Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Hey! Can You Spot Me? I misplaced my Wingman!

So back in 1980 there was a man up in Canada.  Terry Fox.  I won’t go into deep
details of the story but the man had cancer, lost a leg, and set out to run the entirety of that very large country.  Alone.  The cancer stopped him after having run a massive 5373 km.  (3338 miles)

Well not exactly alone.  He had a heck of a support network.  Canada.  Canadians of every stripe followed his progress across that beautiful nation and cheered him on.  

You see, any kind of endurance sport needs someone somewhere to give you support.  To watch over you and to smooth over the bumps.  In TV Production they call that a fixer.  Someone who spots out where you stay on each step of your trip and makes sure you can get back out of that country if you didn’t pay the appropriate bribe to do so.

Not Canada.  I trust Canada more than I trust my own country, the US.  Except perhaps Quebec, they tend to do things differently.

Anyway, I do three sports.  At least my watch calls them sports, and I do them all at a very long level of time and distance.  There’s that endurance thing.  I walk a minimum of 4 miles a day, sometimes more than 5.  I am an Elite Distance and Endurance Inline Skater where workouts are just a matter of hours and logistics for a minimum of a hyper-half-marathon every time I go out.  Finally I am an intermediate distance biker.

Hey, I have to do something half way, right?  

Biking is my “Cross Training” workout and something I do when I can’t skate, which is my First Love.

But something happened.  I have a small group of people down here who I can call in case of emergency.  A group of One.  If you watch any honest video of Inline Skating they will tell you that it is a dangerous sport with a possibility of injury as soon as you put your boots on.

Both of my clavicles will tell you that after 22,704 miles I started breaking them.

Since my Wingman, my Support Person comes back home this weekend, it is a short trip and I am just trying to keep my PAI score above 200 as best as I can.  Midweek I’m down to 178 and not happy about that.

PAI is a measure of all of your sports and activities over the last week.  So that workout that you killed on day 8 falls off the list and you have to get off the couch and kill that distance again.  It gamifies the process of measuring your biometrics during a workout and tells you if you were a good athlete or can do better.

You got out of the easy chair and walked a mile?  You are a good athlete, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, Coach Ramblingmoose has got your back!

So this Monday I went out on the road bike for an hour.  I did pretty well, the bike is not sized for me and I figure 12 miles with a mid workout waterstop is good enough.  Seeing a 6’4” 188 pound man (Metric folks think tall 193cm and fit 85kg) use a bike with a 53 cm frame is like watching Dad on a Child's Bike.  I whack my knees on the handlebars as I ride occasionally and am on the hunt for a proper XL/61cm framed bike.

Biking in South Florida is tenuous at best. Cars will aim for you and actively push you out of the Bike Lane.  They may not even see you although you are in brilliant green spandex.  The cities work on the roads.  Delivery vans do NOT respect the bike lanes – the rule is that I encroach on traffic lanes to avoid them and not the exception.

Lets just not consider inline skating on a road here.  Between dodging ducks, exploding coconut shells, and all that the bikers go through, it is safer to be alone on a bike than my beloved skates.  I’ll wait for my Wingman there.

All of this was going through my head on Monday morning.  It has to be in the morning because by noon it is too hot to do an intense workout. I am considering getting the lights and so forth on my bike to ride it at 5AM when I wake up but I’m on the fence with that.

But if you get hurt, make sure you get home.  Your dog won’t understand why you are missing.

It’s now Wednesday, I’m considering once again whether to roll the dice and go out on the roads.  I’m leaning towards passing it up.  You can’t keep a good man down, I walked almost 3 miles with the dog already and am planning on extra walks today.

But the Wingman?  Please come home.  The SuperDog (TM) is tired of all of these walks.

Sunday, June 26, 2022

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.

I have heard different versions of this little story and this one seems to bundle a bunch of punch lines into one nice little package.


 A policeman stands near the road...

Waiting for some cars to pass by. Finally a family sedan appears in his sight and as the car approaches the officer gives a signal to the driver to pull up.

