Every so often I get the urge to shoot video.
This blog is very Photography Heavy, but it all comes from the same camera. The trusty Samsung Galaxy S4.
I do video so infrequently that I had to find all the bits and pieces that I used last time to generate the files. Luckily Linux simply updated everything for me and it Just Worked Just Like The Last Time.
Anyway, enough boring stuff huh?
Lately I'd go out back to do the Morning Inspection. Happens right around 7:30AM. I'm due for the second mug of coffee, Rack is due to water a Palm Tree or three. Once that is done, I get herded. He wants to play.
Before it was him going around the yard at lightning fast speed. Now, he's more interactive and more assertive. For a dog who was completely "shut down" when I got him, I'll put up with the assertions.
Oh, and he's finding his voice, Finally. After three and a half years. Give or take a bit.
You will see what I mean. Safe for all viewers. Goofy for them too.
Now, if you want to see it, it's in full HD on Youtube, and here is the direct link.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Two Jokes about Fidel Castro
Ok, yeah, I get it. You're not supposed to make jokes about the dead. We all heard that or similar many times.
I will say that I have seen these jokes flying around like mosquitoes after a rainstorm. Usually it isn't so much a joke about Fidel Castro so much as a joke about how awful communism is as a school of economic thought.
At any rate, here are two of them. Fidel dies and goes to heaven, and Fidel dies and goes to hell.
Seeing that I live very close to Miami and the Miami Herald is (still) an excellent newspaper I bring you first:
Fidel Castro Dies And Goes To Heaven
I will say that I have seen these jokes flying around like mosquitoes after a rainstorm. Usually it isn't so much a joke about Fidel Castro so much as a joke about how awful communism is as a school of economic thought.
At any rate, here are two of them. Fidel dies and goes to heaven, and Fidel dies and goes to hell.
Seeing that I live very close to Miami and the Miami Herald is (still) an excellent newspaper I bring you first:
Fidel Castro Dies And Goes To Heaven
Castro
finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see
him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life,
how did you get here?"
Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heaven."
"Chosen by God? No, that can't be right. Why would he say that?"
So Castro tells him the story:
"When Pope John Paul visited Havana in 1998, I personally welcomed him, and invited him to tour the city. We rode in the Popemobile, and since it was a warm day, he opened the roof.
Everything was fine until we reached the Malecón, when suddenly a gust of wind blew up and swept the Pope’s zucchetto off his head and out into the sea. There it floated, bobbing on the waves.
“Don’t worry, Your Holiness,” I exclaimed, “I’ll get it for you!” I jumped over the side of the Popemobile, leaped over the seawall, and sped out over the water. Yes, I actually walked on top of the water, all the way out to where the zucchetto lay floating on the waves. Then I turned and dashed back, still skimming over the surface, leaped over the seawall, and jumped back into the Popemobile, without getting a drop of water on his clothes. “Here, Your Holiness,” I panted.
"And that's when he blessed me."
Saint Peter is obviously having a little trouble believing this, so he calls God over and asks, "Do you remember this?"
God says, "I bless a lot of people. It's hard to keep track of them all." Then he looks at Castro. "Do you have any proof?"
"Proof?" Castro exclaims. "Of course I have proof! It was worldwide news!"
So God sends Peter down to Earth to go collect some newspapers from the day after, and sure enough it's on the front page of every last one.
In Granma, the Cuban Communist Party newspaper, the headline read “Fidel is Chosen by God; He Walks on Water.”
In L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, the headline read “God Performs a Miracle: Makes Fidel Castro Walk on Water.”
And in the Miami Herald, read by the Cuban exile community in Miami, the headline read
“Fidel Castro Doesn’t Know How to Swim.”
And now, for the flip side of it all:
Fidel Castro Dies and Goes To Hell
Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heaven."
"Chosen by God? No, that can't be right. Why would he say that?"
So Castro tells him the story:
"When Pope John Paul visited Havana in 1998, I personally welcomed him, and invited him to tour the city. We rode in the Popemobile, and since it was a warm day, he opened the roof.
Everything was fine until we reached the Malecón, when suddenly a gust of wind blew up and swept the Pope’s zucchetto off his head and out into the sea. There it floated, bobbing on the waves.
“Don’t worry, Your Holiness,” I exclaimed, “I’ll get it for you!” I jumped over the side of the Popemobile, leaped over the seawall, and sped out over the water. Yes, I actually walked on top of the water, all the way out to where the zucchetto lay floating on the waves. Then I turned and dashed back, still skimming over the surface, leaped over the seawall, and jumped back into the Popemobile, without getting a drop of water on his clothes. “Here, Your Holiness,” I panted.
"And that's when he blessed me."
Saint Peter is obviously having a little trouble believing this, so he calls God over and asks, "Do you remember this?"
God says, "I bless a lot of people. It's hard to keep track of them all." Then he looks at Castro. "Do you have any proof?"
"Proof?" Castro exclaims. "Of course I have proof! It was worldwide news!"
So God sends Peter down to Earth to go collect some newspapers from the day after, and sure enough it's on the front page of every last one.
In Granma, the Cuban Communist Party newspaper, the headline read “Fidel is Chosen by God; He Walks on Water.”
In L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, the headline read “God Performs a Miracle: Makes Fidel Castro Walk on Water.”
