I had to fire my driver today so now I have all this money, and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why are all ants female?
Because then they would be called uncles.
Do NOT push George W Bush into that vat of concrete!
It would set a very bad precedent.
What did the cow with a cold say?
What did the crowd say to the last joke
I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.
It's a Bordeaux Collie.
A ghost floats up to a bar and points to one of the bottles on the shelf. "Give me a shot of that over there," he tells the bartender.
The bartender picks up a bottle. "This?" he asks.
The bartender picks up another bottle. "What about this?"
The ghost shakes his head.
"Ah," says the bartender, picking up a third bottle. "You must mean this."
The ghost nods. "That's the spirit."
A cheese factory just exploded.
There was de-brie everywhere
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
That's so negative.
No man he's got a positive charm
I don't trust that atom. Atoms make up everything.
And another atom says: Are you sure?
The first atom says: Yeah, I'm positive