Ya know... I sat through way too many of those meetings. I said it then and I will say it now, "This should have been handled with an email".
As for this wee little gem... I know I would probably do exactly the same thing!
The Watergate Hotel
A couple stayed on their honeymoon at the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride was worried that the hotel might still be bugged, so of course her new husband started searching the room.
Not to upset his new wife, the man did a thorough job of it. He moved every bit of furniture and checked it, even disassembling and reassembling the TV to check for odd components. Finally, under the rug, he found an odd, thick metal disc screwed into the floor, set into a hollow in the floor. He immediately unscrewed it and out the window it went. His wife, satisfied, hugged him and they had a lovely first night of being wedded.
The morning brought some confusion, though. When they went to check out, the manager was there, asking them many, many questions about their stay and wringing his hands almost pathologically. "How was your stay? Was anything wrong with your stay? Do you have any complaints about the room? Was the breakfast to your liking? How was your service?" The list of questions was mind boggling.
Finally, the husband was beginning to get a little uncomfortable. "What's going on?" he asked. "Why so many questions?"
"Well, sir...." the manager hesitated. "The room below yours complained their chandelier fell on them!"
Sunday, February 16, 2025
Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
Saturday, February 15, 2025
I'm willing to bet someone's mom used me as a bad example when I was younger!
Truthfully in this era of nickle and diming air passengers to death, this reminds me of taking a flight. If I have to go anywhere, I'll take the Jeep.
A blonde woman, tired of the stereotypes about blondes, decides one day to prove her intelligence to her husband...
Tired of the constant blonde jokes and the stereotype that blondes are not smart, a blonde woman decides to prove her intelligence to her husband.
While he is at work, she takes it upon herself to paint a couple of rooms in their house.
The next day, as soon as her husband leaves, she dives into the project. When he returns home at 5:30, he immediately notices the strong smell of paint.
Concerned, he walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor, drenched in sweat. To his surprise, she’s wearing both a ski jacket and a fur coat.
Worried, he asks if she’s okay. She assures him she is fine.
Curious, he inquires about her outfit. She explains that she wanted to prove that blondes can be smart by painting the house. When he asks why she's wearing both coats, she confidently explains, "I read the instructions on the paint can, and it said, 'For best results, put on two coats.'"
Wednesday, February 12, 2025
Is it Really 10000 Steps A Day Or Can I Change That Number?
I was discharged yesterday.
Drove all the way up to Boca Raton, and had a chat with the Orthopedic Surgeon who pasted my shoulder together. I'm 99.5% human with 1/2 percent titanium thrown in.
Math should just about be right.
All those miles on the bike, all those miles on the skates have their drawbacks.
I'm also on a scheme with the health insurance company where if I do 10000 steps a day, I get a couple pennies. Those pennies add up. I'm just about ready to pass $1000 since last fall.
Will I stop? Nope, but I can relax with my record keeping.
See the thing is that I rather like being active. I strongly think that this "10K per Day" mantra that trainers give you is a benchmark. And just like every other benchmark you have been forced to follow, it's arbitrary.
I can say having a low resting heart rate is very nice.
For some it is unattainable. Life gets in the way. You can't do the steps because of reasons. Bad knees, and trust me I know about those, can slow you down. Work hours. Weather.
But it is a goal, not a requirement.
I truly believe that like all arbitrary goals, it should be more of a rolling average. 70000 steps over the last 7 days is more likely but anyone who is not as rigid as I am with math and record keeping will roll their eyes at that comment.
The Doctor and I had a conversation. "Lets see your range of motion, Lift your arms".
I had him step aside and I picked the rolling chair off the ground and held it over my head.
Doctor said "Holy crap you're good, you're done".
We got into a discussion about just how active I was. I pulled out the phone and the step count and said "It's 9am, Most days I am around 7000 steps by now, yesterday was a total of 16000 steps.
I was wrong, it was 18000 by bedtime but that's irrelevant. I hit the goal.
Thing is though, that's me. It's not enough to do that kind of activity to maintain the fitness level I require to do two sports. I am feeling the difference between where I feel I should be in both of my sports' performance and where I am now due to being Benched since October.
And the "Get out of Jail Card" to have that second cupcake is real nice.
"How do you do all that?"
"Left foot, Right foot, you eventually get somewhere."
