What do you call cheese made out of clay? Terracottage cheese!

It's a Triple Play of three jokes today!

 

 

 

Trying to work out which new mattress to buy

So I'm looking to buy a new mattress right... the old one is about two decades old! and it's seen better days. I've been hunting around, looking left and right, do I go to a store, do I buy one online, do I buy one that gets posted that comes in a box or gets delivered by a truck. Do I get memory foam, fabric, cotton stuffing, do I get one with foam springs or the traditional coil type? I think I've found the one I want, it's cheap, looks good, comes in a box etc.

I'm completely ready to buy it now after six hours of solid research but then I figured I'd sleep on it...



I saw a Pirate walking down the street,

Being that it's halloween, I normally wouldn't think twice about it, however there was a distinct difference between this pirate and any other I had seen before.
He had a large steering wheel attached to his belt buckle.
I must say that I was intrigued so I approached this pirate and politely asked "excuse me, Mr. Pirate. What's the steering wheel on the front of your outfit supposed to be for?"
To which he replies : "ARRRRR, I don't know matey, But it's Drivin' me nuts".

Anything you want

My wife left for work this morning, and almost immediately I got a call from my next door neighbour telling me to come around quick as she needed my help.

So, I knock on her door, and she opens the door in a robe and immediately drags me into the living room. She then drops the robe to reveal she is completely naked. As my mouth hangs open she says: “Everything you can see between my legs is yours”

Rubbing my hands in anticipation I drop to my knees and say: “Right, I’ll have your TV, Stereo, Coffee Table, soda, fireplace...”