Wednesday, August 31, 2022

The Story Of The 100 Mile An Hour Hurricane Tape

Tape fit for a Hurricane, or 100 Miles an Hour or so.

Ok, if you must, how about 162kph?

What...Ever!  How fast is that measured in Bananas?  Giraffes?  Tardigrades?


Once upon a time I worked at a university.  Mind you working at a Uni can be great but in this case I had a boss who would tell stories about gambling at the casinos in Atlantic City and dreamed about taking a trip to Las Vegas.

At that point he'd go off on an hour long tangent and I'd fall asleep in the chair.

Not that he lasted there as my boss all that long, they shuffled him off to the side and installed a crony, a friend, who was just as inept at management as my old boss was.

At least my old boss was a nice guy, this one... wow!  Listen out there in Blog-Land if you ever end up with a person trying to manage you who was a coach in a martial arts dojo, do your career a favor and quit.  I did, and frankly I know of others in that same department who did and are happier that they put that incompetent behind them.

But about a year before I left there, I took all my banked vacation time and had a long vacation.  With holidays, weekends, and so forth I was away for a month at the quiet time of year. 

Felt great, less filling.

So less filling that as I traveled South I got hungry in Northern Virginia.  There's a barbecue joint there on US1 just off the interstate.  The food was OK, and they have another joint about two miles North of me...

Ok, 3KM.  Damn! Metric People! chill!

And we pulled into the parking lot.  Had a meal in the converted fast food place.  The parking lot was chock full of locals who worked in the area out of their trucks.  Plumbers and Electricians if I misremember right.

As I am getting ready to mount my Jeep and head on South for my month away from incompetent managers in IT in a largish university in North Philadelphia (narrows things down huh?), someone started backing up out of a parking space.

He hit the gas and rumbled on around the back. 

As he moved, his truck dropped a roll of tape.  I looked at it and it was very "military" looking.  Being Northern Virginia, well there's a lot of current and former military people there and while a bit conservative for my tastes, they'll help you out in a fix.

That tape... It turned out to be legendary.  Had a "MilSpec" rating on its inside, and was low gloss Olive Drab.  I don't know if the guy got it from a PX but I was happy to find it.  Tossed it behind my seat in the Jeep and continued on my way.

After researching the roll it turned out to be truly Military Issue, so I put the stuff to use.

This was in winter of 2005.  I still own items made and repaired out of that tape.  I only tossed it in the trash this year when I got very close to the end of the roll and finally it began to "de-laminate".

Why is it so good?  Not because it has Uncle Sam's signature of approval, but more because it wasn't some of the usual garbage imported and manufactured to a low WalStarMart or other BigBox Store standard.

This stuff was nicknamed 100 MPH tape or Hurricane Tape.  The story told to me was that it is actually used to patch helicopter blades in an emergency and is so strong that it holds things together in flight. 

Yeah Hurricane Wind Speeds.  I'm in Florida, that is important.

I am also an endurance athlete.  Even at my *ahem* Middle Age, for me to mount my inline skates and roll for a marathon workout at 27 miles roughly (40Km sheesh) in a couple-of-hours is a normal thing.   

I did five marathons in January 2022, alone.

So all this distance means that there's abrasion of sock against liner of the boot.  As I was told once upon a water stop by a team mate on the Philadelphia inline skating team, "We just put duct tape in our boots and get another year out of it". 

Another year with their tape, but another five or more with mine.  This 100MPH tape would go for years with my heel and achilles tendon rubbing against it and sliding against the 12 or 13 micron thick olive drab vinyl.

Don't have it?  Well what are ya waitin' for?

Can't get it in Your Country?  I know Amazon has it because that's where I got it this time.  I know that I will be lining my hotspots in my boot liner to get another 2000-3000 miles out of them.

A 25 dollar roll of tape vs a 75 dollar liner for my boots ... twice?  yeah I'll go with the tape.  It's low rent but my sponsorship dried up when the sport did.

But here I am in the South Florida Sun, greased up with sun block, sweaty as they come, but happily squeaking along in my sk8boots chalking up the miles.

Only 1500 miles left to once around the world!

On Yer Left!

