This is why I will never actually BUY a new Apple product.

Strap yourselves in, it's going to be a rant.

I am fortunate in that I have someone who occasionally gives me fairly current, but not new, iPhones.   They are still quite usable but not brand spanking new.

Mind you, had they been Androids, I would have rooted them and neutered the "google spying" on me with a hosts file but that's besides the point. 

I prefer to be in control of my own technology devices and not have to trust in a walled garden whether it be iOS or Android or Mac or god forbid, Windows.

A Walled Garden from any manufacturer does not benefit you, the end user, eventually.  It starts as a curated set of experiences that are for "your best experience" and eventually get corrupted into a spyware or commercial nightmare, or both (See Windows).

This is being written on a Debian Linux based computer that just purrs and does what I want. 

My current "daily driver" is an iPhone 12.  The problem is that the battery has faded to 81% health.  Whatever the blazes that is supposed to mean.  The end result is now that I wake up and the phone that was at 100% battery at 8:30 at night before the dog walk and sleep, is at 56% at 5:15 AM. 

Who are you talking to while I am asleep?  I don't know, I don't know why you are using battery other than to poll my sport watch.

At 56% at 5:15 in the morning, when I have to immediately top off the battery to be able to take Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) for a first walk of the day gets very complex because I need this blasted phone to count my steps.

Levels of crap happen around me, usually sports related.

Bottom line is that the phone is "old" and failing to hold a charge.

So I went into the drawer that holds my "Inventory" of new-to-me phones and stumbled across the last phone that I moved off of before.  It was actually at a newer battery strength than the one that I am trying to move off of but I have others that are better.  Newer, with a stronger battery.

That means that my old-old phone is a candidate for "Erase and Remove" any trace of my self from it.

Here is where Apple truly earned my anger.

I told the phone that I did not want it. 
It immediately began a backup.
I hit "Skip backup".
It refused and demanded me to enter in a password for iCloud.
"Why?!?!?"
I typed in that password that I have on a spreadsheet and it rejected it.
FOUR TIMES.

Mind you, any other NORMAL operating system would have a little eye that would show you what you typed in clear characters but this being Apple, no.

"Hey Apple, you are Stoopid!" you may have heard me yell, or "similar".  Instead of it immediately giving me some sort of notification that it "got" what I was trying to do with it, the software simply sat there as if it were continuing on with its task.  No feedback, no way to verify what was happening.  Why would I need feedback?

After the fourth time, I used a normal laptop, this one, and a normal browser, Firefox, and logged in to iCloud with my password of record from the spreadsheet I keep.

So here I am an hour into this process.
iCloud logs me in and demands that I consider upgrading the account. 

No.  I am free, it gives me a whopping 5GB of storage.  Never mind that the phone has 256GB of storage on it that I can't access except by jumping through hoops, it wants me to spend more.  NO!. 

Nonsensical way of doing business, nag your customer until they go to the competition. 

Seeing that I have a rooted android phone on the desk, I am considering it.

The entire time that I am proving to this stupidly small, underpowered, and fragile device that I am using the correct password but it refuses to accept it, I'm feeling myself get more and more angry.

I simply wanted to get off the phone.  I did not care what was on it.  I did not want to save anything from it. 

It would not allow me to do it gracefully so what did I do?

With an evil grin I did what many technology users would love to do.

Still wanna know?

I took it to my porch.
I put it on the porch where it was concrete.
I went back into the house in a fit of pique and...
I got the sledge hammer.

It felt great to pound the damn thing.
In fact it felt so good to do that, I did it a second time.

Why on the porch?  Because I was able to get the garden hose and saturate the phone.  It was now bent on a jaunty angle, and I saw that it was starting to smoke.

Good.

I hosed the thing down and it made many sad Apple noises as it released the magic smoke.

In case you think I should have sent it off to be destroyed, securely, I will.  There is an electronics recycling event that I will take the accursed device to in the future along with some other old iPhones so old that they were orphaned by the accursed Apple.  Iphone 5 was the oldest, the newest being an 8 that is going to go to a new home in another state.

So if you have a Mac Book Pro?  I can fix it for you by installing Debian Linux on it.  In the case of the iPhones?  I hate them myself, find yourself an e-recycler and go for it.

As for Apple?  You will never see a penny from me, your practices seem to be designed for me to need blood pressure medications, and your websites are crap.

Add a button to enter passwords in the clear.  If I click on it, it's because I am feeling safe.