And in the Miami Herald, read by the Cuban exile community in Miami, the headline read
“Fidel Castro Doesn’t Know How to Swim.”
And now, for the flip side of it all:
Fidel Castro Dies and Goes To Hell
There
he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to
communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over
to capitalist hell.
There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel.
“Well,” the devil replies, “in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”
“That’s terrible!” he gasps. “I’m going to check out communist hell!” He goes over to communist hell, where he discovers a huge queue of people waiting to get in. He waits in line. Eventually he gets to the front and there at the door to communist hell is a little old man who looks a bit like Karl Marx.
“I’m still in the free world, Karl,” he says, “and before I come in, I want to know what it’s like in there.”
“In communist hell,” says Marx impatiently, “they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil, and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”
"But… but that’s the same as capitalist hell!“ protests Fidel, "Why such a long queue?”
“Well,” sighs Marx, “Sometimes we’re out of oil, sometimes we don’t have knives, sometimes not even hot water…”
There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel.
“Well,” the devil replies, “in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”
“That’s terrible!” he gasps. “I’m going to check out communist hell!” He goes over to communist hell, where he discovers a huge queue of people waiting to get in. He waits in line. Eventually he gets to the front and there at the door to communist hell is a little old man who looks a bit like Karl Marx.
“I’m still in the free world, Karl,” he says, “and before I come in, I want to know what it’s like in there.”
“In communist hell,” says Marx impatiently, “they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil, and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”
"But… but that’s the same as capitalist hell!“ protests Fidel, "Why such a long queue?”
“Well,” sighs Marx, “Sometimes we’re out of oil, sometimes we don’t have knives, sometimes not even hot water…”
Saturday, November 26, 2016
The Genius Drunkard
A
drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur),
"bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and
give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then threw him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."
In disgust the bartender says, "what, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "No, you get violent when you drink."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then threw him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."
In disgust the bartender says, "what, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "No, you get violent when you drink."
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Learning Intermediate Spanish from DVDs makes Futurama A Bit Uneven
If you are in school, you can pick up a language in class. Of course you have that pressure of having to make the grades.
Not everyone is up to that, but if I remember right, everyone had to have a language in High School. Some folks can't pull it together to learn a second language.
I got out of High School and then learned a stack of languages, all for programming computers. I still am learning some, but for the most part they tend to be a variation on a given theme. All for the Web at some level.
Right now, I'm teaching myself Spanish. Partly with TV and Partly with Computer Based Training. Getting to a basic level of comprehension is not too tough. There are some excellent websites out there to get you the basics.
The Apple Is Red.
The Socks are here.
What Is Your Question?
You can go pretty far with the basics. Once you get past that, it does get more difficult. Remember back to your own childhood and how you learned. It was random words, then built basic constructs, and you got feedback on how badly you spoke. Your family, friends, and neighbors would correct you and you would get better.
That may be the problem here. I'm doing it in isolation. I used Duolingo.com to get myself past the basics, listen to Spanish language radio and watch TV on my own. After a while, the TV Programs get repetitive, so you change one series out for others, and move on.
I got bold. I started watching movies dubbed in Spanish, and always the Closed Captioning helped. I am fairly dependent on closed captions. When you are older, or merely an adult, you read better than you speak. When you are younger, you speak better than you read.
Or so I have been told.
I got to the point where I was watching Plaza Sesamo, which is Spanish Sesame Street, and can quote dialogue on some of those sketches because I have seen them too many times. It's time to try other things.
One day I started looking at my DVD collection and wondered about some of the shows I liked watching. Are They Dubbed?
It turns out that some of them are. "Disponible es Español" it says. Available in Spanish.
That's it! I was thinking about watching Futurama again, why not in Spanish?
Put in the disc, got to the menu, chose Spanish Language and Closed Captions in Spanish. Play!
I watched as Fry was playing a Donkey Kong knock off in a Pizza Parlor in New York City on December 31, 1999 and quickly realized the problem.
Voices were wrong. Not only wrong, but they didn't match the closed captioning.
That's kind of a problem folks!
I've seen Futurama a couple times through. That first episode I probably saw as many as five or more times. It isn't that I am obsessed with it, I watched the series with my programmer at work during lunch. My office was the one that had all the laughing coming from it because we'd be watching comedy TV while stuffing our faces.
Now, mind you, while English to Spanish translations are fairly faithful, each language has its quirks and a Literal Word By Word translation is never completely correct. Idioms don't always sound right when literally translated.
But...
This was just weird. It was as if someone said "Lets mess with them".
There are a number of ways to say one specific thing. Something can be a plant or a bush or a shrub and they are all correct. Add context and calling something a plant when it is obvious that a cactus is more appropriate became glaring.
Any given language has phrases where certain thoughts are said multiple ways. The concept of truth can be said as "De Verdad" or "Claro" but translated slightly differently when brought back into English.
Whoever did Futurama did it wrong. They had the script, chose the words, spoke the first set but used the closed captioning for the second.
Try reading along with that one on your own.
The other mind warp that happened? The voices are just wrong.
Leela is a "standard New World Spanish" accent. Not Spain Spanish, probably a Mexican Standard or perhaps Colombian. In English, she's got Katie Sagal's voice, a fairly unaccented woman with a powerful voice. Pleasant. We like Leela, Leela's a babe.
Ok, they got that right. But...
