Lots of Puns, Even More Bad Jokes

What does a traffic light tells to another traffic light?
Don't look at me I'm changing

"Hey look a flock of cows!"
“…Herd of cows...”
“Of course I’ve heard of cows! There’s a whole flock of them over there!”

Why do people hate cliffhangers?
Because the suspense is killing them.

What do you get when you foot falls asleep?
Coma-toes.

How does a bakery know when to make more bread?
On a knead the dough basis

At yeast it's a good pun.

You bun messed up son
I Guess I'm toast.

What do you call a dog that can find something that's not there?
A Labracadabrador

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR
"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety


I slept with my internet date...

Got a virus?
Any trojans?
And here you thought you felt a great connection.


What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.


A man is lying in a hospital bed.

"Doctor, how long do I have to live?" asks the man.
"10," replies the doctor.
"10 what?"
"9."


I crashed my family's car
I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.

I took your mom to a dance.
I always wanted to see how a Tiffany twisted.


What is heavy forwards and not backwards?
ton

What do you call The Dynamic Duo after they got hit by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon or Splatman and Globben

I hope one day they invent a car named "The S-Car"
Because everyone will see it and say, "Look at that S-Car go!"

I used to be indecisive, but, now I'm not sure.
I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.


People really hate my cheesy puns...

but I'm quite fondue of them.
This is really one of your cheddar ones. The Swiss joke had too many holes; it wasn't very well Krafted.
Too many cheese puns, you muenster!
That's a pretty Gouda one.
Ha, what a grate joke!
No reason to be blue about it.
It could brie feta, it colby worse. At least you didn't jack it up.