Saturday, February 8, 2020

I got told to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Now I’m a mile away and I have their shoes.

Sorry grandpa

So you are lying on your death bed and you spell something, something nice so you roll right off the bed crawling and you sense it is on the table and you try to stand up and you see your daughters delicious homemade cookies so you try to grab it but your daughter slaps your hand and says “those are for the funeral”

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday he then chuckled and said maybe they'll marry each other.

I'm like yeah cuz my son is going to marry someone twice his age

The other day, I read that people eat more bananas than monkeys.

No surprises there. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale.

They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

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