I noticed most musicians wear glasses. It's so they can C#

Ok so how about a little humor wrapped around a country stereotype.  I have a friend in Europe right now, and he's always talking about "The Angry German" in his Mercedes Benz especially when a fluid level is low.



 A British couple decided to adopt a German baby.

They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. 

Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a pastry, and said "It is a little tepid."

His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."



And since that was short... here are two more short ones!




 A man wins a pig at a fair and the host congratulates him, then asks him if he has a barn to keep the pig.
"Nah", says the man "I'll just keep it in the bedroom."

The host is taken aback and asks "But what about the smell?"
"Well", says the man "that's something the pig's gotta get used to."









My friend, who noticed a bulge in my pocket says "What's that"?

I said "Golf ball".

He says "Oh man, that must hurt! I had tennis elbow once."

Balsamic Barbecue Sauce Recipe. Yes, Homemade!

I was running low on ingredients.  My refrigerator held a vacuum packed slab of Pork Shoulder, Boneless.  

Where do they get Boneless Pigs, and how can they live without bones?

Anyway, I remembered that I lived near a restaurant supply store where I previously bought a gallon of Balsamic Vinegar. 

Yes, A Gallon.  Right around four liters if you prefer.

Most barbecue sauce has vinegar in it in some level and this recipe has saved me multiple times.

Since the Pork Shoulder was about 8 pounds (4kg), I wasn't going to soak it in the sauce overnight.  I merely coated it at 6 PM and then a top off coat an hour later at 7:30 in the evening.

At 9pm, I turned on the oven at 225F (107c) for 12 hours.  At 9AM I added another 2 hours.

Perfect.  I had a Slab of Meat that shrank some, but was at 205F (96c).  

At 11:30 I was able to eat some of the most buttery barbecue that I had in a very long time.  

This sauce you make at home, over the stove.  It took about 1/2 hour of total time, 15 minutes prep, 15 of simmering.  It thickened and I was able to say this is a winner again.

Yes, I used it on Pork but it works well with Beef, and Poultry.  Yes, I have done all three.

For my Vegetarian and Vegan friends and Family, try it on tofu or a Veggie Burger.  

It is awesome.  It is my go to barbecue sauce.

Ingredients: 

• 1 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper  

Process:

• Add the ingredients to a saucepan and stir until all the ingredients are incorporated and the mixture is smooth.
  Alternately add the ingredients to a blender and blend until smooth. 
• Simmer over medium heat until reduced by 1/3, about 15 to 20 minutes.
• Refrigerate and use fairly promptly like any homemade goods.

What happened after the wheel was invented? A revolution. (That's one way to spin it.)

 A truck carrying a shipment of Worcestershire sauce was driving through Loughborough, when it ploughed head-on into a Lamborghini Murcielago.

The truck then swerved and crashed into a Hyundai, carrying refractive geo optical accoutrements, severely injuring two ophthalmologists seated inside. 

One practitioner, originally from Saskatchewan , already afflicted with strongyloidiasis, instantly suffered an onset of hypercholesterolemia.

A local man, Tarquin Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh who witnessed the scene, alerted the emergency services using his Xiaomi smartphone.

A police spokesman later said

“It’s really difficult to say what happened here”.

And since that was a bit weird and shortish...

My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.

He said, 'You know, you could do better.'

'Thanks, Dad, that means a lot,' I replied.

He winked and said, 'I was talking to your girlfriend!'

What do you call an annoying chemist? A pain in the flask.

It's Saturday, at least I am sitting here writing it on one.  The weather is beautiful today so Summer has broken and we're in our Secret Season in Flaky South Florida. 

I'm about to go out and get dragged around town by Mr. Dog in the cool (75F) full sunshine before it starts getting warmer (85F) but before I go, have a trip on the Sesame Street Bus!






 The Sesame Street Bus

John was a semi-retired bus driver. His old employer would call him to fill in on days when too many folks called off. He and his wife Mary, who met at their mutual first job at McDonald's, were both retired.

One day, John gets a call from his old boss asking if he will come in and drive a route. He then asked, "Which route?" to which boss reluctantly said, "It's the Sesame Street Bus, John."

"Oh no! That route is full of weirdos!" John replied, but his boss was insistent and begged, eventually offering pay double. John, with his anniversary approaching thought about getting Mary the earrings she always wanted and VERY reluctantly agreed.

John dreaded the route, and true to form, the weirdness began at his first stop. Two women that could easily be on my 600lb life boarded, each saying, "Hi, I'm Patty," before taking a seat.

Later a man boards and says, "Hi John. Nice of you to help your old boss, and I agree that Mary will love the earrings." John, perplexed, replied, "Do I know you?" The man looked at him and said," No, but I'm 'Special Ross.' I have ESP." He paused and added, "Your singing voice will come in handy later." John shook his head and continued on the route.

Later, another man boarded with bare feet. He sat behind John and began digging into the bunions on his feet. The harsh aroma of limburger began to fill the air. John said, "What the Hell?" The man smiled and said, "I'm Lester Cheese, man!" John didn't want trouble so he finished off his route.

When he got home, Mary asked him about his day. He was about to recount it and instead chuckled, remembering what 'Special Ross' had said. He replied, "It reminded of our first job." To this, Mary asked, "How?"

John then sung, "Well, I had two obese Patties, Special Ross, and Lester Cheese, picking bunions on the Sesame Street Bus..."

Heat Gun plus Bone Broth plus Peanut Butter Jar Lid is how to get some Canning Jars

I joke, often, that I am on my way to becoming a 1950s homemaker.

When I bake, it is from scratch.  I have churned butter, made buttermilk, and biscuits on many occasions.  Dog food is from ingredients that I source in bulk from a Restaurant Supply Store, and I have multiple recipes from a maintenance diet to a diet for my own elderly dog.

I buy Beans and Rice in 25 pound bags. 

My counter, when installed in the house after a remodeling, we thought was a "landing strip".  Now it's cluttered with random ingredients.

Yes, I need to put away the flour.  It is in bags, and I think I have 12 pounds of the stuff laying around. 

I stock the kitchen with these Meta Ingredients because I enjoy baking.  I should since I am an extremely active person.  I measure workouts in multiples of "marathons" in two sports.

All of this baking and cooking requires a lot of storage space.  My own massive "American Style" refrigerator freezer is too small for the task.  It may be as tall as I am, but it is literally crammed with homemade goods that are waiting to me enjoyed as well as ingredients for the future.

I even have 8 cups of Mango Chunks harvested from the backyard tree that are waiting to be turned into Jelly.

The Jelly needs to be placed into Jars.  Of course, I taught myself home canning so that I could make a stupid amount of food and set it aside to be enjoyed when the trees are no longer bearing fruit.

Home canning can be an time consuming proposition.  You need all the tools to boil, sterilize, and store the food.  Boil your jars, lids, and tools for 30 minutes, fill with the food, then boil for 30 minutes more to make sure you don't end up with nasties that will explode your jars.  Botulism is not a joke.

That is only a rule of thumb.  There are of course little wrinkles here and there.  

I have been known to tailor my shopping to this.   If you were to follow me into a supermarket, I have a tool.

A Lid from a Jar of Peanut Butter.

Seems a little random, doesn't it?

Yes, I buy my jarred food based on whether the peanut butter lid will fit it.

