My son said he doesn't understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.

 Cars are a puzzle.  Mine certainly is.  23 year Jeep Wrangler, good luck finding parts.  I'll have to manufacture a few myself. 

Am I allowed to get that 3D Printer yet?





 A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him.

    “Sure, no problem.”

    “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?”

    “Nice idea, no problem at all.”

    “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?”

    “that will require some planning, but I think i can manage.”

    “And i would like the wheels to roll, and if i turn the steering wheel then the wheels should turn as well?”

    “Mmmh that is fiendishly difficult in chocolate, I will need to carefully plan and experiment…”

    “And finally, can you make it so that the chocolate windows can move up and down when you turn the handles?”

    “Man this is insanely difficult. But give me 3 weeks and i’ll try my best.”

Three weeks later the man returns and indeed there is a lovely chocolate VW Beetle model on display. The chocolatier proudly shows it in all its glorious details: interior, wheels, steering wheel, windows, everything works perfect, and after the demo he asks, “shall I put it in a nice gift box?”

    “No need, I will just eat it here.”

I have a language joke, but you wouldn't understand.

 Ironically this is kind of what they say about people that learn a foreign language solely with Duolingo.  You do the course, but you really don't grasp what's being said.

With the internet, reading foreign language newspapers, listening to and watching foreign language media is easy. 

I have a particular preference for a radio station in Mexicali, Mexico but that's just me.



A married couple was in a terrible accident, and the husband’s face was severely burned.

The doctor told him they couldn’t graft any skin from his own body because he was too skinny. His wife lovingly offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only suitable area was from her buttocks—a rather delicate matter.

They both agreed to keep it a secret, and the doctor promised not to say a word.

After the surgery, everyone was amazed by the man's transformation. He looked more handsome than ever!

Friends and family couldn’t stop complimenting his fresh, youthful face.

One day, deeply moved, he said to his wife, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I ever repay you?"

She smiled and replied,

"My love… I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Someone Stole My Coffee Cup. I'm heading to the police station to look at mug shots.

I was going through things and saw that this one is perfect for a Sunday and perfect for what we're seeing here in the world these days. 

I may be cynical, but...




 
 A man entered the confessional and told his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The man said, "Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!"

The priest said, "Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You'll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box!"

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.

The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The man replied, "Yes, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

I have a procrastination joke. I'll tell it to you later.

Does "Tech" need to infuse everything with its own character?



 
 As Pete strolled down the street, he saw his buddy Steve striding along anxiously with lots of bags in his hands.

"Hey Steve, is everything alright? You seem kind of jumpy."

Steve set the bags on the ground and said, "Yeah, I was just now at the state-of-the-art supermarket that they launched in the industrial part of the city."

"Oh? What's it like there? I heard it's remarkable."

"Kind of..." Steve replied.

Pete was amazed when his friend described the grocery store with enthusiasm - emphasizing the atmosphere of naturalness and genuineness. You could hear cows mooing and smell the barn in the milk section. In the egg aisle, chickens were cackling and the chicken coop was in the air, and it was even better in the vegetable section - you could literally hear the farmers and smell the fields.

"Wow, that sounds incredible!" Pete exclaimed.

"Well, yes, in principle," said Steve with a grimace, "But this is the last time I'm going there to buy toilet paper!"

I have a fast food joke, but it's still being prepared.

Having just gotten back from a Sunday Ride on the Bike, my feet are up on the coffee table (Don't tell Mom), and I am having lunch dessert.  Yes, when you do loads of Cardio, you can have three desserts plus a snack just before bed.  

A small benefit of that sort of thing!



 A man and his wife excitedly visit Texas

They spend the day exploring the sights of San Antonio. After walking around the city, they sit down at a local diner and enjoy a delicious American meal of buffalo wings and burgers.

As they’re finishing up, their waitress — speaking in a warm Southern drawl — comes over and says, “Y’all want some dessert? My pie is to die for.”

The man says, “Sure, I’ll have a slice of apple.” The wife adds, “Just a coffee for me.” The man continues, “Oh — and a scoop of ice cream with that pie.”

