Why didn’t Noah fish while he was on the ark? Because he only had two worms.

If you ever had a home remodeling job, you will get this one!




A man wants to retile his floors with real stone

He goes to the stonemason and asks about cost.

"Well," says the stonemason, "it really depends on your budget and the quality you're looking for."

"Tell you what, let's start at the bottom and work our way up, yeah?"

The stonemason led him to the showroom with four neat stacks of stone. The first was a mix of pale gray and cream colors. "This here's limestone. It's not super durable but it fits most budgets. Only $11 per square foot."

"Hmm, I wouldn't want to have to replace it too soon," said the man.

"Well, then, how about this?" he asked of a stack of plain gray stone. Good, solid slate. Fairly durable, won't break the bank. It's actually on sale for just $22 per square foot."

The man considered a moment. "I dunno. It's pretty plain, don't you think? I was hoping for something with a bit of sparkle."

The stonemason shrugged his shoulders and led the customer past the third pile of stone which boasted a dazzling array of colors and patterns and on to the fourth pile which was even more ornate with beautiful blues and pinks mixed in among the usual motley of earth tones. "This here's marble. Best money can buy. It'll last you a lifetime and you can't match it for beauty. Only $114 per square foot."

The man cleared his throat as he choked in response to the price, then asked, "Okay, but what about that third pile. Why did you skip over it?"

The stonemason looked back and his brows rose high on his forehead. "Oh, that? That's granite. I can't sell you that, son."

"Whyever not?"

"Well, you can't take anything for granite these days."