Monday, October 31, 2016

Two Strangers are at the top of a New York Skyscraper

One turns to the other, "Wow, pretty incredible." He says.
The other guy leans way over the railing, "Long way down!" He says

This worries the first guy and he tells him to be careful. 'Pfff, no need to fret. They've installed rubber concrete down there. See, I could jump and I'd just bounce back up."

The second guy, realising the stranger was delusional, was about to move away when the man threw himself over the edge. Shocked, the second guy ran to the railing and saw the man plummet to the ground, only to rebound up and land safely back on the observation deck.

"Incredible! I've never seen anything like it! Is it safe?" The astonished man enquires.
"Completely." The stranger replies, "I helped design it. You should try it, it'll be quite the tale to tell your friends'!"

So the second man climbs the railing, takes a deep breath, leaps from the edge, falls a hundred stories and....splat. He becomes pavement pizza.

Just then Lois Lane steps out of the elevator onto the observation deck. She waves to her companion and apologises for being late. "I hope you weren't too bored waiting?" She asks.

"No problem" replies Clark, "I've been amusing myself just fine."

Sunday, October 30, 2016

A Woman Goes For A Facelift

When I was a wee brat, my sister had quite a few dolls.  Dolls everywhere, on shelves, in the corners, on the beds, in the closets in her bedroom.

Right, Pat?

And this was something of a golden era of dolls.  They all had their gimmicks.  Some were super tall, others had the ability to walk, there was even one you could give a hair cut by turning a knob in the back of her head. 

To this day, I refer to "Turning the Knob on the Back of Your Head" as getting a hair cut.

Seeing that I have been giving myself haircuts since 2003, I know that knob well.

My British audience would most likely be having a quiet giggle about how I turn my own knob.

My American audience will have to understand that means just what rudeness it sounds like.


At any rate, the joke today... it is on the same vein.   I present "A Woman Goes For A Facelift".


A woman in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All of these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: "First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She sighed and said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee...."

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Going To Publix to Cage A Thunderstorm

I have often said "Beauty happens everywhere, prepare yourself, and take a camera."

Even when you are doing something that you might consider mundane, you might be surprised. 

All it takes is to stop and smell the roses.

In my case, it was to stop and load the back of the car with the groceries.

You see we had just had a whole bunch of rainstorms.   That's a technical term "whole bunch".  We had a miss of a hurricane, then a couple days of storms.  All that gets followed by what passes for normal, which really is just a setting on the washer.

Since we, as a species, have decided to ignore what is happening around us, the weather got "weird".

South Florida at this time of year Back In The Old Days of the 80s and before, or so I have been told, had very regular weather in The Wet Season.  Rain at 4:30PM.  Clear for the drive home.

Then we managed to fill up the place with condos put too close to roads and homes that were once low slung and now are beginning to look strangely familiar to anyone who grew up in a colder climate.  You know, two stories or more.  Split Levels.  Frame houses.

Yeah, all of that will get knocked down the first time we have a proper Category 3 blow through like Matthew was supposed to be here.  Those houses will all end up in my swimming pool and like places.

If you are moving down here from Up North, buy an older house.  One floor.  Concrete Block.  Impact Glass.  Non-Flat roof made of Tile.  That's a start.  Let the other guy "take the hit".

We moved here after everyone filled the place up and took over from someone else who wandered off to the Florida Keys to build a house on stilts.  I guess he wanted to fish for Lion Fish off his back porch.

But the storms don't come at the same time since all those homes and all those pitched roofs and all that black asphalt warmed the air.   The sun hits it all, warms it up and creates a strong updraft.  It creates an island of heat that my own house is on the edge of.

So those 4:30 PM storms hit south of Miami and at the airport since the airport is a big open grassy field.  We get our storms at random times, seemingly around "The Dinner Hour" which certainly varies, or over night, or all day.

You get the picture... it all changed.

