Saturday, April 30, 2022

I forgot to shave my sundial yesterday, hence the five o'clock shadow

 Since there have been a lot of short jokes lately, I figured I'd put some here.

Five of them!

Neighbor: “I’ll have you know our lawyer has a $50,000 retainer!”
Me: “Wow, how bad are his teeth?”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"I picked up a bag of gummy worms today. I've got to say I don't really understand their marketing strategy. The bag says 'no artificial flavors.'" the guy says.
"I'm just curious who buys a bag of gummy worms hoping they taste as close to real worms as possible?"

An older man was riding his moped in a snowstorm to visit a priest to tell him that his 12th child had been born that day. Since the man was old and had a bit of trouble hearing, he thought ahead to what the priest would say so he could answer him.

”First he’ll say hello and then he’ll probably ask me how I managed to get there in such a snowstorm.”

When the man reached the priest’s house, the following conversation was had:

Priest: Hello

Old man: Hello

Priest: How have you managed to father twelve children already?

Old man: There’s nothing to it, just strap in your beanie and helmet, and ride the old girl as fast as you can.

Man eater

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That's actually not what I was going to say at all."

"Oh…" she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

A park ranger catches a hunter in the act of eating a spotted owl. Feathers and bones surround his campfire.

The ranger says, "The spotted owl is a highly endangered species. Killing one is a federal crime."

The man says, "Yes, I admit that I killed and ate that owl. However, in my defense, I was lost in the wilderness for three days and frankly I was starving. The bird flew directly at me; I raised my gun and I fired. I didn't have time to identify the species. I am genuinely sorry. When I get home, I promise to make a significant donation to the Environmental Defense Fund, and I promise to never do it again."

The ranger thinks about it and says, "Well, under the circumstances I guess we could let you off with a warning. But, I'm curious: what did it taste like?"

The guy answers, "Oh, a bit like bald eagle."

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Remodeling The Kitchen Created a Perfect Place To Make Soap and Roast Coffee

 When I was in High School, I found that I had an aptitude for Chemistry.

The teacher was a stoner and disconnected from the subject, so I became that annoying kid who just "knew" the answers.   I'd have results on the labs that were within a tiny fraction of the expected yield when through.  Of course I aced the course despite what ever else was going on in my life, I've been amused by that.

At this point, I think perhaps I should have considered going into Chem.  The science of the subject, at least for Organic Chem and for the basics, were rather well defined and followed a logical path.

I haven't used it all that much since University, except in one rather unusual hobby.  Soap making.

Making soap is not something that happens often.  Within my friends I can not think of anyone who does this.  Soap is readily available in markets, and some of it is very high quality.  By the time you become fully an adult, sometimes in your 30s or even your 40s, you've found something that you like and stick with it.

Lately, there has been a proliferation of alternate choices in markets and you can find things that your childhood self would have been confused with.

When we remodeled this house, we remodeled the Kitchen.  The old saying of Never Paint Your Kitchen is true - one change to a Kitchen cascades into replacing appliances, redesigning the walls... by the time you are done, you have re-tiled your entire house and are having a discussion with a Project Manager about something you never heard of before called a "Make Up Fan". 

For the uninformed, a Make Up Fan is something that gets turned on to equalize pressure in your house when you turn on the ventilation fans in the bathroom or your kitchen. 

Who Knew?

But we created a kitchen that is perfect for making soap.  I, of course, save shipping boxes so that I can line the area creating a shield for our rather nice new walls, but the ventilation over the stove creates such a draft that that Make Up Fan does double duty.  I can actually roast coffee indoors, something that relegated me to the backyard. 

Standing on the front porch making soap with blue nitrile gloves, a visor, and stirring chemicals looks awfully "Breaking Bad" even if it is completely innocent.

Making Soap on the other hand is a process that is greatly improved.  No, I do not recommend remodeling your house just to make soap or roast coffee indoors, but if I create a stove hood, and am warming oils to an arbitrary temperature of "Ouch that's hot" instead of "Instant Burning Skin" and then marrying a Witches' Brew of a precisely measured Water, Ice, and Lye, the resulting chemical gasses can go outside where they get diluted by the predictable breezes from the ocean to the east.

If I roast coffee, the neighbors know because it smells of a medium-light roasted Guatemalan single Origin.  If I make soap, typically it smells of Orange or Cloves or perhaps Cedar-wood.

