I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

 Yeah well you have to really scramble Toga to get Goat but I think we have all had morning where you see double. 

Right?

A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced.
I was so upset over learning this.

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

Tarzan had just taught his new girlfriend, Jane, how to swing from a vine.

Jane saw a long, thin stick hanging among the vines. "Can I try swinging from that?" she asked Tarzan.

"You can try," replied Tarzan. "But trust me, it won't work."

So Jane grabbed the stick. Then, much to Tarzan's amazement, Jane was swinging from the stick just as well as he had ever swung from a vine!

When Jane came back, Tarzan was shocked. "I've tried to swing from that thing my whole life!" he said. "But it's impossible! And you managed it on the first try! How did you do it?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Typical. I start dating a guy I like, and it turns out he can't drive a stick."




At a crocodile farm

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal. "Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million."

No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.

With enormous luck he survived, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced, "We have a brave winner! "

After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him he was very brave to jump. Then the man said, "I didn't jump, someone pushed me!"

His wife smiled...