The waitress nods and repeats the order as she scribbles on her notepad: “Okay, a coffee for the lady, and some apple pie for the gent.” She turns to leave.

The man calls after her, “Wait! What about my ice cream?”

The waitress keeps walking, unfazed.

Frustrated, the man stands up and yells:

“REMEMBER THE À LA MODE!”

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. Here’s some happiness for you. Goodnight!

Remember, Fellow Babies, Clear and Concise instructions are dependent on your audience!




 A pharmacist's bad day.

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist ... he insulted me this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, “Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the pharmacy there was a group of people waiting for me to open up.

I opened the shop and served these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.

I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it; half of them hit the floor and broke.

The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, I told her!”

I have an economics joke, but it is not in demand.

 Economics is fascinating.  The Dismal Science they call it but it explains a lot of things.  Just keep that in mind.  If you think things are wrong, they probably are.




 A man & his wife are flying...

A man & his wife are flying in a 4-engine jumbo jet to vacation in the Bahamas. Soon after they depart the captain comes on the intercom and says "Good day ladies & gentlemen, we have a great flight for you today. We should be arriving to our destination in about 2 hours". The man & wife settle comfortably into their seat.

About 30 minutes later, there's a loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane starts to shake a little. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost one of our engines, but it's okay. We have 3 more. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 3 hours." The wife looks around nervously and her husband appears angry saying "oh, great..."

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane start shaking a bit more. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost another of our engines, but it's okay. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 4 hours." The wife grips her husband's hand tightly even more nervous while her husband gets even more agitated saying "Are you kidding me?!"

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane shakes around more violently. The captain comes on the intercom considerably more nervous this time and says "Uh, nothing to worry about folks, we just lost our 3rd engine, but uh it's okay. We should be uh arriving to our destination in about um 5 hours." The wife is frantic and starts crying. Her husband jumps out of his seat and yells out "OH, COME ON!"

The wife looks sharply at her husband and asks, "What's wrong with you?! Why are you so angry?". He looks at her and says "I want to get to my vacation. If we lose that last engine, we're going to be up here all day!"

Age is not a number. It is clearly a word.

I really can commiserate with Paddy here.  I was outside playing sprinkler tech before the heat went from onerous to punishing, and there's always something to do with this house of cards!



 
Paddy is known to be a hard working lumberjack. He fells one hundred trees a day all with his axe.

Watching him cut a swathe through the trees one day the foreman tells him, "Paddy, you're a wild man with that axe, but it's time to modernise. You should go get yourself a nice chainsaw. You'll triple your work easily and it'll be easier on the body."

Paddy thinks about it s few days before deciding to take the advice. He heads into town to the hardware store and buys himself a new chainsaw.

The next day he only manages to fell eighty trees. "Well, that's to be expected," he thinks. "I'm still getting used to it."

The day after he's only managed fifty trees. Paddy decides to tough it out until he gets the hang of it. The third day, only thirty.

That's the end of that then. Paddy takes the chainsaw back to the store and complains that its not working.

"That's odd," the salesman says. "Let me have a look then." He takes the chainsaw, pulls the start cord, and it roars to life.

"Holy fooken shite!" Paddy shouts. "What the hell is that noise?!"

I have a facebook joke, but it is not true.

Listening to a program(me) about security on CBC Radio One this morning before dawn.  The presenter mentions that she was getting ads on her phone about the topic of secured email hosting.  She was researching the topic and discussing it aloud with colleagues.

I'm reminded why I do not use apps where possible.  I don't like ads, especially where ads are being generated because your app has been listening into you.

Revoke access to the microphone in any app you can.  This is one way that they do it, this is not in your benefit.


On the other hand, when I was a programmer, I was known as the Programmer Of Record in two different very large organizations.   If you had a problem you could not figure out, they would get me involved and I'd solve it.  Friday afternoons, we'd hit a "Tavern" in Philadelphia.  I'd have a Roast Pork Sandwich and a glass of Stout.  Roast pork in Philadelphia is particularly excellent. 