This particular day was one of those random days.   We got rain most of the afternoon and that meant that we were puttering.  I went into the kitchen and got creative and realized I needed a few things from the market.  Since it was raining, we went down to The Big Publix downtown in Fort Lauderdale since there is a parking garage built over top of the market.  Convenient and you don't have to park in another area code because you want to park in the shade.

Another Floridian trick:  You will park way "out there" so  you can put your car under a tree, then walk way back.  This is so your car doesn't melt in the sun.  Of course you get your suntan on the walk back from the shop, or the mall, or what have you.

Tourists tan.  Locals don't. 

The building is built like a bunker.  Thick walls to support all those SUVs and Exotic Cars that people here seem to think they need to show off to their neighbors with.  Plus my qualifies-for-antique-license-plates Jeep Wrangler. 

Think of a casino.  No idea of what is happening around you, outside, day or night.  You can't tell if you are in the middle of a war in one of those bunkers of a buildings.

I was in Aisle 7, I think.  Giggling at the magazines.  Looking at the pictures and considering translating one of the Spanish Language ones just for practice.

We heard the weather then.  A Deep Rumble, and a far away wind.  Considering we were further inside that building than my entire property length, that was a surprise.

"Must be rain". 

We rarely use umbrellas here.  Locals, that is.  You see someone using an umbrella and it is a snowbird or other tourist, or it is one of those rain storms that has no wind. 

This wasn't that.  It was a gully washer out there. 

We managed to finish the shopping and went up to load up the car.  I stopped dead in my tracks and looked West.  Weather almost always moves East to West here except the times it moves North to South or Up and Down.

Scratch that, you really can't tell what way a specific cell is Supposed To Move.  Thunderstorms can come from any direction at any time in October.

And there it was.  Looking Caged.  A thunderstorm.  I guess that was what I heard when I was reading that one Spanish magazine.

They do come from any direction and sometimes they just pose for you.

Finishing the shopping, we made it home without incident.  Just a little rain starting up just as we got into the driveway and loaded the food into the house.

You see, Storms here can come at any moment...

Sunday, October 23, 2016

There was a man who drove a train for a living

There was a man who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.
He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.
He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.
He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.
After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.
The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.
Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.
Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.
After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.

And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.
To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.
The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Bad Jokes? No! Dad Jokes!

Bad Jokes?  No!  Dad Jokes!

NASA's been working on a way to help reduce the number of unwanted pets world wide...
they're going to build the International Spay Station.

The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes ...
My dogs don't even have bikes

Three women walk into a bar.
The fourth ducks.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

In light of the recent killer clown trend I thought I'd offer some advice ...
So, what do you do if you're attacked by a group of killer clowns?
You go for the juggler

I asked my mom about the best moment of her life ...
She said that giving birth to me really brought out the child in her

Anybody need an ark?  I Noah guy!
Ark ark ark!
And his wifes name?...Joan. Joan of Arc.

Why are trees useless at eating?
They're all bark and no bite.

3 Dads
R's son was on the HS fencing team. Now at College.
Me: Is B on the fencing team in college?
R: No. He competed in only a couple of events his Sr. year in HS.
G: So he didn't stick with it.
Me: If you don't keep up you get rusty.
R: He lost his edge...
Me: I get the point

I want to buy a self driving car...
But every time I go to look at one it drives away!

My friend comiserating their depressing life: "C'est la vie"
my response: "la vie"

How do puns work in different languages?
With a visa.

How did Arnold Schwarzenegger move abroad?
With his Hasta La Visa

How do you comfort a frightened grammar nazi?
There there, they're there

what does Karl Marx eat for dinner?
Communist Manepesto

I was going to stop at the brake repair shop,
But I couldn't.

I got double dad joked by my 6 yo
My daughter was riding her bike while I was brisk walking next to her.
After a few minutes, I told her that I was tired.
She goes "Hi Tired, I am two tired"

What do you call an egg that is neither good nor bad?
Mediyolkre

Q: What is purple with black stripes, shaped like a football and small enough to carry around in the palm of your hand?
A: An egg with suspenders.

