Saturday, December 24, 2016

A Collection of Bad Jokes Guaranteed to Annoy Everyone, Even Trekkers!

A Collection of Bad Jokes Guaranteed to Annoy Everyone, even Trekkers!

My wife said she didn't enjoy her asteroid burger.
She said it could have been a little meteor.

This year I'm releasing a Christmas record called Duvet Know it's Christmas?
It's a cover version.

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar
It was tense

I'm not a pessimist
I'm just an experienced optimist

Why did the cave hate miners?
They're always picking on him.

This morning I saw an ant in my kitchen.
I placed a few sugar cubes in front of it. It had some of the sugar then went to tell its friends! Then I quickly hid the sugar because I wanted the ants think that their friend was a liar!

A blind man gets his vision back...
A miracle happens, and a man blind since he was born gets his vision back. He looks into a mirror and turns around. While pointing at the mirror, he says to his wife, "How did our son become so ugly?"

I'd like to buy a new boomerang please.
I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

Every time someone comments on my wrinkly clothes I just tell them that I have an iron deficiency.
Yep. I do that.

I saw Casper the ghost.
I said, You look pale and drawn.

A lawyer

A Greek lawyer, Mr. Impos, was on his deathbed. He had been running his highly successful firm Sybille and Associates for over 40 years now. He tells the guy who designs gravestones:

"I don't want my gravestone to bear my name. I want people to recognise my grave when they see it, and know who I am"
The gravestone designer says "Well, I'll just write upon it 'Here lies an honest lawyer'"

Mr. Sybille replies "But how would that help?"
The designer says "Every time someone sees the grave they'll say 'Here lies an honest lawyer? That's impossible!'"

I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman.
He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath.

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?
Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich?

My friends told me to stop being a flamingo
I decided to put my foot down!

Definition of a tree....
Something that spends 100 years growing so that it can jump out in front of unsuspecting drivers

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.

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