Hermes went from being Jamaican to being Standard.
Fry went from a slight NYC accent to being Standard.
Bender went from being a thick working class NYC accent to being Standard.
Picking up on a trend there?
Yeah, it is like they scrubbed the entire "character" out of the voice character.
I guess it's like when you go to another country for the first time and turn on the TV and watch I Love Lucy dubbed into French. Ricky swearing in French just doesn't have the same impact.
I'll have to find I Love Lucy and see if I can understand Ricky's swearing. Might pick up a few words here and there!
I'm sure some of the dubbing on other series will be better. After all, the kids shows I watch, plus the Nature Documentaries that I catch are all captioned correctly. If the voice on the TV says a word, the text comes out correctly based on the spoken word.
That may be my problem. The Crutch of Closed Captioning has reached its end of use. I need to set it aside.
The last episode of Futurama I saw I watched in Spanish with English subs. Easier, but I may as well watch it in full English.
I'll leave the captions off instead.
Who knows, it may help me get better at things. Until then I'll stick with watching my DVDs in Spanish and annoying myself with bad captioning.
"En serio?"
"Sí", it gives me an excuse to watch the stuff, right?
Not everyone is up to that, but if I remember right, everyone had to have a language in High School. Some folks can't pull it together to learn a second language.
I got out of High School and then learned a stack of languages, all for programming computers. I still am learning some, but for the most part they tend to be a variation on a given theme. All for the Web at some level.
Right now, I'm teaching myself Spanish. Partly with TV and Partly with Computer Based Training. Getting to a basic level of comprehension is not too tough. There are some excellent websites out there to get you the basics.
The Apple Is Red.
The Socks are here.
What Is Your Question?
You can go pretty far with the basics. Once you get past that, it does get more difficult. Remember back to your own childhood and how you learned. It was random words, then built basic constructs, and you got feedback on how badly you spoke. Your family, friends, and neighbors would correct you and you would get better.
That may be the problem here. I'm doing it in isolation. I used Duolingo.com to get myself past the basics, listen to Spanish language radio and watch TV on my own. After a while, the TV Programs get repetitive, so you change one series out for others, and move on.
I got bold. I started watching movies dubbed in Spanish, and always the Closed Captioning helped. I am fairly dependent on closed captions. When you are older, or merely an adult, you read better than you speak. When you are younger, you speak better than you read.
Or so I have been told.
I got to the point where I was watching Plaza Sesamo, which is Spanish Sesame Street, and can quote dialogue on some of those sketches because I have seen them too many times. It's time to try other things.
One day I started looking at my DVD collection and wondered about some of the shows I liked watching. Are They Dubbed?
It turns out that some of them are. "Disponible es Español" it says. Available in Spanish.
That's it! I was thinking about watching Futurama again, why not in Spanish?
Fry's first glimpse of New New York Futurama picture from wikipedia.com |
Put in the disc, got to the menu, chose Spanish Language and Closed Captions in Spanish. Play!
I watched as Fry was playing a Donkey Kong knock off in a Pizza Parlor in New York City on December 31, 1999 and quickly realized the problem.
Voices were wrong. Not only wrong, but they didn't match the closed captioning.
That's kind of a problem folks!
I've seen Futurama a couple times through. That first episode I probably saw as many as five or more times. It isn't that I am obsessed with it, I watched the series with my programmer at work during lunch. My office was the one that had all the laughing coming from it because we'd be watching comedy TV while stuffing our faces.
Now, mind you, while English to Spanish translations are fairly faithful, each language has its quirks and a Literal Word By Word translation is never completely correct. Idioms don't always sound right when literally translated.
But...
This was just weird. It was as if someone said "Lets mess with them".
There are a number of ways to say one specific thing. Something can be a plant or a bush or a shrub and they are all correct. Add context and calling something a plant when it is obvious that a cactus is more appropriate became glaring.
Any given language has phrases where certain thoughts are said multiple ways. The concept of truth can be said as "De Verdad" or "Claro" but translated slightly differently when brought back into English.
Whoever did Futurama did it wrong. They had the script, chose the words, spoke the first set but used the closed captioning for the second.
Try reading along with that one on your own.
The other mind warp that happened? The voices are just wrong.
Fry, Leela, and Bender on a buggy on the Moon Futurama picture from wikipedia.com |
Ok, they got that right. But...
Hermes went from being Jamaican to being Standard.
Fry went from a slight NYC accent to being Standard.
Bender went from being a thick working class NYC accent to being Standard.
Picking up on a trend there?
Yeah, it is like they scrubbed the entire "character" out of the voice character.
I guess it's like when you go to another country for the first time and turn on the TV and watch I Love Lucy dubbed into French. Ricky swearing in French just doesn't have the same impact.
I'll have to find I Love Lucy and see if I can understand Ricky's swearing. Might pick up a few words here and there!
I'm sure some of the dubbing on other series will be better. After all, the kids shows I watch, plus the Nature Documentaries that I catch are all captioned correctly. If the voice on the TV says a word, the text comes out correctly based on the spoken word.
That may be my problem. The Crutch of Closed Captioning has reached its end of use. I need to set it aside.
The last episode of Futurama I saw I watched in Spanish with English subs. Easier, but I may as well watch it in full English.
I'll leave the captions off instead.
Who knows, it may help me get better at things. Until then I'll stick with watching my DVDs in Spanish and annoying myself with bad captioning.