Q: Hey wait a minute! Eggs aren't purple!
A: The suspenders are too tight.

What happens if you go into labor in the ocean?
You have to have a sea-section!

What do you do when a Piglet goes missing?
Send out a hamber alert!

I wasn't sure when the sun was coming up...
But then it dawned on me.

Where do ghosts shop?
At the Bootique.

I wasn't sure how to use my computer mouse
But then it clicked
I could have given you some pointers.
I've got it in hand now
You've let the cat out of the bag now
I'm just sitting here spinning my wheel still

I tried to tell the Egyptian that he was drowning
But he was in denial
you could say he's up a certain river without a paddle...

Do Egyptians fall for pyramid schemes?

I tried to tell a Parisian that he was drowning
But he was insane

Dad what's a debate
The bait is what you put at the end of a fishing line.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Teaching Rack How To Dog

I found myself standing in the backyard.  I wasn't alone.  I think, strictly speaking, I am never alone in the yard.  There are always wild critters back there.  Lizards, snakes, iguanas, and more.

No, I had my own critter with me.  Rack.  The McNab SuperDog(TM) was staring at me.  I wasn't the font of all knowledge, but he seems to think so.

I went back to puttering.  After a glancing blow from Hurricane Matthew, I stood the lawn chair upright, and found that I had some weeds to pull.  There are always weeds to pull in a temperate or tropical yard and garden.  You can always find something that doesn't belong. 

Freeport Bahamas got slammed by that storm, we didn't really have anything that a line of Thunderstorms would have caused.

I reached down to pull some philodendron vine that had decided it wanted to live in the turf that passes for grass here and bent back upright. 

He was still staring.

I said "What?" as I walked toward the grey bin to drop the fist full of vines and other unwelcome guests.
Rack trotted away, bouncing at each step.

Me being the clumsy type, I bumped into the trash can.

At that point, Rack shot into hyperspace.  I felt the breeze waft past as he ran past me at something over the speed of light, Einstein not withstanding, and heard the pop as he passed behind the shed.  Rack had disappeared into the alternate universe and paid a visit to his other family in the dog universe.

Simultaneously I heard another pop behind me as he re-materialized and dropped back into normal space.

Hard to believe that this was the same fearful dog that I had adopted around three years ago.  Having spent his first six months with some moron who thought hunting was the right thing to do with his free time, and that a herding dog would be the right thing to have with it, and the next month and a half in a veterinarian office getting more fearful by the day, I had a dog who has something that would best be described as having PTSD.

Not to mock anyone who has PTSD, but a fearful dog like Rack will drop to his belly if you drop a spoon into a cup of coffee, and I have seen him flatten out in the middle of a four lane highway when he heard a large semi-truck a quarter of a mile away blow out his brakes.

Hunting Dog, Indeed.  Go do something constructive with your time, moron.

Rack dropped to a prance across the pool and looked back and smiled.

I have to teach him How to Dog.

I have always had fearful dogs.  By the time Lettie passed away, she was literally bulletproof.  I could take her anywhere and she would simply deal with it.  The first walk I took her to Germantown Avenue in Philadelphia well after dark, she slammed herself against a wall in fear, shivering, when the Route 23 bus came down The Hill from the Chestnut Hill Station. 

Fearful dogs, I get.  I know what they're going through.  They just take longer to come out of their shells. 

Not everyone wants a goofy puppy who bounds around and acts like they are into everything that you are into.  That's a lot of work in a very short period of time, and most people are not up to task.

Goofy Puppies are great, you can mold them, and sometimes you even get it right.  More often than not, you don't get it right.  Then you have a horrible yappy Havanese, Maltese, or Yorkshire Terrier who barks at anything and everything, fiercely, and tries to kill it.  "It" could be a bird on a tree limb across the yard, or the 5:15PM flight into the local airport coming in from overseas.  It could also be me or one of mine, out for my evening walk, and your dog went insane.

