What do you call birds that stick together? Velcro’s

Everyone can do something, some can do everything, you do you.

What I mean by that is don't listen to the gatekeepers.  In fact, my whole life has been about walking up to a gatekeeper and educating them with what can be done.  I could go more "bro" or aggressive with that but I won't.

If you are on the fence about starting something, anything, whether it be education, sports, or a project that nobody else will understand, do it.  I'll be here waiting to hear that you progressed and succeeded, and if I can give you a hand up, I will.

Now, if I could only find my 1N34 diodes, I want to build a Crystal Radio that tunes in the Shortwave bands so I can practice my Spanish.  See?

Be wholesome.  Be uplifting.




In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.
“Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.

Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?” she asks.
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

My friend is a man with strong convictions. The main reason is he couldn’t afford a good lawyer.

I have a friend who went on a trip, and came back.  Mind you you get on a plane, you come down with a cold.  At least that has been my expectation.

On the other hand, I haven't flown since 2001 and I have no desire for either the trip or the cold so ...



 
The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An hour later, the pharmacist comes back and notices the man standing outside the pharmacy, looking absolutely miserable with his legs crossed tight.

He asked his assistant if he knew what was going on, and his assistant answered.

"Oh, that guy. He came in asking for meds for his cough, and I told him, you were out to lunch but he insisted I give him something to help him stop coughing. So I gave him some fast acting laxatives and told him the bathroom is out of service".

"You idiot! Laxatives are not meant to treat coughs. They are meant to relieve constipation."

"I know," replied the assistant. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough".

Green Onion Air Sprouts - Or When Internet Memes Go Too Far

I do a lot of these weird little internet memes.

They say they will give you more.  More Basil, More Miles, More everything.

More.  Literally.  In this case, it said Infinite Green Onions.

To Be Fair, it did promise other veg will root like this and I do have a pot in the backyard with an Avocado Tree growing as well as "Culinary Ginger" all over the place.

Culinary as in you can eat it, instead of the ornamental stuff which I really don't know about. 

And "Somebody Said" that the people back in the day were eating what we called "Onion Grass" back on the lawn in the prairies of South Jersey the same way I'm eating Green Onions.

That Somebody should realize nobody can eat quite that much Green Onions.

In the pot with the Avocado tree that is now about a foot tall, and the Culinary Ginger that grew from the extra Ginger we had when we made some Thai Ginger Chicken.  Oh the Ginger Chicken was excellent but when we cook here, I get a week or two of food as leftovers and everyone in the house gets one meal - not by my own preference mind you. 

So I took the Ginger that looked like it was sprouting and put it all over the yard.   About 3/4 of it is sprouting.

But back to the Green Onion.  Buy a bunch.  Use one or two plants.  The rest goes into a glass with water and stuffed in the refrigerator.  The refrigerator is so the mosquitoes don't find it because now in Florida, Mosquitoes carry Malaria. 

Yep, but for the moment it's on the west coast.  Not in Fort Lauderdale.

Anyway, now I have Green Onion growing everywhere because it roots more than the Ginger.  About 90% or more. 

That was about 2 months ago and one of those Green Onions, Scallions to the rest of us, is growing about as thick as a baby's arm and putting out flowers.

The flowers were pretty, they looked like a pouf on the end of a snow hat.  A Pompom.

I got real busy recently and couldn't go out to deal with my garden.  The pool also started to collect green patches but that is due to the extreme heat and sun we got over this month.

Yes, I even grow plants in the pool.  Algae to the rest of us.  When I scraped that stuff off the walls of the pool, it clogged the filter.

So my Baby's Arm Thick Scallions flowered and they did what most flowering plants do.  The flower stalk flopped over and started to grow on their own.

I don't need any more green onions!  Oh sure, I cut them up like chives on my potatoes and my pizzas, but I'm flooded with the stuff.

So the flower flopped over and gave me the finger.  That's what you're seeing up in that picture.  Had I planted the stuff, I'd be truly over the top with Onions. 

Even my eggs don't need quite that much green onions.