"En serio?"
"Sí", it gives me an excuse to watch the stuff, right?
Sunday, November 20, 2016
A Lawyer Finds a Magical Lamp
A
lawyer is stranded in the middle of the desert. He finds a lamp and
rubs it. Magically, a genie comes out of the lamp and says
"You have freed me. You now have three wishes. But you should know, whatever you wish for, all the other lawyers on Earth will get double."The man says
"I understand. My first wish will be a large beach house."The genie snapped his fingers and said
"Your new beach house is waiting for you. But all the other lawyers on Earth have two beach houses right next to yours."the man said.
"That's fine"
"How about a nice sports car?"The genie snapped his fingers and said
"Your brand new sports car is in your garage. But all the other lawyers on Earth now have two sports cars. You have one more wish."The man thought and thought about what his last wish should be. After a few hours of thinking, he stood up and told the genie
"I always wanted to donate a kidney."
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Two Guys are Sleeping In The Woods
Two
campers are sleeping in the woods, Bob and Jim.
Bob wakes up his friend: "Hey Jim, wake up. Look up at the stars and tell me what you see."
Jim: Well, I see a cloudless sky which will likely lead into a dry and balmy morning.
I see that the North star is visible, meaning we are in the summer solstice of the Earth's rotation.
I see that there are millions of stars, each harnessing the potential for habitable life.
I see that whatever God may or may not exist, we exist in a universe that is both perplexing and terrifying at the same time, as our role in this universe is small and we a nothing but a glimpse of significance.
What do you see?
Bob: Somebody stole our tent.
Bob wakes up his friend: "Hey Jim, wake up. Look up at the stars and tell me what you see."
Jim: Well, I see a cloudless sky which will likely lead into a dry and balmy morning.
I see that the North star is visible, meaning we are in the summer solstice of the Earth's rotation.
I see that there are millions of stars, each harnessing the potential for habitable life.
I see that whatever God may or may not exist, we exist in a universe that is both perplexing and terrifying at the same time, as our role in this universe is small and we a nothing but a glimpse of significance.
What do you see?
Bob: Somebody stole our tent.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Art Happens On A Sidewalk
I'm up at Stupid O'Clock. Even now that the time change happened, I'm still up at Stupid O'Clock.
You folks are doing something sensible like drooling into your pillow, snoring, and catching spiders with your mouth.
But no, I'm up around two hours before sunrise walking my dog.
This happens just about every day, rain or shine. I do try to wait out the storms since they usually are short and under a half hour, but normally I just soldier on through them.
How can you tell a tourist in South Florida?
They have Umbrellas!
We'll also say they don't know how to drive, but you'll argue until you see it yourself. Really, folks, a sign that indicates "No U Turn" means the same down here as it does in Lexington, Kentucky, and Toronto Canada as it does here in Metro Fort Lauderdale.
Sheesh.
But I am out with Rack, the McNab SuperDog (TM) wandering around town. He's watering palm trees and I'm on the look out for anything out of the ordinary.
I'm convinced I need to bring a pen knife to remove some stickers on public spaces, and a bottle of Acetone to wipe down the graffiti that some low lifes have decided to "decorate" light poles around town.
However, one thing popped up on the sidewalk the other day. We had a Halloween celebration last month. Great time for a party. Thousands of people enjoying being out together. Homes got decorated here, and some of them stayed decorated.
One of the balconies on Wilton Drive ended up with a laser display. These things showed up on the scene first a year or two ago. Put Stars on Your House! Home Laser Display! Amaze Your Friends.
For the most part they ended up looking somewhat weak because of the repetitive nature of the displays but it was a nice change of pace from the over done gaudiness of holiday displays.
People took them back in and put them in storage and even a few ended up at the thrift stores in January or February when nobody considered a need for them.
But Halloween? They're just the ticket.
These folks put their display up and turned it on directly below their balcony. So at 5 AM, rain or shine, Rack and I walk through the red and green lasers and smile. They dance and make trails quickly on the ground for anyone to pass by.
Now, not having the right equipment to take a professional picture of them is actually a benefit in this case. You see if it was timed right, all I would end up would be a field of dots.
However the camera I used did not have a fast enough shutter in this case. Turned that display in to fireworks instead.
So if you're in a light display, try it yourself. You never know where your picture will get an upgrade to Photography.
You folks are doing something sensible like drooling into your pillow, snoring, and catching spiders with your mouth.
But no, I'm up around two hours before sunrise walking my dog.
This happens just about every day, rain or shine. I do try to wait out the storms since they usually are short and under a half hour, but normally I just soldier on through them.
How can you tell a tourist in South Florida?
They have Umbrellas!
We'll also say they don't know how to drive, but you'll argue until you see it yourself. Really, folks, a sign that indicates "No U Turn" means the same down here as it does in Lexington, Kentucky, and Toronto Canada as it does here in Metro Fort Lauderdale.
Sheesh.
But I am out with Rack, the McNab SuperDog (TM) wandering around town. He's watering palm trees and I'm on the look out for anything out of the ordinary.
I'm convinced I need to bring a pen knife to remove some stickers on public spaces, and a bottle of Acetone to wipe down the graffiti that some low lifes have decided to "decorate" light poles around town.