A young man and a young woman are sitting on the front seats while an elderly pair had taken the seats behind them. The sedan stops and the policeman staggers to the driver's window.

"'Mornin, officer" says the man behind the wheel
"Good morning, sir" coughing ". Well, it's a shame but it appears that the patrol car is out of fuel and I need to go to the town. Would you mind to give me a lift?"
"No problem" answers the driver.

So the policeman takes his seat between the elderly man and his wife and they all embark on. When the car reaches the town the officer says joyfully:
"Mister, you're a heck of a good driver. It was a pleasure to travel with you behind the wheel."
Driver: "Thanks, officer. Do you think I'm good enough to earn a driving license?"

Officer: "Wait a minute, you don't have a license!"
The young woman:"Oh, don't listen to him, officer, he's talking nuts when he's drunk"

Officer: "The hell he is!"

The older woman: "I warned you we shouldn't go nowhere with a stolen car."
Officer: "...?"

The Grandpa, awakening: "So what, did we finally cross the border? That fella in the boot is already stinky."

Saturday, June 25, 2022

It's so difficult to make a wrestler laugh. They're a tough audience.

 The closest thing I ever came to this was Bikers vs Skaters on the public trails.  There's a significant number of people that think they own whatever facility you are on and you should basically step off.

My normal response is "I'm bigger than you are and your Mom never taught you to play nice with others.  Oh and On Yer Left!"

So have a little military fun this early summer morning (Or winter if you are in Upside Down Land).

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.

The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a Coke.”

“No problem,” said the Soldier, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier’s shoe and spit in it.

When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier’s other shoe and spit in it.

The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” the Soldier asked. “This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?”

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Rollerblading 23456.7 Miles With A Goal of Once Around The World On Skates

Get a picture he says.

Get a picture.  Get a picture.  Getapicturegetapicturegetapicture.

Bah humbug.

So I went out intending to Get A Picture of when it happened.  At least when the estimate of when it happened was.

I’m an Inline Skating Lifer.  Rollerblading.  Yeah that stuff, again.

You see, I started on this journey round about May 1993.  

Get Some Skates… It Looks Fun.  You Want Something Different Right?

I did.  I was a runner.  I used to run at Valley Forge National Park.  I had just injured my knee because I was also weightlifting and biking and all of that had started building muscle.  Muscle weighs more than fat per volume.  Keep pounding on those knees and eventually you become the stereotype of the tall man with bad knees.

Every time I went back to running, my knees made me quit.  I USED to run Valley Forge.  Three Times A Week, 10K (6.2 miles).  There’s one particularly nasty hill there that is about 50 feet and almost 45 degree incline, twice in short order.  That park has a challenging course.  My knees hated it after about 2 years, hence the transition to Bike and Skates eventually.

My routine was to do “once around the park” at night with my pocket sized shortwave radio.  The irony of running through George Washington’s Encampments of the Winter of 1777-1778 listening to BBC World Service was not lost on me.

So the bike did not get used.

“Hey! This is fun!”  Did a mile that first time.
“Lets go to Fairmount Park and skate this weekend”.

Always on a measured course.  Being “Numerically inclined” I kept a tally.  First year was 500 miles.

Records were kept on various methods, Palm Pilot, Lotus, Excel, and now on a spreadsheet on Libre Office on Linux.

I never stopped in the interim.  Every single year since then, I did at least a very little bit of skating – and some years were literally a mile.   Just to say I hadn’t given the sport up.  The year I moved to Florida, 2006, was one of those years.

Miles did add up.  I was over 20,000 miles before I made it to the full restart.
Broke a Clavicle 2200 miles later.
Broke the other Clavicle another 500 on.
Lesser athletes would have quit.

I Did Not.

In fact, I just got back today from scoping out a thrift store looking for things like spare parts and helmets and maybe a new pair of skates and ….

The world has changed a lot since I was a sponsored skater in Philadelphia and got free bearings chucked at me from time to time.  First you’re amateur, then sponsored, then pro.  Never made it to pro because the sport collapsed in the early 2000s.  Plus I was a bit old to be putting myself through all of that and I was enjoying a management lifestyle.

