If smoking is so bad, why does it cure salmon?

 I don't know about that topic.  But I will say that growing up in Cherry Hill, NJ just a bit of a bike ride away from The Water Tower, I have a great appreciation for Smoked Salmon.

Preferably on a toasted bagel.  With lots of Cream Cheese, Tomato, Lettuce, and Onion.  That would be a Sesame Bagel from Mrs H's shop back in the day.  You know ... "The Bagel Place" on Chapel and King's Highway?  Mrs H is gone, bless her sweet soul, and the shop has changed its name slightly and well, here I am under the palms having fond memories about a time long gone.

Yes, a memory from the past.  Decades ago and 1200 miles away by car.  Not gonna happen but we do have good bagels here.  You just have to hunt.


Anyway...


A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"That'll be $5," says the bartender.

The guy takes a huge pile of coins out of his pocket and counts out $5 in pennies, nickels, and dimes. He slams them to the floor and they scatter all over. "There you go!"

The bartender is annoyed but holds his temper and picks up the coins. The guy drinks his beer and leaves.

Next night he comes back. Same thing. He orders a beer, then slams the $5 in coins to the floor. Once again the bartender keeps a civil tongue and picks up the coins. Guy drinks and leaves.

He comes in the next night and orders a beer. This time he pays with a $10 bill. The bartender sees his chance for revenge. He counts out the change, $5 in pennies, nickels, and dimes, and throws it on the floor. "There's your change, sir!"

The guy looks at the coins. "On second thought," he says, "give me two beers."

Complete Rebuild Help On Bike Wheels, Front and Back. Zen and the Art of Bicycle Maintenance.

Here's the deal.  The videos on Youtube and all the other services help. This blog posting will help if it ever gets read.  

It is a deep dive in what I went through to rebuild the two wheels on the bike.  

People don't have time to read these days.  This is more for me to see what I did a couple years down the line so that I can repeat the process.  

If you follow these instructions and watch the video, you should be able to figure this all out, but your mileage may vary.  

Standard Internet Warranty applies - www.Ramblingmoose.com makes no guarantees of completeness or of process or of anything at all.  If you wreck your bike, I'm sorry and that was not my doing, it is yours.  If you are unsure of anything and know me, drop a note and I'll try to talk you through it.  I'm just a retired guy trying to save a couple hundred dollars that I don't have.  I did and you may not.  I don't begrudge a bike shop their money when their expertise is being used, but it doesn't pay for me not to learn how to do this stuff on my own.

But.

There are always details you will miss.  I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

The video that convinced me that I was able to do this rebuilding on my own is included at the end.  But I missed some very important details.

As you are disassembling pieces, place them in a fashion so that you can mentally put them back together.  If you lose a spring or a nut at this point you will be cursing everyone including me for not warning you.


Tools I found I needed:

• Blue Tack Tape or some similar masking tape.
• Gloves.  Typically Nitrile but "rubber" gloves will do nicely. 
• Tweezers to handle the balls for the bearing.  They tend to get away from you.
• Screen or something to line the bottom of the workplace.   
• A good ruler with visible markings for METRIC.  Sorry fellow yanks, this is a job for metric.  If the ruler has holes for measuring variously sized bearings so much the better.
• Workplace that will corral any loose parts.  Bucket or kitchen sink may help.
• Good cycling grease.  I used "common" White Lithium Grease.
• Gearset Socket.  Specialized socket to fit in the gearset to work on the rear wheel and bearings.  These will vary based on the manufacturer of your gearset.  Shimano is very common, and that is what worked for me.
• Set of Cup Wrenches.  Thin crescent wrench set may also work but doubtful. 
• Hammer or mallet to remove the gearset.
  
   

Measure EVERYTHING:

Seriously.  That good ruler I am mentioning.  If you get the retaining nuts out of their original position, your wheels will no longer be true from left to right.  That will mean your discs will rub against the brake shoes.  It will slow you down.  In my case it was 4mm from the outside of the axle to the first nut on the axle.

Bearings.

Inline Skate bearings are simple.  Snap the whole thing in and bolt it together and you are done.