Personally I am quite fond of the Cedar-wood soap that I make.  It smells like you're taking a shower in a forest.  Rosemary, Cedar, and other woody scents are nice in a humid enclosure like a shower with the mister turned on.

Also, since it takes at least a week if not months for the soap to properly cure, it takes over a spot in my house to air-dry.  I tend to make it in large batches of 3 or more pounds, a Kilo and a half are not uncommon, and my basic recipe is 50 ounces.

Add-ins are done at the end of the process, but have to be prepared first.  Oatmeal, Coffee, or some other abrasive are ground and set aside.  An ounce or two of scents are measured and poured off as essential oils in a glass jar.

Don't use plastic "Solo Cups" for a quick measure as I have had Essential Oils dissolve the plastic into a red stain in the bottom of the old sink.

Plastic has its place, and the trend away from 32 ounce drink cups in a fast food restaurant have me asking my friends for their large cups so I can make soap.  This way a Single Use Plastic gets used again before being disposed of, Properly.

Since I am getting low on the stuff again, it's time to consider making more... after I roast some more coffee... I'm getting low on that as well.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

What do you call someone who is from Hamburg? A Hamburger.

Yep, it's a sunday, and I guess you can say this is a sunday themed story.  On the other hand, since it's the weekend, I'm sure you can tell there's a twist at the end.

Any Sacramental Wine anyone?

Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together

Best friends Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together. While Peter was very smart, Paul had a difficult time with schoolwork, so Peter would let him copy his homework to make sure he could pass his classes.

As the time approached for their interview with the bishop, Paul was very nervous. "What if I don’t know how to answer him?" he asked his friend.

"Don’t worry," Peter replied, "our interviews are the same day, and he’ll ask us the same questions. I’ll go first, just stand with your ear to the keyhole and listen to what I say. When it’s your turn, just repeat my answers, and you’ll be fine!"

The day arrived, and Peter went into the bishop’s office first. After some initial small talk, the bishop said "Look, Peter, I just have one question to ask you. Let’s say you are performing the act of communion, and while you are holding the chalice, a fly lands in the sacramental wine. What do you do?"

"Well, Father," Peter responded, "I would carefully remove him, squeeze off any excess liquid, take him outside, and ceremonially burn him."

"That’s an excellent answer," said the bishop, "you are clearly a great priest!"

"Not yet, Father," Peter replied, "but someday, under your guidance and direction, I will be."

After Peter had completed his interview, it was Paul’s turn. The bishop engaged in small talk, then got to the point.

"Paul," he said, "I just have one question for you. You are performing the rite of baptism, and the baby boy slips from your hands into the baptismal font. What do you do?"

"Well, Father," Paul responded, "I would carefully remove him, squeeze off any excess liquid, take him outside, and ceremonially burn him."

Horrified, the bishop exclaimed, "That’s terrible! You aren’t a priest, you’re an imbecile!"

"Not yet, Father," Paul replied, "but someday, under your guidance and direction, I will be."

Saturday, April 23, 2022

What did the big flower say to the littler flower? Hi, bud!

I get up well before dawn.  I have the entire town to myself when I go to the Dog Walk.  On the other hand  I have to get there before I can have my solace. 
Oscar has been getting in a habit of  talking at me.  Mind you a parrot gets really insistent if you are busy so you have to answer.

Or. Else.

The Old Macaw

A man goes to a pet store looking for a fun pet for his family. There are the typical candidates, kittens, puppies, fish, hamsters, but off in the corner is an old macaw. He asks the owner what the deal is, and the owner replies that the macaw has actually been adopted several times, but he always gets returned within a week because no one really wants him. The man knows that his wife and daughter really want to do some good with this new pet, and this poor old bird seems like just the noble charity case for them all, so he pays the pet store owner and takes him home.

Things are fine for about a half hour, but then the wife evidently got too close to the macaw’s cage, and he squawked, “Get away from me!” and he began to swear at her repeatedly.

The daughter, understandably confused and frightened, started to cry, and the macaw demanded that someone shut her up, and began to curse at the daughter as well.

The father stepped in, but wasn’t sure what to do. It didn’t really make sense to get into a vulgar shouting match with a bird, and he wasn’t about to try to hurt the animal in front of his family, but something had to be done. Acting out of desperation, he grabbed the animal and just stuffed him in the freezer and sealed the door shut with some duct tape.