So yes, the internet meme works.  But it goes too far.  Just chop the bulb off a stalk, use the green in your salads or whatever you are cooking, and push the bulb into the soil.  I have way too good luck with just chopping off the bottom half inch and sticking that into the soil.

Now... the larger white onions?  No luck.

So good luck, I'll look for a different internet meme to play with.   I will say that a can of diet soda to a box of yellow cake mix works great and gives you 18 cupcakes at 90 calories a piece!

I have a joke about nihilism but I guess it doesn't matter

So I have been learning Spanish for years now.  In fact I think I am going to quit using Duolingo because their method of teaching is simply garbage.  Like having a teacher saying "WRONG" when you get a mistake, try to ask the students around you for help, and simply getting none.

On the other hand, I am at a level where I can watch Spanish Language TV, listen to Mexican Radio (I really do like Norteño music), and read their newspapers.  Maybe it is time.

However I really do get a smile with this particular little gem.  It reminds me of one of those commercials we were bombarded with back in the Pre-Cable Days - the Punch line of this will remind you, and if not, ask me in FB for more of the story.

I'll let you read here.



A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department, where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sí que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

Did you hear that the devil got arrested? Apparently, they got him on possession.

This kind of reminds me of what they say about looking for answers to problems with tech.  Not just computers, but cars, and for that matter pictures where its used to illustrate issues. 

The Answer is Always In The Comments.

But since there is no issue here, and just a great story... well read on!


 
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket.

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks.” The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched .

“Very good,” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.

Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.”

“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.

“Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself. Then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.

”Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?”

The child said: “Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”

I Seem To Be Every Cyclist, According to Our Boy, Rack

As the French say, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Or so I have been told.

You see, I have been biking around town lately.  For me that means 20 plus miles in large circles at high to me speeds.   

I prefer to go up to the Pompano Airpark since it is a big 4.6 mile square and I don't get so dizzy going in circles.  I refuse to skate there since they are indifferently maintaining the actual trail which I have been led to believe that is true to form with most things in Pompano Beach.  Grounds are different, they're quite nice, but there is way too much trash on the trails to skate.

I can't skate here since the bike trails are too exposed to vehicular traffic and way too full of debris.

And I can't go to Pompano since it is an 8 mile drive and my car is waiting on parts from everyone's favorite love-to-hate-them online shopping mall.

Parts about $150.  Professionally installed at a repair shop about $1500.  I'll do it myself thank you.

However, since I am fortunate to have someone here who is more than happy to take Rack the McNab SuperDog(TM) for his second walk, I get up and out before dawn.

That is important since Rack is almost 12 years old and can't be trusted indoors all day now.  He'd water the carpets by the door if we go too long. 

But every person on a bike is me, it seems.  At least in Rack's little head it seems to be.

A loop varies in distance and in time to do it.  I'm dodging traffic and debris and passing the same place a number of times.  Six?  Seven?  Eight?  Who's counting? 

Since we in South Florida are experiencing a heat wave as well as the other southern tier states, I have forced myself to take water stops to cool down. 

Stops.  Plural. 

In what passes for winter here, I can go a full workout without a break.  Lets call that 90 minutes.  Just go in circles and then home.  Drink at home and go on about the day. 

Simple, huh?

In a heat wave where the weather radio is doing its best to scare you not to do the sorts of thing that bring me athletic joy, you need to moderate yourself.  I roll in front of City Hall here and park myself front and center in front of the doors and by the neatly tended shrubs and have my water and cookies.

In doing so, I cool down.  To be fair I leave a bit of a water mark myself on the concrete bench before I leave.

It turns out that Rack is noticing it even if nobody else is.  I've been told that the entire time he's out, he's sniffing the air to see where I have disappeared to. 

Hey, I launder those compression shorts and the cycle jersey and I rotate the ones I wear on each of the workouts.  Don't get funny there, ok?

Sheesh!

But apparently, to a dog's sensitive nose, I'm leaving things behind.  I've been told he pulls to sniff that spot I had left at the 45 minute mark, and is always watching.

Yes, he watches every person on a bike and wags his tail expectantly. Every cyclist is Me.  Except when it actually is me and he gets the payoff.  You know, it is like how they get you hooked on gambling.

