Saturday, July 31, 2021

First Law of Thermodynamics: You can't win. Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can't break even. Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can't stop playing.

 If you got that title... you had some science, didn't you?

And speaking of science training, someone needs a basic biology course.  

One day, Johnny comes home from school and asks his mother, "Mommy, how was I born?"

"The stork brought you here," says the mother.

"And how were my brother Joel and my sister Emily born?"

"The stork brought them, too."

"And how were you born?"

"The stork also brought me."

"Did the stork also bring Uncle George and Aunt Ruth and Cousin Evan and Cousin Lisa?"


"And did it bring Grandma and Granddad and Great-Uncle Jim and Great-Aunt Harriet?"


"And did it also bring all your cousins and their children?"

"It certainly did."

A few hours later when Johnny's father comes home, Johnny decides to ask him similar questions about his side of the family. "Daddy, how were you born?"

"The stork brought me here," says the father.

"Did the stork also bring Uncle Warren and Aunt Linda and Cousin Harold and Cousin Susie?"


"And did it bring Granny and Grandpa and Great-Uncle Bob and Great-Aunt Alice?"


"And did it also bring all your cousins and their children?"

"It definitely did."

A week later, Johnny's teacher calls his parents into her classroom.

"There's something I need to show you," she says.
She shows them a paper that Johnny wrote that begins, "This paper on childbirth has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a childbirth in my family for three generations..."

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Butterfly in the Bush

Sometimes I think that this blog is all about Bill's weird camera and pictures Bill takes while walking around South Florida.

Then I see something like this.

You see here in South Florida, beauty can be just about anywhere.

I was following after my dog trying to claim every single plant in town and say "This Is Mine" and "This is Mine Too!" when, we arrived at the park.

This little gem, and I don't know the name for it other than beautiful, decided that it was fine with me getting close.

When I say close, I mean two wingspans away.   The tip of your thumb is about as close to the tip of your pinky finger with the hand spread widely.

So of course I have to share here.  

I'm fine with not knowing the name, I see regularly butterflies going from plant to plant at times.  I have had them land on me, I guess they go after the salt in the sweat.  They may just sense that I'm a safe encounter.

Heck, I pulled an angry shoe lace out of the pool the other day and set it on its way.  That would be a young Black Racer snake to you and yours.  Scooped it out of the shallow end of the pool.

I do feel privileged to be able to see this kind of beauty and when I hear stories of how butterflies are getting thinner on the ground it only makes me more interested in planting more Milkweed or other flowers in the garden.

Propagate anything and everything, and let nature take its due course. 

So Bill's Weird Photography habits are here, and being shared.

There's also this recipe I wrote about eight years ago that I got the parts for and have to try again.  If it works in the Instant Pot, you will see that too.  I'm wanting some Curried Chicken for dinner!

Sunday, July 25, 2021

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

Perfect little story for Sunday.  Now, mind you, I haven't ever made it to Hawaii, I understand it is beautiful, but going there to visit with Priests is a bit excessive I would say.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when gorgeous topless woman came walking straight towards them. They tried not to stare, but the temptation was strong.

As the woman passed them, she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Fathers.” They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went to a store on the island and bought garish Hawaiian shirts, Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous woman, topless again, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said “Good morning, Fathers.”

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, “Young lady, we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied, “Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.”

Saturday, July 24, 2021

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

It is summer and one of the pleasures of life is going to the beach.  I live about 2 1/2 miles west of the beach and I haven't had sand in my toes in over 14 years.   Strange how that is isn't it?



A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “She’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the Seashore.”

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Do you really need to introduce your dog to a new home?

I'm getting ready to do some serious work on my house.  It will take at least two solid months of work.  So much that we had to pull permits on what will be done.  

While the floors need to be re-tiled, Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) has begun to campaign for me to put in a "fallout shelter" in the closet for storms and other hiding duty.  The underlying terrazzo is in too bad a state to be polished and restored, unfortunately.

The upshot is that we have to leave the place and de-camp to an apartment across the street.

Convenient location, we will be close enough to the place to be able to monitor the work on a daily basis.

I do know the history of this particular unit going back a few renters.  It's not a bad place, it was updated to a point where it is more modern than my own house for a lot of reasons.  New appliances, tile, furniture is reasonably new.

My own house was comfortable but the 1960s called and want their weird wood walls back and

the tiles are worn out.  When we moved in, the place had a "scent" to it that was reminiscent of Zinc Oxide medication with old Cigarette undertones.

We called it Eau De Old Owner when we are being kind.

Over the years of making fragrant dishes with recipes that I put on my blog, soap making, our dogs, the parrot, and time, the odor has diminished but on a damp day:  "Hey what's that?"

The worst of it is that the tiles and most of the appliances have worn out.  It's time.

The apartment was "Dog Friendly".  I saw two different people live in it with dogs.  The first was a companion dog that I don't really remember, the other one was a German Shepard, rather regal and obedient.  I remember that GSD being an Alpha Dog.  