I ended the conversation with "Training sessions are available by appointment" with a smile.
As a trainer, I could tell he'd benefit from "a little more cardio".
The thing is that if you just jump into something you will get frustrated and quit. It took you "Your Age" number of years to get where you are, you won't turn the battleship around over night. Do what you can and live knowing that tomorrow you will do just a little bit more.
Compound Interest is a wonderful thing in financing, and it works just as well in Fitness. I have a set course that I walk. At the end I tack on just a little bit more by walking behind an "Executive Center". It adds about 180 steps. I do that every walk and I do four walks a day. There, that's 720 steps a day.
Having a dog helps. Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) requires long walks every day. Any herding breed will benefit from that sort of activity. As smart as he is, he has learned my routes and tells me that he's done by turning toward the house.
Trust in Dog. They won't steer you wrong.
Be patient. But get out of the chair, now, and get started.
That's what I am about to do. It's a beautiful day and I am going to do my hour on the bike outside. I'm planning on a half marathon. It's time to graduate to the big park next week, and if I am lucky I will see the Goodyear Blimp.
Sunday, February 9, 2025
People say a dog is like one of the family but I disagree, I like the dog.
Hmm.... Interesting one liner, I'd say.
Stand up to be honored!
The preacher fashioned his sermon around the evils of sex, and stated that providential wrath was positioned to destroy anyone who had sex outside of marriage.
So, on this day, he leveled a challenge to his congregation- “I wish to recognize those women of this congregation who have preserved their chastity in line with the words of our loving savior.
So, I ask all of the women here today who are virgins to stand up and be honored.”
An awkward silence stilled the church. After a few more moments, a young lady stood up in the back carrying a small baby.
“You,” barked the preacher, “aren’t you an unwed mother?”
“Yes, preacher,” she said, “but did you expect my 6-month old daughter to stand up all by herself?”
And since that may not please everyone, here's a short for you.
I've just been to the market to do some shopping, when i got to the checkout i said, "Can i pay by card"...
The woman said, "No problem, what card do you have?"...
I replied, "The six of spades"...
Saturday, February 8, 2025
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.
It is one of those mornings where you feel a little restless and want to get a move on things. I'm feeling like I am going to lean into the athletics today. Mile three walked before 9am, then out for an hour on the bike.
I've never been into team sports, I just can't see the point. But I do know some of you like baseball, and we all have to learn the rules from time to time.
Learning Baseball
Conor had just arrived in New York from Ireland and was invited by one of his American cousins to go to his first baseball game.
At Yankee Stadium he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!"
Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward the line.
Everyone stood up again and yelled, “Run, run!
A third batter came up, but this one didn't hit the ball. He didn't even swing. Four times the pitcher pitched. Four times the catcher caught. Conor was completely confused when the batter dropped the stick and started strolling toward the white bag.
“Run, run!" Conor shouted.
"No, he doesn't have to run' his cousin told him. "He's got four balls."
Conor’s eyes widened and he stood up, shouting, “Walk with pride, man!” Walk with pride!"
Wednesday, February 5, 2025
I Am Making Two Batches of Soap and Sending Them Off To Their Eventual Home
Actually I got started making the stuff about 5 years ago because I got tired of my skin being dried out.
In South Florida.
I have always been careful at what I use to wash up with. Someone suggested Dr Bronner's and I tried it. It's Ok but pricey.
Then I noticed a random youtube video on how to make soap. It used things I had at the house. A couple different oils and some lye along with water. It made soap alright, and a pretty darn good one.
After researching it further, I found many websites with recipes. There are quite a few soap making sites. As well as one where you point and click to select your own oils and scents and it would calculate out the recipe for you.
I kept playing around and settled on a specific recipe. 65% olive oil, 30% coconut oil, 5% shea butter or cocoa. Either is great, they both work as well.
The soap I made I dropped samples in boxes to be sent off. Some enjoyed them, some were disturbed by my sending them soaps.
Their loss. It works great with my skin.
Mind you, I am making custom soap for a small audience. I have a recipe that works, and for those who want customization I have been adding in various levels of essential oils and add ins such as Cinnamon or Coffee Grounds for a scrub.
It is kind of fun. I was that weird kid in High School who "did Chemistry labs at 99.5% accuracy or better". Hey, the teacher was a stoner and came into class high as a kite and smelling like Pot. Someone had to take charge, and this was in a Catholic High School!
