What would a pirate say on his 80th birthday? "Aye matey!".

Hey!  Wasn't Talk Like A Pirate Day the other day?  Arrrr!


I own a series of vending macines

You know, in parks and stuff, you can get a coke, ginger ale, fanta, etc.

Business was going really well, so well I had to hire a guy to help. Right after I hired him though, sales plummeted.

Trying to figure out why, I went to a few of my machines. The snacks were fine, but the drinks had a weird noise coming from them, like a wailing, crying. It was disconcerting, and I didn't blame people for not buying.

The next month was terrible. I spent thousands having techs look at the machines, switching out the cans, nothing worked. Sales plummeted more, and I didn't have any answers.

At the end of my rope I decided to follow my new guy around as he restocked the machines. I found out every machine he would go to, he JAMMED as many cans and bottles as he could in, filling the machines to the brim. I finally found the problem.

When you squeeze coke, fanta and ginger ale in the machines so tight, of course they start crying-

They become soda pressed.