However, one thing popped up on the sidewalk the other day. We had a Halloween celebration last month. Great time for a party. Thousands of people enjoying being out together. Homes got decorated here, and some of them stayed decorated.
One of the balconies on Wilton Drive ended up with a laser display. These things showed up on the scene first a year or two ago. Put Stars on Your House! Home Laser Display! Amaze Your Friends.
For the most part they ended up looking somewhat weak because of the repetitive nature of the displays but it was a nice change of pace from the over done gaudiness of holiday displays.
People took them back in and put them in storage and even a few ended up at the thrift stores in January or February when nobody considered a need for them.
But Halloween? They're just the ticket.
These folks put their display up and turned it on directly below their balcony. So at 5 AM, rain or shine, Rack and I walk through the red and green lasers and smile. They dance and make trails quickly on the ground for anyone to pass by.
Now, not having the right equipment to take a professional picture of them is actually a benefit in this case. You see if it was timed right, all I would end up would be a field of dots.
However the camera I used did not have a fast enough shutter in this case. Turned that display in to fireworks instead.
So if you're in a light display, try it yourself. You never know where your picture will get an upgrade to Photography.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
The Story Of The Ugly Baby
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Lots of Puns, Even More Bad Jokes
What does a traffic light tells to another traffic light?
Don't look at me I'm changing
"Hey look a flock of cows!"
“…Herd of cows...”
“Of course I’ve heard of cows! There’s a whole flock of them over there!”
Why do people hate cliffhangers?
Because the suspense is killing them.
What do you get when you foot falls asleep?
Coma-toes.
How does a bakery know when to make more bread?
On a knead the dough basis
At yeast it's a good pun.
You bun messed up son
I Guess I'm toast.
What do you call a dog that can find something that's not there?
A Labracadabrador
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR
"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety
I slept with my internet date...
Got a virus?
Any trojans?
And here you thought you felt a great connection.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.
A man is lying in a hospital bed.
"Doctor, how long do I have to live?" asks the man.
"10," replies the doctor.
"10 what?"
"9."
I crashed my family's car
I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.
I took your mom to a dance.
I always wanted to see how a Tiffany twisted.
What is heavy forwards and not backwards?
ton
What do you call The Dynamic Duo after they got hit by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon or Splatman and Globben
I hope one day they invent a car named "The S-Car"
Because everyone will see it and say, "Look at that S-Car go!"
I used to be indecisive, but, now I'm not sure.
I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
People really hate my cheesy puns...
but I'm quite fondue of them.
This is really one of your cheddar ones. The Swiss joke had too many holes; it wasn't very well Krafted.
Too many cheese puns, you muenster!
That's a pretty Gouda one.
Ha, what a grate joke!
No reason to be blue about it.
It could brie feta, it colby worse. At least you didn't jack it up.
Don't look at me I'm changing
"Hey look a flock of cows!"
“…Herd of cows...”
“Of course I’ve heard of cows! There’s a whole flock of them over there!”
Why do people hate cliffhangers?
Because the suspense is killing them.
What do you get when you foot falls asleep?
Coma-toes.
How does a bakery know when to make more bread?
On a knead the dough basis
At yeast it's a good pun.
You bun messed up son
I Guess I'm toast.
What do you call a dog that can find something that's not there?
A Labracadabrador
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR
"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety
I slept with my internet date...
Got a virus?
Any trojans?
And here you thought you felt a great connection.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.
A man is lying in a hospital bed.
"Doctor, how long do I have to live?" asks the man.
"10," replies the doctor.
"10 what?"
"9."
I crashed my family's car
I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.
I took your mom to a dance.
I always wanted to see how a Tiffany twisted.
What is heavy forwards and not backwards?
ton
What do you call The Dynamic Duo after they got hit by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon or Splatman and Globben
I hope one day they invent a car named "The S-Car"
Because everyone will see it and say, "Look at that S-Car go!"
I used to be indecisive, but, now I'm not sure.
I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
People really hate my cheesy puns...
but I'm quite fondue of them.
This is really one of your cheddar ones. The Swiss joke had too many holes; it wasn't very well Krafted.
Too many cheese puns, you muenster!
That's a pretty Gouda one.
Ha, what a grate joke!
No reason to be blue about it.
It could brie feta, it colby worse. At least you didn't jack it up.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
How Does The Leaked KFC Fried Chicken Recipe Bake
Ok, a little history here.
There's that famous recipe. The one with eleven herbs and spices. The one we all had at one time or another in Western Fast Food. It's pretty good. I have had it before, and I'll probably have it again.
There are a lot of attempts to duplicate it or at least come close. Many professional chefs have tried, with varying results. I'll allow you to search for your favorite.
At one point the Chicago Tribune newspaper published an article saying that the recipe they had was The Original KFC recipe. They weren't sure completely, but it made for a good story. More correctly, it is alleged by a family member that this is the recipe that Harland Sanders used to make his chicken.
Do go read that link at the Chicago Tribune. The writer told a wonderful story and the Trib definitely deserves the read and my own thanks.
I had to try it. Or rather, I had to try that printed recipe "My Way". And THAT is why I say "Alleged" above. You see, when I made this, it turned out great. But it had too much pepper in it. Black pepper specifically, so when I make it next time, I will tweak it for my tastes.
Otherwise I really did like the chicken that I got. So much that I will be eating some today for lunch in a big bowl with rice.