The bird didn’t like this at all, and his squawked intensified, bolstered by the use of unending swear words, some even from languages that none of them spoke, likely from some of his previous owners. The freezer shook and the squawking went on for about three minutes, until, quite suddenly, everything went silent and the room was peaceful once again.

The father was unsure what had happened, but thought it best to wait a couple minutes before opening the freezer, just to be safe. When he finally did, the macaw stepped out, and for some reason his entire character had changed.

The bird hopped down to the floor, averting his eyes from the father, and apologized sincerely for his behavior. He then turned to the wife, and then the daughter, apologizing to each of them individually and in turn for how he had treated them. For the rest of the afternoon he was as much of a model citizen as any macaw could be expected to be, and the family began to enjoy his company, in spite of how it had begun.

That night, after the wife and daughter had gone to bed, the father was turning out the lights and saying goodnight to the bird, who said goodnight back. Before the father went upstairs to bed, the bird said something else, “Sir, I am sincerely grateful that you have given me a second chance, and I promise that you will not have to tolerate any misbehavior like that ever again… But, if I may ask just one question, I have to know… What did the chicken do?”

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

Honey Pork Roast in the Crock Pot

Pork Shoulder or Pork Loin is really truly easy to make in a crock pot.

Pick your seasonings, pick your marinade, give it 6 to 8 hours on low, enjoy.

I'm basically lazy when it comes to the Pork Shoulder that I enjoy.  Usually, I slather some Barbecue Sauce on a 3 to 4 pound slab of Pork, and let it sit in the refrigerator over night.  Then the next day, mid morning, I empty that bag into the crock pot and press low and walk away.

I get good results, but often you want to mix it up.

On this blog I have many recipes, and many are for Pork.  The one I have been making for ten years for Pork Carnitas is simplicity itself, and from what I can tell is authentic.

Of course, I'm an Anglo from Cherry Hill, NJ so what do I know other than it tastes just about the same as I get in the Mexican restaurants here in South Florida.

This was a recipe I found elsewhere on the internet, and tried.  I wanted a change of pace and found this was pretty good. 

So like all the recipes I try, here it is with a picture of the results above.  Again, Simplicity itself.

Since I am an athlete, I will say that Pork, if done right, is very lean, fairly low in calories, and high in protein.  Despite its reputation, it is also low in fat.  In the case of Pork Tenderloin, it is supposed to be "next to" Fat Free.

My own Nutritionist leanings aside, here is the recipe:

Ingredients:  For 3 to 4 pounds of Pork Loin



  • 2 Tablespoons of Minced Garlic
  • 2 Tablespoons of Dried Basil
  • 2 Tablespoons of Dried Oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon of Black Pepper
  • 3/4 teaspoon of Salt
  • 3/4 Cup of (good) Grated Parmesan Cheese


  • 1/2 Cup of Honey
  • 1/4 Cup of Soy Sauce
  • 2 Tablespoons of (good) Olive Oil


  • Put the Pork Loin in the Crock Pot fat side up.
  • In a mid sized bowl, add all of the dry ingredients, and mix with a fork.
  • To that mid sized bowl, add all of the wet ingredients, and mix until even.  The Honey may benefit by being microwaved briefly to help.
  • Pour the sauce over the top of the Pork Loin, allowing the liquid to run over the sides.
  • Lift the Pork lightly to allow it to be wet on the bottom during cooking.
  • Cook your Pork Covered for at least 6 hours (I went 8 hours) in the crock pot basting the top periodically.
  • Remove the pork and set on a large plate temporarily, reserving the liquid for reduction on the stove to form a sauce or gravy.
  • The Pork may be shredded or served in slices.
  • Pour the reduced sauce on top of the Pork and Enjoy!

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Do you guys wanna hear a joke about Iowa? Never mind, it’s probably too corny.

 Been there once in the winter.  DAMN cold.  You saw empty fields and hog sheds everywhere.  Des Moines was kind of nice though.

Slow learner

"How did it happen? " the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. 

"Well, doc, 25 years ago... "
Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.

"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, "No, everything is fine.

"Are you sure? " she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.

"Isn't there anything I can do for you??? " she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do with your broken leg?!?!?
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof! "

Saturday, April 16, 2022

What kind of dinosaur likes to sleep? A stega-snore-us.

They say that you don't become an expert at something until you have done it for 10000 hours.  Think about how long that actually is and then your first job is not quite as bad as you remember it.

Or Is It?

