Wednesday, August 29, 2018

A Walk Through The Garden

My routine is stable.  You might even describe it as calcified.

Up early, even if "early" can be as late as sunrise.

That late is rather rare.

At any rate, haul my bulk out of bed, get the dog up, get him out to water the garden, and the walk.

When I get back, there's Dawdle Time.  Depending on how much time there is I can get a lot done in Dawdle Time.   I've said I get more done before sunrise than many people do some days.

But Sunrise varies, and I have to be outside at 7:30 AM every day, unless it is raining.

All of these plants do require care.  Sometimes they require care by others, and I can find homes for the extras, other times, I end up watching for where the water is being irrigated and putting out new plants.

South Florida has a wet and hot tropical climate.  It never freezes here, the USDA freeze line for Coastal Eastern South Florida is 8 miles North of me.  Clint Moore Road in Boca Raton.  Ok, sure that's a bit silly to be that specific, we know there is little difference whether something is actually "freezing" or thawed at 1/2 degree warmer, but hey, it's a talking point.  Even if the line could be well north of that on any given year.

But the other thing about this climate is that we get 50 inches of rain per year.  Give or take, Depending on whether a tropical storm deposits itself overhead.  But on average it's 50 inches or about 125 cm. 

Since that is 40 inches or 100 cm in the wet season, and the rest in the other six months of the dry season (December to May),  it's been described as a part time desert.  It requires irrigation.  Twice a week for certain hours sprinklers may be used, or every day if you have drip feed irrigation.

If you don't, your flowers die.  This is a very artificial look here that we have.  Those
Hibiscus hedges and Palm trees are not native.  The soil is Beach Sand, and now the ground water is suffering from Salt Intrusion because too many people from other places don't want to freeze in the winter and have settled here.

Like me, guilty.

But for now, the Global Warming that isn't supposed to exist, hasn't really hit my specific area too hard.  I'm at High Ground - 15 feet above sea level the charts tell me.  Miami Beach on the other hand has regular floods due to tides.

Outside of the ash piles called "Mount Trashmore", the next natural hill is 200 miles North of me.  Florida is flatter than Kansas.

I putter in the garden and am followed around as I decide what to prune, and what to propagate. Milkweed from cuttings have gravitated to being hidden in the hedges because when they are found, they get eaten to sticks.

Coleus is literally everywhere because they readily go to seed.  Cut the tops off and the seeds are tiny, get flung into pots.

Snapping a bit of Coleus off and tossing it into the garden means the stuff grows where it's tossed.

There is a story told to me about a groundskeeper in San Jose, Costa Rica.  A wise man who said, "Señor, estamos en las tropicas.  Arrojar una semilla en el suelo y crecerá."

Sir, we are in the tropics.  Throw a seed on the ground it will grow.

But puttering isn't always interesting those who don't have a putter.  You get followed around lost in your thoughts and the noises of the feral Parrots that are having their Call To Flock in that first hour after Sunrise.  The Pigeons call to you "Meh! Meh!" like grey feathered Simpsons characters.

And the Dog.  Rack.  Bored with what you're doing, and having finished fertilizing the fence posts, tells me it is time to go inside.  Move onto the next task and into the house.  Besides, there's breakfast to make, and you have already decided which trees to fell five times over. 

Time to go in.

Sunday, August 26, 2018

It is not that I'm nocturnal, it is that I live in the wrong timezone!


At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said,

“I need a favor. I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in the synagogue for an hour after services for me?”

Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions – just to keep him occupied.

After some time the wise Rabbi beame suspicious and asked, “Irving what are you really up to?”

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, “I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder and said, “You’d better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago!”

Saturday, August 25, 2018

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

A man is walking in the forest and finds a GIANT hole in the ground...

Wanting to see how deep it is, he finds a small stone and throws it in

He listens for it to land but doesn’t hear anything...

“Geez that’s deep” he thinks, and begins looking for for an even bigger stone to try with

He finds a good sized boulder and tosses it in..

Once again, he doesn’t hear anything

Dumbstruck he looks around and finally he finds this huge log which he manages to lug over and push in

While he’s listening for it to land, all of the sudden, this goat comes running like a bat out of hell and runs right past him and jumps right in the hole!