Why?  Simple, you forgot to let it be a Dog.  You tried to Humanize the creature and you ended up with a mental case.  You forgot to guide your dog and teach it acceptable behavior in what to it is an alien environment.


I jumped looking at Rack's smile.  He went back into Hyperspace and re-materialized with me under the Mango Tree.   I had the most Florida of experiences.  I was rubbing my dog's belly while he was wiggling around, under a mango tree, next to the coleus, adjacent to the pool, next to the sea grape tree.

I stood up, and bounced on the balls of my feet.   Rack set himself upright, bounced into the air.

McNab Dogs can jump.  He's out of practice, but he can jump five feet off the ground and put his paws on my chest. 

Oh well, I'll have foot prints on my chest until I can change, no big deal.

He did a tight figure eight around the mango, then the palm, added a loop behind the bougainvillea, and came back with a leap and ...

A Woof.

Ok, this is new.  He actually barked.   Once. Fearful PTSD Dogs don't do that.  They may whine or cry.  They will hide, cower, shiver.  But bark?  In Joy? 

Holy crap this is good!

You see, at a little past four years old, my terrified, scared PTSD McNab Dog learned that it can be alright to bark in joy!

I looked at him, upside down begging for more tummy rubs and said "Woooof?". 
He flipped back onto his feet, did another figure eight plus a half loop for good measure where he bounced off the back wall of the house, rebounded, and said "WOOF!".
I thought that 7:45 in the morning may be a little early for WOOF! but we'll see.  It is past the 10PM to 7AM quiet time.  Nobody was in Vern or Joe's yards, I thought I'd hear about it later if there was a problem.  Rack needed this!

I jumped into the air and played keep away weaving through the pots near the pool, next to the banana tree, stopped and bounced.

Rack ran back around and lept into the air, coming down and "WOOF!".
"Woof?"
"WOOF!" Rack replied.

I responded with some more windsprints back and forth and running with Rack.  I remember that I used to run 10Km around Valley Forge National Park in Pennsylvania and there was this one 45 degree hill there that I would power up on my runs...

One more lap around the mango tree and Rack ran over to the spa.  When I saw him drink from the water there, I knew it was time to wind him down.  He was still excited but it was time to go in.  He needed the cleaner water from the bowl in there.

But that's the key.  Knowing what to do.  No matter the breed, no matter the size, from Rudy the Chihuahua down the block to that Great Dane that is more horse than dog, you can have a balanced dog of a lifetime.

I'm believing that it is more about taking things at the dogs pace and being a guide instead of a leader.  Making sure that what you do with the dog is not too much but just right.  You need to uplift your fearful dog rather than calm down an aggressive dog.

After all, if the dog gets to be a hair trigger barky dog, it's up to you to teach it to calm down. 

It may be a bit too much to expect these days.  The "Rational Man" that society used to depend on to get things done has been taken advantage and worn down and replaced by the "Entitled Man".  The Me First of the 1980s mindset ended up with day care for kids and for dogs and society is where it is today as a result.

But if you take things steadily and rationally, you may actually find that the returns are still there.

You may actually get a WOOF! of joy instead of a mental case pacing from front door to back barking at the jets in a holding pattern getting ready to land at the big city airport down the road a piece.


Sunday, October 16, 2016

A Collection of Groaners

Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night?
Wild Twerky!

What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach"

What did music tell the pancakes?
B flat.

What did the pancakes say back?
Pour Some Sugar on Me

I find hanging around in coffee shops
A great way to espresso yourself
As long as you don't make a mocha-ry of yourself.
Its a little latte for that, It's bean a while though.
At least you have your health, I've been coffee-ing all damn week.
I hope you feel a lait better soon.
Thank you, I can't wait to get this frap put of my lungs.

When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack?
When you are playing Charades.

What do you call an alien in a swamp?
A MARSHian

What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"?
"Back achoo!"

A woman files for divorce from her husband, citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns.
When asked if this is true the husband says, "Divorce is strong with this one."