Why?  Even now, there are plenty of food stuffs that are sold in glass jars.  There was a time where Plastic was something you only heard about in a movie like The Graduate and it wasn't in the home in wide varieties.  Even baby shampoo came in a glass bottle.  Not the best idea, your toddler or cat would knock that glass bottle on the floor, and now you had shards of glass where you might be in bare feet.

But the wrinkle is two fold.  If the peanut butter lid was the same size as your random glass jar full of Pickles or Broth, then the jar should be able to be reused to can more Jelly in.

I did say Mango Jelly, but I can get bags the size of my laptop full of various fruits out of season to make all sorts of things.  

Large jars.  I run them through the dishwasher and hopefully the label will release from the side so I can reuse them.  Anyone want 32 ounces of Jelly in a reused jar of Bone Broth?

But the comical wrinkle of this is the label.  They don't always release.

All those bumper stickers you see stuck to the tail end of the car in front of you in traffic, as well as the back of street signs, and laptop lids can be removed.

If they are stuck to a plastic thing, you may be stuck with them forever.

In Automotive Detailing, the rule of thumb is to try to peel the sticker off, gently.  If it doesn't come off, use a heat gun to loosen the adhesive but only on something that will take the heat.  Plastic bumper guards won't take to this treatment at all.

This is where I got the bright idea to try it on my jar of Bone Broth.  It's a fine size. It is a quart, or a liter if you must.  I was thinking that over the holidays season, I can fill it with some homemade something and send it off to family and friends.  Last year my Jelly was not very good as I was struggling with consistency issues.  The answer was to send off some of my own recipe mixes in jars with the recipe written on the side.  Having extra jars will help.

I was standing in the kitchen just this very morning under the stove hood.  I did not know if I was going to start a fire.  The heat gun says it produces 1000 degrees of heat directed at the target.  Paper burns at Fahrenheit 451 - hence the title of that book!

Loaded for bear!  I turned the stove hood on to vent fumes outdoors, pointed the heat gun at the label on the jar and started to melt the glue behind the label.

It was a success but in the process, that peanut butter jar lid I mentioned?  Well... it's in the trash, melted.  I should have removed it first! 

Oops.  It was early, and I was having a Senior Moment!

Get that label good and hot.  If it starts to char, turn off the gun and try to peel.  Then turn off the gun and set it down somewhere safe.  I used a serrated steak knife to peel off most of the label, then use it to remove most of the remaining goo.  When through, full strength dish soap and an abrasive stainless steel scrubby finished the job.

All nice and sparkly and waiting for whatever comes next.

Perfect size for a mix or to make iced tea until then.

Anyone up for some rather strong iced tea?  It's cooling in the bottom shelf of the fridge.

Let's go to the kitchen and have a glass!

I recently purchased a water bed. The wife's worried we'll drift apart

Since I know someone named Kevin, I can completely see him doing this.  On the other hand, he's like a border collie, and would have the office "tuned up" and running on a more normal basis than to allow this to happen.

Right, Kevin?




Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had....
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room..

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

Have you heard the story about the fish who fell in love, lost its slipper, and escaped it's abusive home? It's called Salmonella

 It has been a while since I have gone to a proper restaurant.  I get most of my food here from a restaurant supply so what you pay a lot for, I get in bulk, and I guess I know the cook.

On the other hand, a seafood restaurant does sound nice...



A woman goes out to lunch and she wants to try this new seafood restaurant.

When she’s seated, she looks at the menu. There are tons of choices that all look delicious. But she really wants to try the clams.

So she orders the clams and the waitress comes back with a lightly fried Alaskan cod in the form of a really thin rectangle.

“Excuse me, miss. This isn’t what I ordered. I ordered the clams.”

The waitress profusely apologizes and takes the plate back to get the order corrected.

She comes back with another thin rectangle of fish, this time it’s halibut.

Again, she gets the waitress’ attention and wants it fixed.

And again, the waitress apologizes and brings back another plate. Once again, it’s not clams, but this time it’s fried Pollock.

This time, the woman is furious and demands to speak to the manager about this unsatisfactory service and how she’s wasted her time on this restaurant.

When the manager comes out, the woman lets her have it.

“I’ll have you know this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever been through. How hard is it to get one order right? I just want clams, but all I’ve been given was fish!”

The manager nods, apologizing. “I’m sorry ma’am. But have you tried the food given to you? Maybe you’d like it more than the clams.”

The woman sputters, indignant. “No I’m not going to try it! Why on earth would you think I would try food I didn’t want in the first place!?”

The woman storms out, slamming the doors behind her. The waitress looks at the manager.

“What do you suppose her problem was?”

“I don’t know. I guess not everyone is a fan of fish shticks.”

A Look Behind the Fourth Wall of a Blogger. The Photo Roll.

I take a lot of pictures.

Far too many to put online.

I do enjoy them, and the whole act of photography.  Probably in a parallel universe who knows.  If CERN could have another weasel that got into the particle accelerator, and jump us into a more "normal" time line, who knows.

The raw stack of pictures, the large volume, serves as a memory booster.  What did I do, what was important, where are we going, when will we get there.

I am not saying anything new here.  We all had shoe boxes of photos "Back In The Day" where we kept our memories.  I have a book full of them from the trip to France we took when I was in High School.  There are even a few people from that time who have passed into memory.  

People come in to your life, stay a while, make an impression, and move on.  It's normal.

A lot of pictures of weird minutia.  

My own reflection in the meter of the gas pump turns up a few times, and no I won't put that here.  I do keep a bit of a record of how well I do on a tank of gas in the Jeep.  It helps me know if it needs service or not.

There was a time during the Covid lockdown where I went out and did some needed service to the car.  Once it was started, it could backfire, and run extremely rough.  It turned out that it needed new Oxygen Sensors, Fuel Rail, and other random parts.  16 MPG is bad enough, but 10?  No thank you.

So lots of Jeep Pictures.  I have had the car since 2002, and Wranglers in general since 1996.

Dog after dog picture.  Ok, so he's my muse.  As was Lettie before him, Rack is now an official Old Boy.  15 years old is old for a dog.  That bout of Pancreatitis last month was scary.  He's still here, still moving along, but he is also cutting his walks shorter.  This morning, the normal 2 mile walk was down to 1 1/2.  

The trick with a Herding Dog is teach them the lay of the land, then follow them.  If your dog takes you home, you have had enough too.

I'm an athlete, so it takes a lot to get me to say I've had enough.

Plenty of pictures in the camera roll of that.  Cycling and Inline Skating.  I need to "finish" skating.  I'm still about 400 miles from the lifetime goal of once around the world in miles.  

When I had my fall on skates, I lost my edge.  I need to find that back.  400 miles is not too long when you are an endurance athlete.

This may be a 3000 mile year on the bike.  Solidly Intermediate.  There are many who get on a bicycle and do 100 miles on a weekend.  I don't think I want that kind of a workout, it's too dangerous here because it puts you on the road with scary people who see you as a target, no matter how much spandex with bright colors you are wearing to scare them off.

I'll stick to the trails, thank you.

I'm sure that your picture roll, no matter where it is, is full of memories.  That is why we take a photo after all.

So before I bore someone, I'll move on.  Rack is guarding the door.  I think he's ready for the yard, and I know I need more Iced Tea.  Where ever you are, have an excellent life in front of and behind the camera.