But I'd return to the office, ready to solve your problems.  It was well known.




Once there was a regional darts champion, who found that his darts flew with even greater accuracy after he’d had a drink or two.

Unfortunately, all of his local mates quickly learned to never wager against him, especially if he had been drinking.

One night, he arrived at the pub to find a stranger standing on a bench issuing a challenge. “I reckon I can beat any one of y’all in a game of darts, and I’ll put up the money to prove it,“ she said. “I’m fixin’ to wager $1,000 on a simple game of darts. Three throws, and if ANY of your throws beat a single one of mine, you win the whole pot.“

The crowd murmured, and all eyes turned to the dart champion. “OK, stranger. I’ll take that bet…but let’s make it $10,000.”

“Sound good,” she said, “but I have one condition: each one of us takes a drink before we play, and we each choose the other’s drink.”

The dart champion’s face lit up, as he couldn’t believe his luck. “Fine by me, stranger. You’ll have bourbon whiskey, a double.”

“And you’ll have absinthe, a single shot,” she replied. The bartender served them up, each downed their drinks, and the game was on. She was the first to throw, scoring a double eight. He smirked, believing that with a throw as mediocre as that one, she had already lost the game. Aiming at the bullseye, he let his dart fly, and was shocked when it hit the numbered ring on the outside perimeter of the board, scoring zero points.

Next, she threw a triple two, and his throw went wide, the dart impaling the the wood panel the dartboard hung on. He was aghast; it was the first time that he had missed the dartboard in years.

On her third and final throw, she threw a double five. Concentrating all of his focus, he aimed at the exact center of the board, and was shocked when the dart missed both the board and its wood panel and lodged itself on the bathroom door, barely missing the head of an exiting patron. She smiled. “Good effort, friend! Thanks for playing!”

As he wrote her a check for the full $10,000, he stammered, “I just don’t understand what happened. I’m the regional darts champion, and a drink or two always improves my aim.”

She gave him a wink and replied, “I reckon you learned a valuable lesson today: Absinthe makes the dart go yonder.”

I have a civil engineering joke, but it is still under construction.

Being 6'4" I just smile and nod and say "Everything is proportional.".  I, of course, do not say what I am referring to but hey, you get what you pay for.



  A man and a woman were out on a first date together.

Everything was going great and they were getting along really well, when out of nowhere the woman commented on the size of the man’s hands and feet. "I didn't notice earlier, but you have remarkably small hands and feet!"

The man taken aback by such an unexpected observation thought quickly and replied somewhat flirtatiously, "Well, it’s because my testosterone focused on other parts of my body, if you know what I mean..." giving the woman a cheeky wink as he finished speaking.

The woman, rather impressed and turned on by his smooth response slides across closer to the man and puts her hand on his thigh, at which point the guy continued, "Yeah, I have a really hairy back."




If that was not suggestive enough, here's more!



As I slid my finger inside her damp hole, I could immediately feel her getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger out and she started going down on me.

That’s when I said to myself, “I think it’s time to get a new boat."

I have jokes, but they're not funny.

Ok, maybe not jokes.  Today it's more like a Story.



 A 90 year old man was having his annual check up while his family was standing by in the waiting room.

During the check up, the doctor asked him if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night.

The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going to the bathroom, the fairy or something turns the light off for me. It's really wonderful!"

The doctor looked concerned and scribbled some notes about this and continued on with the check up.

After the check up, the doctor went out to the waiting room where one of the man's family members asked him how the check up went.

The doctor responded, "Well Ma'am, his check up went OK. Physically, he's as healthy as can be for a 90 year old. But mentally, I'm worried he's coming down with dementia or something."

The lady, with a concerned look on her face asks, "Why do you say that?"

The doctor responded and said, "Well, during the check up, he told me that when he goes to the restroom at night, a fairy or something turns on the light when he opens the door and that same fairy or something turns off the light for him when he finishes. I'm just a little concerned about his mental health."