February is the end of the road for this particular soap making session. I am waiting on some Cedar Oil for myself and that promises to be a strong scent for the soap. I want it to smell like a Cedar box from the Jersey shore. I'm feeling nostalgic and I will have enough to make quite a few batches out of the 8 ounces of oil I find. Usually it is an ounce of essential oil per batch of 50 ounces of soap but this will probably be a stronger oil than an E-Oil.
That picture is two batches of soap. About 100 Ounces or 284 Grams by the recipe. As it cures, it loses weight.
Just make sure it is done in the following order. Mix oils. Separately, add lye to water and ice (50/50 mix) in a well ventilated area. When the Lye is mixed in completely, slowly add it to the oils then stir with a stick blender. The process is done quickly and cures overnight.
Two weeks later or more, you have soap. Hopefully it smells like cedar.
Unlike the essential oil I got from Temu that smelled of flowers. It "Said" it was cedar... it wasn't. It smelled like roses and something else undefinable.
Oh well, just make sure your ingredients are pure if you are going down this road. I do, and the results speak for themselves.
And that liquid soap craze? You are paying for a LOT of water and a LOT of waste.
Sunday, February 2, 2025
I enjoyed eating a kid's meal at McDonald's this evening. His mom was furious.
If you ever had a bad day at work, think of this poor soul.
Tough day at the shop
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it”.
“This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of pennies against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing.”
“When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”
“And believe me mister, all I did was tell her!”
Saturday, February 1, 2025
I wear memory foam insoles to remember why I walked into the next room.
Somehow I get the punch line here. I'll have the PBJ too!
An old lady dies and goes to Heaven
She is overjoyed as she was a devoted Catholic and going to Heaven was her life's dream. Once there she is firstly greeted by God and then she sets off to explore the Heaven (which is to be honest, based on how people are, quiet empty - think tumbleweeds in the prairie).
When the old lady gets hungry she finds God and asks where can she get some food. God takes her to a table where she finds bread, peanut butter, jelly and a toaster. So God and the old lady sit and eat PBJ sandwiches.
As she looks down, past the edge of the Heaven, she sees that below in Hell they have a massive feast with many different barbecue meats on the table. Nevertheless she is glad to be in Heaven and doesn't say anything and finishes her PBJ.
Next time she gets hungry a similar thing happens; God invites her in, this time for butter and honey on toast, and as she looks down she sees those in hell having a seafood feast with fish, scampi, prawns, oysters etc. Nevertheless she is just glad to be in Heaven and keeps her thoughts to herself.
However, when a similar thing happens the third time she simply cannot keep quiet anymore and says to God: "I don't want to be ungrateful and I'm very thankful to be in Heaven, but why are we here having toast, while in Hell they have a different feast everytime I look down??"
"Well," says God, "it's not really worth the time to cook just for two."
Wednesday, January 29, 2025
Surprise, Biscuits from KFC and Popeye's have arrived. Which do you like?
Someone was coming to the door, so we went inside and said hello.
"Hi, you brought things?"
"I brought you a blog article!"
"That's kind of outside of the realm of normal. What are we doing?"
"I went to KFC and Popeye's and bought biscuits. You will try them and see what you think!".
That was kind of open ended but anything that gets me biscuits I am all for.
Now, these are American Biscuits. A small savoury or salty shortbread that is designed to be eaten as a roll. Any time of day will do but I typically have them at breakfast smothered in Sausage Gravy.
Not at all what you would serve as a dessert with your tea or coffee.
Unless you are weird. You aren't weird are you?
No I don't have a recipe for the gravy, I'm originally from New Jersey and it wasn't in the family recipe box. The biscuits can be found right here, and I make them frequently.
I was presented with a paper plate with two rather abstract drawings that were too abstract to decipher. On the plate were two pieces of biscuit, sliced in half.
No, trust me, I asked what they were supposed to mean and I got a human dial tone.
"So yeah, the one closest to me is Popeye's, the further one is KFC right?"
"RIGHT in one!"
I won't tell you that one was "better" than the other, but what I will say is that I am famous for having opinions. I have 15 years of them on this blog. But the two recipes do have their own charm, each.