Shaken, scared, and feeling like he’s in the Twilight Zone, the man runs out of the forest

As he’s walking out, he comes across a farmer..

“Hey, just so you know, there is an absolute abyss in those woods back there” the man tells the farmer

“Never mind that, have you seen a goat by chance?” the farmer asks

“Uhhh, yes, as a matter of fact I did. In fact this goat ran as fast as you would ever imagine and jumped right in that hole I was talking about!!”

“Nah, that couldn’t have been my goat”, says the farmer.

“My goat was tied to a log”

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Removing the Failing Code-Alarm From a 2002 Jeep Wrangler TJ

I'm phrasing this title carefully, in case another Jeeper needs some help out there.

And your standard Internet Warranty applies - at no time does Ramblingmoose.com take any responsibilities for any actions that come from this article.  You perform any work on your car at your own risk.  If you feel uncomfortable with working on your car, take it to a qualified professional.  I'm not a qualified professional, I merely took the time to find the files out there to remove the alarm from my car.

Again - take this as help, but you are doing this at your own risk.  It "worked for me".



In the 16 years I have had the Jeep, I have done only two mods to it that effect the electrical system.

I upgraded the radio,  and that is powered off when the key is removed.

I ordered an alarm installed at purchase by the dealer.

That is the problem.  Since the car sits for a while between uses, the alarm was draining the battery dead.

I know that because whenever I went to run the car, it either would not start, or pressing the Disarm button would make a strangled noise from the alarm.  Most of the time the alarm was not working at all.

So in an effort to diagnose my electrical system, the thing had to go.

The goal is to render the car back to original manufacture or as close as possible to it.  Since the alarm noise maker under the hood had rusted to the point where it may do more damage than good in removing it, I'll leave that and the valet switch in place.

I also ended up removing the bypass switch from the glove box and repurposing it as an ignition kill switch.

So the car starts without the alarm now as long as that switch is in the right position.

To determine whether you have the right alarm system, you have to look at the alarm itself. 
Luckily for me, I had the model sticker still on the front after 16 years.

Taking that sticker and the number on it, I had to search to see if it made any sense. 

No, it hadn't.

I went back out into the car and flipped the thing over. 

On any electronic appliance that transmits  over the radio waves in the US, there must have been an FCC Sticker.  That sticker has and FCC ID Number.  The FCC never forgets, and that information can be searched on. 

That number told me that it was from Code-Alarm and that it was an EVS II (two).  It told me who was responsible for this at Code-Alarm and some other information that was all worthless.   You see, Code-Alarm, having being bought up by Audiovox which became Voxx International, those people and the original documentation are not completely available.

Documentation you will want to get.  This is a link to the original instructions by Code Alarm and Chrysler to the tech on how to actually install the alarm system.  In case my instructions get to be too much, check this link.

The View Behind the Knee Kick Panel of the Wiring Bundle After Work


To achieve this, you need to remove the knee kick panel under the steering column.  Two Phillips screws.

Then remove the shroud from around the steering column and key.  Two Phillips screws.

Both will give you ample room to work with.  I had a lot of trouble working in the tight spaces, and really could have used a "Jeep Chick" with her smaller hands and body.  But you do what you can with what you have, even if you are a bruiser of a guy like me.

The way I did this was to remove both connectors from the alarm control computer box and that rendered the car immobile.

There are two connectors, a 6 pin and a 22 pin connector.  The connection to the ignition is in the smaller 6 pin connector.  The wires in question are the two yellow ones of the same thickness - one is solid yellow and the other is yellow with a black stripe. 

There is a third yellow wire on the 6 pin connector that goes to a kill switch in the glove box compartment.  I used this wire for testing and later for a kill switch.



Ignore the other wire harness for now.  I actually left it in place because I had to travel somewhere, but that is the feed to the alarm emitter under the hood (black and red), plus a bypass (brown wires).  The remaining wires are to a shock sensor, hood switch, light sensor, and back door switch.  I am purposely ignoring them for now since as I said, I left that harness in place.

