Sunday, May 12, 2024

Since my girlfriend started working at the grease factory it's been really hard trying to get hold of her.

Here are four quickies for you.  I'm feeling generous, I can't really see the Northern Lights from South Florida, and I need to get to the park for a workout. 

Actually the skies look uncharacteristically "slightly translucent" at 5:30 in the morning to the North from here in Wilton Manors, FL.  But that is about it.

Let me tell you, tanked up with full-caffeine coffee, I'm racing! :)

 An astronaut flies in his space shuttle

And after flying for a while he stops at the nearest gas station in space to fill up.
Once he’s done he asks the cashier where the nearest bar is.
The cashier respond with “if you just go over to the next moon, you’ll find it. It’s called The Keyboard.”
The astronaut thanks the cashier and leaves.
Once at the moon, we walks inside and sits down.
The bartender asks him what he would like. “Just a beer. Also, why is this place called The Keyboard?”
The bartender says “because it’s a space bar!”

A guy is hired to paint lines on a little country road.

The boss gives him a big can of paint and a brush and sends him out.

At the end of the day, when he comes to get paid, he tells the boss he got two miles done. The boss is pretty impressed.

At the end of the second day, the painter reports that he did half a mile. The boss is a little surprised at the drop, but he thinks maybe the first-day enthusiasm just wore off.

At the end of the third day, the painter reports that he did 400 yards. The boss says "That's quite a difference from the first day."

The painter says "Yeah, well it's a lot longer walk back to the paint can now."

I yelled “COW!” at a woman riding a bike
She turned around, gave me the finger, and plowed right into the cow.
You can’t say I didn’t try.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Broken engagement

Friends were surprised when Bob and Denise broke off their engagement, but Bob had a ready explanation:

“Would you marry someone who was habitually unfaithful, lied at every turn, and was selfish, lazy, and sarcastic?”

“Absolutely not,” remarked his friend.

“Well, neither would Denise.”

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