I would use the KFC where I want a sandwich. Warm it up, slice it in half and stuff a chicken pattie or sausage in the middle, maybe with egg and cheese.
Popeye's is a "butter bomb" of flavor. While KFC has a buttery flavor, Popeye's has a blast of salty butter.
I personally think both are good. In their place. I'd use Popeye's when I want a bold flavor. KFC is for a more mild side dish for a main course.
Yes, I am letting you decide. I can't really imitate the two recipes because that much butter would "break training" for me and I have been on a training diet since the Disco Era.
No, really, that long. I just had a discussion about Protein Levels and Medicine Side Effects in a hospital and came to the conclusion that the solution to my diet is to exercise MORE and burn up the protein that I am taking in. I already count cycling sessions in multiples of hours and in marathons completed.
But that isn't in the cards for the diet is it. Too much fat in your diet gives you runner's trots and you don't want that. Biscuits are a bit high in fat for every meal.
As for the biscuits, get what you like. I enjoy both. They have to be served hot so if you have leftovers, microwave them and serve with a good gravy.
Sunday, January 26, 2025
When you dream in color, its a pigment of your imagination.
In case you have an anniversary up and coming, this just may be for you.
Anniversary Celebration
After 60 years together, the couple’s three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency with a patient at the hospital, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from LA between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then, the daughter arrived. "Hello, and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town, and I was really busy packing, so I didn’t have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college. Through the years, your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said almost in unison, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep," said the father. "Cheap ones, too."
Saturday, January 25, 2025
Before the crowbar was invented, Crows simply drank at home.
Sometimes the most simple solutions are the best. I have a check engine light glowing on the Jeep. It's 23 years old and the light has been on for the majority of the last 10. Thing is that it's the "Gas Cap Code". In a car this old, it's because the old rubber hoses are cracking. So I'm carrying water in a sieve. Every time I find a cracked hose, I replace it. It's a constant source of entertainment, a hobby.
But it is a simple solution. Lenny finds one here.
Lenny Sees A Psychiatrist
Lenny visited a prominent psychiatrist. He tells the psychiatrist, "Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. So I get under the bed, and I think there's someone over it. Under. Over. Under. Over. I'm making myself crazy."
"I can help you," proclaimed the doctor.
"You can?" asked Lenny.
"Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears," says the shrink. "And I'll charge you only $300 a visit."
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor at a coffee shop, who asks why he never came back. "For $300 a visit?" says Lenny. "A bartender cured me for $10."
"Is that so! How?" asked the psychiatrist.
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed."
Wednesday, January 22, 2025
This is why I garden. Monarch Dad sees a new baby girl on the porch.
I had opened the blinds in front of the house in the morning. I wanted to inspect the plants I am propagating on my porch. Right now I have two pots of "Iguana Resistant Hibiscus" started for a dear friend here in town. "Wilton Manors' Big Sister" I call her, and I'll do pretty much anything she asks.
Within reason. Her dog does not like me but I guess it is because I'm a big burly guy and it serves me right for barging in her front door.
So I won't walk her dog.
But I do have those pots for her. It means that I had to go out and water them. I noticed that my basil is growing, and I had to trim that back. It is prime growing season for Basil and I since I have pizza, frequently, I propagate that both from seed and cuttings.
Bending down, I spotted some seed pods that I had to pull off the plant, and scatter in the garden. Doing so, I moved the plant a bit and disturbed a Monarch Butterfly. She had just this morning emerged from the Pupa and was pumping her wings full of fluids so that she could go on her beautiful life in the gardens here.
I was enthralled watching her flap her wings, and straightening them out under a leaf of Basil that later would end up on my lunch. Roll them up like a tooth pick, then cut them into shreds.
The Basil, not the Butterfly.
It convinced me to go into the backyard and start some more milkweed, once the ants are cleared out. In Florida, you either have ants or will have them, and they colonized my potting soil. A little ant bait will take care of that issue.
But propagating plants is my thing. Any time I can, I do. I have a large pot out there that is the world's smallest Onion Farm with four Onions growing in it among the Croton.
May as well enjoy it, I think we're going to be here for quite a while.
Sunday, January 19, 2025
Do you remember that chiropractor joke I told you? It was about a weak back!
I can't say I would approve of this sort of thing but I do love a good Malicious Compliance story!