Yum.
If you like KFC chicken, either go to a proper KFC and get it there, or go through the work of figuring this one out yourself.
While I have no personal information other than the article, and I can not say whether this is absolutely KFC's original recipe, it tastes so much like my own memory of it that I'll keep making it for myself.
Yes, it is good.
Yes, it is worth the time and effort.
Yes, I will do it again.
Is it truly KFC? Dunno but it's damn close!
How I did it:
There is a Buttermilk Marinade for 30 minutes that I of course skipped since there is no Buttermilk in the house. You can substitute milk. You can also skip it. I would expect the Buttermilk to add a little moderation to the spices and tenderize the chicken due to the acid.
I pressed the chicken breasts by using a meat mallet, but obviously that isn't necessary since the KFC restaurants are selling mostly chicken parts with bone in. I used breasts because that was what I had here on hand. Pressing De-boned chicken makes for a more uniform thickness and therefore a more "controlled" result when baked.
Breasts were dredged through a scrambled egg wash, then generously dipped in the flour and spice mixture.
This mixture will make enough for about five pounds or two and a quarter Kilos for my non US Audience. Hello, folks from Sunny Florida! I split the coating in half and it worked out great for my 40 ounces of chicken parts or 1.1 KG (or so).
I did not have Celery Salt on hand. I substituted 1/2 the amount of ground Celery Seed. There does seem to be quite a bit of salt in this recipe to begin with.
I baked the chicken parts on a cookie sheet at 450F 230C for 15 minutes and tested to make sure that it was cooked to an internal temperature of 165F or 75C. Thicker pieces were returned to the oven until they reached 165F.
This picture below is a direct link to the Chicago Tribune graphic, but will be explained in case that link disappears.
What that well loved recipe says is to add to two cups of flour the list of 11 herbs and spices. The "Ts" are Tablespoons. It makes a bit more than 3 cups of coating.
The list of ingredients are:
2 cups flour plus
For the metric crowd:
a cup flour is 120g
a Tablespoon is 15ml
Since this is "cooking" instead of "baking" if you're a wee bit off, you should be fine. It isn't like making bread or a souffle!
Nice thing is that since Recipes are never patented in the US, we can share and enjoy.
But I would say the nicest thing about making this recipe is that once you're done, you will be craving for your nearest KFC restaurant. Get the biscuits and gravy as a side.
Do they have a proper "red eye" sausage gravy there now? I wonder....
My own final verdict is like I said before, I will do it again but I will cut back on the black pepper.
I did have a heavy hand in coating the chicken which is why there's a strange powder on some of the pieces. If you actually deep fry the chicken, that extra will cook and turn brown. Baking is a bit less forgiving of my own mistakes when it comes to over-coating your chicken.
Now that I am sitting here, reading and re-reading my writing... well lunch is coming and I'm looking forward to more of this recipe chicken!
There's that famous recipe. The one with eleven herbs and spices. The one we all had at one time or another in Western Fast Food. It's pretty good. I have had it before, and I'll probably have it again.
There are a lot of attempts to duplicate it or at least come close. Many professional chefs have tried, with varying results. I'll allow you to search for your favorite.
At one point the Chicago Tribune newspaper published an article saying that the recipe they had was The Original KFC recipe. They weren't sure completely, but it made for a good story. More correctly, it is alleged by a family member that this is the recipe that Harland Sanders used to make his chicken.
Do go read that link at the Chicago Tribune. The writer told a wonderful story and the Trib definitely deserves the read and my own thanks.
I had to try it. Or rather, I had to try that printed recipe "My Way". And THAT is why I say "Alleged" above. You see, when I made this, it turned out great. But it had too much pepper in it. Black pepper specifically, so when I make it next time, I will tweak it for my tastes.
Otherwise I really did like the chicken that I got. So much that I will be eating some today for lunch in a big bowl with rice.
Yum.
If you like KFC chicken, either go to a proper KFC and get it there, or go through the work of figuring this one out yourself.
While I have no personal information other than the article, and I can not say whether this is absolutely KFC's original recipe, it tastes so much like my own memory of it that I'll keep making it for myself.
Yes, it is good.
Yes, it is worth the time and effort.
Yes, I will do it again.
Is it truly KFC? Dunno but it's damn close!
How I did it:
There is a Buttermilk Marinade for 30 minutes that I of course skipped since there is no Buttermilk in the house. You can substitute milk. You can also skip it. I would expect the Buttermilk to add a little moderation to the spices and tenderize the chicken due to the acid.
I pressed the chicken breasts by using a meat mallet, but obviously that isn't necessary since the KFC restaurants are selling mostly chicken parts with bone in. I used breasts because that was what I had here on hand. Pressing De-boned chicken makes for a more uniform thickness and therefore a more "controlled" result when baked.
Breasts were dredged through a scrambled egg wash, then generously dipped in the flour and spice mixture.
This mixture will make enough for about five pounds or two and a quarter Kilos for my non US Audience. Hello, folks from Sunny Florida! I split the coating in half and it worked out great for my 40 ounces of chicken parts or 1.1 KG (or so).
I did not have Celery Salt on hand. I substituted 1/2 the amount of ground Celery Seed. There does seem to be quite a bit of salt in this recipe to begin with.