Bicycle bearings may be that simple but many older bikes, and some current ones like mine from 2022 are using something called a "Cup and Ball Bearing".  This is old school.  I have seen some evidence that it is possible to convert these to a "normal" bearing like 608 or 6000.  

But.

These aren't as difficult as you expect if you are coming into the process as green as I was.  Since I started, I have replaced the bearings literally a dozen times.  Every time I would remove the part that holds the bearings into the cup, some or all would fall out.

You need grease in that cup.  I used the same White Lithium Grease that I used in my old Jalousie windows for years.  The stuff is waterproof.  You can use other grease that is "special for cycling" and pay more.  The jury is out as to whether I need to do that or I am using the right stuff.  The finished product rolls like a champ.  I did a marathon on them and I had the wheels improperly installed.  Results matter.


Bearing Sizing.

The bearings that go into the Cup and Ball bearings vary in size.  They are TYPICALLY 1/4 inch.  They can be more or less, but since they are decidedly cheap, I rolled the dice and got an assortment.  It turned out that front and rear wheels were both 1/4 inch.  Some bikes for other purposes are said to be larger or smaller.

For my bike, I needed 9 bearings of 1/4 inch per side of the wheel.  

I have a bag of 200 loose bearings coming in about a week.  It took me 3 years to need the first batch and they only cost me $7 for this.  I will be able to repeat this process about 6 times.  


How I installed the Bearings.

I cleaned and dried the kitchen sink and put a screen in the drain.  Since I knew that the bearings would roll under things, putting the wheel at eye level and giving the bearings a place to roll made sense.

Remove the wheel from the bike.  Remove the nut holding the skewer in place and slide it out but make sure you realize which side your bike had the skewer installed from.  The lock lever was on the left side of the wheel.  Same side as the disc for my brake - be careful you don't get that disc dirty, you will need alcohol or acetone to clean it properly and don't bang it around since it can't take the punishment of too many shocks.

Cup Wrench:

In the case of my wheels, I needed a specialized tool to remove the nut and cover to the chamber where the cup was.  This Cup Wrench was a 15 mm and strangely flat.  I am used to crescent wrenches being much thicker in home repair and automotive uses.  These are stamped steel.  A set cost me $7 online.

The cup wrench will hold the cup in place so you can use another 15 mm wrench (adjustable or crescent) to remove the nut that holds things in place on the outside of the wheel bolt assembly.  The video goes through this quickly but you will need these.  I have a lot of tools on hand and this stuff is "specialized".


Removing the outer nut, you should be able to remove the cup on one side of the wheel.   You will be removing the nut/shield from one side of the axle.  I recommend removing the one on the non-disc side first.  This way you can push the axle through.  At this point there is nothing holding the cover to the ball bearings in place at all.  Things will fall all over the place.  That is why I did the work over the sink.  The "other side" you will need to hold in place manually.  Blue Tack or some other tape may help you manage this since it is not a "normal" operation for "normal" people like you and I.

Slide the axle out of the wheel and set it aside.  As you remove parts from the wheel, it will be helpful to place the pieces in place on the axle so that the later  reassembly will be easier.

Grease the Cup and install the Balls:

To prepare to install the balls into the cup, insert or inject some of your chosen grease into the cup.  Don't get extra grease into the center hub of the wheel, but if some get in there it won't ruin the wheel.  I found that I could squirt the grease into the cup and used my gloved finger to smooth it into the cup evenly.

Now using tweezers or your fingers, place the balls in the cup.  One at a time, seat the ball into the grease.  The grease will tend to hold the balls in place but they will not put up with rough treatment and may go flying if you bang this all around.

Repeat this process for the opposite side of the wheel.  Gently because if you whack the wheel around your freshly assembled balls will be flying out of the cup.  The Grease will hold the balls in place but not very securely.  They May Fall Out!