As Red Forman says in That 70s Show... Dumbass.
As Red Forman says in That 90s Show... Dumbass.

Have you ever seen fruit preserves being made? It's jarring!

 Why, Yes!  Yes I have.  I do it frequently, in fact I also can the mango jam, there are 12 jars in the bedroom hiding from prying eyes!  :)

And since the Olympics are going on in Paris right now, this seems appropriate.






The Olympics start in soon, but four year ago they were in Tokyo and Marjorie Taylor Greene were newly elected to Congress. She went with several other GOP Representatives (Darrell Issa and Young Kim) to the games.

They were all thinking that since they were in Congress, they could get right into the Olympics, but of course those are tough tickets to come by.

They went round back to see if they could sneak in, but there was a guard at the rear entrance which is also where the competing athletes entered. Kim looks around and sees a long pole on the ground and gets an idea. She grabs the pole and walks up to the guard and says "Kim. Canada. Pole Vaulting." The guard thinks she's an athlete and let's her in.

Issa sees this and thinks he could try too. He grabbed a manhole cover and walked up to the guard. "Issa. Scotland. Discus." and the guard let him in.

Marjorie is looking all over for something to help get her in and sees a bale of barbed wire. She grabs the bale and proudly exclaims to the guard...

"Greene, United States. Fencing."


(She really isn't all that bright is she?)

What if Zebras are actually Horses wearing Pajamas?

Medical Insurance is why I am currently wearing two watches.  
First, one to tell time, it's my now Vintage Seiko Diver's Watch and I really like it.
One to monitor athletics.  Steps, heart rate, GPS, and so on. 

I really can't think of a better way to do it even though it looks odd.




Creation of Medical Insurance

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that ?" And Man said, "Yes !" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the feast!!!

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it
"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave salad leaves and cucumber and tomatoes, so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that ?" And Man replied, "Yes ! And super size them !" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed & created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then The Satan created private medical insurance…!!!

Rack, Have We Taught You How To Lie? Teaching an old McNab Dog new tricks.

Rack is getting older now.  We've had him since 2012, at this point we think he's going to be 13 in September 2014. 

He was a very fearful dog.  Terrified of just about anything. 

In fact, I got him to stop "Counter Surfing" by leaving metal bowls on the counters balanced close to the edge.  One wet nose later, one hit the floor and he tried to run out of the kitchen to get away from the clattering din.  It looked like a cartoon character trying to escape.

Some dogs don't get a good grip on the floor right away, and that was our boy Rack.

Now, they will tell you that if you can't train a McNab Dog, you can't train a dog.  I find that to be completely true.   He's amazingly easy to train.  He picks up things both simple and complex and is smarter than some folks.

Just ask me about my one neighbor if you get me aside some day.

But he is getting older.  He has had a bout with cancer in the Anal Gland.   Yes, butt cancer.  If you don't laugh, you will cry.

However he seems to be handling it well, no real issues other than the surgery changed his scent.  It's stronger. 

Being older also means that he's going to have a weaker bladder.  Doggy Depends are a pain to use and he's not ready for that.

What we did was to ask him what he wants, literally.

"Rack! Do you want to go out back?"

If he needs the tree, he will get up and walk to the back door.  On there, I have a string with some elephant bells.  They were from my sister's wedding years ago, and I keep them here.  Rack will go to the back door and ring the bells.  They aren't loud but I will know when he wants out.

There are places where he can go out and empty his bladder, privately.

Since we are in Florida, the sun on a black and white dog, will make him quite hot.  On coming back in, he hits the water bowl and drinks up.  Then off to his corner for some quiet time on the cool tile in the corner near my rocker.

I'm normally off my rocker, but this starts the cycle again. 

I have learned that after two hours to ask if he wants out.  He is smart enough to know when he wants out.  If he doesn't he will hesitate.

This is the thing about a McNab.  They live to work, they live to please their people.  Since I am Big People here, he will go out regardless of whether he needs it or not.

However, this has been corrupted.  We taught the little guy how to lie. 

If he really does not have to go out to the tree, he will do a quick circuit of the yard and haul back to the door.   Usually faster than I can get out of the back room. 

I will wave him back out to the tree and he will go.  But he will not do anything.

If I wave him again, he knows that he can go around the corner, out of sight, and after a short count, he will trot back.  Knowing that he did not do what I asked, his demeanor is just a little bit subdued.