I baked the chicken parts on a cookie sheet at 450F 230C for 15 minutes and tested to make sure that it was cooked to an internal temperature of 165F or 75C. Thicker pieces were returned to the oven until they reached 165F.
This picture below is a direct link to the Chicago Tribune graphic, but will be explained in case that link disappears.
What that well loved recipe says is to add to two cups of flour the list of 11 herbs and spices. The "Ts" are Tablespoons. It makes a bit more than 3 cups of coating.
The list of ingredients are:
2 cups flour plus
- 2/3 tablespoon salt
- 1/2 tablespoon thyme
- 1/2 tablespoon basil
- 1/3 tablespoon oregano
- 1 tablespoon celery salt
- 1 tablespoon black pepper
- 1 tablespoon dried mustard powder
- 4 tablespoons paprika
- 2 tablespoons garlic salt
- 1 tablespoon ground ginger
- 3 tablespoons white pepper
For the metric crowd:
a cup flour is 120g
a Tablespoon is 15ml
Since this is "cooking" instead of "baking" if you're a wee bit off, you should be fine. It isn't like making bread or a souffle!
Nice thing is that since Recipes are never patented in the US, we can share and enjoy.
But I would say the nicest thing about making this recipe is that once you're done, you will be craving for your nearest KFC restaurant. Get the biscuits and gravy as a side.
Do they have a proper "red eye" sausage gravy there now? I wonder....
My own final verdict is like I said before, I will do it again but I will cut back on the black pepper.
I did have a heavy hand in coating the chicken which is why there's a strange powder on some of the pieces. If you actually deep fry the chicken, that extra will cook and turn brown. Baking is a bit less forgiving of my own mistakes when it comes to over-coating your chicken.
Now that I am sitting here, reading and re-reading my writing... well lunch is coming and I'm looking forward to more of this recipe chicken!
Sunday, November 6, 2016
How About Some Bad Jokes For A Sunday?
Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?
Cause it's far out, man
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
Now that wasn't very bright now huh?
I can see where you went wrong.
Sometimes life can become boring
But you'll never get tired of sleeping
Teacher:why are you late today?
Student:Because of sign down the road.
Teacher:What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Student:The sign said, "School Ahead,Go Slow"
Dad: When this heals will i be able to play this piano?
Doctor: Yes you'll be fine in a few days.
Dad: perfect, i have always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
Well, nowadays it has been implanted in us that plastic surgery is OK.
My wife is in hospital with liver failure.
She'll cook it properly next time.
2 fish in a tank
One turns to the other and says "you know how to drive this thing?"
Long story they end up at a bar and drink...
Like fish.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
I think I owned an old Chevy by that name.
I see what you're spaghetting at.
Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomato goes "Aw, come on... Catch up!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
What’s red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator :)
Cause it's far out, man
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
Now that wasn't very bright now huh?
I can see where you went wrong.
Sometimes life can become boring
But you'll never get tired of sleeping
Teacher:why are you late today?
Student:Because of sign down the road.
Teacher:What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Student:The sign said, "School Ahead,Go Slow"
Dad: When this heals will i be able to play this piano?
Doctor: Yes you'll be fine in a few days.
Dad: perfect, i have always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
Well, nowadays it has been implanted in us that plastic surgery is OK.
My wife is in hospital with liver failure.
She'll cook it properly next time.
2 fish in a tank
One turns to the other and says "you know how to drive this thing?"
Long story they end up at a bar and drink...
Like fish.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
I think I owned an old Chevy by that name.
I see what you're spaghetting at.
Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomato goes "Aw, come on... Catch up!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
What’s red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator :)
Saturday, November 5, 2016
A Baker's Dozen of Bad Puns
I had to fire my driver today so now I have all this money, and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why are all ants female?
Because then they would be called uncles.
Do NOT push George W Bush into that vat of concrete!
It would set a very bad precedent.
What did the cow with a cold say?
Boo
What did the crowd say to the last joke
Moooo
I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.
It's a Bordeaux Collie.
A ghost floats up to a bar and points to one of the bottles on the shelf. "Give me a shot of that over there," he tells the bartender.
The bartender picks up a bottle. "This?" he asks.
"Nope."
The bartender picks up another bottle. "What about this?"
The ghost shakes his head.
"Ah," says the bartender, picking up a third bottle. "You must mean this."
The ghost nods. "That's the spirit."
A cheese factory just exploded.
There was de-brie everywhere
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
That's so negative.
No man he's got a positive charm
I don't trust that atom. Atoms make up everything.
And another atom says: Are you sure?
The first atom says: Yeah, I'm positive
Why are all ants female?
Because then they would be called uncles.
Do NOT push George W Bush into that vat of concrete!
It would set a very bad precedent.
What did the cow with a cold say?
Boo
What did the crowd say to the last joke
Moooo
I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.
It's a Bordeaux Collie.
A ghost floats up to a bar and points to one of the bottles on the shelf. "Give me a shot of that over there," he tells the bartender.
The bartender picks up a bottle. "This?" he asks.
"Nope."
The bartender picks up another bottle. "What about this?"
The ghost shakes his head.
"Ah," says the bartender, picking up a third bottle. "You must mean this."
The ghost nods. "That's the spirit."
A cheese factory just exploded.
There was de-brie everywhere
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
That's so negative.
No man he's got a positive charm
I don't trust that atom. Atoms make up everything.
And another atom says: Are you sure?
