I feel so bad for my friend.
He spent years of training in the medical field.
Spent thousands on putting himself through University, making sure he was the best he could be.
This week he struck off for sleeping with one of his patients, they had known each other for a couple of years prior to this.
It makes me so mad because he was a bloody good vet.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
My dad got fired today and asked me to be his teacher.
His boss told him to learn from his mistakes.
What do you call a staircase with no railing in an old folks home?
A stairway to heaven.
This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa
Grandpa: pointing to the newspaper hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure hands him the sports section
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that he reaches over and grabs a different section
Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...
Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections
What does corn invest in the market?
Why are octopuses so dangerous?
They're heavily armed.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
How did Egyptian kings communicate with their wives?
They used their Pharaoh-moans.
I asked my brother if he could help me think of a synonym for "pamphlet."
"Ya bro sure!"
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.