Sunday, August 28, 2022

Why did the bike fall?? Because it was two tired

Sitting on the counter is my crockpot.  It's got four pounds of chicken breast meat cut into cubes no longer than your thumb that went into the pickle juice from the fridge pickles I made last week from this recipe.  I guess I made chicken ceviche, but I'll let you know how it is when cooked.   Actually that pickle brine was good enough that even Tofu tossed in the stuff would be tasty.

Still it's not my favorite animal...

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken..

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now..

Saturday, August 27, 2022

I know it's rude to pick my nose in public but I lost mine and I need a new one.

 Here I sit at sunrise on Saturday morning.  Fully caffeinated so watch out world.  I am considering what to do with the weekend and think we need to hit the market and it means I have to do meal planning.

I know that I want to make some Crumpets from this recipe and that simplifies things since we won't have to go to a specialty market.  I mean come on, this is South Florida, not the middle of the desert.  There are plenty of Brits and UK Subjects running around that Crumpets should not be as expensive and rare as they are for those little pancake looking things but ...

That does not settle my need for Protein since my training diet is hitting hard and each day's workout burn is over 2000 calories a day.  Maybe this story has a bit of help for us?  Hmm what to make?  French Toast?

Thankfully I am not in Texas!

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the Texan ordered 2 Lone Stars and a bowl of calf fries. The Frenchman looks at the calf fries and asks what they are.

"Them's calf balls!" announces the Texan.

Well, you know how the French are - they eat frogs legs after all - he dove right in and found them delicious, though he wasn't sure about the Lone Star. Soon enough, they've finished the bowl and the Texan orders some lamb fries. And some more beers. Well, the Frenchman has to ask what he's about to eat.

"Them's lamb nuts!" bellows the Texan.

Of course, we all know that the French will eat anything (escargot, anyone?), so he dives right in. Not wanting his friend to go hungry, the Texan orders their meal.

"Ah'd like 2 cheeseburgers with French fries," he tells the waitress.

His friend faints.

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Fridge Pickles, Revisiting A Really Nice And Easy Recipe For Bread And Butter Pickles

Last time I went shopping, I thought I needed Pickles.  I didn't but I did get the ingredients for making Fridge Bread And Butter Pickles.

Because I had a recipe that was wrong, I had left out the sugar, and I had all sorts of weird veg in my fridge - it's more like a giardiniera pickle because traditional pickles don't have Peppers, Carrots, and Onions.

They turned out great and my fridge is still crowded since I just started eating these beasts.  I had some in a bowl by themselves after my lunch curried chicken and this recipe definitely worth the small effort.


    2 Pounds (1 Kilo) of Cucumbers, sliced and cleaned
    1 Pound (one medium where I shop) Whole Sweet Onion  (White, Vidalia, or similar)

    Other Veg like Carrots, Bell Peppers, and So Forth may be added if you like
    2 Cups White Distilled Vinegar (5% acidity)  (I used Apple Cider this time)
    2 Cups Sugar
    2 Tablespoons of Non Iodized Salt (Don't really know why not iodized, it worked for me)
    2 Teaspoons Pickling Spice
    2 Teaspoons Whole Mustard Seed
    1 Teaspoon Ground Turmeric (for color)
    1 Teaspoon Celery Seed
    1/2 Teaspoon Ground Cloves


    Clean and cut your Cucumbers and Onions into at least 1/8 inch thick slices.
    Fill sterilized jars with Cucumber and Onion pieces allowing 1/2 inch of room at the top.
    To a 3 quart/liter sauce pan, add Vinegar and all of the spices.
    Bring the mixture to boil and reduce heat to Simmer and stir constantly.
    Cook the mixture for 5 Minutes minimum until all the sugar has dissolved
    Ladle the mixture into the jars to cover the Cucumbers and onions.
    Seal jars and allow to cool before placing in refrigerator.
    Shake the jars daily.
    Allow the jars to "steep" in the mixture a minimum of 3 days before enjoying.
    Shake the pickles every third day.
    Enjoy your pickles within 2 months and store in refrigerator.

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Where Did The General Keep His Armies? In his sleevies.