The first atom says: Yeah, I'm positive
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Peas And Bees On Early Voting Day
This was the day to do something outdoors.
October in South Florida is our Secret Season. The weather Up North isn't yet awful enough that people have decided to escape.
Our weather has decided it is time to be "Nice Out". The highs have dropped to the low 80s. The rains are here, but moderate. Hurricane activity is fading away. This year it was abrupt since the last one churned up the ocean enough to make it pleasant and cool on land.
In other words, I live where you vacation.
When I heard about London suffering through a heat wave where people were being told to limit outdoor activity, I realized that their weather was a normal South Florida summer day. Low 90s and sun. A bit much to be out and about, but you can deal with it. That would be a cool Philadelphia summer day for example.
But now? Windows open, roofs off cars, locals enjoying it. If you're up before sunrise you may even see a stray jacket or two.
Yeah, that nice out.
So what did I decide to do on that Tuesday Morning? Stand on line. I went to our City Hall and went to vote. It took about fifteen minutes since there was a line of around 20 people.
But when that was all done? What to do? How about walk the town?
Beautiful day for it and I did not want to head home just yet. I planned on hitting the thrift shops and looking at books and jeans and other odds and ends that a normal life would need. Why not? It would be a two mile walk total, only 3 Ks. Sunny but not oppressive with a nice breeze off the ocean.
That's why you live here. Sunny With A Nice Breeze Off The Ocean. Even in February it can be like that.
I left the first thrift store and walked past our wee little triangular park. It's too small to put a shop or a house on it, so they put shrubs in and a few benches and it's a place to picnic. It is also a place I walk the dog past before the sun comes up two hours later practically every day.
In all our Wet Season rains, the shrubs there are growing crazily. In fact I would not mind getting some cuttings from those plants and propagating it. It would make a great hedge in the yard.
But some of it is as high as seven feet. If I can't see over it, it's tall. Chock full of orange and yellow flowers. The bees love it.
Mind you, even as tall as I am, I'm not fond of bees. Go make your honey but leave your stingers away from me.
Luckily they did. They may not be Africanized Killer Bees since they left me to my own curiosity.
But among all those multicolored flowers were some "weeds".
Now, I'm not a farmer but this struck me as odd. Sweet Pea Flowers among the hedges. In fact if they are allowed to grow, I'm sure you could get a small harvest of the things.
There they were, pure yellow, intertwined among the hedge, and growing some ripe pea pods.
Made the bees happy I am sure.
It also struck me as amusing as to the incongruousness of having a Pea farm in a park in an urban area coated with hundreds of bees.
That's all part of being here, I suppose. Drop a seed and it will grow. Ignore it long enough and you have a farm full of misplaced invasives.
Sometimes it all works out for the best.
October in South Florida is our Secret Season. The weather Up North isn't yet awful enough that people have decided to escape.
Our weather has decided it is time to be "Nice Out". The highs have dropped to the low 80s. The rains are here, but moderate. Hurricane activity is fading away. This year it was abrupt since the last one churned up the ocean enough to make it pleasant and cool on land.
In other words, I live where you vacation.
When I heard about London suffering through a heat wave where people were being told to limit outdoor activity, I realized that their weather was a normal South Florida summer day. Low 90s and sun. A bit much to be out and about, but you can deal with it. That would be a cool Philadelphia summer day for example.
But now? Windows open, roofs off cars, locals enjoying it. If you're up before sunrise you may even see a stray jacket or two.
Yeah, that nice out.
So what did I decide to do on that Tuesday Morning? Stand on line. I went to our City Hall and went to vote. It took about fifteen minutes since there was a line of around 20 people.
But when that was all done? What to do? How about walk the town?
Beautiful day for it and I did not want to head home just yet. I planned on hitting the thrift shops and looking at books and jeans and other odds and ends that a normal life would need. Why not? It would be a two mile walk total, only 3 Ks. Sunny but not oppressive with a nice breeze off the ocean.
That's why you live here. Sunny With A Nice Breeze Off The Ocean. Even in February it can be like that.
I left the first thrift store and walked past our wee little triangular park. It's too small to put a shop or a house on it, so they put shrubs in and a few benches and it's a place to picnic. It is also a place I walk the dog past before the sun comes up two hours later practically every day.
In all our Wet Season rains, the shrubs there are growing crazily. In fact I would not mind getting some cuttings from those plants and propagating it. It would make a great hedge in the yard.
But some of it is as high as seven feet. If I can't see over it, it's tall. Chock full of orange and yellow flowers. The bees love it.
Mind you, even as tall as I am, I'm not fond of bees. Go make your honey but leave your stingers away from me.
Luckily they did. They may not be Africanized Killer Bees since they left me to my own curiosity.
But among all those multicolored flowers were some "weeds".
Now, I'm not a farmer but this struck me as odd. Sweet Pea Flowers among the hedges. In fact if they are allowed to grow, I'm sure you could get a small harvest of the things.
There they were, pure yellow, intertwined among the hedge, and growing some ripe pea pods.
Made the bees happy I am sure.
It also struck me as amusing as to the incongruousness of having a Pea farm in a park in an urban area coated with hundreds of bees.
That's all part of being here, I suppose. Drop a seed and it will grow. Ignore it long enough and you have a farm full of misplaced invasives.
Sometimes it all works out for the best.
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