The lady with a horrified look turns to the rest of the family and says, "Oh no, Grandpa's been peeing in the fridge again!"

What do you call two diamonds out to dinner? Carbon dating.

Ok I guess this sort of thing is universal.  Just get your steps in!


 

Alex, Brian, Charles are best friends since they were kids, work together under the same company.

They got sent to the neighboring country to negotiate an offer. They slept that night at a random hotel.

The next thing they realized in the morning was the elevator are typically not working as the electricity got turned off. The hotel they are staying has 90 floors.

The fellas didn't have a choice and decided to use their feet to start walking down the stairs.

Alex suggested a brilliant idea to the other two. "The first 30 floors, I will be telling a funny story. Brian will be telling a scary story for another 30 floors. Charles will be telling the saddest story.

Alex started telling the funniest story for the first 30 floors. Brian took turn talking the scariest stories for the another 30 floors.

When it is finally the turn for the Charles, he proudly started telling his saddest.

Charles:

3 people went into a hotel that has 90 floors, the hotel's electricity got cut off but they have to got to work, they used stairs

Alex: Wait, isn't that..?

Brian: Nah, let him finish

Charles: so they finally manged to land their feet on 1st floor, and one of the three forgot the car keys on the tables.

I have a joke about statistical analysis but it’s mean.

 Sunday Morning.  Sun is just coming up and it is warm.  Time to escape to the park.  I'm Maintaining the Training even through a South Florida Summer today for a session on my inline skates.  My goal is 25,000 miles, I am at 24,619.  Once around the world at the equator is 24,904.

In Metric?  It's a Metric F-Ton of fun.



Ladies, remember the ducks.  If you need one, come on down to South Florida since we have the little monsters all over the place here.





 Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven......

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Nothing Tops A Plain Pizza.

 Well, yeah, nothing does.  Then you go to the fridge and get your favorite toppings.


 Elementary Genius

A female teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class of 3rd grade. The boy said "Ma'am, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade".

The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.

    Principal: What's 3+3? Boy: 6

    Principal: 6+6? Boy: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions and the boy got them right. The Principal then asked M'am to send the boy to 4th grade. M'am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

    M'am: What does a cow have 4 of,that I've only 2 of? Boy: Legs

    M'am: What's in your pants that u have but I don't have? Boy: Pockets

    M'am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut

    M'am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge. Boy: Bubble Gum

    M'am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I? Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless

    M'am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me 1st; what am I? Boy: Wedding Ring

    M'am: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose

    M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver Boy: Arrow

    M'am: What starts with 'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u don't get it, you've to use your hand? Boy:Fork

    M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname

    M'am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher "Send the boy to University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!"

It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.

Short but sweet, and I have to say I like this woman's style!


 
 A Gorgeous Young Woman Is Standing At The Bar Of A Pub

She goes up to the man standing behind the bar and she grabs him by his magnificent and long straggly beard which goes way down past his waist

And she whispers to him in a seductive tone ‘are you the landlord?’

He says ‘no no, sorry, I’m just the barman- the landlord isn’t here just now’

As he answers, she keeps grabbing his beard, stroking it all over; tugging on it gently with every word as she whispers to him ‘do you know when the landlord will be back?’

He says ‘ehhhh no I’m not sure at all sorry’

And as she continues massaging his facial hair she says to him ‘okay… well when you see the landlord…. You can tell him, ….. there’s no paper towels in the ladies bathroom’.

An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.

Memento Mori.  There was a fashion in the old Roman Empire that had a person follow those who were well off.  He merely reminded those people "Memento Mori" or we all die.  Life Condition is Universal, and it is temporary.

Man, that's a lot more dark on a Saturday Morning than I need to be.  So I'm going to go to the kitchen and have a cookie. 

Thanks Lori!



 3 elderly men are in a nursing home talking about their bodily functions

The first man says “ I have so much trouble going number one. It comes out in spits and sputters and takes forever. I would give anything to have a good pee.”

The second man says “With me, it’s number two. I am so backed up. It’s horrible. I really need to take a good crap.”

