How much did the pirate pay for earrings? Buccaneer

 Hmmm, I knew I was forgetting something!  Well ok, as I finish up some cheese-waffle fries and am waiting on a burger, I'll just drop this puppy here for you to enjoy!



Rude Parrot


A man goes into a pet shop looking for a pet parrot. He looks at all his options and eventually picks one sitting in a cage by itself in a dark corner of the shop. He carries its over to the counter and places it in front of the shop keeper.

The shopkeeper looks at the man and says "oh no sir, I would recommend another parrot, not this one!"

"Why? What's wrong with this one?" asks the man.

"Well his last 3 owners have all returned him. You see, he's a very unpleasant, rude, parrot".

The man thinks for a second before deciding how bad can it be. He says "it's fine. I'll take him".

The man takes the parrot home and sits down to watch tv. Not 2 minutes have passed before the parrot speaks.

"Hey, fatty! Get me some crackers will ya, ya lazy bastard!"

The man ignores the parrot and continues watching the TV.

Again the parrot shouts "Hey, tubby! Are you deaf as well as lazy?"

The man turns to the parrot and says "I don't want to hear another rude word from your mouth! If you say any more abusive things I'll put you in the freezer to calm down!"

The parrot replies "I doubt you could be bothered to get off your seat you stupid dick head!".

With that, the man gets up, grabs the parrot by its feet and carries it through to the kitchen. He opens the freezer, stuffs the parrot into the top drawer and slams the door. Despite the parrots muffled yelling he goes back to watching TV.

After 30 minutes he decides the parrot will have learned its lesson so he goes to let it out. He opens the freezer and pulls the parrot out. It's shaking like a leaf and has an icicle hanging from its beak.

"Are you going to behave?" asks the man.

"Y-y-y-yes s-s-sir" shivers the parrot.

The man takes the parrot back through to the living room and places it on the radiator to warm up. The two of them sit in silence for a few minutes before the parrot speaks again.

"I just had one question, if you don't mind?"

"I suppose so" says the man. "What is it?"

The parrot says "what the hell did that chicken do!?"