Reassembly of the wheel:

Now that you have cursed me and everyone else for telling you that you know enough to try this process, you get to reverse your steps.  How I did it was to be very gently push the axle through the center of the cup and out the other side.  The Axle will be partially assembled with the cup nut/shield and most likely that one side's retaining nut are still in place.  Make sure that the alignment of the axle with the distance from the outside of the axle to the first nut have not changed.  Make sure that the cup nut is secure against that first nut and tighten with a crescent wrench and cup wrench where appropriate.  Everything is in close clearance so this is why having a specific cup wrench is important.

Sliding the axle in place, begin to fasten the opposite side's cup nut in place.  Stop when you get it snug against the balls in the cup, but not too snug.  The entire assembly must turn freely.  If you can't turn it freely by the lightest touch, it will make things difficult when you ride.  

However having it exposed and loose will cause its own problems.  Push up and down on the axle.  It should not rattle around in the hub.  If so, the cup nut needs to be tightened slowly until the up and down rattling is stopped.  

The goal is to get the wheel to spin on the axle, but not move laterally.  Another goal is to have the outermost nut in roughly the same position with respect to the end of the axle as it was before the process had begun.

I know, clear as mud.  You want your wheels spinning freely.

Slide the skewer in through the axle.  The locking lever should be on the same side as it was originally.  In my case, it was on the left side of the wheel.  Same side as the brake disc or opposite of the chain or the drive for the wheel.  Attach the spring small side to the center, then put the skewer nut on the outside of the skewer and tighten lightly. 

Remount the wheel and align so that it is not stopped by the brakes or is not crooked.  Begin to tighten the skewer and nut in place.  When finished, the wheel should not be loose on the fork on any side or both sides.  If it is loose you may injure yourself while riding.


Rear Wheel Special Instructions:

The gearset is in the way of your removing the rear axle.  You require a gearset socket to remove the gearset so you can get at all the parts like on the front whee.  The gearset socket fits in a crescent wrench, adjustable wrench, or a socket wrench.  The gearset is actually tightened as you ride so it is difficult to remove from the wheel.

Take the rear wheel to a place where you can work on it with force.  Not too much force, of course.  Insert the gearset socket in the gearset,  Using your wrench, set it up so that you can turn the wrench counter clockwise.  To the left.  Remember Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey.   Attempt to turn counter clockwise.  Complain to yourself that you can't and it is too difficult and you want to give up.

At this point I placed the wheel in a fashion so that the wheel was upright, the wrench was in a way that if I pushed downwards, it would be turning counter clockwise - to the left.  

Using the hammer, I whacked the wrench gently but firmly.  It took about 10 times the first time to remove the gearset.  It never got loose enough on the wheel for me to NOT use the hammer.  But you aren't trying to destroy things, be careful if you miss the end of the wrench you could damage your wheel.  

A good torque wrench or breaker bar on the end of the socket wrench may help but it did not in my case.  I actually broke my breaker bar.  I was surprised.

The first time to remove the gearset took quite a few whacks from the hammer before it budged and it was still too tight for me to muscle the gearset loose.



Axle Considerations or If You Have a Broken Axle:

This happened to my rear wheel.  I actually snapped an axle.  They do break and they do bend.

The rear axle on my bike is 145mm.  It was broken in two pieces, sheared at the base of the gearset.  

I rolled the dice and guessed at the size thinking if it was shorter I could cut it or just let it hang.  It turned out that I was completely correct at the guess of 145mm.

In My Case.

However, the new axle came with hardware that was smaller than the original wheelset's hardware.  I did not realize that.  I had put it all together and got it to work but it wasn't right.  The bike did not perform correctly since I was using lock washers and extra nuts to put the wheel approximately in the correct place.

I needed to get the ruler out and make sure that I had that 4mm clearance from the last nut to the end of the axle.

Using the (weird) Cup Wrench, I was able to get all the old hardware off of the old axle, and put it on the new axle.  I made sure that the 4mm clearance was maintained.  Magically everything simply seated correctly without any extra hardware.

That ruler was a highly important tool.  Make sure you can read metric, Fellow Americans.  I had to double check myself to get it all right.


Conclusion:

The wheelset is done.

Oh you want more?  There is no lateral movement.  When I do the "power stroke" the rear wheel is not being thrown against the frame of the bike and making farting noises.  Both wheels now have new fresh grease and new fresh bearings.

