I have a surgery joke, but it cuts to the quick.

 I've been through surgery at least 3 times.  I don't recommend it lightly.  On the other hand, I'm happy to have it in the rear view mirror.  One of those things, it's done, and the people who performed it each time were exemplary, truly excellent.

But dang, who wants that sort of thing?

On the other hand I'm feeling generous.  Here are a couple for your Saturday Morning.  I've got a dog campaigning for his third mile walk.




One Friday afternoon at the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe…

Darla, the blonde receptionist at the firm runs back to the paralegal’s office with a long gold cardboard box in her hand.

“Look, Patty!” she exclaims excitedly, “Your husband just sent you a dozen long stemmed American beauty roses! How romantic! Wish my George was half as romantic… All I get on Fridays is a text asking me to pick him up a case of beer. Then he gets drunk and doesn’t pay any attention to me all weekend,” she sighs.

Patty rolls her eyes. “You’re the lucky one,” she says. “Yeah it SEEMS romantic on the surface of it, but you know what it REALLY means? I’ll have to spend the whole weekend in bed with my legs in the air!”

Darla looks puzzled for a second, and then a knowing look crosses her face.

“Oh I get it. Well, why don’t you just stop at a store on your way home and buy a vase?”





Funniest dad and nerdy jokes

1:  A man walks into a library and asks the librarian: “Do you have any books on how to commit suicide?” The librarian looks at him and says: “No.” The man asks, “Why not?” She replies: “Because you wouldn’t bring it back.”

2:  A computer scientist’s wife tells him: “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.” He comes back with 12 loaves of bread. She asks, “Why did you buy so many?” He replies: “They had eggs.”

3:  An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The bartender pours two beers and says: “Know your limits.”

(added another nerdy joke):

A photon checks into a hotel.

The receptionist asks, “Do you have any luggage?”

The photon says: “No, I’m traveling light.”