So no picture at “Exactly 23456.7 miles”?

First, no odometer.   There is probably a bit of wiggle room or flex in that measurement.

Second the location was a bit gross.  Right in front of a stop sign in front of a public restroom at Mills Pond Park in Fort Lauderdale.

Third, well I’m a bit shy and didn’t think it mattered.   That picture above… well it’s kind of generic.

But Rollerblading?  It’s my sport.   It is what I do.  When the sport collapsed I kept things alive as best I could.  

There is an old school footlocker on wheels taking up a third of the floor under my clothes in the closet that we call the “Skate Shop” that I store all sorts of fun bits and pieces.  If I need a new set of “Hybrid Ceramic 608Z Bearings”, they are in there.   Some rare parts that simply are not being made or are available online.

It took me 6 months to get the last set of 110MM wheels for the daily driver skates.  Six Whole Months.

So what is the goal?

Career Long, Once around the world.  That number is 24,901 miles… I could do the difference on the trails in Philadelphia in one season.  Down here, I think it may be next year.   I’d love to do a real marathon, but it would cramp my style.  My workouts are pared back to only 16.5 miles in summer heat, but in the cooler weather doing a marathon a week was easy.

So between that and cross training on the bike, if you see a blur fly past in bright colors feel free to ask me how many miles am I at.  I’m getting closer.  

Once I get to “Once Around The World” to settle my own head with the error problem in counting, I’m thinking going to 25,000 miles total and taking a break.

Or not.

Sunday, June 19, 2022

I have a few jokes about broken fighter jets but I am afraid none of them will fly.

 Ok, so we all told them.  Yes, you will giggle at this silliness because you told them too.  I'll not hear that you didn't.  Your inner 12 year old will love these.

Name Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your pool? Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall? Art

What do you call an arm on the wall? A piece of Art

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a cow on a pogo stick? A milkshake

What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mother

What do you call who says everything you do, only louder?  Mike

What do you call a deer with no eyes?  No eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?  Still, no eye-deer.

What do you call a dog with no legs that you walk?  Drag.

What do you call a dog with no legs in the family room?  Rug.

What do you call a dog with no legs you take deep sea fishing?  Bait.

What do you call a deaf dog with no legs?  Doesn’t matter, it isn’t coming anyway.

What do you call an elephant in your living room?  Lost

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head.? Dug.

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head.? Douglas.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head.? Cliff.

What do you call a man with a car on his head.? Jack.

What do you call a guy who shows up at your restaurant table after a meal?  Bill

What do you call a lady who only sings at Christmas?  Carol

What do you call a woman in a river? Flo

What do you call a man in a river? Corky

Saturday, June 18, 2022

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

 Yeah well you have to really scramble Toga to get Goat but I think we have all had morning where you see double. 


A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced.
I was so upset over learning this.

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

Tarzan had just taught his new girlfriend, Jane, how to swing from a vine.

Jane saw a long, thin stick hanging among the vines. "Can I try swinging from that?" she asked Tarzan.

"You can try," replied Tarzan. "But trust me, it won't work."

So Jane grabbed the stick. Then, much to Tarzan's amazement, Jane was swinging from the stick just as well as he had ever swung from a vine!

When Jane came back, Tarzan was shocked. "I've tried to swing from that thing my whole life!" he said. "But it's impossible! And you managed it on the first try! How did you do it?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Typical. I start dating a guy I like, and it turns out he can't drive a stick."

At a crocodile farm

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal. "Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million."

No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.

With enormous luck he survived, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced, "We have a brave winner! "

After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him he was very brave to jump. Then the man said, "I didn't jump, someone pushed me!"

His wife smiled...

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Could This Be Blue Crab Season? In Wilton Manors? In Front of my House?

Too much of my life ends up happening on a workout.

I have managed to cobble together a rather aggressive schedule of distance cardio activities, and all that endurance training takes a lot of time.

Up at 5.  Walk the Dog for a Mile and a Third.
Walk the Dog for another Mile.

Twice a week, distance inline skate.
Twice a week, distance bike.

This was getting ready for the bike workout.