Three teenagers are arrested for troublemaking at a zoo.
The police chief, unaware of what exactly happened, calls them into his room one by one, and asks them basic questions.
-“Alright, what’s your name, and why are you here?”
-“My name is John, and I’m here because I threw peanuts at the elephant”, the first boy replies.
The chief concludes that the kid didn’t do anything worth being arrested, and set him free. He then calls the second teenager to interrogate him, and asks the same questions.
-“My name is Pete, and all I did was throw Peanuts at the elephant”, says the second boy.
The chief once again releases him, and he wonders “hmm, the third one must’ve done something so awful that his innocent friends were arrested along him for just being nearby”
The third boy then arrives in the room, limping, with a broken arm and bruises all over his body.
-“What’s your name and why are you here?”
-“No Officer, I'm Peanuts!”
Saturday, January 18, 2025
I just bought a new towel, it’s really nice but it dries my skin.
I just was reading through social media when a little wholesome story came to my eyes.
See there was a little old lady who went into a coffee shop. She asked at the counter for a "Senior Coffee".
The Barista there said "Senior?!?!? I'm going to need to see some ID! You can't be a senior!!!"
The little old lady is still smiling to this day.
The coffee shop
A guy stopped at a little cake shop run by an elderly couple.
He asked for a cup of coffee. The old man working the counter turned to the kitchen and said, "Sweetie! A cup of coffee for this gentleman, please!"
The man thought that was sweet and decided to order a slice of devil’s food cake . The elderly man turned to the kitchen again and proclaimed "Love of my life! A slice of devil’s food cake too, please."
The man was tickled and wanted to hear what came next so he ordered some chocolate chip cookies as well.
The elderly man called out, "Oh reason for my existence! Some chocolate chip cookies too!"
After the man was done and was paying the bill he said to the old man, “It’s rather adorable how you call your wife sweet nicknames. You don't see that much nowadays."
The old man looked at the guy, then towards the kitchen and whispered, "I have to. I forgot her name 10 years ago and I’m afraid to ask her what it is.”
Wednesday, January 15, 2025
Reducing Protein in Older Dog's Food Recipe
But nobody has told us precisely what to do. Since I developed this diet for him, I have control over what goes into him. He acts like a much younger dog but has been slowing down, and slowing down his eating. At 13, he has a right.
He has pancreatis issues, so I have to "De-Fat" the recipe. It is much leaner than what I put down my own open maw.
He can't have any sort of poultry so no chicken or turkey. We believe it is a grain allergy.
He also has about half of the teeth a normal dog was born with, so he licks what you give him out of the bowl.
Since we are taking him back to the Vet for more bloodwork in about a month to see what the results are, and since we have no idea whether we are doing the right amount of restrictions, we reduced the main protein ingredients by a quarter.
Original recipe is here, and it has drifted slightly. All ingredients are as low salt as possible, no added sugar.
The Recipe as it stands is:
32 ounces boiled and strained 81% lean beef.
3 ounces green peas.
5 ounces shredded carrots.
15 ounces Butternut Squash.
15 ounces Kidney Beans.
40 ounces white rice, boiled and cooked.
This makes, for him, 10 servings. 85 ounces of food once cooked.
Meaning, 1 serving is 8.5 ounces.
The protein count from USDA.GOV is as follows:
Ground Beef: 17.5g for 100g. 1575g for recipe.
Frozen Green Peas: 4g for 85g. (From package)
Shredded Carrots: 3.5 for 100g.
Butternut Squash: 3g for can (from can)
White rice: 77g for 1100g.
Kidney Beans: 7.8g for 100g, 33g (for can)
That means it is a total of 1696g total.
Old Recipe is 1969g for beef alone, 2023g total.
If it is necessary to lower protein further, there is room. The White Rice can be substituted for more beef or for the kidney beans. Vets often recommend increasing White Rice in recipes for dogs with stomach upset.
The reduction is 326g total or 32g per serving which is what I personally try to get for each meal in a day. Half of the rice above, another 25% of the beef. It is a 20% reduction in protein.
Give or take a fraction.
I'm not a dog. Although some may think so.
So I will wait to see what the vet says. Further reduction in the beef is possible, and the beans can be reduced as well.
Take the advice for what it's worth. I am rolling the dice here, and hoping for the best. I'm not a vet, and canine nutrition is decidedly different from human. Your mileage may vary.