Freddy turned up to his first day at the funeral home. He was learning the ropes from Jimmy who had been working as a funeral director for the last 4 years. All was going well until they put the first coffin into the back of the hearse.

Jimmy said, "Freddy, ok. It's in the right spot. Now take it out."

Freddy took the coffin out.

Jimmy said, "Alright Freddy, put it back in the car."

Freddy followed the order.

Jimmy said, "Ok. It's in the right spot. Now take it out again."

Freddy took the coffin out. Confused.

Jimmy said, "Alright Freddy, put it back in the hearse."

Freddy - wondering if he was being pranked - stared angrily at Jimmy.

Jimmy said, "Oh yeah Freddy it's your first day. I want you to get this right so we have to rehearse it a few times."

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Moving To A New Machine In Debian Linux With Encryption

 The back story (I promise it will be short):

When Bill told me that he was leaving his native South Florida for Knoxville area, I had two thoughts: Why?  and I'll find a Computer for you.

When asked about them he immediately said that he wanted Linux instead of Windows which truly surprised me.  Linux is about 3% of the home market, Windows is about 88%.  May as well have the best, right?

So I had an i3 machine that runs beautifully on Debian Linux, but at 4GB of memory, it is not suited to have Windows on it.

Also, this machine has to be encrypted since we don't know how bad the crime is up there in his new neighborhood.  If the machine gets stolen no personal information will be found.  The entire computer is encrypted.  Boot sector (GRUB), the operating system, and his own home directory.

Finishing this showed me the need for me to migrate to a similar setup.  I had a faster machine than the one I was using that was idle, and if I could encrypt a machine for a friend, I could encrypt a machine for me.

Standard Internet Warranty Applies:  You do this at your own risk.  While I expect these instructions to be complete, that may be because I wrote them to my own level of expertise and it is possible I skipped over something.  Read them completely and if you do not understand them then find someone to help you.  Nobody at Ramblingmoose takes any responsibility for what you are about to do.  Linux is very user friendly but it is very choosy about who its friends are.

Good luck!


How I did it:

Download Debian Live.  Specifically in this case debian-live-11.2.0-amd64-xfce+nonfree.iso . 

Since that version is obsolete but will be updated by the installer, THIS LINK points to (currently) version 11.3.0.  If you don't like XFCE, you can pick your own DE.

When the download was complete, I plugged in a memory stick of 4GB plus and dd the file as root:
    dd if=debian-live-11.2.0-amd64-xfce+nonfree.iso of=/dev/sdb conv=noerror,sync status=progress

I wanted Live, and I wanted non free.  Debian's goals of "libre" software are all well and good, but to use Wifi means you pretty much have to have proprietary "blobs" in your library.

That version will boot the new machine into a "live" version of the operating system that allowed me to step through the installer in a graphical environment.

Sure character based works, but it confused me as to where I could find the encryption part.

Backup the old machine FIRST:

After that finished, Boot the new machine with that stick and while waiting for that, begin to backup the old machine to an external drive that is sufficient to hold the /home directory as well as a couple specific files that will be saved to the /home directory FIRST.

1) Go into synaptic on the old machine and create a Manifest text file to be imported.
   File, Save Markings As, Click the box at the bottom "Save Full State, and write the file out" .
2) Go into Firefox and any other browsers and save the bookmark links into a json file.
    Bookmarks, Manage Bookmarks, Import and Backup, Backup,  and Create your File.

Copy the entire /home tree from your "old" computer to an external drive. 
Make certain that you have enough room for everything including the two files you just created.

Debian Install Steps:

I actually repeated the install a couple times before I got it right, since there are always wrinkles.  I am writing this as I do a "test install" for the blogs.  Steps will be written as I do them, and I will note the ones that I personally find important. 

From the first Main Menu, Select Debian GNU/Linux Live.
Allow the machine to come to a desktop.
Sign onto a Wifi Network or Connect to Ethernet so the installer will get the latest software.
Double click to launch "Install Debian".
"Welcome to the Calamares Installer for Debian 11 (Bullseye)." screen will show.
Select your language (American English for me).
Click Next.

Select your location (Region: America and Zone: New York).
Select your system language (American English).
Select your number and date format (American English, United States).
     -The prior three can be changed within XFCE's settings app on the Applications Menu.
Click Next.

Keyboard Model can be changed, although I have good luck with the one that gets selected by Debian.
Test the keyboard if you feel that is necessary.
Click Next.