Step outside.  Comment on the steam bath that is late spring in South Florida.  Remind myself that it's already hotter Up North in Atlanta or Philly.

Go to the backyard.  Slap and kill a mosquito.
Unlock the bike from the bar.  Slap and kill a mosquito.
Tie the bike lock back on the bike, install the GoPro on the bike. 
Third Mosquito Meets Her Maker.

By the time I make it to the front yard, turn on all the electronic nonsense, and saddle up, I have killed five mosquitoes.

In three minutes.

As I am looking to start Runkeeper and be told "I'm Proud Of You!", I spot something in the middle of the street.  From that distance, I thought it was a leaf, but it moved strangely.

*shrug* May as well go look.

It turned out to be a little blue shelled crab.  "Awww, I've had your cousins before and they're tasty!"

I made it a point to put the camera a little too close for comfort to get this little creature, I'll call him Dr. Zoidberg, to move onto the grass and out of the traffic lane.

Outdoor Workouts are strange in South Florida.

The park I have been skating at has herds of Green Iguanas running all over the place.  It's like raptors in Jurassic Park. 

After the big rains we had last week, we have clouds of mosquitoes, obviously.  But we also had herds of crabs scuttling across the road bed like I had been magically transported to Australia. 

That part of the park also smelled like a really bad seafood restaurant that needed the department of health to close it down.  After all, in the battle of Crab vs Car, Car wins.

At least the buzzards and the herons did not mind picking up the mess.

Just watch when you're on your skates at speed.  Look big!  They scuttle away.

Since it's a park next to water, Mills Pond Park, there's always the possibility of larger water creatures deciding to take a snack on you.

I have never seen an alligator at that park, but I do remember visiting a different park in Dania Beach once.  I had to run with the dog off the dock because there was a gator getting a bit too close.

So when we say it's Tourist Season here... ask how it's being defined.  You may get a different answer!

Sunday, June 12, 2022

What do you call a nun with no name? Anunymous.

 I remember priests in the High School I went to describing Nuns who were older as "A Bit Too Nunny".

Then again, while my French Teacher from back then is still alive at 100, none of those priests are so ... Nyah.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year old woman.

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?", the reporter asks.

She simply answers, "No peer pressure."

A woman comes home late from work
She goes upstairs and notices two people in bed, instead of just her husband.

Quietly, she tip toes away and finds a baseball bat, comes back and bludgeons the pair in bed.
She goes downstairs to grab a drink, only to find her husband sitting at the table.

"Hi honey," he says.
"Your parents decided to stop in for the night on their way back home. I let them have our room, I hope you don't mind."

Two friends having gotten tired of using instant communication, decided to use old fashioned means of messaging each other, such as pigeons.

For a few days, it is great. Then one day, a pigeon shows up at one friends house with a blank piece of paper.

Angry, the receiver phones his friend to ask what was the meaning of the message.

To which his friend calmly replies, "Oh, that was a missed call."

Saturday, June 11, 2022

What’s it called when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Voting.

 A Bit cynical but lately ...

At any rate, when one is good... how about repeating it?

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans.

Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility.

And then, naturally, there were the volunteers. Many of the volunteers were quite popular with the scientists, but chief amongst them was Benny. Benny was the picture of human health, over 6 feet tall and in great shape due to the rigorous exercise regimen set for the subjects. As expected, Benny becomes the first human to be cloned en masse, owing to his impressive physical abilities.

The cloning process goes beautifully, with the facility now churning out dozens of new Bennies. However, there was one oddity that was observed. Every cloned Benny had experienced a pronounced growth in body hair, enough to make each Benny appear more like Bigfoot than Adonis. Curious, the scientists decided to take a random Benny from the batch of clones and shave all of his hair off. They dosed the Benny and put him under, restraining him and systematically shaving off the body hair that covered every inch of skin. Before long, they had completed their work, and sat back to watch in amazement the physical perfection that the Benny had hidden beneath so much hair.

At that moment, the heart monitor starts to beep frantically, eventually emitting a continual tone as the Benny's heart stopped. Somehow, shaving a Benny resulted in his death.