I have to say, I watch for him too since seeing your own dog who rests in a ball at your right elbow whenever you are sitting in the big green chair, out of place and being walked by someone else is a bit of a surprise.

But when he is right, he is right.  He's watching every, and I do mean every, cyclist and usually once a workout, he sees me.

"Rack!" I shout.
He turns around and makes his hello whine and happy dance. 
"Good Boy Rack!"
"Mwoof!" he says as I fly past at 15 MPH.

Just as soon as that I am gone heading up towards Five Points.  Never mind that, in his mind, he is the Goodest Of Boys who has just done his job watching over Me.

And that is what a good workout is all about, after all.

Blood Pressure Pills actually raise your blood pressure when you‘ve misplaced them.

When the world is a playground, it is never empty.  Or at least that's how I see things.


A man is walking home from work, when he sees an empty playground.

"When was the last time I played on one of these?" He asked himself.

Thinking this would be the perfect opportunity, he walks in and starts using the swing. Forward and back he went, getting higher and higher, until he launches himself off the swings.

Next, he walks over to the monkey bars. He starts using them normally, having to tuck his knees, before remembering how much fun it had been to climb on top of it. He struggles a bit, being not as fit as he was as a kid, but eventually climbed on top.

"Gee, I haven't had this much fun in a long time." He thought, until he spotted one of his old faves. A rope tower.

Quickly jumping down, he raced towards it, quickly getting tangled in the ropes. He climbed round the tower, trying to get to the difficult spots, before deciding to see how quickly he could reach the top. Climbing down, he set up a timer on his phone. Then, he was off, hand over hand, foot to knee, climbing as fast as he could.

He reached the top in 30 seconds, letting out a loud "Whooo!" He was ecstatic. Then, he heard a noise from below.

Turning to look, he was hit in the face with a clock, for time flies when you're having fun.

Why do math teachers have their desk at the corner of the room during winter? It's always 90 degrees there

 Well, if THAT doesn't fit South Florida now?  Yes, we're part of the heat wave just like Texas is.  Luckily we've got dust from the Sahara darkening the skies very slightly so we're "only" getting low 90s instead of our max of mid 90s.  Stay tuned fellow Babies!





Socrates the philosopher

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

Allen 304ST Bike Rack - Replacing the worn out fabric straps

Yes, you can do it at home.  I did two of these straps in under a half hour while the world was going crazy here around my ears.

Standard internet warranty applies - www.Ramblingmoose.com is not responsible for any damage or injury created by your following these instructions.  I am doing my best to give as complete instructions as possible, but if I did you wouldn't read them anyway.  Read them twice before you do this.  Go have a cup of coffee or tea, then be careful, don't burn yourself with Fire, Beavis.  I'm not responsible.  I run with scissors.  In fact I skate with scissors.  This is AYOR, at your own risk.

On the other hand, comedy aside, this really is pretty easy and safe if you can use basic hand tools.  I've been using the rack with my bike multiple times  a week on the repaired Bike Mounts on a 17 mile round trip drive.

There is a list of things you need:

1.) - 1 inch wide Fabric (nylon?) Lashing Straps.  I got mine online, they are very common.  You probably have a place in mind, and that's probably where I got mine.  Named for a big river in Brazil... Get more than you need so you can make mistakes.  The ones I ordered were 4 units of 10 feet long by 1 inch wide black straps.  I figured once I finish cutting 6 straps of 18 inches long, heat treating the ends, and installing them I could use the rest to make the long straps that hold the rack to the tire.

2). - Scissors - to cut the Lashing Straps to 16 inch or longer strips

3). - Lighter - to "finish" the ends of the straps so they don't fray.

4). - Ruler - to measure out 16 inch plus lengths of Lashing Straps.

5). 3/16 inch Allen Wrench, Size is not guaranteed!  My own set of hex wrenches had a guide on the side of the set implying that there were 9 wrenches in the set - and there were only 8.  To loosen the screws in the ends of the caps so that you can get at the mounts to install the Lashing Straps.

