envelope with confusion, adding: “But my dear, he was so rich. How did you fit it all in there?”

“Well,” the wife replied, “there was far too much of course, so I did the courtesy of transferring it all into my account and writing him a check.”

Saturday, April 10, 2021

I'm giving away my mobile phone, but the battery is dead. That's right, free of charge!

This is a story about what I have called The Long Game.  Or steadiness and craftiness beats speed and randomness every time!

Hey, they can't all be called the Tortoise and the Hare, can they?


 A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins every day on their walk home.

After a week, the old man walked out and greeted the kids again. However this time, he didn’t have a smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income." he told them. "I'm going to have to cut it down to 50¢ a day to keep you kids banging the bins.” The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction in payment and continued their afternoon activities.

A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my retirement checks yet so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25¢ to bang on the bins. Will that be okay?"

"That's it!?" the 'drum leader' exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these around for 25¢ a day, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days...

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Lazy Gardeners Bring Monarchs and Milkweed Flowers

I'll admit it.  The Pot does not need to be in the garden.

However, it's been there for a while, abandoned.

For quite a while.

I use it to start plants but that does not always work out.  When it failed, it got left there.

However we have a steady flow of breeze here.

Down the block, from the ocean.  It brings dust from the beaches, and some of it from the Sahara Desert far away.  

It also catches things that are discarded.  

I have found flyers, as well as pieces of paper that simply have blown down the block and ended up here.

Also, someone upwind of me is growing Milkweed.

As a measure of how long that pot has sat in my garden, a seed had landed there and grown into a plant.  The plant had grown long enough to form flowers.

The plant had been spotted by the Monarchs that are here in the neighborhood all year round and eggs were laid.

Mind you, I rather like Monarchs, and I cultivate these plants purposely.  I never manage to get seeds off the flowers because the Monarchs are rather insistent.  They get eaten down to stubs and I'm actually surprised that this particular involuntary plant has gone as far as it has. 

But the show they give is quite entertaining.  Monarchs on the breezes.  Black and Orange, Floating in the sun.  Over the house, and to the garden.  Laying eggs when they are done.

Sunday, April 4, 2021

So I just got into the profession of sales. Now how do I get out?

 A really well told story with a cute punch line.  It has me smiling over my generic brand cereal, milk, and fruit smoothie this morning.  

I hope it brings a smile to your face as well!


An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest and roared mightily.

As the explorer ran for his life, King Kong set off in hot pursuit. Instinctively the explorer headed for the heart of the jungle, hoping that he might be able to hide from his manic pursuer, but wherever he tried to conceal himself, King Kong always managed to find him.

As night began to fall, the explorer prayed that he would be able to lose the gorilla in the darkness but no matter how fast he ran, the sound of King Kong’s pounding footsteps was just behind him.

For three long days and nights, the explorer ran through the island, with King Kong always close behind, occasionally letting out a menacing roar from his vast throat. Eventually the explorer reached the coast. There were no ships in sight for an easy escape, so he realized the only option was to dive into the sea and hope that King Kong couldn’t swim. But to his horror, the gorilla jumped in straight after him and demonstrated an excellent front crawl.

On and on they swam across the ocean, rarely separated by more than a few waves, until four months later the weary explorer arrived in Brazil. He scrambled ashore with as much energy as he could muster, only to see the mighty King Kong right behind him, still beating his chest ferociously and with steam billowing from his nostrils. Through the streets of Rio they stumbled, explorer and ape equally exhausted, until the explorer took a wrong turn and ended up down a dead end, his escape barred by a huge wall.

With nowhere left to run, he sank to his knees in despair and pleaded to King Kong: "Do whatever you want with me. Kill me, eat me, do what you like, but make it quick. I can't run anymore!"

King Kong slowly stalked over to the cowering explorer, extended his giant paw, then gently touched the man and roared: ‘TAG, YOU'RE IT!"

Saturday, April 3, 2021

If devices can all just charge wirelessly then more power to them

 I have a cousin in Nebraska.  Nice enough guy, we share first and last name.  I found him doing a search online to see how my reputation was.  We're fine, but do be careful before you say something online since Online Is Forever.

We have a conversation going with four other people scattered through the country and it devolved into a Talk Like A Pirate Day on SMS Text.  Yes, it's a bit strange to have a bunch of folks typing in messages and pretending to be Captain Crunch, but we all decided it was in good fun if Cap'n Horatio Crunch sounded like a Newfie.

A Newfie is someone from Newfoundland Canada, generally has a distinctive accent, and I have never met one that I didn't like.  So here ya go, now!  Sorry.

Two Newfoundlanders, Jimmy and Dave, are out of work, so they decide to move to Toronto to find jobs. They scrounge up every last cent they have for the trip and find they have $1000 between them to get started.

As soon as they get to Toronto, they see a sign in a shop window that says "Suits--$5.00/Shirts--$3.00/Pants--$2.00"

Dave says to Jimmy, "Look at dose prices, Jimmy! Listen, b'y, ferget da jobs. We can walk in dere, load up on haberdashery wit the grand, take 'em back to Newfoundland to sell 'em and make a goddamned mint!"

The two walk in to the shop, trying their best to put on a Toronto accent, and Jimmy says, "Good day, sir. We would loike to purchase one hundred of your foinest suits, one hundred shirts, and one hundred pants."
Shopkeeper says, "You guys are from Newfoundland, aren't you?"

The boys say, "How did you know dat?!"
Shopkeeper says, "This is the dry cleaners."