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?”
"Tiny” the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
"Because…He’s my newt.”

What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go?
Flabio.

How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs?
He was delighted.

A vampire stopped coming to my nightly poker games.
All I said was that he made too many mistakes...

Why do the French like eating snails?
Because they can't stand fast food!

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A big thanks to all the sidewalks out there..
They've been keeping me off the streets for as long as I can remember!

Saturday, October 15, 2016

A Man is Pulled Over For Speeding

A man is pulled over for speeding.


The policeman approaches the drivers door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Pebble Steel Charging Issues - Creating a Charging Ground Platform for the Pebble Watch

Recently I was bequeathed a Pebble Steel watch.  My godmother's husband, Larry, had passed and his wife Kathie wanted to make sure that it would go to someone who would actually use it.

Thank you Kathie, and thank you for keeping Larry's spirit alive.

The watch is a beautiful thing, after all who can pass up an E-Paper display on a watch.  For an electronic watch, it simply blows away any other display technology for sheer flexibility.  Low light, it has a backlight that gives a blue glow once you press a button.  In high light, the numbers show up in a beautiful silver on deep navy blue.  Other Pebble watches have different color schemes, but the E-Paper display is amazing.


The watch did not come with the charging cable, initially.  Since I was given it at Larry's Celebration of Life ceremony, I wasn't going to ask for it immediately.  I did get it a couple weeks later, but until then I would "find something" to make sure it still worked.

I did find a Reddit link to something someone wrote. Apparently the connectors on the watch, in my case on the side of the watch, were Negative and Positive connections with the case being an extra Negative - the Ground.  For other Pebble Watches, the connectors are on the back of the watch.

This is where I issue the Internet Standard Warning:

Contact Pebble for Service under Warranty if your watch is still warranted.  Much better than hacking around with whatever I say here!

Any information given here within is presented at your own risk.

If you use it and break anything, it is at your own responsibility, and I take no responsibility or give no warranty. 
All Information presented here within "works for me".  
If you connect something backwards or short out a connection, you could damage any of your electronics.
Make doubly sure you have tested all connections with a multi meter and make sure that you have polarity correct.

First - clean all connectors.
Second - get your Pebble up to the latest firmware.


According to this link on Reddit, you will be able to fashion (jury rig) a connector to charge your watch.

I was able to.  I connected a piece of wire to the positive connector on the watch, a second to the negative, and fed 5VDC into it.  The watch vibrated almost immediately, displayed the Pebble start up display, then began charging for as long as I was able to hold all the connectors together.

For the Pebble Steel, the Positive connector is the connector closest to you, assuming you hold the watch as if it is to be read correctly.

Problem One:

Charging Problem NOT Originally solved.  You see, there's a problem with these watches.  If you charge one up full using the cable on the connectors at the side of the watch, then reconnect it, it will discharge back into the power supply draining the watch.

They need a Diode in line to help fix that.  Ten Cent Part.

Problem Two:

The connectors must be clean.  As in no dirt on the connectors at all.  Clean with Alcohol and a bit of cotton.  This may allow you to charge the watch but not necessarily.  I tried it and it did not help.

Problem Three:

The cable finally arrived.  There was about 70% charge on the watch.  I plugged the cable into the back of my laptop, and walked away.  The watch drained completely of any power.

The Solution presented itself in a Youtube Video that is embedded below.  There is a person in Holland with a Pebble Steel watch.  He had the same problem as I did.  In the video he mentions that his watch would charge sometimes but not others.  When he asked for service from Pebble Support, he was sent back a new watch which worked perfectly under warranty. 

Great!  Excellent service, Pebble!

Near the end of the video, he tied all the information together without knowing it for me.  He plugged the new watch onto the cable, and connected the old watch to a second cable.  The old "damaged" watch did not begin to charge until he touched the back of the old watch to the new one thereby creating the ground.


 
Therefore my solution was this.  I created a Charging Ground Platform for my Pebble Steel.