Devastated, the scientists solemnly bring the Benny to the crematorium on-site. There is a quick service, a moment of silence, and a goodbye to the unfortunate Benny. His body is then burned, leaving behind only some ash, given back to the scientists in an urn.

This happens a few more times, each experiment ending in failure, with no further understanding of the relationship between the Bennies and their hair. Soon, unable to take the grief, the scientists decide to halt the research into the Bennies' hair. Eventually, the director of the facility comes by the lab, and asks the chief scientist whether they would be continuing with the research into the cause of the overgrown body hair on the Bennies. The scientist, outraged and in mourning, grasps a jar full of a Benny's ashes and answered, "No sir, I believe at this point it is clear that a Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

Wednesday, June 8, 2022

Making Massive Peeps in the Microwave For Fun And Entertainment

Standard Internet Warranty applies. will not be responsible for any Peeps harmed either by fire, microwave, or any other conceivable or inconceivable method.  Heating Peeps results in a substance that is hotter than the surface of the sun and most likely will result in burns if not handled carefully.  If you do not trust your abilities, consult an adult for required supervision. 

Do not taunt Peeps.  You have been warned.

We weren't the camping family.

Oh you know them... that's the family down the road a piece.  They have the offroad vehicle, well most folks do here in Los Estados Unidos these days but theirs is somehow tricked out.

They have a Roof Rack to pile all their absolutely necessary crap on top, so their spawn would ride comfortably inside. 

No, fellow babies, this was not a Mall Crawler, it saw mud.  My Jeep did as well but here in metro South Florida, that's not happening since it's paved as well as that file floor in Mom's Laundry Room from the Keys to Jupiter, Ocean to Everglades.  Too bad since we just had a bit of a gullywasher of a t-storm and of course I can't get out of the house without getting my ankles wet.

Anyway, that family would take themselves out to the Camping Site and disgorge themselves on Nature.  Not that Nature would want them but hey, there they are. 

I could call them The Griswolds but I'd be pushing the simile a wee bit thin.

In the family that just pulled up in the prime spot under THEIR pine tree, there is bound to be a boy.  Always a boy.  A little awkward in school, which is fine, we all were.  He had a fascination with some of the geekier things in life.  Chemical reactions, reasons for why you get caramel when you heat your sugars up, maybe he understood the Maillard Reaction or perhaps even how to make the 7th grade xmas recipe for peanut brittle when they allowed peanuts in a public school.

I guess I'm telling some of my own story, every blog is somewhat autobiographical.

Anyway, that kid made sure, darn sure that he had two things:
1) Marshmallows
2) Fire.

Once the sun dipped down under the horizon, the campfires lit.  That kid had sticks for the marshmallows and he toasted them and life was good.

But what about Peeps?  They're just marshmallows, right?  Coated in horrendous tasting sanding sugar, but still?  Won't they toast?

You bet your pre-teen bored kid self they toast.  And you were content until you got home.

Why just that bit?  Well you got home and that little bit of edge came out in your personality.  That heat that made your marshmallows taste so wonderful was just heat.  Never mind your kid sister who dipped her marshmallow in the fire and laughed when it burned to a crisp, you were going to do it "Scientificially!"

So, put the thing on a plate.  Mom and Dad are off to work, and you would have your hand on the stop button right?

Plate in place, BEEP BEEP Start!  15 seconds on high right?

Stop asking that kid to do your dirty work you know what you have a Monster Peep!  It is crawling out of the microwave all angry, foamy, and sweet.  But you opened the door and it's cooling rapidly.  That means it's shrinking back to "normal peep size"

So if you want a bit of excitement that only a toasted peep can give you, let the microwave help.  It's a lot easier than hauling the whole family out in the SUV to the middle of the New Jersey Pine Barrens to a camp site!

Here I sit, having a sugar high and a half caff tankard of coffee at my elbow.  Yes, fellow babies, I did nuke a Peep for you. 

