It is a two-fer today. Since they're always a variation on a theme, that theme today is what made me laugh when I was half asleep.
A bus gets in to a terrible crash.
Everybody inside dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates of Heaven, God is there to greet them. He says to the first person, “Before you get in to Heaven, I can grant you one wish.”
The first person in line says, “Well, I wish I was pretty.” God then grants this wish and let’s her in to Heaven.
The next person in line is also granted a wish and also says “I wish I could be pretty.”
When she says this, the person at the very end of the line starts to chuckle.
Everyone in the line thinks that the first two people had a good wish and they also wish to be pretty. As they make their wishes, the person at the back of the line starts to burst into laughter. When it’s finally his turn, God says “And what do you wish for?”
He says, “I wish they were all ugly again”
A man was at the grocery store when he suddenly notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She smiles and says hello.
The man is puzzled and can't recall where he knows her from.
He says, "Do you know me?"
The woman replies, "You’re the father of one of my kids."
The man's mind is racing and he goes back to the only time he was unfaithful to his wife.
He says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a wet cucumber?"
She pauses and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s elementary teacher."