Step 1: Obtain parts:
  • Four Thumbtacks
  • Suitable base for the platform - mine was a lid to a treats canister.
  • Length of wire to connect to Ground - specific length is not material, mine is about 18 inches or a half meter
  • Good electrical ground to the negative side of the charging cable
Step 2: Assembly
  • For your watch, positioning of the thumbtacks will vary. 
  • I laid a piece of paper on the back of the watch to make a template, then marked it off on the plastic lid.
  • Marks on the lid will match that of the screws on the watch. 
  • This placement will lower the probability that the watch will get scratched up.
  • Drive one thumbtack through the lid for each corner of the watch.
  • Connect each thumbtack with wire allowing the wire to extend out past the last connector freely.

Step 3:  Final Connections:
  • Plug the Pebble charging cable into your charger and to your watch.
  • In my case, I am using a laptop and that greatly simplified my connections.  
  • The case of the laptop is a ground, and functions as a ground for USB and for the entire computer.
  • An external charging "wall wart" plug will require you to take further steps.
  • Connect the ground wire from the Charging Ground Platform to a metal ground on the laptop.
  • Place the Pebble Watch onto the assembled platform making sure that one or more of the thumbtack will touch the bare metal case of the watch, preferably on the screws in the back of the watch. 
  • You may or may not get confirmation from the watch that it is now charging - I have seen it immediately go into charge mode, and I have seen it not and both work.
The way I see it, in my uneducated opinion, this is a design flaw.  I do not know where the fault lies.  It is acting like a firmware issue.  However my Pebble Steel is now at the newest firmware.  No software at the charger is required to make the watch charge.  The watch is only looking for 5 Volts DC at USB standard current of 1 Amp, apparently.

The Pebble Steel is now a product that has been discontinued.  The memory in it is lower than the newer watches, and the operating system firmware can not be updated past the last of version 3.  Newer watches have version 4 available.

Like I said, it works for me.  Good luck!


Sunday, October 9, 2016

The New Doctor

I don't know, but this sounds like a truly wise grandmother to me!


A 85 year old lady has to go to a new doctor, and he is reviewing her file and the list of medications she is on, and finds in the long list that she is on the contraceptive pill.

"Why are you on the pill at your age?" he asks
"Well it helps me to sleep at night" she replies

The doctor is shocked that his predecessor would be so negligent as to prescribe oral contraception to an old lady and have her think it was a sleeping pill.

"Madam, please dont take this the wrong way , but can you tell me how a contraceptive pill can help you sleep?"

She says "Well every morning I wake up after a good nights sleep, grab the little pill, and I grind it up and put it in my granddaughter's orange juice"

Saturday, October 8, 2016

The Problem With Weather Forecasting

Here I sit on the first weekend after Hurricane Matthew trashed Haiti and parts of Eastern Cuba, ground its way through The Bahamas, and generally ... left South Florida unscathed.

Lucky for me...

So I have a story, maybe a fable, about Weather Forecasting.  Just remember not to take it too literally - after all it is a FORECAST and not a CERTAINTY.

We will see if Matthew actually loops back for a second visit!

---

The Problem with Weather Forecasting

It was autumn, and a Native American Tribe asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a tribal chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.

'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' The man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Native Americans are collecting wood like crazy.'

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

It's The Calm Before The Hurricane Prep Day

When I got up today, it was 4:15AM.  All was silent.  I closed my eyes thinking I can probably get more sleep.

I got into that Lets Open The Eyes And Check The Clock Every Ten Minutes thing.

Didn't work, got out of bed before my normal Stupid O'Clock at 4:40.

Then I pulled my earplugs out of my ears and started getting ready for the dog walk.

It still was silent.  The house was quieter than normal.

Getting out the front door before 5AM there was no wind. Nothing.  Still as a Tomb. 

Rack, the McNab SuperDog (TM) pulled me out onto the front lawn.

Still.  I looked up.  Very few clouds.  Stars.

After the weeks, and more than one, that we have been having, not seeing clouds in the skies felt odd. 