I will select Erase Disc to delete all data from the destination hard drive, you may not have the same priorities - think this one through to fit your personal needs!
I am encrypting the entire disc so I will click "Encrypt System".
That opens up the place to enter in the password for the system and change the graphic to allow you to see what it intends to do on your computer.
Verify the Boot Loader Location is on the intended drive - usually /dev/sda
Click Next.


Enter your name: it will create a tree for this user under /home
Enter your login name: should be the same as the first for a home user.
The Name of the Computer on the network. 
    -Must not be the same as another machine on your network.
Choose your password and enter it twice.
Login Automatically without a password.
    -If you click this box it will allow you to get into your machine with only a "GRUB" password in the boot sector.  I select this entry personally.
Click Next.

It allows you to see what you have told the installer to do.
Review this information and if you are ready to install and perhaps erase your hard drive.
Click Install.

Go make a drink.  It will be enough time while it goes out and creates your new computer.
If you get back and the screen is locked, user and password are:
    User = user
    Password = live

On reboot:
Enter the Password you gave the installer at the "Enter Passphrase" prompt in GRUB.
Hit enter, it will take time to decrypt the boot sector.
The grub menu will come up and the computer will continue to boot.
You will see the Debian logo and "cryptsetup: luks-.... set up successfully" message.

At this point you will be at your new desktop.
Enter your Wifi password or make sure that Ethernet is working.

To Restore:
Once your backup on the old computer is complete, unmount the drive and plug it into the new computer.
Hopefully it is all USB 3.0 because the restore took me about 8 minutes to complete.
Click on Applications and Launch Terminal.
In Terminal enter root by "sudo su" and enter your user's password.
To copy the data back enter "thunar /home &".
Yes you will have to do this via root, and once complete, you will have to change things to make your new system "accept" the old data:
  1) copy the backup data to the /home directory.
  2) NOTE!:  If you encounter any conflicts where thunar finds a duplicate file, "skip all" is the correct response.  If not, you will render your system intact but your data will be locked in odd and subtle ways.
3) when the copy is finished, you will have to reclaim the files permissions to be correct for your end user.
Assuming you are "bill", as root:
A) cd /home
B) chown -R bill *
C) chown -R bill .*
D) chgrp -R bill*
E) chgrp -R bill .*

This may be overkill but this way I got ownership of my home tree including everything in my ~/.cache directory and any important .conf files.  I also had a message present itself saying that I can't move something into trash because of permissions, this will avoid that.

At this point you should be "non destructively" on your new machine, with your old machine still intact.  The new machine should be very close to what you left.  Mine was.


Sunday, April 10, 2022

I started memorizing the digits of pi. Then I realized it was irrational.

 Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "Is this whiskey?"

The other says "Yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank".

A girl from the country

I met a girl from the country a few months back and I think I'm in love.
She is so kind and interesting.
Her name is Sue named after her mother.
She has a great family, they live on a farm and have all sorts of cool hobbies and jobs.
She grew up riding horses and taking care of animals, doesn't she sound amazing?
Her parents were so kind when I first met them, so welcoming!
The most interesting thing I've learned about her recently, is that her dad has trained her to take care of bees.
Right when she told me that I knew she was a keeper.

Saturday, April 9, 2022

Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Hmmm... that's kind of dark....

But this little gem isn't!

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.

His last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it." And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the tub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!"

Wednesday, April 6, 2022

Rack Visits The Easter Unicorn

 Have you ever walked around your area and found something that had you think "Well, that's just weird"?

The more that I look at this display, cute and colorful as it may be, the more odd it looks to me.

Mind you I do like the colors.  It's cute and whimsical.  There are two Unicorns, although one of them was laying down on the job of bringing cheer to passersby when I walked past a second time the day after.

There is a giant inflatable Easter Egg or four on top of a Plinth that says Happy Easter.

I would be very scared of the bird that laid a four foot tall egg, whether mythical or not.

Anthropomorphic Fictional Beasts aside, just exactly where do you find a Unicorn, let alone a Unicorn with a Yellow Horn.  Not just one, but two of these Unicorns too!  And they landed in this front yard next to a frighteningly out of scale collection of eggs, enough to make a huge omelete for the entire town no doubt.

I have to wonder what kind of beast laid a four foot tall egg no matter what it tastes like.  Figuring that a chicken is about a foot tall, and an egg is about two inches tall, you have to scale up this egg 24 times to be proportional.