 I have a habit of repairing things.  People have a habit of getting frustrated with things and just tossing them or telling me "Hey Bill, maybe you can fix this?".

I will say that my experience with these kind of glasses are not very good.  Down here, you require Polarized Sunglasses with UV400 protection.

X-Ray Specs are a very different matter!

Good ol' Joe buys a pair of cheap Chinese "infrared" glasses online despite many warnings from his buddy Jeff

He wears them to office in the morning and sees everyone naked.

He takes them off and everyone has their clothes on.

In the evening, he wears them to the mall and sees everyone naked.

He takes them off for a moment and everyone has their clothes on again.

He goes home at night and wears them only to find his wife in bed with some guy, both naked.

He takes off the glasses and they both are still naked !!!

Joe immediately calls Jeff and says.. “Should have listened to you... they didn't even last a day!”

Saturday, August 20, 2022

I’m reading a horror novel about birds in braille. It’s giving me goose bumps!

Since I don't have anything about geese, how about this old bird?  :)

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 50th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.

"It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.

The clerk clarified that $250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the older lady insisted on talking with the manager.

The manager showed up and explained that the hotel "has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," the old woman said.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," he replied.

The manager proceeded with that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.

"We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," he said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

The manager replied, "Well, we have them, and you could have."

Regardless of what facility he recommended, the older lady would just answer, "But I didn't use it!"

The manager then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.

The manager was shocked when she gave the check to him. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00," he said.

"That is right. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," the old lady replied.

"But I didn't!" the manager shouted.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Homemade Ant Bait - the Return

How do you putter when you are home waiting on the Plumber?

In my case, I made Ant Bait.  I also made a lot of other things including packing boxes for shipping to family up North, but the Ant Bait was necessary.

You see all the sudden the Summer Rains started up.  Due to La NiƱa here it has been dry.  I suspect due to the winds off the Sahara, South Florida has been lucky and not seen any hurricanes, yet.

Shhh, you'll jinx it!

But we did get showers and that did bring out the ants and they did need to be tamed.  Or at least beaten back.

This is a derivation of a recipe I make all the time, I just can't find my Jar so i will be making more in a similar jar.  I get out the Industrial Strength Felt Tip Pen and write the recipe on a scrap of paper that gets taped to the lid.

It's simple.
It works.

To make this add the ingredients into a jar, warm in blasts in the Microwave and stir until everything is dissolved into the water.

That's it.  Took me one blast of 30 seconds and another 30 seconds of stirring.

Did I say it's simple and it works?  Just pour this semi-toxic goo into an old lid and leave it out where the ants can get it.  They'll dine and they will go back into their colonies and that will be about it for them.


  • 2 ounces Water
  • 4 ounces Sugar
  • 1 1/2 Teaspoons Borax.


  • Add all ingredients to a jar.
  • Warm in microwave and stir until completely mixed.


Fill a bottle cap or lid of a jar with this mixture and place where Ants can get to it.

Enjoy the show as Ants have their last meal.

Warning:  Don't eat this.  While it's not exactly deadly, it is poisonous to ants and I would expect it would sicken you.

You have been warned.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better.

Hmm, baked beans... Just cook them really well.  Hope for the best and enjoy!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly afterward, they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.
So he went in, ordered, and had 3 extra large helpings of delicious baked beans. He farted all the way home. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Then he got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table fell over. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRISE!!!”

There, seated around the table to his great alarm, were twelve dinner guests for his surprise birthday party!

Saturday, August 13, 2022

I have a wet wipe in my wallet instead of a condom. The chance of a chicken and fries is definitely higher.

I feel sorry for mom here but it definitely fits with the topic.  Hmm, a wee bit edgy but you do get what you pay for!

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly.....

She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch completely naked.
"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says " What's for dinner?"

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Rainbow Over Wilton Manors, Rain Delay for the Workout

I watch for blobs on the radar.  One green blob in the wrong place and I have to wait about 6 to 8 weeks for a set of bearings. 

I have been caught out on skates in the rain before and it's not pretty.  It causes me to have to slow down to a walking pace and hope that the water won't get into them.  If it does, they will rust out and I'll have to look in the "Skate Shop" and see what I have in storage for the next workout.