From the original installation document:
  • Blue - Jumpered off the ignition harness (To be Cut)
  • Red - Jumpered off the 12+ Volt line in the ignition harness (To be Cut)
  • Yellow - To Ignition Side of the yellow ignition line (To be re-joined at harness)
  • Yellow with Black Stripe - To Starter Motor side of the yellow ignition line (To be re-joined with the yellow ignition line above)
  • Black - To Ground (To be Cut)
  • Yellow - Thinner solid yellow line - (To door on/off switch.  Reuse as kill switch)

Trace the thicker yellow and yellow black striped wires from the 6 pin harness back to the steering column.  In mine, everything was wrapped in electrical tape.  

There is a yellow wire that goes from the wiring harness on the left of the steering column, and in mine, it was cut and spliced to the yellow and striped wires that came from the six pin connector.

I removed the spliced-in wires and had the original yellow wire parts from the jeep exposed.

Those two pieces must be reconnected to be able to start the car.  You can test it by clamping the ends together.  At this point the car was disconnected from the alarm, and the car was able to start when I connected the wires together.



Now, a variation.

In order to clear out the alarm box, the box was now hanging on the floor with its two wires.  The grey wire is the antenna to the alarm.  The yellow wire runs under the dash to behind the glove box.  That yellow wire had a switch on it and I wanted to use that switch as a kill switch.  Flip it one way and the car can be started, the other way and it's never going to start.

Good idea huh?

Since the yellow wire on the steering column was too short for me to comfortably connect using butt connectors on that 88 degree (31 c) morning, I got frustrated and this idea.

I connected one end of the switch to one end of the yellow steering column wire that came from the ignition key switch.  The second end of the kill switch went to the other end of the yellow steering wire.  That second end of the wire disappeared in the wiring harness of the car.  Both ends were tidied up with crimp connectors, then taped over with electrical tape.

The kill switch was tested and then left in the car on the on position.

I got out of the car after putting all panels back in place and taping any dangling wires down.


End note:  I was at the point where the car would not start on the third day after driving it enough to charge the battery.  I just got back this Wednesday morning.  This was done and mostly written on Saturday after working on the car as I did it.  As I tested the connections, I'd turn the ignition enough to see if the starter motor would start.  Made sure to test it each intervening day but never drove it - so the battery was not really topped off.   This morning the car started like a champ and said that it's ready for duty.  (He's a Jeep after all) 

So we're golden and I found the problem!


Some History about Code Alarm and what happened with them after I got my Jeep.

Code-Alarm was a company that contracted with Chrysler for their installed car alarms.  The Jeep TJs were not coming from the factory with an alarm.  The alarm was installed at the dealer.  My dealer in Norristown, PA did a fine job of putting everything in place and it worked well for 15 years.

In the intervening years, the niche manufacturer Code-Alarm got bought out by Audiovox.  Audiovox later renamed itself as Voxx and that is where it is today.

So the Alarm in my Jeep is an orphan product.  If you have one in your car, it may be a good idea to look into removing it or replacing it.  In my case a wee little switch is enough.

Maybe Voxx International can help.  Or perhaps Chrysler/Jeep or whoever is owning them these days.  Or maybe they could just bring back the Jeepster...

Sunday, August 19, 2018

Why are postmen so good at telling jokes? They’re great at delivery.

Since it is Sunday when I post this, it's perfect for today.   And, Hey! It's a double feature too!



A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
 
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
 
He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
 
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..'
 
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
 
Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'





An oldie, adapted, and a goodie.


A plane was about to crash. It had four passengers, but only three parachutes.

First out was a top football player. He said: "My team counts on me, and my millions of fans will be devestated if I die". He took one of the chutes and jumped out.

Next was Donald Trump. He said: "I’m the smartest president america has ever had, and I’m loved all over the world." He took the second chute and jumped out.

The last two were the pope and a 10 year old boy. The pope said to the boy: "I’m old and don’t have many years left, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Also, I’m sure to go to heaven. You take the last parachute, and God be with you."

The boy replied: "Thank you for thinking of me, but there is no need for that. The worlds smartest president took my backpack."

Saturday, August 18, 2018

I had to quit my job as a personal trainer. Yeah, I gave em my too weak notice

As I am in the driveway at 9am or so on a Saturday Morning, it's already 87 or 30C.  I'm up to my elbows in trying to remove something electrical from the Jeep.  You see, 16 year old cars have things that ... fail.

If it is 87F/30C (and a wee bit) even with the breeze coming in off the ocean, it's hot.   It's going to get hotter later so got to get this done.

