Why did the snake exterminator cross the road? To get to the adder cide.

A redneck calls up the White House...
Redneck: I’d like to sign me up to be the next President of the United States!

Receptionist: What are you, an idiot?
Redneck: I dunno, is that required?


The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.




A man was standing in front of his bathroom mirror shaving
His young son came in the room and said: "Dad, when I grow up I want to be just like you!"

The man puffed up his chest proudly and asked: "Why's that son?"
His son replied: "So I can have a son just like me"




So what do you do?
I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.

So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
I prefer international arms dealer.



A bear walks into a bar and says, "give me a whiskey and.... cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
The bear then answered. "I'm not sure, I was born with them."


A gentleman walks into a store tells the sales associate “I need an anniversary gift. Do you have any perfume?”
Lady shows him a bottle, he asks “how much?”
She replies “$50”.

He asks for a cheaper bottle.
She shows him another bottle.

“How much?”, “$20” she replied.
He asks again “anything cheaper?

She shows him a mirror.