Sunday, May 24, 2020

Yo mama is so old that when I told her to act her age...she died.

Just because I am feeling generous, here is a two-fer for a Sunday Morning.

Even robots need a day off.

When I was a young man in in Army Cadets, we had big ornamental robot that we called ‘old-iron-sides’ with a big brass bugle that would play all the calls to the troops.

In the morning it would play ‘reveille’ to wake, ‘mess call’ for meals, ‘drill call’ to assemble in the square, etc.

We all got so used to these queues that we relied to them to know what to do at each time of the day.

Until one day iron robot was silent and everyone was disoriented, not knowing when to get up, go eat or start a drill.

Finally, I went to ask my commanding officer why there were no calls. He said “He’s taking a vacation day”.

So I guess it was the Ferrous Bugler's day off.

And if you don't share my love for that movie in the punch line above, here's another one for a Sunday Morning.

The last time I heard one like this it was about a fish, but ...

A guy is golfing by himself and shanks a ball hard.

He yells, "Goddamn it all to hell!"

St. Peter hears him and asks God, "Aren't you going to do anything about that?"

God says, "Yep."

Next hole is a long par five over water ending in a dog leg. The guy tees up and crushes the ball. It hits the water but just as it does, a turtle surfaces. The ball bounces off the turtle's shell and gets another hundred yards. Just as its about to stop rolling, a squirrel runs over and grabs the ball before being immediately snatched by a gorgeous red tail hawk. The hawk flies him off and just over the green the squirrel drops the ball. The ball hits the green, rolls and falls in the hole.

Most amazing par five hole-in-one in history.

St. Peter, astonished says, "You call that punishment?"

God replies, "Yep. There was nobody around to see it."

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