At any rate, enough whining, at least the car starts, right?

Here is a short one for you in case you're paying attention.



Phillips screw head.jpg

By en:User:Cburnett - Own work. Canon Digital Rebel with a 100mm macro lens., CC BY-SA 3.0, Link


Damn, I used to hate these things!

Oh and if someone tells you to get the "Blinker Fluid" from a car parts store... they are trying to get you to embarrass yourself, there is no such thing!




Get me a phillips screwdriver

Based on a true story.

A mechanic was working on a car that was outside the workshop. He needed a phillips screwdriver. He told his new apprentice 'Get me a phillips screwdriver'.

The apprentice ran off into the workshop. After 20 minutes he still hadn't returned. Frustrated, the mechanic went and got the tool himself and finished the job. Another 15 minutes passed and the apprentice comes huffing and puffing and flustered.

'Where the hell have you been?'
'I couldn't find Phillip!!!!'

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Propagating Croton

When I got this house, we had Litrope in front.  It's a thick grass that looks rather nice as a ground cover but it had intermingled with the Macho Ferns and a whole host of weeds that were in those spaces. 

Yes, it really was called Macho Fern.
No, I don't know why.

Problem was that it looked like hell warmed over with all that mixing going on so I took it all out with a weedeater over a period of weeks.

I put in some landscape cloth to hold the weeds back and mulched over it but it looked sterile.

We wanted some plants we could grow that did not grow too quickly, gave color, and needed only a little care.

Liking the look of it, we settled on Croton.  They are always colorful with a riot of red, yellow, and orange leaves.  Very slow growing in our beach sand soil here.  And no spines like my bougainvillea.

I swear I give a pint of blood every time I work with bougainvillea.

But most everything else on the property is from cuttings that I took here or there.  Since I live where you vacation, I knew that Screw Palms were easy to propagate, so I put two stands of it in the island in front of the house.  My Podocarpus was propagated into a new hedge to block the trash cans, there's some variegated Hibiscus that grows just about anywhere from cuttings - just snip and stick into the ground.

And I waited.  The Screw Palms established themselves immediately but that Croton is doing what it does, grow slowly.  

The Croton got leggy so I did what they do at any real landscaper would do - I took cuttings of that.  They almost all started to grow - slowly.

So if you are planning on doing this on your own, expect between 80% and 90% success rate on Croton. 

Here are the steps I took to propagate:

1) Find a length of branch that is about 8 to 12 inches long (20 to 30cm).  Make sure that there are leaves at the end and no obvious pest infestations.  Trim most of the leaves up the branch.

2) Rooting Hormone.  Yes, this is required for Croton.  Dip the end of the branch to about a half of a thumb length into the powder.  Be generous with it.

3) The planting.  I have had success with simply sticking cuttings into the soil, however my front garden is well watered.  If you use a pot with good potting soil, make sure that it is well drained.

4) The Watering.  Every single day.  Without fail.   For a Month.  Two months is better.

5) The Waiting.  A month should do it, but again, two is better.  This will allow roots to become
established and for you to find some green leaves begin to show.  During this time, most if not all of the original leaves will drop off.   The cuttings will look like they are dead after they drop off those leaves but give them time.  The ones in my "nursery pot" only have two wee little leaves at the top on some of those sticks, and the ones in the front garden are younger on the left, the more established on the right of that first picture.

6) Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  That first picture up top is a couple iterations of this process.   I started when the rains started back in April.  Since we have distinct wet/dry seasons, I'll be able to get one more "crop" in before the rains stop in December.   The ones on the left of the first picture will be joined by the ones in the nursery pot, and I will start more very shortly from that tall leggy beast on either side of the lower growing ones.

None of these plants are really that old, I started this back in spring.  They do take their time getting established but they will grow.

Oh and an aside, if you find any scale insect or any other pests, a good removal spray is a teaspoon of dish soap and a tablespoon of vinegar to about 20 ounces or 600mL of water in a spray bottle.  I had one of those Crotons that was infested with scale that died before I tried the spray.  That was what got me started with all of this

Sure the plants are not all that expensive, but I like a good challenge, and plants that I created is always a good way to make sure that I'll continue an interest.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Why did the hippy drown in the ocean? He went way to far out, man

A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the booths there, apparently they serve this really delicious boozy drink made with a whole mishmash of local fruits. Very popular; people go to the Awa Club just to get this drink. And also enjoy the live music of course.