Oh sure, I could find my friend the hunter.  Orion still had his belt to the South and East of the house.  A bright star was shining at me from the lower left of Orion. 

But No Clouds.

Very strange.  I was looking for that "Bow Shock" line of clouds from Hurricane Matthew that was at that point just leaving the far eastern point of Cuba, but nothing.

This is that last day.  One last brilliantly clear day that you get before a Hurricane.  The storms seem to pull all the air toward it, the barometric pressure begins to drop, and you have time. 

I already got Propane and Gasoline.  With one I can cook, even bake bread.  With the other I can drive out of South Florida if I have to or simply run the generators to keep the fridge going.

Mentally, I have noted that since the highs have already dropped below 90, it will be annoying, but we can make do with windows open.  After all, living in a three story "Farm House" in Philadelphia for years with no Air Conditioning, we made do, and sometimes it hit triple digits. 

Think 40C or 104.  Once.  In Philly Humidity.  *SHUDDER*!

So I am hoping the winds won't knock out the power.  We still haven't tested generators to run the house, only individual appliances.

There is more than the expected water. Three cases of bottled water plus four gallons of water in one Quart Mason Jars.  I emptied my canning supplies and filled them with filtered water.

We're expected to get "Hurricane Force Winds".  Something more than 73MPH.  110KPH give or take a K.

After all, I am only 2.2 miles West of the ocean.  3 Km.   I could walk it as long as I had comfortable shoes and time.

Many others are not prepared as well, and my heart goes out to them.  My immediate neighbor's house has no storm shutters and "regular" float glass windows.   I expect to hear that he will have broken windows.  More than one.

With luck his roof won't end up in my swimming pool.

Besides, the fringes of a Hurricane bring with it "Embedded Tornadoes". 

The weather radio has been an endless loop of hurricane preparation hints.  Most of them have been done here.

I hope that if you are reading this and will be effected, anywhere from the Florida Keys to South Carolina, you have made your preparation and will be finishing soon.

As for me I have a very few things to do: 

Finish the laundry since no power means no clean clothes.
Get Aunt Betty's table and chairs off the front porch and tied down since plastic table and chairs make wonderful flying objects.
Move the last few prized plants under cover like Larry's Bonsai.
Finally publish this and put together for the blog next week, a "warrant canary" to say Yep, I'm still offline.  

Good luck South Florida.  Matthew is an unwelcome guest.  At least this storm will stir up the ocean enough to make the next hurricane much less vigorous.  Cold water will be brought to the surface and this should be the end of the season, or close to it.


But I keep thinking that no matter what, it won't matter.  What will happen will happen.

Since my 446 day Duolingo streak will probably end tomorrow or the day after,

Qué será, será. What Will Be, Will Be.


Sunday, October 2, 2016

20 Weird Things To Do In Life

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"

2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'

3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.

4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.

5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.

6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.

7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.

8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.

9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."

10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.

11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.

12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!

13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.

14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.

15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.

16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.

17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".

18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.

19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!

20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

Saturday, October 1, 2016

A Priest and a Bus Driver are Standing In Purgatory

There is an angel guarding two doors: one for Hell, the other for Heaven. Both of them approach the celestial being and it says, looking at a really long list:

"Alright, Mr... Stanford, the bus driver? You are going to Heaven, congratulations!"

The bus driver happily opens the corresponding door and steps through. The priest smiles and heads towards the same door as well, but the angel stops him in his path:

"Not you, Father Johnson. You are going to Hell, I am sorry."

Outraged, the priest yells "What?! Why?? I have devoted my entire life to spreading the Lord's word! This is unfair! How come a bus driver step through, but not a holy priest?!"

With a serious look on his face, the angel replies "Well, you have indeed devoted your life to spreading the word, but it means nothing if your entire congregation is asleep and doesn't really care for you are preaching.

Meanwhile, whenever Mr. Stanford was driving his bus, everyone inside would pray to God, even non-believers."