Best part of this is that for about $30 of parts, I get about $350 worth of wheels, bearings, and most importantly Labor.

I learned a metric f-ton of things about this process.  In a couple years I will be able to do this again if I haven't worn this bike completely out and I have the parts to do it.

Next will be going after the pedals and the crankset since I have the bearings to do so.  Anything that turns a lot, needs new grease and new bearings.  

I have the parts.  Good luck!

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

 Spent the last four days teaching myself how to be a bike shop refurbishing the weird "Cup and Ball" bearings on the bike.  Now there is no wobble on the thing so it's time to go out and be an athlete.  Assuming nothing weird happens, Marathon Sunday with the tourists at the Air Park in Pompano Beach is coming after sunrise.

But...



A courier in Alexander the Great’s court

came across an old man eating honey in the town square. The man had a big pot of honey in front of him and was spooning it into his mouth. The courier found it strange but continued about his day.

The next day the courier came to the town square again about his duties, and again he saw the old man eating honey. Flies landed on him and bees lapped at his sweat, but he continued to eat, seemingly unperturbed.

On the third day the courier became overwhelmed by curiosity and went to the town square of his own accord. He saw the man eating honey, and indeed he smelled as sweet as if the honey was coming from his very pores.

“Excuse me, sir, but I notice you’ve been sitting here eating nothing but honey for days on end.”

“Indeed I have, and in three days time I shall lower myself into a cask of honey and be drowned in it,” the man answered pleasantly.

The young man was horrified by this reply. “Why would you do such a thing?”

“Well, after all is done, my flesh will be mellified, preserved in the honey, and both will have powerful medicinal qualities, which will heal the wounds of my countrymen.”

The young man could not comprehend this sacrifice, and again cried out, “But why? What’s in it for you?”

The old man smiled at him and shrugged. “Well, when you’re my age, it’s just nice to be meaded.”

Why are mummys scared of vacation? They're afraid to unwind.

 The empty seat

It’s the World Cup final, and Tim notices an empty seat right next to the field. He turns to the guy on the other side and asks, “Is anyone sitting there?”

“No,” the man replies, “that seat’s empty.”

Tim is shocked. “That’s unbelievable! Who would leave such a seat unused at the World Cup final?”

The man sighs. “Well, that seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup we haven’t been together since we got married.”

“Oh man, I’m so sorry… but couldn’t you find someone else—a friend, relative, even a neighbor—to come with you instead?”

The man shakes his head. “No. They’re all at the funeral.”



And a variation on the theme -



Foursome on the first tee, and as a funeral procession drove by, one of the golfers took his hat off and paused with his hands clasped. 

His friend said that was nice of you, did you know the person. 

Yes, I did. Married to her for 24 years. 

After 8100 miles on my bike, I have worn the thing out. Information to rebuild the bearings.

Get a bike they said.

Ok, well I did.  I think "They" said for me to get a bike because they knew that I never do things half way.  

It's also possible after breaking my clavicles, both, and carrying titanium with me to my last breath, that "They" were trying to save my hide.

As best as I can figure, I have put 8100 miles on that bike.  Going around in big lazy circles.

I tell myself that I am an intermediate cyclist.  Elite inline skater, but intermediate cyclist.  My "Base Workout" is a marathon.  Literally I watch the cycle computer and make sure that it is at least 26.2 miles or 42 km per workout.  Humble Brag aside, it's just that I'm trying to keep myself fit.  

Resting heart rate in the low 50s, fit.

I have come to the conclusion that I have, indeed, worn out the bike.  I have video proof.

On the handlebars of the bike I have a mount for what I call a Trail Camera.  It is a little water proof box that records what is going on for later viewing.  It tends to do strange things to the sound like muffle the microphone and transmit road noises to the recordings.

That's the thing that clued me in.  I wanted to watch the video from the other day.  It had the Goodyear Blimp in a shot and I thought it might be amusing to see.  It wasn't all that exciting, I have seen the airship many times and it was only up in one corner of the video.  Not worth sharing.