We were leaving Hawaii the next day, and I still hadn't gone, and wanted to go that evening, but I was there with my family, and my wife had the car. The Awa Club was about 15 miles away (24 km).

So I decided to walk. It was a sunny afternoon, pleasant weather, so a walk on the beach seemed reasonable. But after a few kilometres, the warm sun felt blisteringly hot. So I continued my walk through the water.

The cool water was a great relief, and I proceeded happily toward my goal, waves lapping my legs. I was making good time and distance, until I stepped on something sharp... Right through my sandal.

It hurt like hell! I lifted my foot, and there was a sea urchin stuck to the bottom. I hopped around, looking for a stick to knock it off with.

The beach was a desert around here, though; just black sand and lava rock, a few tufts of grass. But I did notice a piece of driftwood about 200m away.

I hobbled over on my heel, avoiding the water for fear of more urchins, and used the driftwood to lever the spiny creature off of my foot. Then I had to contend with the bleeding.

I probably should have turned back, but at this point I was committed. Looking forward to relieving my pain with some music, some food, and the famous cocktail I'd heard about.

So with the sun starting to sink in the sky I hobbled onward with still a few miles to go, trudging through sand and hot sun. I finally arrived at the Awa Club, parched and limping, aching for a drink.

When I got there the bouncer saw I was a mess, but he took pity on me and let me in. I soon spotted the beverage booth, but it was as popular as advertised: the queue was enormous. I dejectedly joined it.

In line in front of me was a friendly local. She noticed how rough I was looking and asked if I was ok. I told her the whole story. She was shocked. "You came all this way just for a drink?"

I nodded. "Wow," she said. "That was a long walk to the punch line."

Saturday, August 11, 2018

How does a vegan cow introduce itself in Spanish? Soy milk!

With all the Spanish that I have been practicing lately trying to learn the language...

In case you don't get that, "Soy" Is Spanish for "I am".

Then again if you have to explain the joke, oh BAH!


Art Collector

An attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $5-10 million. I think she could be right."

Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."


Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Careful What You Say In Front Of Your Dog - They Learn, Rack Did

I remember once I was watching my neighbor's dog, Ellie.

Ellie was trained, pretty well.  She knew to put her paw on you when she needed something.  She was just not too good at explaining what she wanted.

On her best day, she was a dog.  Don't expect them to be human, they don't speak English.

But, they do understand it.  In fact I think it is fair to say, they understand it better than you might expect.

When my nephew Jon was a toddler, he thought I was James Brown the Soul artist.  You see, I can do a pretty good imitation of JB singing "Static!" from the song that was popular back then.

Now mind you I could not pass for James Brown at all, and while I am a fan of his art, I can't say that a 6'4" 220 pound White Dude could lead an iconic Soul group.  Just don't have the "background" for it.

That's the thought that I had in mind lately.  You see, Rack is learning English and doing so
quickly.

The other day I was telling a friend how clocks work and some of the mechanical theory behind it.

For example, A Pendulum where the string or the shaft that holds the weight that is exactly 39.1 inches or 994 mm long is a special pendulum that swings once per second and back in another second is called a Second Pendulum.  Connect that to an escapement wheel and a gear with exactly 60 teeth and you have your second hand.

Rack heard me talking and describing all this, walked over and sat down at my feet.  He then looked up at me with rapt attention like I was describing the mechanics of the universe, and everything, and finished it with the meaning of life.


It is 42, just ask Douglas Adams.  You can't, he's gone, but if you ask the mice and they give you an answer, you may do best to get a towel and prepare for the Vogon Constructor Fleet and the subsequent demolition of Earth.

The point is that Rack, the McNab SuperDog (TM) Is a superb dog.  He knows how to Dog.  He's a dog of a lifetime, but that is because while I talk to him, I don't expect him how to Human.  This isn't Family Guy and he's not Brian.

Although if I could just talk to him with full comprehension for 15 minutes... please?

Oh well.

However that Non-Human-Person presents an interesting school of thought.  People learn Language through repetition and what is important to them.

