I have a whole bunch of Animal Themed Jokes today. I'm feeling generous, basically because Spanish was being annoying, my electronics are being stroppy, and I needed a couple jokes before the bread goes into the oven.
Yes, again, I'm stocking the freezer. ;)
Two hunters are walking through the woods and one of them says " whoa whoa! Watch out for that hole!"
So the other guy says " I wonder how deep it is" and picks up a rusty anvil laying on the ground and throws it down the hole.
They don't hear a sound and three seconds later, they see a goat running really fast at them and jump down the hole.
So then they see a farmer calling out
"Becky! Becky" and approaches the hunters and ask " Have you seen a goat around here?"
The hunters reply " yeah it was running real fast and jumped down that hole "
The farmer replies " that's impossible! I had it tied to an anvil"
God and the animals
God is handing out characteristics to all of the animals, and he's getting close to the end of the list.
All the animals have picked except the lions, the beavers, and the pigs.
God looks up from the list and says "Who wants courage?"
One of the pigs says to another, "Ooh, we should get that!" the other one says, "Naw, who wants to be courageous? You have to strut around, humans will start hunting you, it's a huge pain. Let's wait."
The lions speak up and take the courage.
"Next up, industrious! Who wants to be known for being industrious?" The pig says, "Hey, we could definitely be that. Make stuff, stay busy, it sounds good!"
The other pig says, "Are you crazy? Get up at dawn, work all day, who wants that? I'm sure God saved the best for last."
The beavers pipe up and take industriousness, so God goes back to his list. "Let's see, claws are taken, flight went to the birds, the cheetah got speed . . . Okay, here we go. Who wants to be delicious?"
(especially with a BBQ Sauce and slow roasted.)
Two cows are standing in a field.
The first cow says to the second, “have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die”.
The second cow replies, “good thing I‘m a helicopter.”
So all the animals gathered and having a party,
Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time, suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says: hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.