But as I was riding I noticed that there were some strange noises.  The sides of the tires were rubbing against the frame of the bicycle.  Why would that happen?  If you are "under power" and your back wheel was rubbing during acceleration it means the wheel is being moved to the left.  Chain drive on the right.  How does that happen?  The bearings in the rear wheel were worn.

I got up and pushed the wheel to the left and was able to get it to go all the way to the frame.

Not. Good. At. All.

Listening further to the video I heard the bearings.  Literally heard the bearings.  From what I can tell both wheels and the crankshaft need new bearings.  Crankshaft is where you have the pedals.

I'm a big guy, powerful on the bike.  I average 14 MPH plus for the first hour.  I have ridden the mountain bike faster than 22 MPH up hill.  I know many people have ridden faster, this is my statistic.  I ride as an endurance sport.  Get out and listen to a 2 hour DJ set and still have to find more music on the phone.

That sort of thing.

I started reviewing videos online for how to solve this thing.  I came to the conclusion that I could do the repair, or I could take it to the shop.  Taking it to the shop is about as much as I could find a middle of the road mountain bike - about $300 to $350.  New wheelset, new bearings, brake discs, crankshaft bearings, labor, diagnosis charge, new chain...

Or I could buy the parts online.  I did that.  I enjoy repairing mechanical things.  I drive a 24 year old Jeep Wrangler so I could do that.  

The parts have cost me about $30.  I could have tossed cash at a friend who has Amazon Prime and have the parts here "yesterday", but that is not my style.  It wasn't an emergency.

The parts are on the slow boat from China.  I know that they have been accepted through  customs and are on their way here.  I purposely bought too many bearings so as to make absolutely certain I could fix and or upgrade the bike.

Loose bearings for the Cup and Ball bearings.  Caged Ball Bearings for a second "drop in" try at the wheels.  6000 type bearings if none of that worked.  

I am loaded for bear.

When everything gets here, I will see how far I can go.  I will need a specialized tool to remove the gear set on the back wheel.  I did lean on someone to get them here faster.  He has Prime.  It will be here today or tomorrow.

Replace everything else and see where I am.

Once this is all said and done, I will basically have a new bike.  This one fits me.  I've used it for 4 years and it is comfortable now that I have set everything to my liking.

Going around in those circles, I have noticed that my speed has dropped on that same first hour to 12.5 MPH from my 14 to 14.5 MPH.  That is the bearings being worn out.  At least that is what I tell myself.  

In the meanwhile, I have to watch these shipping sites.  Shopper's OCD.  Wait an hour and refresh the browser.  

All my parts are in Miami now and out for delivery.

I could spend the ridiculous charge per year for Amazon Prime, as well as buy the parts there but Amazon is a middleman.  I can't really afford having middlemen putting their hand in my pockets looking for loose change.  

So, I will wait.  Amazon makes me uncomfortable anyway and if you can find the vendor outside of that site, you may be able to find them cheaper.

In the interim, I'm going to do some more research.  The loose bearings for the Cup and Ball bearings are sized differently for the rear wheel than the front.  I just want to confirm what they are.

• 3.969 mm (5/32″) – steerer (fork) bearings and many pedals.
• 4.762 mm (3/16″) – front wheel hubs (2 times 10 balls – i.e. 10 balls at each side most often – this includes all the Shimano dynamo hubs, except models DH-UR705, and DH-UR700).
• 6.35 mm (1/4″) – rear wheel hubs (usually 2 times 9 balls) and cup and cone bottom brackets (2 times 11).
• 5.556 mm (7/32″) Campagnolo Record front hubs and some exotic hubs of other manufacturers (2 times 9 balls).
• 2.381 mm (3/32″) – most Shimano pedals bearing balls.

Info courtesy of https://bike.bikegremlin.com/2255/standard-bicycle-bearing-ball-sizes/


According to a different page on that site, they say old school white lithium grease is good for lubing up the new bearings.  I am fairly certain I have all of that, lube and ball bearings.  I did over-buy.  On top of it all I did get a few things for the house and someone's birthday.  I needed to make the minimum purchase.