The first thing I start to teach a dog is "Show Me".  They will learn other things first.  But "Show Me" is very important.  If you show me correctly you get what you want.

My first dog, Lettie, learned this in a week or three.  When she got older and lost her hearing all I had to do was to put my palms upward and she would walk to what she wanted or needed and I'd give it to her.

Much more efficient than rattling off a long list of things and being frustrated.   She knew that and Rack does too.

But he's not quite as perfect at it.  Where Lettie was a lead of the pack Alpha, Rack is a definite Beta at the back of the pack of the beta dogs.  He is learning that when I say "Show Me" I am giving him permission to ask for what he wants.

It's not perfect, on his best day, but he gets things across.

And that's the Dog in him.  There's miscommunication, lack of desire, and sometimes they just want attention.   As you can see, Rack sometimes just sits at my feet or stares up at me with twin brown laser beam eyes and wags his tail looking for a little attention.

Attention is a good thing.  Builds the bond.  Even if it is just sitting next to the chair you are in while you're surfing some mindless web page.

That is how I learned "BC" is Rack for "I am going to the front door and look to see if I can find my friend the little wiggly Border Collie from down the block".

Rack met a young female Border Collie shortly after that dog moved into the neighborhood.  She's also a bit submissive, and her energy is the same as Rack's is, so they get on extremely well.

Apparently I refer to her as The Bee Cee frequently because while paging through the internet, I made an aside comment under my breath.  I said "oh, BC".

Rack got up, looked out the window, came back and gave me a confused look.  He's far too passive to give me attitude.

"Oh, another thing you learned!  How about that!"  I'm learning Spanish so I can get out of the house without alerting him on the weekends.   For other reasons too, but teaching the people in the house that "Listo!" means I am ready to go is so far something he has not learned.

On the other hand, he knows I'm going somewhere because of the order things happen in preparing to leave.  I get full on ears up, tail wagging, brown laser beam eyes, and that gaping mouth open smile we all know. 

"Sorry, Rack, You Stay Home and Watch The House" results in his leaving the room after dropping the act with ears dropping, tail drooping and him begging other people.

Yes, Saturdays and Sundays can be annoying unless I actually find somewhere we can take him with us.

I'm in trouble when my dog learns Spanish.  Maybe Sign Language next, although dogs understand that.   We've already resorted to texting in the house so as not to tip off the boy.

So yes, on his best days he's Still a Dog, but Oh What a Dog!


Sunday, August 5, 2018

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A Son Shark tells the Dad Shark that he's hungry...

Dad Shark says "Ok son, well there's some people over there. Let's go eat them, but first we need to swim around them in a circle with our fin barely out of the water. Then we will swim around them again with our fin all of the way out of the water."

They do this and then the Dad Shark says "Now lets eat them".

Once the sharks are done eating them, the Son Shark asks,"Dad, why do we have to swim around them? Can't we just go right up and eat them?"

The Dad Shark replies," We could...but they just seem to taste better after you've scared the crap out of them."



A man gives a cookie to a child.

He says "you can have this cookie, but you have to dip it in milk for at least a minute." So the kid gladly dunks it in a glass of milk.

45 seconds pass, and it starts to fall apart in the milk. Just when it hits 1 minute, all that is left is a small piece in between his fingers.

"Mr! That's not fair, you knew it was going to fall apart," the kid says.
The man turns to him and says "Well, son, that's just how the cookie crumbles."

Saturday, August 4, 2018

What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? You slow down a little bit. Jeez...

After having read that topic line a couple times since I found it, I'm still laughing.  As for the joke below, you tell me!  At any rate, it's that Genie and his Lamp that keeps getting lost.   I picture it as you get your three wishes, then you toss the lamp.  You know, for security.  In case someone knows that you were the last one with it so they can cancel out your wishes.

Or maybe I am just reading way too much into it, right?

Here goes!



A man is walking along the beach with his wife when he stumbles upon an oil lamp poking from the sand...

Intrigued, the man picks it up and begins to rub the sand off it. To his surprise, a genie emerges from the lamp!

The genie says in a mighty voice, "As a reward for releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. However, your wife shall receive double of what you ask for."

Without hesitation, the man excitedly says, "I want a brand new sports the car, the best one there is!"

"Very well, it shall be done," the genie replies.

