Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?
Cause it's far out, man
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
Now that wasn't very bright now huh?
I can see where you went wrong.
Sometimes life can become boring
But you'll never get tired of sleeping
Teacher:why are you late today?
Student:Because of sign down the road.
Teacher:What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Student:The sign said, "School Ahead,Go Slow"
Dad: When this heals will i be able to play this piano?
Doctor: Yes you'll be fine in a few days.
Dad: perfect, i have always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
Well, nowadays it has been implanted in us that plastic surgery is OK.
My wife is in hospital with liver failure.
She'll cook it properly next time.
2 fish in a tank
One turns to the other and says "you know how to drive this thing?"
Long story they end up at a bar and drink...
What do you call a fake noodle?
I think I owned an old Chevy by that name.
I see what you're spaghetting at.
Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomato goes "Aw, come on... Catch up!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
What’s red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator :)