A Baker's Dozen of Bad Puns

I had to fire my driver today so now I have all this money, and nothing to chauffeur it.

Why are all ants female?
Because then they would be called uncles.

Do NOT push George W Bush into that vat of concrete!
It would set a very bad precedent.

What did the cow with a cold say?
Boo

What did the crowd say to the last joke
Moooo

I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.
It's a Bordeaux Collie.



A ghost floats up to a bar and points to one of the bottles on the shelf. "Give me a shot of that over there," he tells the bartender.

The bartender picks up a bottle. "This?" he asks.
"Nope."

The bartender picks up another bottle. "What about this?"
The ghost shakes his head.

"Ah," says the bartender, picking up a third bottle. "You must mean this."
The ghost nods. "That's the spirit."


A cheese factory just exploded.
There was de-brie everywhere


An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

That's so negative.

No man he's got a positive charm

I don't trust that atom. Atoms make up everything.

And another atom says: Are you sure?
The first atom says: Yeah, I'm positive