I have been lucky for the last year or so.  The bearings I have are pretty hard to come by.  The balls in them are ceramic, like your coffee mug.  The races are steel like most others.  If I can find a full ceramic set, I'll buy them if they're at a good price, but since I am not sponsored any longer, I'll make due.  Besides, I get an upwards of a 4 minute "spin test" out of them when I lube them up and install them on the wheels.

This was not a good morning to get to the park.  I have to get out as early as possible.  Dawn is not really early enough.  The heat at daybreak in the Fort Lauderdale area is mid 80s, 29C, and while I am extremely aerobically fit, having to slog through weather that can be described as inside of someone else's shower is painful.

So I waited at the front door, growling.

I figured that I would wait for the rainbow that signaled that the storm was over would clear out and see the patterns on the radar.  Meanwhile, time to finish carboloading, breakfast to the normies.

And there he was.  Twin laser beams coming from his eyes.  I've created a monster.  Rack, my McNab Superdog(TM) was staring me down for what I had just pulled from the refrigerator. 

"No Boy, Not For Dogs!" I said.

No effect.

"I Said NO BOY, NOT FOR DOGS!".  He realized I was serious.  Since I am the DIY type, and know how to make Mango Jelly and Can the stuff for preservation, I have been having a lot of Mango Yogurt with breakfast.  A bit strange since I'm making the stuff from powdered milk and using Great Grandma's hand cranked mixer to blend things.  I DO have an electric whisk, but I prefer not to use it.  It's too vigourous.

I'm thinking all of this when out of the corner of my eye "NOT FOR DOGS!" comes out of my mouth.  He's getting really annoying with the begging.  I do give him yogurt, but I prefer not to be pushed to do so.  It's good for his digestive tract just like yours or mine.

I go on making my coffee, and put together another container of yogurt on to brew.  It's the perfect time to make yogurt since the water is already hot.

100g (3.5 oz) Non Fat Dry Milk (Powder)
22 oz of boiling water at around 90 plus C (about 200F plus).

Whisk together and allow to come down to 40C/104F
Add a couple tablespoons of the old yogurt as a culture.
Stir together vigorously,
cover and wait until tomorrow. 
If not "gelled" then give it another day.

More begging.  "Rack get out of here!"  Damn kid!

In the meantime, I notice roads are drying, I would finish getting myself prepared to go for a workout.  The yogurt takes one to two days to gel anyway.

There is a lot that has to go to the park. 

Skates, pads, ice water, body camera, backup batteries, snack for when I am done.

It finally gets dry enough, I'm going to get out of here today.  Tape up the hot spots, finish loading up the Jeep and time to go to the park.

See you later! 
On Yer Left!

Sunday, August 7, 2022

I used to own a wheelbarrow full of four-leaf clovers but then I realized I really shouldn't push my luck.

It's Sunday and I'm feeling relaxed.  Just did a long 90 minute bike ride looking at the clouds coming on shore from the tropical ocean and went down through a trail that dead ended at the water on three sides. 

Hey mountain bikes gotta mount I guess!

Since I didn't see any ugly alligators, and I have been told they do sneak in from time to time, I'll talk about ugly people.

A bus full of ugly people drives off a cliff.

They all make it to Heaven. When they get there God makes them all form a single-file line before the pearly gates and explains to them that as you enter paradise, you can make one wish, so long as it's not to come back to life or anything that interferes with the world of the living.

The first person in line, an overweight woman with bad skin, steps up to the gate. When God asks her what her wish is, she says, "My whole life I always felt bad about the way I look. I wish to finally be beautiful." God nods and instantly she starts losing weight and her skin clears up until she looks like some kind of glamorous model. Ecstatic, she runs through the gates.

Next in line is a middle-aged balding man with bad posture. He says, "I always felt like less of a man than other guys. I want to be beautiful too." His back straightens out, his hair returns, and even his jawline becomes stronger, turning the man into a silver fox. Looking suave as can be, he happily strolls through the gates.

After these first two, everybody wants to be beautiful. One by one, a bus full of thirty people, driver included, make the same wish. Muscles expand, lips become fuller, crooked features straighten out, the whole shebang. The 29th person passes through the gate and the last guy in line is laughing hysterically.