Yes, he lied.
Yes, he knows he did.
Yes, on some level even he is ashamed of telling a fib.

Ok, it's a fib.  But if I get involved in doing something else... well I may not have time to make you comfortable you furry little dingus.

See, a McNab is more like a non verbal child.  They hear you, they learn, and they always have their own agenda.  The agenda is to please you, because you are their job.

I have said that if I were to do it over, I'd have talking buttons.  On the other hand if I did... he'd be talking my ears off.  Most likely at 2 in the morning, but he would know how to get his point across. 

I was out for my workout today, and it's time for our lunch routine.  We have to respect the process.  The process is feed Rack, then he comes back into the kitchen and looks expectant.  I say "Show me what you want".  He always walks me over to the high cabinet over the oven where I keep his cookies and looks at it.  "Here, do you want your cookies?" I ask as I try to get him to take the entire closed bag.

Of course silly human, I am not allowed to have the whole bag, so lets move to the next step.

Picking out a small cookie I toss it to him so that he can catch it in air.  Then I count out three more and put them into his "cookie ball" so he knows that they are there.  I may have him wave or down or other little useful tricks and then hand him the ball and send him on his way.

We are not done yet.  It gives me time to start cooking my own food, but when he comes back, he wants out to the back yard.  Asking me for out by ringing the bell, I let him out.

Yes, it is July and Noon, and Sunny so I know he will have water and ...

You know the drill.  Respect the process.  Two hours later:

"Rack!  Lets go out back!"

What do you call a skydiving cow? High Steaks

 A Wee bit late, but I have "Green Numbers" today.  When I record my workouts, if I hit 26.2 miles on the bike, the numbers show as bold and green. And if you are reading this on the wordpress mirror, I forgot to hit "Publish" so you're getting two little gems for the day.

Sorry about that!

We like Green Numbers.

Anyway... If you would like a little bit of "edge", here you go.  I'm off to rehydrate.  Remember, no matter where you are, rehydration is important!



A magical mall where men are sold is built on a street. It has seven floors. If you go up one floor and don't find a man there, you can't go down. A woman goes in.

There is a sign on the second floor that says: “The men have jobs.”
Then she sees a sign that points to the third floor: “On the third floor: The men have jobs and want children.”

The woman goes upstairs. Then she thinks to herself: “Oh, one stick will still work!” She continues walking. A sign there reads: “The men have jobs, want children and look good.”

Then she says to herself: “I’ll go up one more floor!” She goes up. It says: “The men have jobs, want children, look good and do housework”. The woman then wonders what is waiting for her on the next floor. She moves on. On the sixth floor it says: “The men have jobs, want children, look good, do housework and have a romantic streak.”

The woman can't stand it and goes to the next floor. It says: “This floor just shows that women are impossible to please.”

A magical mall selling women opens across the street. Same rules. On the second floor: “The women are horny”. On the third floor: “The women are horny and doing housework.” No man has ever set foot on the floors above.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

Since there is a cow joke for the topic, here's something farm related.

For the Ladies...


A 65 year old married couple are sitting in their home and suddenly, the woman says:

"I want to tell you something. Go to the barn, go to the farthest bale of hay and bring what is there."

So the man goes to the barn, goes to the bale of hay and behind it, he finds a box with 3 eggs and 100 000 dollars inside. He brings it to the home, and the wife says:

"Every time we made love for the 45 years we have been married, and I wasn't satisfied with it, I put an egg into the box..."

So the husband is happy that in 45 years, she didn't like it only three times, but wonders what does the 100 000 dollars mean. And the wife continues:

"...And each time there were 12 eggs in the box, I went to the market and sold them!"

Apparently, I'm getting a reputation at a golf pro shop for a sport I don't participate in.

 I might be getting a reputation.

I was sitting on the bumper of my Jeep.  I do that twice a workout, after every 9 miles on the trails.  On the bike it takes about 35 minutes, or at least it did last time out.

It was a short workout, only 23 miles.

No, it's not a "humble brag".  Before shattering the second clavicle, I was doing four marathons a week, two on the bike, two on the inline skates. 

I have a theory.  It's more like a rule of thumb, but follow along:

For me, at my own pace, at my own weight and so forth....

Walking is the base amount of effort.  You walk along and do your thing and cover your distance and are happy.

Next is Running.  That initiates the rule of 2/3.  It takes you 2/3 the effort to walk that distance instead of running at your normal endurance pace.  Hmm 3/2 works too I guess.  50% more effort.

