What does a redneck say before he dies? Hey watch this!

A bartender refused to serve a drunk man at a bar last night

He told him to be on his way because of all the trouble he was causing. "Fine," the man said, "I'll go now."
As he tried to leave the bar, he kept falling flat on his face.
He wondered why this kept happening until he later spoke with his girlfriend.
The man tells her, "I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face!
The girlfriend replied, "You idiot. That's because you left your wheelchair at the bar again.."


And if that was not enough...


Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced

"Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry - we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry we still have one engine left."

By then, though, the man sitting next to me turns and says, "Damn son, we lose one more engine and we'll be staying here all day."