Lately there have been a couple quickies, shorter jokes that are too short to stand on their own, but too long for the topic, I've put them here.
(Since I am working on my Spanish right now...)
Did you hear about the Mexican magician?
He walked onto the stage, addressed the audience, and told them that he could disappear.
Though the audience doubted him, he started counting; Uno...Dos...And he disappeared without a tres!
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seat belts.
- "Sir yes Sir!"
"I didn't see you at the camouflage exercise, Private!"
- "Thank you Sir!"
A raincoat was having an argument with a poncho about which was the more useful piece of clothing.
The raincoat made the point that he kept the user dry, while the poncho spoke of his warmth and comfort.
The raincoat then suggested a contest to prove which piece of clothing was superior.
"I'm afraid I would have to ask permission to participate in such a contest," said the poncho.
"Permission?" the raincoat scoffed, "Who do you need permission from?"
The poncho replied, "Well, I'll have to speak to the Head Poncho, of course."
Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek
Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"
Neighbor: what did you say to me?
Shut Up: I said Shut Up
Neighbor: Son tell me your name right now! or I will go get your parents!
Shut Up: *slowly* S H U T U P
Neighbor: ALLRIGHT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TROUBLE BOY?
Shut Up: No Trouble's looking for me.