It's not scientific, it's only what I have noticed over multiple decades of endurance workouts.

Then comes biking.  This I can actually measure because now that I have the tech to do things scientifically, the sport watch tells me that it's 1800-1900 calories to the marathon.  That is actually a hyper-marathon since I tend to do 28 to 30 miles, and the numbers calculate out at a steady ratio.  66 per mile.

Finally Inline Skating.  I have skated for more than 24,500 miles total.  Each time I would do a marathon, my own calorie count came in at around 100 calories per mile.  There is that magic ratio again.  3/2 or 2/3 depending on how you "Math".

The conversation with a "park regular" went that way.  I was explaining that yes, biking in the soup we call weather in high summer in South Florida is taxing, and yes, that is why I am up at 515AM and on the bike before 730AM.  I prefer not working out at 92F and 75% humidity, but I have done so.

"I couldn't do it".
I said "Yes you could, you just have to 'train up' to the ability." 

He was over 60, good heart, and no other infirmities.  It would take time but it was achievable.

"I'll stick to golf I guess".
"Sure, at least you're out there with a workout you can do.  Hit 'em Straight!"

He wandered off to the pro shop.  I finished my water and cookies.  Some folks have power bars, I'm lazy and bring some easy to make Shortbread cookies.  Only 3 ingredients and I need more.  The butter is thawing on the counter.

After re-tuning the music to something a little more ... aggressive, I mounted the bike and rolled up to the pro shop myself.  I can get Ice and filtered water there.

I had some Uplifting Trance on the headphones as I was getting a handful of ice for the second water bottle and refilling it with water.  The manager at the shop started asking me about "this theory" and how accurate is it.

I have been doing "cardio" for decades, and since it is all endurance, it's all very stable.  Speed in a calm day is predictable, distance will be predictable, as long as conditions remain the same.  I even know that at 60-120 minutes past sunrise, the winds shift and get stronger off the ocean.  If I am planning on a 23 mile bike ride, I will get about 1400 calories burned, a 28 mile hyper marathon should be around 1850.

"How about Golf?" He asked.
"I never tried it, I'd have to do a round with the sport watch on."

At this point we had a bit of a crowd around and I slipped into Trainer's Mode. 

"I guess walk the course and get a measurement, it should come in higher than a walk and lower than running.  For me I'd guess around 400 calories per hour."

Just a guess.

It really does reduce to a systemic set of equations, at least for me.  All the way back-in-the-day to running 10Km around Valley Forge National Park with the radio tuned ironically to BBC World Service. 

Since it's raining though, I'm going to sit here and watch it fall.   Rack just trotted to his hiding place under the table since it dared to rain and he's watching me to see if I can make it stop.

Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head

Having just got back from a Sunday 28.1 mile workout on the bike, I was noticing the demographics of who plays golf at a municipal course and thought this might be typically "Inappropriate".



 Okay so there’s a guy named Jerry…

Jerry works as a hit man and works contract to contract.
He doesn’t know who hires him, it’s all confidential.

One day Jerry gets this really odd contract for a hit on these three senior citizens in an old folks home.
He’s not sure why someone would want three elders dead, but he accepts the job.
He figures he could probably easily sneak in after dark and smother them in their sleep so it looks like a natural death.

When he arrives, he’s surprised to see that they are actually expecting him.
Turns out they were the ones who contracted him, and they wanted to go out in a spectacular fashion unlike any other person slowly dying of old age.

After much deliberation, Jerry reluctantly agreed and killed the three elders per their request.

The next day, Jerry mentions his recent contract with some other hit men, and they found the story to be quite entertaining with the surprise twist and all.
From then on they always referred to that story as the Jerry-Hat-Trick.

Singing in the shower is great! until you get soap in your mouth then it's a soap opera!

Hmm, that reminds me that my soap supply is getting low and I'm getting a gallon of coconut oil to make more today.  60% Olive oil, 30% Coconut oil, 10% Shea butter in 4 pound bricks.



I may have to schedule more kitchen time!


 
A lady was intrigued by these alligator boots she’s heard about

She went to a shoe store and asked for it but was taken aback by the sheer price. “Why on earth would this pair of shoes cost 40 times more than any regular shoes?” She exclaimed.
Offended by the lady’s ignorance, the storekeeper snapped at her, “If you want it cheap, go and fetch the ‘gator yourself!”
“Fine! I’ll do it!” Yelled the lady as she walked outside and slammed the door shut.