Why is it so hard to get up in the morning? Newton’s First Law: A body at rest will remain at rest.

Even athletes get that.  On the other hand, a morning moving is better than a morning sitting on the couch saying "Why didn't I go for a workout?"!




Hiking

A dad comes home and sees his son with an expensive cell phone. "Where did you get that ?" he asks . 
"I bought it" the son says. 
"With what? Where did you get the money?" 
"I earned it while hiking ". 
"Hiking, what are you talking about?". 
"Well ,every day after you leave for work, the nice man across the street comes over to see mom, gives me 20 dollars and says "take a hike "."



Since it was short, here's another one!  Kind of a theme today I guess.





A blonde entered a swimming competition and came in dead last. It was not even close, as all the other women swimmers had gotten out of the pool, toweled their bodies, and headed to the changing room.

Finally, the blonde emerged from the swimming pool, went up to the referee in a huff and loudly complained that all the other swimmers had cheated.

“How did they cheated?” Asked the referee.
“This is a breast stroke competition, right?” Said the blonde.
“Yes.” The referee replied.
Indignantly, the blonde shouted “they all used their arms!”

I added my grandmother to my speed dial...I named her Instagram

Nothing like playing around on so called Social Media an hour before dawn right?




Did you know that Shakespeare’s girlfriend made delicious dairy drinks to entice young men to act in his plays?

That’s right: her milkshake brought all the boys to the bard.





The train ride

A professor sits next to a farmer on a train. Quickly becoming bored, the professor decides to suggest a game to pass the time.

"I have a little game for you," said the professor. "I'll ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you give me €5. Then you ask me another question. If I don't know the answer, I'll give you €500. What do you think?"

The farmer, intrigued, nods and agrees.

The professor begins: "What is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

Without saying a word, the farmer takes €5 out of his pocket and hands it to the professor.

Now it's the farmer's turn. He thinks for a moment, then asks: "What animal climbs a mountain with three legs and comes back down with four legs?"

The professor was taken aback. He racked his brains, reviewed everything he knew, consulted his notes, and tried to find a logical explanation. But nothing worked. Finally, he gave up, took €500 out of his wallet, and gave it to the farmer.

The farmer takes the money with a satisfied smile and settles down comfortably for a nap.

But the professor, curious and unable to leave the question unanswered, wakes him up and insists: "So, what is this animal?"

Without saying a word, the farmer takes €5 out of his pocket, gives it to the professor, then goes back to sleep peacefully.

French Toast on a Workout Day? Sure, as long as the goals are in sight.

When I was skating, in season, I would put on the inline skates and go 100 miles in a week.  That is a lot of distance, and a lot of calories to burn.  

Back and forth between Philadelphia, and past Valley Forge.  Schuylkill River Trail.  Pretty country for somewhere both near and in one of the larger cities in the US.

I had a routine.  Actually quite a few routines.  Pack plenty of water.  Pack plenty of snacks.  Load the iPod (remember those) with some tracks and audio books.  Get out to Oaks, PA and sit down on the bridge over the Perkiomen Creek and enjoy the sun.  Allow the heart rate to come down to a normal level. 

Then eventually return to the car and go home.

When I got home, I would have a meal to re-balance the blood sugar.  We figured that I would burn about 100 calories per mile of skating and a good long workout was three hours and 33 miles.  3300 calories burned.  

During Season, April to early November, dietary restraints went away.  It did not matter, and I had a Runner's High for Spring, Summer and Fall.  Off season, I had to aggressively adjust that intake.  Cutting your diet back by half is not an easy thing to do.

If I was not skating, I had a full weightlifting regimen along with miles of walking.  

That meal was typically some French Toast on the weekend.  Richard Hammond of Top Gear and The Grand Tour called it "Eggy Bread" and I suspect that fits just as well.

Today, I didn't skate.  I did, however, go to the park for a cycling workout.  The conditions here are still Summer Hot, so I cut the workout short at 20.23 miles.  32.5 km.  Ok, so I was an elite inline skater, but now an intermediate cyclist.

Came home and remembered that there was a loaf of Raisin Bread.  Cinnamon, Raisin, and Pecans.  Made up the typical custard of two eggs, two tablespoons of milk, and a dusting of Cinnamon, because, of course, I would.  

A rose by any other name. Raisin bread soaked in egg custard, pan fried in butter, coated in Maple Syrup, tastes just as sweet.  Real Maple Syrup.  None of that artificial pole syrup nonsense that is made by squeezing a telephone pole.  Tap a Maple Tree and distill the sap.  

It is what the doctor ordered.  Had that plate of one slice of French Toast for lunch about a half hour ago and I'm sitting here thinking that it should be enough.

It was that and more.  6.5 ounces of very heavy bread soaked until it absorbed all that custard, then cooked in the skillet until it tied together.  I'm thinking maybe 1000 calories.

No, it isn't a light meal.

I workout to eat, eat to workout.

I had a nutrition discussion with a restaurateur once.  She knew that I worked out heavily, typically 50 miles on inline skates on a weekend.  Ordering a piece of Chocolate Cake that is best described as a slab, I joked "Just One this time".

Massive Slab of Chocolatey goodness aside, I did say that once that was done, I was still hungry.  Resting Metabolism is still about a 3000 calorie burn plus the 3300 calories on the workout.

I get that Get Out Of Jail Free Card when I workout.  I do watch what I eat, but it is more from the standpoint of making sure I get enough fuel so that the afternoon nap is caused by a sugar crash and not a lack of enough to do. 

Find your ideal weight for age and conditions.  That ideal weight will tell you how many grams of protein you need per day.  For me that's 90 grams.  For you, your mileage may vary.  My own theory is to load the protein, evenly through the day, and fill with fat and carbs as needed.

Remember, Cardio is Your Friend.  Having a resting heart rate due to exercise that is low enough that the doctor is surprised is a goal.  Sitting on the bench, coach, is something to do once in a while, not because you require a stent.  Years of inactivity and bad nutrition is going to catch up with you eventually.

Years of doing crazy-long workouts will result in your getting to retirement with a resting heart rate in the low 50s and a doctor who is confused as to why you don't need more meds.

So, you!  Off the couch and move.  You won't see a difference today, you will eventually.

What do you call a typo on a gravestone? A grave mistake.

Something fishy in this trip if you ask me.


 The Fishing Trip

Henry called his wife from work one Friday afternoon and said, "Lorraine, honey, I'm flying up north with my boss and a few friends for a weekend fishing trip. Please pack me enough clothes for three days." Without giving her a chance to respond, he continued, "Also pack my fishing rod, tackle box, and my new blue silk pajamas. I'll stop by the house after work to pick everything up."

Lorraine thought the pajama request was a little strange, but she packed everything as asked. Henry stopped by for his stuff, kissed Lorraine and the kids goodbye, and took off.

After the weekend, Henry returned home. Lorraine asked him if he had caught many fish.

"Sure did!" he replied. “Lots of Walleye, a few Bass, and some Pike. But why didn't you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?"

Lorraine smiled and told him, “I did. They’re in your tackle box."



Furthermore...


 I went in the pet shop to buy a goldfish.

The owner said "Do you want an aquarium?"

I said "I don't care what star sign it is."

I now realize tofu is overrated. It's just a curd to me.

Actually I don't have a problem with Tofu.  It can be made into many things and since I like Chinese Food as we could get it in Philadelphia, I'm open to it.