The third man nods and says “Well for me, it’s all very regular. At 7AM every morning I do number one like a fountain. It comes out perfectly in flowing stream. And number two also happens at the same time, and my bowels empty completely, as smooth as flowing lava.”

The other two men look at each other, confused and ask “That doesn’t sound bad at all. What’s the problem?”

“The problem,” says the third man, “is that I don’t get out of bed until 9:30!”

Not to egg you on, but rack your noodle and you can do it. There's mushroom for improvement.

 Ya know, a dad joke one liner is an amusing way to start the day.  Right kid?




 The frog and the loan

A talking frog shows up in the offices of a posh downtown Manhattan bank. He proceeds to ask a bank officer for a loan of $1 million.

Patty Whak , the loan officer , said she didn’t understand and he says “well, My name is Kermit and my father is Mick Jagger. We have banked at various branches of this institution several times .”

The loan officer still protested and said for that size of a loan they would need some type of collateral, so Kermit produced a small ceramic elephant and placed it on her desk.

Patty was very confused and excused herself to go speak with the manager carrying the trinket with her . When she relayed the crazy story to her manager, she showed him the small ceramic elephant and said “I don’t know what to do, what even is this?”

The bank manager replied “it’s a knickknack, Patty Whak. Give the frog a loan . His old man is a Rolling Stone. “

I’ll leave now….

I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie.

As I sit here on an aging laptop contemplating my navel and how to repair a tiny USB C Port, I'll drop this beast of a story on you. 

For the laptop, I'm leaning towards removing the hard drive and simply mounting it in a new-to-me machine.  Just like the way we used to do things in the 1990s, Linux to the Rescue.



 The Scottish painter

There was a Scottish house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..

"Repaint! Repaint!* And thin no more!"*

No Snowflake Feels Responsible In An Avalanche

I just don't need to be reminded that Restaurants actually Exist.  Just came back from a half marathon (13.24 mi) on my Inline Skates.  Now I need to refuel.






 Sitting in a posh restaurant, a man spots a gorgeous blonde at the next table...

He spends ages checking her out, but doesn't have the nerve to speak to her.

Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes hurtling out of its socket towards him. He reaches out, grabs it in the air and gives it back to her.

"Oh,l am so sorry, the woman says as she pops the eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a fantastic meal together then go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest thoughts and he shares his.

After paying for everything, she invites him back to her place. Next morning, she cooks them both a gourmet breakfast.

The man is amazed. You are the perfect woman, he says. Are you this nice to every man you meet?"

"No,' she replies. You just happened to catch my eye."

Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

I have a dear friend who speaks often of Beef Stroganoff.  May she have all the Stroganoff she wants!


 
 My Girlfriend and Uncle Eddie

I called my girlfriend earlier today, but all my calls went straight to voicemail. So, I decided to call her from a coworker’s phone.

When someone picked up, I heard a sweet little voice say, “Hello?”

It was my girlfriend’s daughter.

I said, “Hey, honey! I’m at work. What are you and Mommy up to?”

She goes, “Well, I just ate a sandwich, and Mommy’s upstairs with Uncle Eddie.”

I paused. “Uncle Eddie? We don’t have an Uncle Eddie.”

She confidently replied, “Yes, we do! Uncle Eddie is upstairs with Mommy in the bedroom.”

At this point, my alarm bells were going off. Something was fishy.

So, I calmly asked, “Hey sweetheart, can you leave the phone downstairs, go upstairs, and tell Mommy that Daddy just pulled into the driveway?”

I heard little footsteps running upstairs. About 65 seconds later, she picked the phone back up.

I asked, “What happened?”

She said, “Mommy ran downstairs naked, but she slipped and fell. She’s not moving.”

I was like, “Oh, shoot… okay. What about Uncle Eddie?”

She replied, “Uncle Eddie jumped out of the window, but he barely missed the pool. He’s not moving either.”

And that’s when I realized…

We just lost two people today.

And I don’t have a pool.

So, I hung up the phone… because that was the wrong number.