This affected my own dog rather interestingly.  I found that I have to "expose" him to the apartment. 

No matter how clean you are, no matter how often you use cleaners on the floors, your dog will still know.  Accidents happen in the kitchen and sometimes on the floors.  Tiles are not completely non-porous, and grout never is.  

My own grout varies from café au lait in the bathroom to a black coffee color in the kitchen.  It started as café au lait.  It is also why we are re-tiling the place.

When I brought Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) into this little apartment, he did not want to come in.  He caught the scent of another dog, most likely higher ranking in his own mind and stayed at the threshold.  

I had to nudge him inside.

He sat on the most neutral thing he could find, a new door mat that we got and had only been deployed the night before.

I sat down on the couch in clear view of him and the door and called him.  He looked left and right for that other dog and clung to me, his source of strength.

Realizing that this was going to be slower than expected, I closed the outer rooms so he only had access to places I could see and allowed him to move around.  This apartment got the most extreme search I have ever seen him do.  Every crevasse and nook and cranny got sniffed.  Watching him so he would not lift his leg and add his own scent to it, I allowed him to become accustomed to the surroundings.


The key is that you can't force a dog.  They live on a different level than you do, and they will have to do things on their own terms.

Signalling that he was done, he lay down on the only thing that looked like a dog bed he could find, the door mat and sighed. 

I now could open another room for him to explore, the bathroom which was in clear view of the door.    I made a mental note to keep the door closed down when it is in use, the bathroom is also in clear view of the windows that I prefer to keep open for sunlight.

That little room got another complete examination.  He walked into the shower, which he had never been exposed to, and sniffed every square inch, as well as under the counter and inside the area inside the vanity.

If there was anything left over from the other dogs, he sniffed it.  

I repeated that with the bedrooms one after another.

Finally he went back into the living room.  I guess he felt safer out there, I could now close the bedroom and bathroom doors and he would be comfortable as I turned on the TV and watched a mindless comedy for an hour.


It really is all about doing things on their own terms.  Otherwise you're in for messes and frustration.  We have a comfortable dog, and a few leftover dog toys that are new-to-us for Rack to ignore.

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.

A Twofer!  Yep, two for the price of one.  Mind you I'm not fond of rude people, especially rude children, but I did laugh when I read the first one!


A teacher was teaching her class about whales.

She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small.

A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn’t possibly swallow a human.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I’ll ask Jonah.”

The teacher replied, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The girl said: “Then you ask him.”



Are you goin to fish?

A game warden heard someone was fishing illegality so he arranged to go fishing with him.

They row the boat out into a lake, the fisherman opens up his cooler, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it overboard.

The game warden is shocked, he says, "Are you crazy, that's so illegal!"

Fisherman reaches into his cooler, pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the game warden and says, "Are you going to talk or you going to fish?"

Saturday, July 17, 2021

While some may call it deadly toxic Chlorine gas, I tend to think of it as Sodium-free Salt.

All I have to say about this is perhaps it is how all wars should be fought!


Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."

Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."

"Really?" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have a thousand bombers, 500 MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

"Faith and begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Orchid and Tree Frog

Once upon a time, we had tree frogs that visited.

They parked on the car.

They watched from the window.

They were harmless and entertaining.

Lately, I got a visit once again.  This rather little critter spent some time out in my garden.

The frog is parked on top of a leaf on my Cattleya Orchid that is intertwined with the wood on my fence.   


I try hard not to disturb those particular plants.  An orchid tends to grow slowly.  They do put out some rather amazing flowers, and I have shared them in the past.  

This particular plant is actually one that I took from the mother plant.  It had grown along in its way, putting out rhizomes that sometimes would put out more leaves.  Periodically, you can harvest parts, and place them in some bark and allow them to grow into new plants.

Most of what I have here are from cuttings that I had propagated.  Orchids are strange plants, they take their nutrients from the plants that are near them.  Water running down the host bark will pick up what they need to live, and they will thrive if you have the right conditions.

I have the right conditions here, and this one is on a drip feed irrigation that is visible in the picture.

It also provides a rather nice bed for a little tree frog who decided to spend that particular night.

Sunday, July 11, 2021

I got my friend a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I am going through the house this weekend trying to stow things that are in the way of retiling the floors here.  Think of it, everything that is on the floor of your house has to be picked up and moved to one side, then back.  

I did find my girl Lettie's cremains, and her urn.  However, it's nothing like Benny's Genie.


A young man named Benny was a real party animal.

He lived for the good times of wine, women, and song. He wished he could continue his life style forever. 

A genie suddenly appeared before him and made him the following wish: Benny would remain forever young if he would never shave.

If he were ever to shave the genie would return and transform him into an urn.

For several hundred years Benny partied every night.
Needless to say, Benny's beard became quite long and cumbersome.