On the other hand, it does taste like Wet White Bread to me so we have that. When I do find that recipe that promised to make Tofu into Ice Cream, Chocolate I think, I may attempt it.




Getting the day off

Two factory workers are talking on the floor.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man asks, "How will you do that?"

She climbs up and hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss walks in and asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

She replies, "I am a light bulb."
"You are working too hard and you have gone crazy. Go home and take the day off.", the boss says.

The man is astonished, but after a few seconds starts walking away toward the door. "Where are you going?!", the boss shouts at him.

The man replies, "I am going home too. I cannot work in the dark."



And since I am due for Dog Walk 2 shortly, there is this gem...

My dog ate a bunch of my Scrabble tiles so I left him at the vets, knowing full well his next bowel movement could spell disaster.

Trust in Dog. When Rack Decides for you that The Walk Is Over

Walking along muttering to myself.  I was trying to put some plan into the day.  That's what I do while following after Rack.

To keep a McNab Dog, or any other herding dog, mentally stimulated in an urban environment, you need to get a few things worked out.  This is a solid rule for any dog, but especially for a herding dog.  

They need to know the lay of the land.  I have seen this sort of thing with Lettie before him, and Rack knows where he is at any given moment.  We would get out onto the walk and I would stop and say "Lets go home!".  At that point, I would be led by my dog to my front door.  The walks are as much as two miles (3Km) at one go, and we have four walks per day.  It gives them plenty of room to explore, to meet favorite people and favorite dogs, and there will be lots of sniffing.

They have always known how to get to the front door. 

For the first few years, we purposely would go out on our walks and try to get our dogs "lost".  It never worked, they would always lead us to the house.  Smiling the whole way.

Trust me on this one, this is why we have a dog.  Never mind that some people would cross the street to stay away from someone with their dog - those are the ones you don't want to run into anyway!  Companionship and protection.  After all, they don't know that my dogs have always been trained to be in any situation, and to be friendly at the very minimum.

While they are out, they are engaged in Dog Enrichment.  Keeping them aware, letting them free think, let them apply their own version of Dog Logic to any given situation.  

Rack is old.  15 years old.  In dog years, that's ancient.  He's learned the lay of the land.  That is why this is so strange.  Getting to the middle of the walk, we would normally head through the central business district of our town.  Lots of friendly people, lots of things to see.  

We stopped. Hard.  Then Rack decided to do a Hard No and turn around the way we came.  It wasn't weather conditions.  He's old enough that when he can hear, it is a Hearing Day, as he is mostly deaf now.  

It wasn't that there were any trash trucks nearby, except the rolling dumpster of a Cybertruck which says more about the owner's bad decisions than the noise levels around us.

Rack is the same dog that once had a trash truck ahead of him, and pancaked on the sidewalk because there was another one coming around the corner behind him and he couldn't escape the noisy beasts.

This was just a Nope, I Am Not Doing This moment.

So we turned around and walked back home.  No thunder, no rain, no angry barking anywhere behind us.  One of those mysteries that has us repeating "Well, this is new!" and following behind.

Who knows what lurks inside that little furry head.  We passed by some of his favorite people that he had just passed on the way down there.  He saw them, gave a wag or two, and walked right past.  I had to say to the people "He's on a Mission!" and continued on to his intended destination.

Hard to know.  Our vet has told us that he has active tumors.  She doesn't know how he's still going on his Bonus Years as we call them.  I insist it is nutrition and exercise - I'm something of a trainer in two sports so I'm a bit of a force of nature myself.

I'm really just thankful that he's doing as well as he has been.

He is also recovering from a bout of pancreatitis.  It exposed his weakening.  He's now losing muscle strength and mass.  He's spending most of the day laying flat out on the cool tiles in the house, and having trouble getting up.  It's a part of being on the trailing edge of the bell curve of how long a dog can last.  Or so we understand.  Whatever his infirmities are, he's in something of a remission this week.  It could change overnight, who knows.

As I explain to everyone, Rack Leads.  We go where he wants.  We watch what he needs and cater to them.  It has always been that way with him, that way with Lettie before him.  Once they learn where they are I simply Trust In Dog.

I would do it all over again.

Why was the scarecrow good at lacrosse? He was outstanding in his field.

I have to say that I have no doubt that this sort of thing has happened before.  




 A man sat alone at an ultra exclusive restaurant with a three month waiting list

As the waiter stepped up filling his wine glass and to take his order, he smiled politely and asked, “What brings you in tonight? Special occasion?”

The man raised his wine glass toward the empty chair across from him and said, “It’s my beloved wife’s birthday.”

The waiter’s eyes softened with sympathy. “I am so terribly sorry for your loss, sir. The appetizers are on us tonight. May your memories of her be as warm as these appetizers.”

The man smiled warmly. “Thank you so much. I'll be sure to tell her when I get back home.”

The waiter confused “Wait... isn't she...?”

The man took a sip of his wine. “No, she's fine. We just couldn’t find a babysitter for tonight and I will take a Pan-Seared Foie Gras for that appetizer”

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I will say listening to thunder passing just to the south of me, I'm glad that I can sit here and watch it happen from the easy chair.  

On that note though, I need a Frenchman's Breakfast because...



Why does a Frenchman only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf






 A boy and red panties

A boy goes to the bank every day and deposits $100. One day, the bank manager notices and asks him: “Hey, why are you putting $100 in here every day?” 

The child replies: “Can we talk in your office?” 

The manager agrees, and they go to his office. The child then reveals: “Well, every day I make a bet with a new person that I can kiss my right eye.”

The manager laughs and says, “You really can’t do that!” The child grins and asks, “Want to bet?” The manager thinks he is being clever, agrees, and in the blink of an eye, the child pulls out his fake eye and kisses it. The manager feels a bit stupid and gives him $100, but wants it back.

The child says: “Okay, but here’s the catch: I bet you’re wearing red girl’s panties. If I’m wrong, I’ll give you your $100 back plus another $100.” The manager thinks he is too smart for this and agrees. 

The boy then adds: “But first, we need 10 witnesses to make it official.”

The manager gathers his team, and after taking off his pants, he feels quite proud that he has won $100. But then he notices the kid grinning. Confused, he asks: “Why are you happy now that you’ve lost your money?” 

The boy laughs and says: “Well, I had a bet with your team about how fast I could make you pull down your pants!”

Recipe - Yeast Risen Donuts Baked as Bread - What happens?

This is playing with my food.  I know, Mom said, Never.  In this case, I'm being "creative" with recipes.

The recipe is from the treasure trove of Bread Machines I have gotten over the last decades.  I was paging through and noticed one for Yeast Risen Donuts.  If you roll this out to 3/8 of an inch, cut them out to donut shapes, shape, fry and decorate with cinnamon sugar, you will have some great treats.

I have been saying that Donuts are nothing more than a Brioche Roll recipe that has been tweaked.  This one is proof of that.  It has an extra blast of sugar in the recipe to make it into a sweet-er bread.  The resulting flavor is like an old school restaurant dinner roll.  Very soft and fluffy.  It added about an extra 10g or 1/3 ounce of sugar to each roll from the standard bread recipe.

Dinner tonight will one of these with a slap of Grapefruit Curd or Homemade Mango Jelly (I haven't decided) and some peanut butter.  The side dish will be a Plantain cooked in a skillet with butter, cinnamon, and sugar.