So "F5" the browser and it will probable get here when I drop off mid afternoon after the Carbo Crash.  I will allow that since I am up at 5AM and the dog will let me know when they are on the property.

Won't you Rack?  Good Boy, now stop barking!  I know.  They're here and bringing me stuff.  And a New Duck for the Jeep too!

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band.

 Funny I never really knew what a duvet is until lately.  Call it a comforter and I'll get mine out of the chest for tonight.  It's going to 43.  Someone come down from up North and get your weather.  It is drunk on my lawn.

Smart aleck kid here, just shot himself in the foot if you ask me.  He needs to make better choices.  Mc D's.  YUCK!




Little Johnny's Role Reversal

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and proudly offered to pick up his mom. She had been out celebrating after landing a major investor for her start-up.

Little Johnny pulled up to the curb with a textbook-perfect stop.His mom climbed into the passenger seat, still buzzing from the evening. As they drove home, she pointed at the glowing golden arches. "Johnny, pull into that McDonald's. I'm starving."

Little Johnny said with a feigned smirk, not taking his eyes off the road. He even pushed his luck a bit and wagged a finger for full effect. "Nope, Mom, as you would say, it's nobody's birthday today, and you are definitely not made of money, and the last time we both checked, money does not grow on trees. So Little Johnny continued, that means mother that we will both eat the perfectly good food at home."



And since I would go to the competition, Here's a little competition for that seat on the Tram.


Problem with new bedroom wardrobe

A lady living on a busy street buys a new wardrobe. 
However, the vibrations caused by a tram passing by loosen the door. 
So the lady complains about the wardrobe. 
A technician arrives, screws the door tightly and loosens it again right in front of his eyes as the tram passes by. 
The technician doesn't understand. 
He screws the door back on and climbs inside so he can observe the problem up close the next time the tram passes. 
Meanwhile, her husband returns home. 
He sees a new closet, opens it, and finds a strange man. 
He rolls up his sleeves and says angrily: "What are you doing here? Seriously, or..." 
The technician answers with concern: "If I tell you the truth, you probably won't believe me. I'm waiting for the tram here".

I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo. It was great. She’s a keeper.

Travel can be wonderful.  It broadens your outlook.  It can do many things like expand your mind.  

I used to just get in the car and drive just about anywhere.  I don't fly because the whole ritual of getting in the air is just so painful.  Think Bull in a China Shop.

Or you could just go where everyone else is going and annoy the locals.  




 A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:   

"Rome?  Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome.  So how are you getting there?”

"We're taking Continental” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”  

“Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So where are you staying in Rome?” 

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's  Tiber River called Teste.” 

 "Don't go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.”

 "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”

 "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him.  He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.”

 A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

 "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..  And the Teste hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!”

 "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.” 

 "Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. 

 Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.” 

 "Oh, really!  What'd he say?”   

He said: "Who ruined up your hair?

Rack, Two Years Later, Time Is Getting Shorter.

 So far so normal but appearances can be deceiving.

I'm in the house, it's quiet.  The internet radio is refusing to connect to a stream, so I will try again.  I hear an overhead airplane and the steady ticking of the clocks.

Also over that way on the doormat is Rack, the McNab SuperDog(TM).  Lick, Lick, Lick, Lick.

He's usually right at my elbow keeping an eye on me.

We have been on the Bonus Years for two years now.  Rack had a cancerous spot removed from his Anal Gland.  Go ahead, I have giggled at the term Anal Gland before myself.  

A little absurd, but I suppose those get into trouble as well.

We had that removed and were warned that he may last 3 months or he may last a few more.

It has been two years that we have been blessed.

When I call him the SuperDog(TM) I may be onto something.  14 years old and still with the energy of a much younger dog.  The vet is surprised.  She does not know how he could be putting on weight with resurgent cancer at "his age".

She doesn't know how stubborn I am.  The extra weight will help him survive at any rate.  If your dog is having problems putting on weight, a tablespoon of potato powder per meal will help if it is salt free.

He's now got cancerous lesions on his liver and his lymph nodes.  Gall bladder is showing abnormalities.  