But how did I get onto this tear?  It's a non-workout day for me, so being buzzed on coffee is not really a good thing.  Hey, it's at least honest.  You see I was corrupting the next generation.  Yes, passing on the mantle of the extreme peep was my job.  Last weekend I went to the market.  No, not the supermarket, a smaller one near us.  They were closing out Peeps.  Herding them out the door I guess.  And there was a clot of people in front of them.  When I told them what I was going to do with them everyone got excited.  Not everyone knew the story of the huge Peep so I was telling them. 

While no Peeps were harmed in the store... you can see the result. 

Microwave at your own risk.  I have a propane powered stove in the kitchen that will let me toast the little yellow blaggards in the comfort of my own home.  I don't even have to get into the Jeep and drive out to a campsite, but that will be our little secret, won't it?

Have a sweet day!

Sunday, June 5, 2022

Why can't the police find former wrestlers that turned to crime? They're hard to pin down

So if you are a fan of Sex and the City, you may recognize this as a later plot with Samantha.  Samantha was a lusty woman with a good sense of ... humor, and something very similar happened in her NYC apartment.


A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

Saturday, June 4, 2022

If you hand someone a container of butane... You just passed gas.

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of moving boxes full of old text books and other junk. They soon get bored and decide to explore the basement more. They find an old metal locker in the recesses of the huge basement.

It looked very old as it was rusty and covered in cobwebs. The 3 students try to open it up. Using all their might they finally get it open after 10 minutes of trying. As they open the locker a cloud of dust comes out, as it settles they see a skeleton.

The 3 students scream at the sight of this and run to tell the Janitor. Who upon looking at the skeleton tells the police.

The police forensics team come to the school to take some samples of the skeleton and remove it from the school.

Back in the lab they are finally able to identify the body by the sneakers that are still on the feet of the skeleton.

A detective informs the principal about the identity of the skeleton.

Rumors about the skeleton had spread across the school in the weeks since it was found. So to quell the hearsay he decides he will announce the news to the whole school.

He gathers the whole school into the auditorium and says:

"Boys and girls the skeleton that was found in our school basement by 3 of our students has been identified by the police. I can tell you the skeleton was the.....1952 school hide and seek champion"

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

Mango Lassi - A Smoothie For Any Day That The Blender Is Clean

We counted the calories on this.

For two weeks worth of meals a year, I get the equivalent of every single calorie I take in from the mango trees in the neighborhood.

Yes, it is a lot of calories.  I count every one of them and I shoot for 2100 calories a day with allowances for another 300.  I'm an athlete and I am pretty much hungry every moment of the day as a result.  On marathon days, I tell people I can have a SECOND piece of cake if I want and watch their jaws drop.

Oh I know it sounds weird and obsessive but think of it.  Between Mango Chunks, Jelly, and drinks, they have a lot of calories.  Add to it the Mango bread that is quite nice with the Mango jelly and you see where I am going with my numbers.  I already have about 12 jars of Mango chunks for Jelly in the freezer for when I can find the time to make the stuff so I think I will also make some Mango Oatmeal Raisin Cookies this year too.

17 calories an ounce so 6 ounces are 100 calories.

That's 102 calories for 28 grams if you are ... metric.  (gasp)

The entire recipe as I make it clocks in around 300 calories and a lot of fiber.   I make it without actual sugar so I can use it on a day that I am carbo-loading for my workouts.  It is traditional to use Honey instead of artificial sweeteners in it, but I found that the mangoes are already very sweet, and I wanted the lower calories.

With no fat in the fruit, it is endurance workout friendly as well.

Don't ask about "Runner's Trots", it's a rather unpleasant malady.  Too much fat in your diet before an endurance workout and you will be visiting the baƱo sooner than you would prefer and wondering why there aren't any shrubs around when you need them.

Ingredients as I made it this morning:

  • 12 ounces/336 grams of Rather Ripe Mangoes, chunked.
  • 6 ounces/170 grams of plain unsweetened yogurt.
  • 6 ice cubes and an extra 4 ounces of water (yes, arbitrary size) or about 200 grams total.
  • a dusting of cinnamon to taste
  • a packet of artificial sweetener or Honey (completely optional, I often forget this) to taste

Blend on high until smooth and drink.