I had a 20 mile cycling workout today in the heat.  Don't judge!  :)


Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup milk
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/4 cup Butter or Margarine, softened. 
• 1 egg, scrambled (Sorry Vegans, it's for flavor and texture)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 1/2 teaspoons yeast 
• 3 Cups All Purpose Flour (Plus more if this is thin like mine was)

 Process:

• To proof the yeast, mix milk, water, butter, and scrambled egg.  Temperature should be about 105F or 40C.
• Add yeast to that container and allow to proof.
• Add Ingredients to the bucket of the bread machine, or to the mixer with a dough hook in order listed.
• Mix your dough as needed with the dough hook or the dough cycle in the bread machine.
• To make rolls, divide dough into appropriate size (about 80 grams or 3 ounces each) and roll out or place dough into greased bread pans.
• Bake at 400F until golden brown.
• Enjoy.
  
  No, really, enjoy.  They were wonderful, even nostalgic.

I tried to organize a space party, but there wasn't enough atmosphere.

So having an old dog, I think this fits, perfectly, on a Sunday morning.  On the other hand, it's time to get out of here before the solar furnace turns South Florida into a Kiln.



 A priest is sent to deepest Africa to convert the natives.

He clears out an area for his camp and builds a hut of sticks for has shelter. His only entertainment is the Bible and his violin. Before he retires for the night he builds a fire and sits down near it and plays his violin.

Shortly afterwards he notices that a few animals begin to surround his camp and seem to enjoy the music. As time goes by he builds a large audience of critters every evening.

One night an old lion walks into the clearing a looks around slowly. When he notices the priest he leaps on him and quickly devours the poor clergyman.

A hyena rushes up to the lion and asks him, "Why did you do that, all of us loved his music, we listened every night and it relaxed us so much. Now he is gone. Why? Why?"

The lion cocked his head toward the hyena, put his paw behind his ear and hollered, WHAT?

I have a statistics joke, but it is not significant.

Sunny day and the furnace of South Florida hasn't completely kicked in.  So get outside and get something done before weather interferes with your plans, no matter where you are or what the weather is.

My indoor task is baking bread.  At least that's it for the morning.  

How about you?



 I have begun telling people about the benefits of Grapes.
It's all about Raisin Awareness.

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.”
The man says, “That's odd. I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

Another nurse goes up to the second man and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!”
The second man laughs and says, “That's weird. I work for the 3M company!”

A third nurse goes up the third man and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!”
He says, “That's strange. I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

As soon as he says that, the last man starts groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

The man says, “I work for 7Up.”

Rack the McNab Dog has always been tough to feed. Pancreatitis and Allergies do not help.

Please eat your food?

I find myself saying that constantly, for the last almost 15 years.  

Rack, The McNab SuperDog has historically not been a morning feeder.  In fact I believe to this day, that he stunted his growth by not wanting to eat as a puppy.  

He went through his "Prime Years" at around 40 pounds.  Most McNabs are 45 to 55 pounds and I never even got him above 42.  

We got into a "feedback loop" years ago and it calcified into this routine.  I am famously an early riser.  I would wake early enough to get to the park for a workout at sunrise.  Since I have been an athlete since I was a teen, it has served me well.

With Rack, getting him fed and walked, has been a trial.  I never was able to just put a bowl of food down and he'd eat.  I think this is how I ended up with him.  He was left at a vet's office for 39 days and was never picked back up.  Slow Motion Abandonment.  To this day, he loves the Vet, no matter which one, I think they fussed over him.

We went through a slow adjustment process of different foods.  His original diet has shifted over the years but it served him well in his prime.

He had Pancreatitis more times than I care to mention.  This is, I believe, what we are going through right now.  The symptoms seem to fit well.  Loose stools, disinterest in food, low energy, there are more.

He's eaten better than most people.  I've developed a fair amount of knowledge of Nutrition for my own Training Regimen.  It works, I'm constantly amused at the reaction of medical personnel when I explain to them that my resting heart rate is in the low to mid 50s and if I am dehydrated it will sneak up to 60 and I panic.

Long story.  You try doing three marathons a week on a bicycle in Florida temps and humidity.  (Sips some iced tea)  

When I say "Hydrate" I know what I mean.  I bring half a gallon to drink on the trail and it rarely comes home with me after a 2 hour workout.

Pancreatitis in a dog is helped by a lean diet.  The protein has to be prepared so that the fat content is as low as possible.  Boiled ground beef in his case.  I shifted his original diet to boiled beef along with the same tried and true veg to fill out the dietary requirements.

He also has an allergy to grain which manifests itself in an ability to turn poultry into soft serve poo.  No chicken/turkey.  Beef only.  Pork is problematic with dogs.

So he's on "A Prescribed Diet".  

When dogs get older, they have a lower protein diet.  So I developed one.  Vet approved.  

But the same diet over and over is boring.

Waking up at dawn got earlier and earlier to allow for all of this.  I'm now getting up at 4:45AM just to get some food in his stomach, then a mile walk.

That walk is getting slower.

I have always allowed him to direct the walk, a McNab is known to be an incredibly intelligent creature.  If you can't train a McNab, you can't train a dog.  

Rack has a mental map of where the neighborhood is laid out.  Certain walks are on certain blocks at certain times of day.  There is a cul-de-sac near me that is well planted with mature trees and since it is Furnace Hot in August in South Florida, he pulls to go through that street at the 5pm walk.  Other walks are more flexible.

However lately, his historically two mile walks at 530 after putting some food in him, are being truncated in the middle.  His choice, not mine.  He heads back at to the house after a mile.  

He knows where he's going.  In fact yesterday he dragged himself home after a half mile total because that was it, he was done.

But this food thing?  It is difficult.  You have to be flexible.  I don't like pampering, after all, I have a freezer crammed with ingredients to make the next three days of dog food.  The result is that I just keep putting food down in hope he won't be avoiding it all day.

Part of my own Nutritional Obsession is that I make a lot of food from scratch.  There are a lot of recipes for breads, cakes, cookies on here.  In fact, I need to locate my recipe for a cake mix.  Adding two tablespoons of the right dark cocoa to a single layer of white cake mix turns it into a very dark chocolate cake.

This all gives me an excuse to point to the ignored dog food bowl when he's begging for the Cheese Tax when I am cooking for my own needs.

You aren't getting mine in favor of your own.  

If there is one hint I can give is Yogurt.  It is why I make so much of the stuff for my own uses.  He likes it too.  If he is ignoring his food, a tablespoon of yogurt smeared on top changes it into something good.

Not boring is good.

Which is where I am today.   He had Pancreatitis.  I solved that by mixing his normal food 50/50 with white steamed rice.  That bored him more so I added Yogurt to the top.

Since he actually ate the 7 ounces of his diet mix and it only took 2 hours to do so, I filled the bowl again and am going to paint the top with the whey from the top of the yogurt container.

I suspect it's going to be a tough "last year" fighting Pancreatitis.

Since I found my cake mix recipe, I guess I have an afternoon tax.  I'm off to the kitchen to feed Rack again and my own need for Chocolate Cupcakes filled with Buttercream Icing.  Real Buttercream icing, none of this "Bettercream" crap you get in the markets these days.

I'll get off that soapbox.  I have baking to do.