I am being a little inexact but someone here is chopping onions and I can't really see what I am saying.

I have had the privilege of having him in our lives for 13 of those 14 years.  I'd do it over in a heartbeat.  At least his heart and lungs are strong, they did mention that.

I suspect the 3 to 6 miles of walking per day help.  I have an athletic life, so he will too by default.  At least I do when I don't have this blasted head cold.

I have had more than one tell me to make his last year excellent.  About all I can do differently is to walk him through the parking lot with the bars in it and let people fuss over him more than usual.  

Past that, we're just going let things happen.  Not much more I can do.  He's enjoying life so far.  If we're here in two more years, it's success.  If Summer?  Still good.  

I have to keep in mind that Dogs are here to teach us to love, and that they are here for a short time because they already know how.  

I know he has helped me heal.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

At this point, my own natural sense of the absurd and cynicism is running at full tilt but I am beginning to think that is normal these days.




Take Your Kid to Work Day didn't go as planned.

I had been looking forward to "Take Your Kid to Work Day" for weeks. My eight-year-old daughter was finally old enough to see where her dad went every day. I pictured her being impressed by the office, the computers, and maybe even sitting in my big chair.

As we walked through the glass doors into the quiet, fluorescent-lit office, the gentle hum of printers and the soft clicking of keyboards filled the air. My colleagues, a perfectly normal group of accountants and project managers in their cubicles, looked up and offered warm, welcoming smiles.

But instead of curiosity or excitement, my daughter’s face instantly crumpled. Her bottom lip trembled, and before I could kneel down, she was crying big, heaving sobs that echoed in the suddenly silent room.

A small crowd of concerned coworkers quickly gathered around us. "What's wrong, sweetie?" one of them asked gently. "Are you hurt?"

I crouched down, holding her small shoulders. "Honey, what is it? What's the matter?"

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, looked around the room of perfectly ordinary office workers, and asked in a voice cracking with profound disappointment:

"Daddy... where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

So Day 2 on a mild cold.  Should be over by Monday.  I did a marathon on the bike yesterday so I suspect that weakened it.

Meanwhile on the subject of things to wrap your head ahead around, here's a riddle for you from Captain Airplane!




 Captain’s Bathroom Riddle

A crew is flying a plane.The captain gets up and says to the young co-pilot:

“Alright kid, I’m going to use the toilet. While I’m gone, think about this — will the total weight of the plane go down while I’m in the bathroom?”

The rookie’s sitting there all serious, thinking it through:

“Hmmm… the toilet’s a closed system, so technically the poop stays on board. Therefore, the weight shouldn’t change.”

The captain comes back, and the kid proudly gives his answer.

The captain just shakes his head and goes,

“You idiot! Of course the plane got lighter — it’s been burning fuel while I was gone! You’re over here thinking about crap instead of aviation!”

Technology and I are Fighting. The Story of Why I Have Two Microwave Ovens.

Technology and I are going through a rough patch lately.

I have always got on well with things that way.  I'm the kind of person who took the old war time ethos of "Make Do And Mend" to heart.  

In that way, I've been able to learn quite a lot.  Replaced my own Oxygen Sensors on the Jeep when I needed to, for example.  Oil Changes are simple, and I do most of the maintenance on the car.  23 years old and runs like a "Swiss Watch".

>I was a Financial Project Manager for a major university on the East Coast.  "Req To Check" was my thing.  Requisitions through the posting of the Purchase Orders against the accounts on the General Ledger.  I was the strongest programmer in the department, the "Programmer of Last Resort" and the one who got the "meatiest problems".

My own favorite computer is about 6 years old.  It started out in corporate life as a Windows computer, and when it got to me, I immediately opened it up and upgraded the components.  One of the upgrades was to install Debian Linux, again, immediately.

To say that I am a Do It Yourself kind of tech guy is minimizing things here.

But lately, I'm about to toss most of it out the window.

You see, touch screens are the bane of my existence.  The things are everywhere.

Smart phones have them.  Cars have them.  Even my oven has a touch screen.

I don't see that they are being used properly.  I mean an oven?  With a Touch Screen?  Give me a break!