After a few minutes, the shopkeeper felt bad and wanted to find the lady and apologize.
He went to look for her, and finally found her in a river, wrestling an alligator.
On the river side, two alligators laid dead.
After a short struggle, the lady managed to defeat the third alligator and lifted its entire body out of the river.
“Damn it!” She exclaimed. “This one’s not wearing boots either!”

Graham Cracker Pie Crust Recipe

This seems to be the same recipe everywhere, and I am finally breaking down and doing it.  I had some small aluminum cups that needed to be used in the kitchen, so I made small pie shells out of this.

You can turn your toddler onto this.
You can make this with no electrical mixers, although a food processor is best.
You can do this completely by hand.

Melt your butter.
Break your Graham Crackers down into a mealy flour.
You can blast them in a food processor or put them into a plastic bag and use a rolling pin on top.

I Packed the Graham Cracker mixed with Butter and Sugar using a tablespoon, then evened it out with my fingers.  It had a modeling clay consistency and formed the sides well.

If you are using an 8 or 9 inch pie shell, this should be done with a square bottomed cup to form the bottom evenly as well.

Ingredients: Makes one 8 or 9 inch pie crust.

• 1 1/2 cup of Graham Cracker Crumbs.
• 1/3 cup of Granulated/Table Sugar.
• 6 Tablespoons of melted unsalted butter.
• Optionally add a small amount of cinnamon or vanilla.  (or not!)

Process:

• Mix all three ingredients evenly.  Best to use a food processor or be patient.
• Pack the mix into the bottom of your pie pan/ramekins and work them up the walls if needed to form a shell.
• Packing can be done with a small measuring cup or your fingers.

• Bake at 350 for 10 minutes.
• Allow to fully cool before using.

What is the most groundbreaking invention of all time? A shovel

High Summer here in South Florida with heat emergencies and all those duck and cover warnings here.  I'm sure it's the same right up the coast and inland too.

Remember to hydrate, folks!


 In the dead of winter a magical little leprechaun snuck it's way into a village house to escape the cold

The lady of the house caught him in her bedroom and tried to shoo him out with a straw broom. The leprechaun refused to leave, and said "I'm not going back out there, it's bloody freezing!"

The lady of the house told him she doesn't care. And to get out. The leprechaun gets mad and says that if she doesn't stop hitting him with a broom, he'll use his magic to turn her husband into a hippopotamus. The lady keeps swatting at him, and the leprechaun said "That's it!" and his eyes glow red. But nothing happens to the man in bed nearby.

And the leprechaun says "I don't understand. Why didn't your husband turn into a hippopotamus?"

And the lady of the house says "Who said that's my husband?"

What kind of soap does a pig use? Hogwash.

A bit of dark humor for the morning?


A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady : "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied : "Oh Well now That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Shortbread Cookies With Only Three Ingredients - Perfect for your Mid-Workout Break

Why did I say mid-workout break? 

Basically I've got the afterburners going, and need the fuel.  My workouts are two plus hours of cardio.  After an hour I sit on the bumper of my Jeep and have a cookie and a thermos of ice cold water.

For athletes, keeping fueled up is important, and I am at the point where I have a get out of jail free card to eat junk once I hit my Macro Nutrients.

So you folks benefit with me finding new and easy recipes.

First - All ingredients are to be room temperature.  Butter has to be creamed.

Second - Once the cookie dough is made, throw it into the refrigerator and get it cold.  It rolls out better that way!


Ingredients:

1. 2 Sticks of ROOM TEMPERATURE Butter (One Cup, 8 Ounces).  I use unsalted.
2. 1/2 Cup Sugar (Powdered but granulated or other will work.)
3. 2 Cups All Purpose Flour

Process:

1. Cream Butter in mixer.
2. Add in your Sugar to mixer.
3. Add in the Flour to mixer.
4. Get everything smooth and evenly mixed.
5. Chill dough in refrigerator until firm.
6. Roll out dough on well floured surface to about 1/2 inch thick.  (a little more than 1 CM).
7. Preheat Oven to 350F, Medium, 180C.
8. Place Cookies onto Parchment Paper or Silpat.

Baking: This is done by eye, but bake for 15-20 minutes, until the edges start to turn a little tan.  Or to taste.  I'm not your boss, just your recipe book!  :)