6). - Staple Gun - The lashing straps are actually stapled to the vinyl mounts on the place where you hang your bike.  You can reuse the staples you have but that will take a LOT longer - trust me, I did that for the first three and the last three were done in the time it took for me to locate something to punch a hole in the strap in the precise location and ... just get a staple gun okay?


Process is fairly simple:

1. Remove the rack from the car and bring it where you will work with it.
2. Cut up to six straps from your supply.  Each should be a minimum of 16 inches (40cm). I left one end "square" and put an angle on the other end for the outside.  It is not required, you can even put that handy angle on after you have installed the straps.
3. Finish the ends with a lighter to make sure they won't fray in the weather and by use.  See, I promised you Fire, Beavis.
   
4. Using the (approximately) 3/16 inch Allen Wrench, remove the retaining screw from the end caps on the rack. 
5. Slide out the black tubes and bike mounts from one side of the rack.  Only do one side because you don't want to confuse yourself as to how they go back.  That would be like baking a cake from a mix and throwing out the box only to have to go back to the trash can to remember that most cakes bake at 350F/175C/Medium Oven... oh just never mind.
6. Un-thread the existing old strap from the first bike mount retaining the plastic latch.
7. When you get to the point where you have the strap held on by the staple, take note of where it is stapled.  You will be stapling your new strap in the same way.
   
   
   
   
   
8. Beginning to assemble the new strap, you insert about 1 1/2 inch (a bit longer than your thumb from tip to first joint) into the hole of the bike mount toward the end where the old strap was stapled.
9. Staple your strap approximately in the same place as the old one was fastened.
10. Thread the new strap up through the bottom hole of the bike mount.
11. Slide the plastic anchor clip onto the end of the strap while making certain that the indentation for the clip is facing the inside of the bike mount.
12. Thread the strap back into the second hole of the anchor clip.
13. Now that the strap is facing to the spot where the staple is anchoring the strap, thread the end through the hole where the tube goes to the opposite side of the bike mount.
14. Thread the strap through the hole on the non-stapled side. 
15. At this point the Bike mount is threaded and can be mounted on the tube where it came from.
16. Repeat this weave for any other Bike Mounts that you feel need to be re-strapped.
    
    
    
    The instructions I am giving for weaving the strap may be a little vague to someone who is not actively doing it with a bike mount in front of them.  After you do one, you'll know, but do reference your existing bike mounts while doing this if you can't wrap your mind around what you're going to do.
    
    You've got this.  I believe in you.
    

Where do math teachers go on vacation? To time square.

 Ok, so I got preoccupied yesterday.  I missed posting anything.  Looking back, it was a whole lot of "meh" so well...

But this blog thing?  This particular one has about 500 readers a day, and I suspect that's only because I started in 2009 and have a LOT of things on here.  Recipes, help, and my own original content.

If you see an ad on here, I'm not getting anything from it.  I don't see them because I'm on Linux, run ad blockers, and have a massive /etc/hosts file that blocks most of the ad servers.  I will continue living an ad free life because even the US Government says that the ad network is corrupted by nasties that can ruin your day. 

Trojans, Virus, and more.  Ew.

So off the soap box and on to the weekend nonsense!



It was a day like any other at the office for Dave, when all of a sudden, a bear opens his door.

"We're out of coffee," says the Bear, and it left.

Dave was obviously surprised that a literal bear opened his door. He almost thought he may have been smoking something, but he brushed it off immediately. "Maybe someone is pulling a prank, I don't know." But later when he goes to the break room, he learns that they are definitely out of coffee.

The next day, Dave is at his workplace again, and wouldn't you know, the same bear opens the door.

"The AC is going out." says the Bear, and it left.

And of course, the AC went out. It was hot at his desk, and he tried to keep cool, but he got through the rest of the day. "This is just awful," says Dave.

And then on the third day, the bear opened his door again.

"You're being laid off." and the bear promptly left.

"WHAT?" he said. And just like that, he went to the manager's office to ask him directly. "Is it true? Am I really being laid off?"

"Oh," says the manager, "I was planning to tell you this afternoon, but yes its true. Who told you may I ask?"