With a snap of the genie's fingers, the man is suddenly sitting on the seat of a magnificent new sports car. The man is overwhelmed with joy, but turns to see that his wife has TWO new sports cars, and they're as amazing as his!

"Well honey, looks like I won't have to hear you complain about my driving anymore!" the man's wife says.

Annoyed, but not to be distracted from his new found fortune, the man quickly exclaims, "A million dollars genie! I want a million dollars!"

"Your wish is my command," the genie replies, before stacks of $100 bills materialize out of thin air and fill up the man's car.

The man is delighted and throws his new found wealth into the air, but then he turns and jealously peers at his wife, who has two cars overflowing with money!

Overcome by a jealous rage, the man turns to the genie and shouts, "GENIE, I WANT YOU TO BEAT ME HALF TO DEATH!"

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Dog Food Recipe Fit for a Human - in a Crock Pot

Yes, I sampled my dog's food.  The recipe is at the bottom.



For two thirds of my life I have managed what I eat closely.  I'm not a nutritionist, but that doesn't mean anything in many places in the US - you can say you are and you are one.

If I am going to a restaurant, I will skip a meal or a part of one and "Bank" the calories.   It's the only way to do it here or else you become a stereotype of what someone outside of the country thinks of us.

I have a nasty habit of being able to estimate calories "off the top of my head" and usually come in close since I have done it so long.

The idea of finding a recipe that is healthy is usually something I can do just by skimming it.

I rose to the challenge of getting my dog healthy when we got him. 



Rack is, or was a rescue.  He had worms that needed multiple treatments to clear him out.  He still has an allergy to Chicken and he is sensitive to Grain.

All that made it difficult to find just the right food to feed him. 

Add to that the rather casual attitude dog food manufacturers have towards their products and the constant dog food recalls I have been hearing about meant that eventually we stopped feeding Our Best Friend anything that came in a bag or a can.

The recipe I was using was a powder that I would add to water and ground beef but he's now quite bored with it, and never really liked it.



I guess a dog who doesn't like Broccoli is like most human kids.  Personally I enjoy Beef and Broccoli but my sense of smell isn't as good as his.

We hunted around for a recipe that we liked and I was sent one that cooks in a crock pot.

Basically it's a Beef Hash.  Since I make it with Human Grade ingredients, I had to try it.  Bland but edible.  I guess I would actually like the stuff if there was some curry or some hot sauce added to it.


When I gave it to Rack though, he devoured it.

Normally I have to give him encouragement to eat any food.  Tapping the bowl, shaking it, mixing it up, telling him it's time to eat.  It's tiresome.

With this stuff he started at one side of the bowl after asking for the thing by hovering very expectantly, and then finished it in one breath.



I guess he doesn't need any curry added to his food.

Anyway the Recipe

When selecting canned foods for your dog, make certain that you select the LOW SODIUM varieties since dogs have trouble digesting salt.  If you can't find LOW SODIUM, use Fresh or Frozen.

Again: Fresh is best, Frozen is second, and Canned is third in preference but Low Salt.

The Salt Limit stated here for a 33 pound dog is 100Mg Per Day.

If anything, this exercise made me more aware or the ridiculous amounts of salt we eat on a daily basis!

Ingredients:
  • Ground Beef - 2 1/2 Pounds or 1.13 KG (I used 80% lean)
  • Water - 4 cups or 1 Liter
  • Brown Rice (dry) - 1.5 cups dry - 355g.
  • Kidney Beans - Canned, 15 ounces or 425g washed and drained. 
  • Butternut Squash puree - Canned, 15 ounces or 425g
  • Peas (frozen) - 4 oz or 1/2 cup or 113g 
  • Carrots (Raw is best or frozen) - 15 ounces or 425g

Process:

This uses a 6 quart/Liter crock pot on low for 5-6 hours or high for 2-3 hours.  Food should be cooked to a temperature of 165F or 75C 'Internally'.

  • Add the ingredients to the crock pot in any order. 
  • Stir ingredients so that they are evenly mixed.
  • Cover the crock pot and turn it on low for 5-6 hours or high for 2-3 hours.
  • Stir periodically, I did every half hour to an hour or so. 
  • Cook to 165F or 75C to allow wholesome goodness for Puppy!
  • Allow this to cool completely before serving.