Did you hear about the existential pirate? Me thinks, therefore me arrrr!

 As I sit here watching the sunrise paint the east side of houses golden, I think of you, my friends and give you this wee little story.  About what a Scot will wear under his Kilt.

Since that was short, a second wee little story all stuffed full of peas and cabbage.



A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts

She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'

'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'

'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'




And since that was short...





Mrs. Goldberg and Mrs. Ginsburg used to be great friends, but eventually they drifted apart

Years later, they bump into each other in the supermarket.

Mrs. Ginsburg says “It’s so great to see you! Tell me, how is Mr. Goldberg?”

Mrs. Goldberg replies “Well you won’t believe what I have to tell you! A few days ago I was making a pot of soup, and it was delicious but I thought it needed some vegetables. So I called to my husband, ‘Solly, go down to the vegetable patch and pick me a nice big cabbage!’ He went it into the garden but didn’t come back for an hour, so eventually I went to check on him, and would you believe it, he’d dropped down dead of a heart attack!”

Mrs. Ginsburg gasps and says “That’s awful! What on earth did you do?”

Mrs. Goldberg replies “Well I did what I had to - I opened a can of peas.”