"WHO TOLD ME?" says Dave. "There has a Bear visiting me every day at my office! Who is he?"

And the Manger says, "Oh he's new here. He is the Bear of Bad News."



Here's a short one for you.  CYA!






A customer came in and asked why her kids chew on their glasses.

I told her it's to prevent scurvy. Since glasses are high in vitamin see.

Cooking Kidney Beans in the Instant Pot

Why bother?  Cans are available?  

Simple, I use beans, Black Beans as well for myself, Kidney Beans in the Dog's Food at a rate of two cans a week.
 
Each can runs between $2 and $3 each.  They're prepared with Salt sometimes as a preservative. 

A bag of dry beans runs $8, and will make about 12 cans worth, minimum.  You do the math.  Plus Dry Beans keep for at least a year. 

Mind you, I am not like that grandma you hear about making beans all Sunday.  I use an Instant Pot or a Crock Pot Express and it makes a batch in about 45 minutes.  Both are pressure cookers and this is an awesome use for the "gadget".

Ingredients: It is a simple ratio:

3 parts water
1 part dry beans
1/2 teaspoon of baking soda.

My pressure cookers will comfortably cook 4 cups beans/12 cups water and yield just under 5 cans worth at 425g or 15 ounces per batch.  It's making Black Beans right now!

Process: High Pressure for 30 minutes, then release the pressure manually.

Result: is Kidney Beans that will be cooked tender, if a bit too tender.  The "Beans Button" will give you 20 minutes.  I always increase it to around 35 minutes as the beans I need have to be mashed in to a paste for the Dog Food recipe.  If you want a firmer bean, cook them for less time. 

Black Beans are similar, however other types require less time.  Lentils will cook in about 4 minutes under pressure, Black Beans in 35 minutes. 

As for the Black Beans?  Add 3.5 ounces (100g) to a bowl, warm them, add onion to taste, 2 ounces/56g of your favorite salsa, a wee bit of hot sauce, heat the mix up, mash them all up and have them on a soft tortilla.  I always add 2 ounces of sharp cheese to the mix and serve with 3 tortillas. 

There, Dinner is sorted!

My wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Just don't show this one to your kid.  You know why.

On the other hand, I was going through my files looking at these little gems and did not want it to go to waste.

Or waist, depends on if you're looking at recipes too!  I have a stollen and some candied fruit in the freezer so I guess I really should be baking this weekend!



A little boy is sitting in his front room decorating his tree. He looks at his father and says, "Dad how is santa gonna fit down our small chimney?"

"It's okay son, I will give him our key so you can have your presents."

The son smiles and goes back to decorating.

On christmas eve him and his father were going to the store. His father asks him to grab his keys. the little boy runs over to the counter and finds that his father didn’t give Santa the key to the front door!

In a panic the little boy grabs it and puts it in his pocket. when arriving at the store he sees Santa ringing a bell with a red bucket next to him. The little boy runs up and smiles at him.

“Is there something you want to give me?" Santa asked motioning to the red bucket.

The little boy reaches in his pocket and grabs the key. He plops it in the bucket and says "you know where i live" he winks and walks away.

Santa is just standing there with a confused look on his face the rest of the night.

Why did humans evolve to have two nostrils? So we can smell twice as good!

That one liner hasn't seen me after a couple miles on the trails but hey....





A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "Are you serious? Why couldn't you have broken it to me more gently?"

"How do you mean?"

"You know how much I loved her! You could have lied to me, and just built it up gradually. Like, you could have said she was stuck on the roof, and then tomorrow told me that the fire brigade was coming over to rescue her, and the day after that she'd fallen and broken her leg, and then on Friday you could tell me that she passed peacefully in her sleep. Don't just blurt out 'the cat's dead!'"

The man apologises, and his wife hangs up, angry at him. After a few days she calls back to apologise.

"I'm sorry I snapped" she says, "these meetings have just been really stressful. How are you all doing?"

"We're all good here" says the man. "Johnny got a certificate for swimming 100 metres, and Molly says she wants a pony for christmas. Oh, I nearly forgot! Your mom is stuck on the roof!"