More short groaners? Don't mind if I do!
Give a man a plane ticket...
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I recently quit my job at a wind farm...
It turns out i'm not a big fan
Life is like a sewer...
you get out of it what you put into it.
Newton's third law of Emotion.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?
One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!
A Christian goes on a diet
A very religious Christian, weighing 300 pounds decides to start seeing a dietitian. Impressively within 6 months he has lost 130 pounds, every month he comes for his check in he looks happier and healthier.
Until the 7th month, he came in looking quite troubled.
"What's wrong?" asked the dietition.
He begins to explain nervously "Well you see this past month at every weigh in I have weighed 166.6 lbs and I am worried that it's a sign."
The dietitian nods in agreement "I would have to agree with you, it most definitly is."
The man looks panicked now and his voice trembles as he asks, "Really, well what do you think it means?"
"Well, in my professional opinion, I think it means you've been eating McDonald's again."
I would send a joke but my autobiography hasn't come out yet
Why did the snail cross the road?
Shell if I know!
When I die I want everyone..
..... come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back and not say a word, so everyone will think I lived a cool double life.
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the ark-hives.