Making soup is an art. If you can make great soup, you’re one in a boullion.

A perfectly demented story for a Sunday Morning.  So fix your coffee or other morning treat and settle in!

 A man arrives at the office in the morning where several of his co-workers are already chatting next to the coffee machine. He listens to them for a bit, then suddenly asks: "How big are penguins?"

The co-workers stare at him for a second, then one of them says: "I don't know, about 50 or 60cm?"

"Huh", the man says, "I thought they were bigger. Aren't there some really big penguins, too?"

They hear a "harrumph" in the back, when another co-worker stands up, walks up to them and says: "Of course there are! Asking how big penguins are in general is absolutely ridiculous! That's like asking how big dogs are. There are about 20 different kinds of penguins and they vary in size massively!"

"Oh, cool!" says the man, "So what about big penguins?"

The co-worker answers: "The King Penguin is very common and well known. A majestic animal. I watched many documentaries about them and their social behavoiur is fascinating! They are about 90cm tall and weigh up to 15kg, but some individual males are known for being a bit over 1 meter tall and weighing as much as 20kg!"

"Oh, wow, that's big!" the man says. The co-workers at the coffee-machine nod. "But, what's, like, the biggest penguin there is, over all?"

The penguin-expert-co-worker thinks for a bit, then says: "It must be the emperor penguin. They are huge. It's not uncommon for males to be as tall as 130cm!"

The co-workers at the coffee machine gasp.

"130cm!? That's insane!" the man says. "But they don't go any bigger than that? That's the absolute limit?"

"Well", the co-worker answers, "I think I heard of an individual being almost 140cm tall. But that's the absolute limit, yes."

"Huh", the man says, "Well, then I guess I did run over a nun on my way here"

I have a geography joke, but I don't know where it is.

Fog on the windows in Florida means the Air Conditioning is cooling the windows down.  High humidity is normal here, so it wasn't a great idea testing a rebuild or tune up of the bicycle in this slop!





 A highway patrol officer is sitting in his car, parked behind the weigh-station. A semi-truck slows down, pulls over, and stops just before the scales. The trucker gets out, and starts banging on the side of the trailer...

He goes up and down both sides of the trailer, just pounding on it all over and making a big racket. As he's making his way back to the cab, the officers suspicion is just too high to ignore it, so he gets out to confront the guy and get to the bottom of the weird behavior.

"Sir is there anything in your trailer I should know about?"

"No, officer! Everything's fine here. All good. Just weighing the load at this checkpoint before the bridge."

"Would you like to explain why you felt the need to get out and bang on the sides of your trailer?"

"Well uh, you see officer, I'm... I'm hauling 44 tons of exotic birds."

"Exotic birds, huh? Are these legal to transport?"

"Oh yeah, they're legal-eagle, man. Papers and everything."

"Well that doesn't explain why you were banging on the trailer. That looks suspicious to me. Would you like to explain before we open it up and have a look?"

After a long pause the trucker replies, "You see officer, that bridge is only rated for 32 tons of load. If I don't have em all up in the air and flying around when I weigh out, well..."

Keep the Jeep, or start with a Blank Slate? Pondering an EV

I have driven Jeep Wranglers for more than 30 years.  I had a CJ7 for 4 years when AMC was still a going thing.  I liked it enough to get the current inhabitant of my car port and the darn thing puts a smile on my face every time I start it up.  

While that means I am not exactly a Teenager, and not in the Prime Demographic, it raises a question.  What to go to after a Jeep.

My own Jeep is in prime condition.  I moved to South Florida 3 years (or so) after I got it, and it's been gently used all its life.  Someone was talking to me about it and I described it as a Cherry.  The last gasp of AMC.  This is the one you want.  Inline Six 4.0 liter engine strapped to a 5 speed manual transmission.

Yeah, I stubbornly row my own in South Florida bumper to bumper traffic.  Even if we do traffic here at high speeds.

It's a thirsty beast, about 16 mpg and the best I ever did was 23 on the highway.  Air conditioning is usually turned on with the motor, save the two weeks we have what we call winter.

But this one is 24 years old, and while the car literally purrs on the road, it always helps to look for what is called an "Exit Strategy".

I have always been something of a Motorhead.  I haven't dropped a new motor in a car, but I have replaced Oxygen Sensors, Fuel Injectors, and Fuel Rails.  Oil Changes are on the clock at every 3000 miles.  With 58,100 or so miles on the clock, I have the oil sitting in my bedroom waiting.

Like I said, Cherry.  

Jeeps have issues with frame rot, and mine does not seem to have that.  It does seem solid, still.  I do have that pesky check engine light that the code is telling me I need to have the "Evap System" looked at.  In newer cars, the light comes up saying "Gas Cap".  It's an annoyance more than a problem and since I have the reader I can check it whenever I get in the thing and start the motor.

Since we're looking at this I have to say that someone has put together something that catches my eye.  I like basic.  Not stripped but "right sized".  I see no reason for heated seats or steering wheels.  I see no reason for electronics that require a subscription to activate.

If it isn't there, it can't break.  Even Electric Windows and Seats I don't see the point for.  After all, I have a Jeep, the windows are plastic sheeting held up with zippers and velcro.

Reading forums for the Slate Truck, I'm constantly seeing people who best can be described as having a case of affluenza whining about not having electric door locks and, GASP!, crank windows.  I laugh at them and say to myself the windows are glass, and the doors lock when you want them, so what else do you need?

After all there are people who pay the amount of money that would be needed to buy a house on a declining balance item like a Bentley.  Then they consider it a good use of money.

I consider that at best foolhardy.  

There are only a few things that I find wrong with the whole idea of a Slate truck.  They call it a Blank Slate after all, you are expected to personalize it to your liking.  Seems like the ethos of the Jeep Wrangler brought to the Electric Vehicle age to me.  

In fact, the Blank Slate is a pickup truck that was designed with me, personally, in mind.

It isn't perfect.  There are three things I see wrong, and nothing is insurmountable.  

First, Radio.  More accurately speakers.  My old CJ7 built in the last dying gasps of AMC as an independent manufacturer had a pair of holes into which you, the owner, could mount your own speakers.  The hole was there to mount a radio.  All you needed to do was wire it.  Slate wants you to buy a $250 center speaker, and a $150 fascia plate to mount the speakers.  Once that is done, then you can put your radio that you had left over from that last car.  I think I have four in the house, but this all seems truly excessive.  I'll put something together, I'm sure.  I have a dremel, hand tools, and friends with a 3D Printer if I really need to go there. 

Second, Paint.  Or more accurately vinyl wrap.  In my climate I have to decide if I want to go through re-wrapping the thing every 3 years.  Florida Sun is fun on vacation, but it will oxidize your paint.

Third, Range Anxiety.  Slate is right, 99% of the time I won't need more than the stated 205 miles.  I drive 8 miles to the park, three times a week, and 8 miles home.  I walk when I can, and when I get to the park, I am an elite inline skater or an intermediate endurance cyclist.  I can fit my skates or mountain bike in the back which is why I am considering the Blank Slate.  Markets here are within 3 miles, and the beach is under 3 miles from my front door.  The range is currently 205 miles. The Jeep does that, maybe a little more.  My Jeep is in pristine condition and tuned well, but I don't go past 200 very often.  But gas stations are everywhere.