After a while Benny thought that enough time had elapsed and the genie had certainly forgotten about the bargain.
So one evening before heading off to another party, Benny shaved off his beard.
Instantly the genie appeared and transformed into an urn.

The moral of this story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.........

Saturday, July 10, 2021

My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian. I told him that would be a big missed steak!

You know, I have rules for posting things here on the weekends.  Or so I suppose.  

This particular little vignette had me laughing through my inadequately toasted bagel with cream cheese and cherry jelly.

But I did laugh.  Now, someone hand me a napkin!


A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks with his people and says:

"No sir, we have not eaten anybody. It must be a coincidence."

The CEO is skeptical but he has no evidence so he dismisses the Tribe.

Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his Tribe and asks: "Okay, which one of you idiots did it?"

A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits:

"I ate a secretary."

The chief smacks the tribesman and yells:

"You fool! We've been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed. Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work!"

Wednesday, July 7, 2021

The Dinosaur of M.E. DePalma Park


When you go for three dog walks per day, you do get to see a lot of things.

I always have an eye out for something, and living here you run into a lot more wildlife than I did when I lived up in Philadelphia.

The little park near the house, M.E. DePalma Park, is a nature preserve.  In the middle of it all is a giant copper butterfly that gives you a view down to the corner.

The butterfly is a chair for two, or more if you are particularly friendly, and it gives you a place to perch and watch the world go by.  Or let the world watch you.  It is a fairly quiet place, teeming with wildlife.  Flocks of Butterflies.  Squadrons of Dragonflies.  The occasional feral Duck.

And Lizards.

They're harmless, eat bugs, and are quite shy.  There is one that lives in a hole in a concrete plinth of all places.

This one was the size of my finger and decided it wanted to watch me as much as I wanted to watch him.

As we tried to leave the little park, the little creature kept a wary eye on us.  It seemed to hover there, changing positions as we did, beginning to walk down the garden path to go on our way.

It's all a part of the routine here.  Stepping over the Cashews from the tree, trying not to step on a little lizard, dodging puddles.  You have a dog, you have to walk, three times a day.  Sometimes you get to visit with wildlife, if they let you.

Sunday, July 4, 2021

What did the hamburger say to the hot dog? You’re on a roll!

 Yeah so it's July Fourth, and for the rest of the world it's Sunday.

I, on the other hand, expect to be grilling a few hamburgers.  

Oh that corn that everyone suggests jumping through hoops to get "Just Right"?  I found that if you take a single corn cob, microwave it at full power for 3 minutes, you have fresh corn on the cob that is better than I could do on a grill or boiled into submission in a pot.

Just add butter and or salt to taste.

And in the vein of Food ...

Raymond starts work at a zoo.

His first job is to clean out a tank of rare fish.
However Raymond slips on a wet patch, smashes the fish tank and watches in horror as the fish flip-flop around on the floor.
There are no other tanks nearby, so Raymond flings the dying fish into the lion enclosure, where a hungry lion soon snaps them all up. 

Raymond does his best to hide the remains of the fish tank, then reports for his second Job: delivering a plate of buns to the chimps' tea-party.
Raymond arrives with the buns, but slips on a banana skin and falls on two of the chimps, crushing them to death.
Horrified, Raymond lobs the dead chimps into the lion enclosure and hopes no one will notice their absence.
A hungry lion soon scoffs down the dead chimps. 

Raymond then reports for his third job; he has to go to the insect house and repair a tank which houses a hive of killer bees.
Raymond tries to be careful but, as usual, his clumsiness lets him down.
He falls off a ladder and lands on the beehive, squashing it flat.
Raymond is terrified that some killer bees will escape, so he stamps up and down on the hive, making sure that every bee is mushed into goo.
Once more, Raymond hurries to dispose of the evidence in the lion enclosure. 

He then leaves the zoo and vows never to return.
The next day, a new lion is delivered to the zoo.
It walks into the enclosure and starts chatting to the other lions.
"So what's the food like in here?" asks the new lion.
"It used to be terrible." replies one of the other lions, "but recently it's got a lot better; yesterday we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

Saturday, July 3, 2021

What skin conditions do chickens get? Eggsma.

OK so the first one is a little short, so of course I have two.  




 A father and his young son check into their hotel room.

When they get to their room, they meet the maid on her way out. She stops and says, "Welcome, I just put fresh towels and toiletries in your room. Enjoy your stay!" The father and his son thank her and enter the room.

Shortly after settling in, the son tells his dad he needs to use the bathroom. The dad says okay, and the son goes. Ten minutes later, the son is still in the bathroom. The dad knocks on the door and says, "Everything fine in there?" The son responds, "Well, I guess."

The dad says back, "What do you mean, you guess? What's wrong?" Finally, the son opens the door and says, "Dad, I think that lady lied to us. I looked all over our toilet, and I didn't find any trees!"

 ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---...


Tom and his boss

one morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.

2 hours later Tom calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice wife!  She could not believe it was your idea!