Sunday, August 12, 2018

Why did the hippy drown in the ocean? He went way to far out, man

A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the booths there, apparently they serve this really delicious boozy drink made with a whole mishmash of local fruits. Very popular; people go to the Awa Club just to get this drink. And also enjoy the live music of course.

We were leaving Hawaii the next day, and I still hadn't gone, and wanted to go that evening, but I was there with my family, and my wife had the car. The Awa Club was about 15 miles away (24 km).

So I decided to walk. It was a sunny afternoon, pleasant weather, so a walk on the beach seemed reasonable. But after a few kilometres, the warm sun felt blisteringly hot. So I continued my walk through the water.

The cool water was a great relief, and I proceeded happily toward my goal, waves lapping my legs. I was making good time and distance, until I stepped on something sharp... Right through my sandal.

It hurt like hell! I lifted my foot, and there was a sea urchin stuck to the bottom. I hopped around, looking for a stick to knock it off with.

The beach was a desert around here, though; just black sand and lava rock, a few tufts of grass. But I did notice a piece of driftwood about 200m away.

I hobbled over on my heel, avoiding the water for fear of more urchins, and used the driftwood to lever the spiny creature off of my foot. Then I had to contend with the bleeding.

I probably should have turned back, but at this point I was committed. Looking forward to relieving my pain with some music, some food, and the famous cocktail I'd heard about.

So with the sun starting to sink in the sky I hobbled onward with still a few miles to go, trudging through sand and hot sun. I finally arrived at the Awa Club, parched and limping, aching for a drink.

When I got there the bouncer saw I was a mess, but he took pity on me and let me in. I soon spotted the beverage booth, but it was as popular as advertised: the queue was enormous. I dejectedly joined it.

In line in front of me was a friendly local. She noticed how rough I was looking and asked if I was ok. I told her the whole story. She was shocked. "You came all this way just for a drink?"

I nodded. "Wow," she said. "That was a long walk to the punch line."

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