What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Arr, M'atey!

How about a triple play?  I may be feeling generous this morning, but I haven't been out for the second dog walk of the day and need that before making pancakes or french toast.  Don't worry, the meal can be and is right-sized. 

Anyway, that nutritional nonsense done, how about a little duck at the movies?




So they're this guy, and his best friend in the world is his pet duck. Takes it everywhere he goes.
One day, he goes to the movie theater, and the lady selling tickets says, "Hard no, you're not taking that duck into my theater!"
So he goes around the corner and stuffs the duck down the front of his pants, and sneaks him into the movie.
About 20 minutes into the movie, the duck starts getting restless and squirming around. So the guy unzips his pants so the duck can stick his head out and breathe.
The lady sitting next to him elbows her husband and says, "Honey, the guy next to me just unzipped his pants!"
"Just ignore him, honey."
"But his thiiing is sticking out!"
"Just ignore him, honey."
"Well I would, but it's eating my popcorn!"





 In his advanced age, Attila the Hun lost the power of speech.

Undeterred by this development, he learned to communicate via sign language.
If this weren’t enough, he developed a fetish where his only satisfaction came from watching his men vigorously jostle a maiden.
His favorite subject was a pretty lass named after the 5th month of the year.
It only worked when he was in the mood, though; he had to ask for it.
His men soon learned to shake May while the Hun signs.



A pizza delivery driver pulls up next to an ambulance

And motions for the paramedic to roll down their window
“You know, we have pretty much the same job” says the delivery driver

“Yeah, and how’s that?”
“We both try to deliver them warm”