OK so the first one is a little short, so of course I have two.
A father and his young son check into their hotel room.
When they get to their room, they meet the maid on her way out. She stops and says, "Welcome, I just put fresh towels and toiletries in your room. Enjoy your stay!" The father and his son thank her and enter the room.
Shortly after settling in, the son tells his dad he needs to use the bathroom. The dad says okay, and the son goes. Ten minutes later, the son is still in the bathroom. The dad knocks on the door and says, "Everything fine in there?" The son responds, "Well, I guess."
The dad says back, "What do you mean, you guess? What's wrong?" Finally, the son opens the door and says, "Dad, I think that lady lied to us. I looked all over our toilet, and I didn't find any trees!"
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Tom and his boss
one morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Tom calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice wife! She could not believe it was your idea!