I haven't traveled much since moving here a while back. Except skating or biking, both are in loops. Around and around ...
After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
"Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto the weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight, so sit back, relax and... OH, MY GOD1 A scream then silence followed, Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you, while I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!".
One Irish passenger yelled... "For Christ's sake you should see the back of mine!!!"
And since that one was a bit short...
On the bus
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..
..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"