There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them.
He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature
tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy
to find mind you).
The only thing that even came close to his love for
tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. His high school sweetheart,
who didn't mind his infatuation with tractors one bit. She didn't even
mind the role play where she would dress as a tractor, he would dress as
a farmer, and he would take her for a "ride".
Sadly his wife was struck
one day, a tractor fell off the back of a transport truck. She didn't
die until he was at her side in the hospital. Her dying words "don't
blame the tractor honey" and with that she headed to the big farm in the
Sadly, he did blame the tractor, he hated them now with all his
mind, body, and soul. He went home and destroyed ALL his tractor related
items, the toys, his wifes tractor suit, and even his collection of
He put it all in a pile and burned it in the yard.
ever didn't burn enough to his liking was thrown into a woodchipper.
then went inside, rarely leaving his home, for 8 years. Finally on the
8th anniversary of his darling wifes death he decided it was time to get
back out in the dating world, plus the cute cashier at the grocery
store had been asking him out for a while now, he called her out to
The restaurant he choose ended up being quite nice, good food,
good service, great decor. But there was one problem, it was EXTREMELY
smoky. So smoky that his date, being an asthmatic, was having some
After noticing her displeasure, and trouble
breathing, he started breathing in. I mean REALLY breathing in. Inhaling
with such force that all the smoke quickly left the dining room, and
went into his lungs. When the room was void of smoke he stepped outside
and released it all into the night.
When he rejoined his date she asked
"how on earth did you do that?" to which he replied, "I'm an extractor