What ever chicken laid those four foot tall eggs would have to be about 24 feet tall.  And just think of the thickness of the shell that the eggs would have to have in order to keep the egg goo inside!  How many bags of sugar would I need to make a meringue out of just one of those four foot tall eggs?

Just how heavy would that egg be that would be laid by a 24 foot tall chicken?  More than a car or even an SUV I bet.  The house the display is next to is only about half the size of that as it is.

No, this flight of fancy is perhaps a bit too much for my normally logical brain to manage.  24 foot chickens scratching like a giant Godzilla over Tokyo, this chicken would be scratching for some truly giant worms... or would it settle for a Unicorn instead because a 24 foot tall chicken would most likely need a number of two foot long earthworms for food.

I can tell you we have some pretty long Ball Pythons here in South Florida, but I have never seen any two foot long earthworms.

Sorry Rack, I don't think that these Unicorns are going to be coming out to see you very soon!

Sunday, April 3, 2022

How is inflating a balloon similar to a conflict? As it is basically blowing things out of proportions.

Once upon a time, I went to Drexel University.  I will never forget how heinous taking Statistics 1 was there.  Once upon a time there was a professor who made it his mission to really mess with students by teaching the subject in such a manner that an average score on exams was around 5%.  As a result the Statistics 2 professor spent a significant amount of time re-teaching the basics each term.  Rather difficult when each term was 10 weeks.

Why?  Because a student broke his daughter's heart in a relationship so every future student would suffer as a result.   What a useless waste of oxygen that professor was.    To this day I think the university should refund the tuition of any student that had that "Doctor" and am hopeful that he's long gone.

At any rate, that came flooding back when I read this one this morning, but hey I actually kind of like the story here.

Five friends were so confident about passing the finals that on the weekend, they decided to go for a picnic. They had a great time.

However, after all the partying, they spent all Sunday sleeping and didn't make it back to college until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the finals then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him, why they missed it.

They said that they had gone to an Old Age home in the nearest town to spend some time with the people there and then planned to come back and study for the finals.

Unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then told them, they could take the finals the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied all night and then went in the next day, at the time they were told.

He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, then asked them to begin. They looked at the first question and it was the easiest in their entire syllabus, worth 5 points.

"Cool", they thought at the same time, each one in their separate rooms. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned to the second page. On the second page was written, "Which tire?", for 95 points.

Saturday, April 2, 2022

Did you see that movie with the bugs living together in an apartment? It's about ten ants.

I would say that this is a familiar joke with a really good story lead in.  You will see what I mean if you don't skip to the end.


 A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and practices every day until he is just as good as the guys on the radio.

One day, while the horse was playing, the chicken overhears and is inspired, too. The chicken hops over to the horse and starts pecking at a bucket, creating a beat that perfectly accompanies the horse's guitar. The horse and the chicken play together every day for weeks. The chicken even found a drum set out back, and the two began making really phenomenal music.

A cow had been coming by to listen to the horse and the chicken play, and one day, she was inspired, too. She rooted around the back of the barn and pulled out a piano, and without a second thought, and nary a piano lesson to her name, integrated seamlessly with the horse and the chicken.

Now the horse, the chicken and the cow played some of the greatest rock and roll music anyone had ever heard. And, wouldn't you know it, a music producer just happened to visit the farm one day and heard the animals jamming out. He went to them with contracts and signed them that day.

The horse, the chicken, the cow and the producer wound up touring the country. They played everywhere and the people loved them. You could hardly turn the radio on without hearing one of their songs. The producer acted as manager and always made sure every gig ran smoothly and all their needs were met. It was a great arrangement, and everyone was very happy.

Then, one day, the horse got a phone call. His mother was very sick, and she asked the horse to come home to visit. So the horse tells the band and producer he needs to leave for a few days, but he'd meet them at their next concert.

The horse went home and saw his mother, and she was indeed very sick. She ended up dying shortly after, and the horse was devastated. He loved his mother, and wasn't at all prepared for her death.

The horse took care of what he could and prepared to fly back to his band at their next stop when he got another phone call. Their tour bus had been in a deadly accident, and the chicken, the cow and the producer had died.

The horse was dumbstruck. Such misfortune was unimaginable and he felt himself break inside. He had nothing left: his mother was gone and his career was over. He had lost his best friends and didn't know what to do next, so, in his depression, he decided to drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, pal. Why the long face?"