"Why are you laughing?" God asks.

"Because I know what my wish is" the man replies.

"Ah, of course" God says. "You are so elated to become beautiful as well that you're laughing out of sheer joy."

"No, that's not it."

"Oh? Then what is your wish?"

"Make 'em all ugly again."

Saturday, August 6, 2022

It's not your dryer that's shrinking your clothes, It's your refrigerator.

It is time to engage your inner schoolchild.

Yes, one of the most infantile kinds of humor I could possibly find.

And, Yes, while I laughed at these and called them "dumb", I'm sure some of you will laugh at them just as I did.


Yo Mama is so fat that when she wears her Malcolm X jacket, helicopters land on her.
Yo Mama is so fat that the elephant thought it lost weight,
Yo Mama is so fat that when she goes up the escalator with a yellow shirt everyone think that the sun is rising.
Yo Mama is so fat that Her belt size is "equator".
Yo Mama is so fat that She stepped on plexiglass and made glitter.
Yo Mama is so fat that Her blood type is Ragu.
Yo Mama is so fat that the apples fall to her.
Yo Mama is so fat that Her high-school picture was an aerial photograph.
Yo Mama is so fat that She got fired from the m&m’s factory for eating all the w’s.
Yo Mama is so fat that She turned a sweat lodge into a rendering plant.
Yo Mama is so fat that she took one step and fell into the center of the earth.
Yo Mama is so fat that when she moves it bends time and space.
Yo Mama is so fat that she sleeps on both side of the bed.
Yo Mama is so fat that she’s in the remake of Two and a Half Men all by herself.
Yo Mama is so fat that when she skips a meal the stock market drops.
Yo Mama is so fat that even the sumo wrestlers refused to let her participate on sports day.
Yo Mama is so fat that it takes her two lights to get through the intersection even if nobody is around.
Yo Mama is so fat that she's on the ballot under 4 different parties.
Yo Mama is so fat that the gerrymanderers walked off the job.
Yo Mama is so fat that the ship Queen Mary buys tickets to her.

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Recipe For Instant Yellow Cake Mix And A Crock Pot Cherry Dump Cake To Use It With

It would only be fair for me to give you a way to use this stuff, and that is at the end.

There are lots of instant cake mixes on the market, but what if you have the ingredients to toss one of these together and don't feel like going to the market.

It's fine if it is in walking distance, but starting the car and all that carbon is not really a good way to go.  I'd say in that case if you must have the boxed mix, wait until your next trip to the market.

In this case, the proof is in the ingredients and adding them in the correct order.

The cake that I made from this recipe was made by adding the ingredients in an strange order.  It was the third thing I made in the kitchen having started the day with home made yogurt from powdered milk, and Barbecue Pork Tenderloin that I enjoyed for lunch.

For the Mix, you add the dry ingredients first.  Then when you are ready to bake, grease your pans and add the wet ingredients.

For the Cherry Dump Cake you will need to jump lower in the recipe.

Dry Ingredients:

2 1/2 Cups All-Purpose Flour
2 1/4 Cups Sugar (I used white/table/granulated sugar)
1/3 Cups of Instant nonfat dry milk powder
2 Teaspoons Baking POWDER
1 Teaspoon Fine Salt (I used common table salt)

Wet Ingredients for when you are ready to bake:

3/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
3 Large Eggs at Room Temperature
1 Tablespoon Pure Vanilla Extract

Grease your baking pans with Cooking Spray or Oil
Mix the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl.
Add the 3 large eggs and the Tablespoon of Vanilla Extract
Add any other ingredients you would to a box of yellow cake mix
Bake at 350F/Medium oven until Toothpick comes out clean

Cherry Dump Cake:

Add a can of cherry pie filling to greased crock pot
Add your boxed cake mix recipe at the end of the process above to a mixing bowl.
Add 1/2 cup of melted butter (2 sticks) to the boxed cake mix and stir until even.
Add the cake mix to the top of the cherry pie in the crock pot.
Cook on low for 4 hours or high for 2 hours in crock pot.
My picture above was 4 hours on High.  Who knew?