Sunday, January 12, 2025
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Yesterday was the bed. Today it's the igloo.
I guess I need a trip to Ikea to look at flat pack furniture I don't really need!
A Two-fer!
Irish Diet
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ...
Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
“That's amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The Irishman nodded....
“I'll tell you though, be all the saints, I thought I were going to drop dead on that third day.”
“You mean from the hunger?” asked the doctor.
“No, from the bloody skipping!!!”
Furthermore: Ocean of Beer
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to wee in the boat!!.....
Saturday, January 11, 2025
How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water.
Universal Health Care is such a difficult thing to implement that only 34 of the top 35 nations have figured out how to implement it.
Heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when she saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. Do you have health insurance? she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Wednesday, January 8, 2025
Non-Toxic Weed Killer Recipe
And, yes, I am repeating this here because while I try VERY hard not to repeat topics, I could not find this one when I went looking for it. The blog has been here since 2009 so it is a lot to slog through.
I'll keep the story short. Mix this stuff up and spray it on your weeds, they go away. It is not persistent so do it in the morning of a dry day. It works best in the sun. It may not kill everything but it also won't kill people or animals.
It just annoys them.
Because of the Vinegar, the side effect is your weeds smell like a salad.
Slightly longer story - I let the weeds get a little out of control. They began to overtake the swale (parking space) and the little square in front of my house. The little square is now empty of weeds, the parking space is noticeably less weedy.
Before and after pics are here as well as the entire recipe.
Ingredients (First picture is scaled to half gallon size for convenience):
- 1 Gallon White Vinegar (the cheap stuff)
- 2 Cups Epson Salt
- 1/4 Cup Blue Dawn Dish Soap (The Original Blue)
Process:
- Mix ingredients up, I use the bottle of the sprayer to mix them thoroughly.
- Spray on to unwanted plants.
- Watch the Carnage.
Sunday, January 5, 2025
Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.
To prove that things are always a bit skewed in life, here's a story someone put together to illustrate that. After all, Speling Countz.
A new monk joined a monastery
A new monk joined a monastery and was put to work copying ancient texts by hand. Pretty soon, he noticed something odd: they were copying from copies, not the originals. So, he asked the head monk, “If there’s a mistake in the first copy, wouldn’t that mistake just keep getting passed down?”
The head monk paused, stroking his beard, and said, “You raise a valid point, my son. I’ll check the originals myself.” With that, he disappeared into the cellar, taking a copy with him.
Hours passed, and no one saw him. Eventually, a monk went down to check on him and found the head monk in the corner, clutching an old manuscript and weeping uncontrollably.
“Father,” the young monk asked, “What’s wrong?”
Through tears, the head monk wailed, “The word is ‘celebrate!’”
Saturday, January 4, 2025
I wanted to be a tailor but I didn't suit the job.
(Remember, folks, HR is not your friend.)
Once management wants you fired, you’ll be fired!
A king had 10 wild ferocious dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said, "I have served you loyally for 10 years and you do this?”
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded, "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs."
The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days.
The guard was baffled, but he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up. The king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister, licking his feet.
The king was baffled at what he saw. "What happened to the dogs? !!!" He growled.
The minister then said, "I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn't forget my service. I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!"
The King realized his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles!
Wednesday, January 1, 2025
Happy New Years From Ramblingmoose.com
I'm taking a break from making a half Mushroom Pizza to wish all those who come through here a Happy New Year.
Or Happy New Years, if you prefer.
The mushrooms will be dehydrated in the air fryer for a umami bomb.
Been out, walked Mr Dog 2.5 miles already. Me? I got 3.5.
It will be back to training soon. Waiting on some healing time to work its magic.
So dust off the new shoes and go out for a walk, see the sun, and enjoy it while it lasts.
For me, I have to go into the kitchen and build that pizza. It will be served with some 40 year old Port that I was gifted for xmas.
Later maybe out to the Jeep and see if I can install some more of those LED Bulbs and bring my 23 year old beast into the 2010s. Those incandescent bulbs are quite a bit dimmer than what I have, and for safety sake I am upgrading the running lights, brake lights, and turn signals.
People in South Florida drive like idiots. Really, the road laws are the same as Back Home, so if you can't read the stop sign go home.