My plans for whatever I land in will be travel.  I'm not sure that the 205 stated mile range is quite enough.  I am also not sure that this is insurmountable.  I am not quite ready and that gives the infrastructure time to grow into my own needs.  I may be able to live with it, but the idea of having to use super computer powers on my unlimited data plan to find a top up charge to go from Fort Lauderdale to Orlando is an annoyance.  I really want 300 miles.  

Range Anxiety normally is irrelevant, but on a trip it is a big deal.  After all, I want to go cross country and I'm not sure that the infrastructure is there.  On the other hand, the Rivian people literally went from Tierra Del Fuego in the very bottom of South America to Los Angeles a couple years back.  Sure, everything was planned out well so I guess with the chargers that are coming online every day, I should be able to do it.

But still.  Is the rightsized pickup the right one for me?  Don't know.  I spend my evenings interleaving EV Technology videos with old sitcoms and errands.  I am still learning about The New Normal EV, and I guess, that is a good thing.  It keeps me honest.

Stay tuned I guess. It is a decision worth taking my time with.

I lost my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

When I go past the giant gas bag with the big cylinders on the truck outside, I wonder if I climb to the roof, would my voice be funny?



If it walks like a duck...




  The Bishop pays an unexpected visit to one of his young priests.


Over dinner, Father Stephen notices that the Bishop seems to be looking a little suspiciously at Miss Fotheringhay, the priest's lovely young housekeeper. So in a quiet aside, he says "Your Grace -- in case you were wondering, I am happy to assure you that Miss Fotheringhay is my housekeeper and nothing more, and our relationship is purely professional."

The Bishop says nothing, and after dinner, he is on his way. But a couple of weeks later, Miss Fotheringhay approaches Father Stephen and says, "you know, ever since the Bishop came to dinner, I haven't been able to find the silver gravy ladle. Is it possible that he took it with him by mistake?"

So Father Stephen writes a letter: "Your Grace -- I am not saying that you did take our silver gravy ladle, and I am not saying that you did not take our silver gravy ladle, but the fact remains that we have not seen it since your visit."

And a few days later the Bishop replies: "Father Stephen -- I am not saying that you do sleep with your housekeeper, and I am not saying that you do not sleep with your housekeeper, but the fact remains that if Miss Fotheringhay had been sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the silver gravy ladle by now."

I have a cricket statistics joke. It's average.

 For the US readers - Cricket is a sport.  Supposedly.  I don't understand it either, and I have tried.  Even after having it taking up time on the BBC World Service.


A woman goes into a sports store

A woman goes into a sports store to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's 21st birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A check-out clerk is standing there wearing dark glasses.

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's an eight-foot surf caster Shakespeare graphite 667 Model rod fitted with a Shimano Calcutta 400 reel, spooled with 20lb Berkley Fireline. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $199.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realises it's not likely that the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. He may not even know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $254.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $199.00? How did you get $254.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod and reel is $199.00, but the duck caller is $36.00 and the fishing bait is $19.50.

Homemade Pizza Crust Recipe - And A Cheese Pizza That Came From it

What we have here is one cheese pizza. 

But this is more about recording the Pizza Crust Recipe.  Basically the book that I discovered languishing in a rather large box of recipe books has some more gold to mine.

This recipe will make one crust worth of dough.

If you want an authentic 1970's flavor for your pizza, you want this sauce.  It is what I remember from "Back In The Day" for what a Pizza Sauce should taste like.

Accept no substitutes.

The recipe was officially a recipe for a Calzone.  Since a Calzone is a pizza crust folded over and baked with the goodies inside, I decided to make this into a pizza.

Good call.  It came out thick and savory. 

The recipe was a vigorous rise and if I had rolled it out completely, it would have filled the entire cookie sheet.  I was going for a quick lunch, so I did not get this as thin as I could have.

Great flavor in the crust, more like a Sicilian Pizza than a Cracker Crust.

I baked this pizza at 400F until "done" which was about 14 minutes.  Next time, I will make it at a lower temperature for longer to try to get a crispy bottom.  

Calories are about 1100 for the entire crust but you won't eat all of that in one sitting will you?

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup water  (4 oz)
• 1/2 Tablespoon Olive Oil 
• 1 1/4 cups All Purpose Flour (10 oz)
• 1/2 teaspoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/8 teaspoon Dry Yeast (I measured a tsp, then guessed at 1/8)

Process:

• I used a bread machine to create the dough on the dough cycle.
• This can be made in a mixer with a dough hook.
• Add all ingredients in order presented.
• Use the dough cycle on the bread machine or use the stand mixer with a dough hook to get the proper consistency.
• Allow the dough to rise to double size, or wait for the bread machine to beep.
• Roll dough out on cookie sheet and proof for one hour in a "warm place".
• Add Sauce and Cheese and "normal" toppings.
• No Pineapple, please, that would be icky!
• Bake pizza at 375F for about 14 minutes, or "Until Done".

My dog ate a roll of quarters, the vet says there's no change yet.

 I find the most interesting things when I take the dog out for a walk.  Change can happen.

It is August 2.  This is the statistically hottest two weeks of the year.  Hydrate.  It's going to get cooler after this.  

If you live in Upside Down part of the world... your turn is next.





A man is crawling through the desert, dying of thirst...

The desert is blazing hot, and he's desperate for water. He comes upon a traveling merchant. He crawls up to the merchant and says "water, please! Water! Water!"

The merchant says "I don't have any. I'm a tie salesman. Would you like to buy a tie?" The guy replies "No! I need water! I'm so thirsty! Water!"

The merchant says "Well I told you I don't have any. But go west about 10 miles or so, and there is a small inn where you can get water." The guy crawls off. A couple of days go by, and the guy comes crawling back to the merchant. He looks even worse than before.

The merchant asks "what's wrong? Didn't they give you water at the inn?"

The guy replies "they wouldn't let me in without a tie."

I have a printer joke, but it lacks magenta.

 I use Linux, exclusively.  I have done things that completely amaze myself with the operating system but there is one thing that I just can't seem to get to work.

Printing.

But luckily I can just print to PDF natively and Meh.  "Hey?  Can you print this for me?" works just as well!



First Paycheck

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her 10 dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed & asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness" said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the blasted drywall."

Quick Sourdough Bread Recipe - Fixing the Bread Machine's Recipe

I promise I'll keep my text brief.  

The resulting bread had a crispy crust, a soft crumb, and a tart flavor.

When I was making this recipe, it came up much too dry.  So I started adding back in water.  Usually for a 1 1/2 pound loaf, you don't need to add in as much water as I did, but at the end I added in 2 extra ounces of water.

It could be measuring error.  Too much flour could cause a dry and ragged dough. I don't think so.

So the "fixed" recipe is what I have below, and that is the picture we have of the rolls.  I also used Greek Yogurt which may well explain why it was a dry dough.

Ingredients:  

• 1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt - I used Greek yogurt, therefore water is adjusted
• 2/3 cup warm water - plus 2 extra ounces or 4 Tablespoons
• 1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice
• 1 Tablespoon Margarine or Butter, softened
• 3 1/4 cup All Purpose Flour
• 1 Tablespoon Sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 3/4 teaspoon yeast

Process:

• Add the ingredients in order to the mixing bowl with the dough hook.
• Alternately add this to the Bread Machine Bucket.
• Either use the Bread Machine's Bake cycle.
• Or the Bread Machine's Dough cycle - My Preferred method.
• Allow the dough 1 hour to proof and rise in a warm space.
• Bake at 400 for up to 22 minutes.
• The Original Recipe is below however I recommend using above text recipe because it was wonderful and raised properly.

