I'm not certain whether I posted this one before so I added a short one at the bottom in case I did!
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond...
...and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught.
The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish.
The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen.
The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me".
The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him.
The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water.
The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back". ... "What fish?"
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."