Sunday, January 3, 2016

The Hammer - and a couple of one liners

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
 A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard."

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
 The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard."

The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "For fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

Some one liners -

What do you call a good looking tractor?   Attractor!

Three Nuns walked into a bar.   The fourth one ducked.

 Why did the robber go !POP!... Because he was busted.

And finally ....

A Man goes to a Job Interview
His resume was fantastic and his qualities was perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed.
"You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there's this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?"
"I went to Yale"
"Wow great! You're hired"
"Yay, I got a yob!"

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