What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples? A guy-neck-ologist.

I have to wonder if this business of carrying a smart phone makes any sense.  Other than talking to Doctors, I rarely get a voice call any more.  Oh wait, how else will I get spam calls from politicians or texts from people wanting to sell me crap.

Then again, how else would I listen to Classic Disco on the workouts for tempo?  

Ok, lets try this again, I'll get my Golden Telephone and go to the park.




 The Golden Telephone

A man was touring all the great cathedrals of Europe. He starts in Notre-Dame, and he is confused to see a golden telephone on a marble pillar. He asks the bishop what is for.

"Oui, monsieur. Zat ees a direct line to 'eaven. Pour one thousand Euros, you may speak weeth Dieu."

The man rolls his eyes and moves on.

Later on in Cologne, he sees the same thing. The Bishop gives him the same answer:

"Ja, mein Herr. Zis iss a direct line to Himmel. Fur ein tousand Euros, you may sprechen mit Gott."

Later on in St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, he's shocked and disappointed to see the same thing. The Cardinal tells him, "Si, signore. Dat isa directa linea to Paradiso. For one thousand Euro, you cana talka to God."

Utterly disgusted by the profiteering, he finishes his tour at a tiny chapel in Scotland.

To his shock, he sees another golden telephone on a marble pillar. "Lemme guess, a thousand pounds to talk to god?"

"Nae, lad. 20 pence."

"What? Everywhere else in Europe it was a thousand euros?"

"Aye, but ye're in Scotland, noow, lad. It's a local call."

I have an archaeology joke, but I'll need to dig it out.

 Actually, it's landscaping.  If the heat isn't too bad, I have what we call here an "Evil Weed Eater".  It came in with three kind of blades.  Plastic rigid blade, Metal rigid blade. The Buzz Saw blade.

That Buzz Saw blade reminds me of something you would see in a saw mill in an action-horror movie where your hero is being threatened with demise on a plank heading to a giant rotating blade that is making an evil whirring sound.

In my case, it's just the Iguana Resistant Hibiscus and the Podocarpus that is going to be trimmed.  In 90 Degree (32C) heat and 85% humidity.

I'm trained for it, but dang it is hot.

Remember to hydrate, Fellow Babies, the next four weeks are Peak Summer in the Northern Hemisphere!





A man did not like his wife’s cat.

One day, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go.

When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home.

Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few miles across the city and let it out of the car again.

Upon returning home, he was astonished to see that the cat had beat him home again.

Determined at this point, the man took the cat and drove him across the city, over the river, through the woods, and clear across three counties before putting the cat outside and driving off.

Several hours later the man’s wife was at home when the phone rang. She picked up and it was her husband.

“Is the cat there?” He asked.

“Yes…” she replied.

“Well put him on the phone, I’m lost”



I'm not exactly fond of the subject matter of that, Cats should remain indoors at all times unless on a leash or a carrier lest they run into "that guy".

Keep your loved ones safe, two legs or four.

Weather in this part of Florida is ... Weird. This Wet Bulb thing is burning my fingers.

I spend a lot of time in a parking lot.  Oh, not just any parking lot, but one with a lot to watch.  

Giant Gas Bags.
Golfers pretending they're in a competition.
Dog Walkers.
Clueless Karens.

Shall I go on?  I am entertained by the list, myself.

Pompano Beach Air Park.  It's a one mile square, so there is a bit more than a square mile of land there.  Big, and that's what you need to know about it.  Metric?  Big In Square Meters.  That's close enough.

It was a World War 2 Military Air Port.  I believe it was a municipal airport before then, and after the War it was returned to the city.  They didn't want an International Airport there interrupting fishing, so they lopped off some runway length and are quite happy with what they have.

Who am I to complain, they were wise enough to put in a multi use trail around it over the years, and it is one of the main reasons why I settled in South Florida.

No, really, being near to a ribbon of asphalt is important to my happiness.  I have spent many hours going around in large circles there in my two sports.

But being in a sport that takes me more than 2 hours to get finished, and sometimes more than 3 hours, means I have to watch which direction the winds are coming from at KPMP.  

Standing in that parking lot, staring at the gas bag starting to come out of the hangar lets me know if the winds are going to be punishing.  There is a big windsock on top of the building and it can give you a rough idea of wind speed and direction.  

That changes in the morning.  Since it is Summer and this is "Tropics Adjacent".  You see, Downtown Fort Lauderdale is only a few miles away so that sets up a heat island and usually around 10 AM, the winds begin to shift.  The ocean is only about 2 miles away from anywhere you really want to be in this area.  Considering that temperatures are moderated by the ocean, it is markedly cooler here than it is in the middle of the state.  

I have only noticed it get to 96F/35.5C here.  I have personally been in Orlando when it was over 104F/40C and believe me, you don't really want to do that.  Putting all those Theme Parks in the middle of an area pockmarked with little lakes has me scratching my head on the best of days.

But here, what all these influences mean is that weather comes from just about any direction at any moment.  

Right now, there is a Tropical Storm gathering up power in the Northeastern Gulf of MEXICO.  It is too far from here to see any direct effects, but the winds have been variable and heading generally toward the center of circulation.

Florida is "Flatter Than Kansas", along with many other metaphors you have heard over the years.

The short answer is that rains can come from any direction, at any time.  When I was growing up Up North, if it was starting to rain "now" it would probably still be raining a couple hours from now.  Storms came from the West and were fairly predictable.  I'm thinking with Global Warming, that may have changed.

Here you require a good Radar map and need to learn to read it depending on your own plans.  Every break I stop and check the Radar.  Roughly every hour.

Since rains can do a nasty to my workouts, and the bearings in my skates or my bike wheels, you end up doing Radar Math.  Winds are driving the pop up storms from the South, you will get wet.  

This link will show you information for Pompano Beach.  At the moment, it is 90F, Sunny, and Hot, and the site tells me that I should do nothing outdoors.  Black Flag Warning.  

I'm sure it is.  2pm on a Sunny July day in Florida.  

Excuse me, I'm going to get another glass of ice water.

The last workout, a storm formed just south of the park.  I knew it was there, but took a chance.  It was moving East to West and growing.  So I needed to go North.  Right decision.  Sure it got windy and gusty for a bit, but while that pop up hit the park, it only hit the South and West sides of the big square.  By the time I got to the South side of the park, it had moved West into the Over The Turnpike areas and had done its fun.  

I tell people that I have seen it rain in my front yard from the pool in the back yard.  I have also seen it decide to rain in the back yard and not the front.  From the same storm.

So if you are coming on down, it can be cooler in Fort Lauderdale than in Fort Wayne or Philadelphia in High Summer.  

Just not necessarily today. Today, I need sunblock to get my mail.

So remember to use sunscreen, like everyone says.  Have your fun in the sun before 10AM or after 4PM.  Bring plenty of water.

No I mean that last bit, heat exhaustion and dehydration are dangerous.  There is this thing called WBGT that we're being told to follow.  If the humidity and heat are too high for you to be safe out there on an athletic activity, go indoors.