So as I am riding along, happily playing music, something happens and I need to control the phone.

Have I said yet that I hate iPhone for this sort of thing?  

Ok, I despise the little gadgets.  My big hands reach down to work on the phone and I almost always have to stop moving and pay attention.  It would be like a smaller person using the phone with their elbow and throwing it into traffic in disgust.

I don't know which tiny person designed these things but whoever you are, I hate you.

The latest thing to become "quirky" was my microwave oven.  Of all things to flake out, a microwave.  

In the kitchen there is very little with food that I won't attempt.  I have churned butter in the food processor - that takes about 5 minutes.  I also make the dog's food from scratch.  The ingredients that are raw have to be cooked to a minimum of 165F/74C so that the bacteria is killed.  Frozen Peas and Fresh Carrots are the two ingredients that go into the microwave.  I demand that they are cooked at full power uninterrupted.

Lately the microwave has decided that at random moments it will cycle, go to low power mode.  When it does that, the cooking cycle is ruined and I have to throw out what I am doing and restart the process.  There is no pattern with this, and I believe that an internal part is overheating.

Since I demand the thing to work without interruption, the microwave is useless to me.  This one is going into the trash.  But I have a second one.  That is a story in itself.

About 6 or more years ago, someone left a perfectly good microwave on the curb of my block.  It was left in the box, sealed.  Taped up from the factory.  Sitting pretty under a street lamp.  I walked Rack The McNab SuperDog past the box at the 5PM walk.  I walked him past it at 9PM.  The next morning, the box was still sitting there.  5AM.  Under the street lamp.

Yoink!  You are mine.

At that point the older microwave was still working well and I didn't believe that I needed this new one so I put it in the shed.  

This week I had had enough of flaky kitchen appliances.  I went to my shed, got the box, cutting my left wrist in the process.  Opening the box I brought the new microwave in and put it on the kitchen counter.  Doing so I said to the old microwave "If you fail again, I'm stripping you for parts, and you go out in the trash!".

Yes, I threatened my old microwave with a new microwave.

It has only been a few days and the old microwave is working correctly.  I think it took the hint.  

Cross me, and out you go old microwave!  

I have done that with iPhones as well.  I have a very good friend who hands me down old electronic hardware.  This computer that I put Linux on is not the first, and I have taken broken computers and recycled and up-cycled them into working useful equipment before.  I get old iPhones and have never bought one.  

But those iPhones?  I hate them and hate the entire ecosystem.  The idea that Apple has a walled garden to keep you safe has been dis-proven, and they are harvesting information for nefarious purposes, or so it has been said in the last few years.

Personally I think that Apple's Walled Garden has poison ivy in it.  I don't want to use their hardware the way that they want me to.  If I want to put music on the blasted thing, I should be able to plug it in and move data back and forth at will.  Pictures, and Documents as well.    I should be able to do a backup of the stupid thing to a network drive or attached memory stick but I have not found a way to do that.  On top of it all, that screen is too small.  Tiny for me.  I have to jump through hoops in order to get any of that done.

Pretty hardware that is dumbed down for some pointless exercise in minimalism.

So when I look at videos with "Shiny New Objects" with sparkly touch screens, I lose interest.  I'll stick with my 23 year old Jeep Wrangler, and my 6 year old laptop as much as possible.  

How exactly will I be able to use a touch screen on a car to adjust the air conditioning in traffic at 60 MPH with my elbow, again?

I am forced to use that confounded iPhone since I am a competition class dual sport athlete and my sport watch requires it.  Sport watch with a touch screen and Bluetooth.  To talk to the iPhone.  

It has a sealed battery in it that I have to recharge every 10 days too.  Eventually it will get flaky and I'll have to buy a new watch because nobody repairs things any longer.

Can someone please, find me a Tube Tester and a set of All American Five tubes?  I have a radio from 1956 that could use some refreshing.  I hear they have this new music called Rock and or Roll that might be fun, but R&B is much more my style.  Meanwhile, I will find a swing music or classical orchestral program.  Just to relax to.

Oh and Apple should get off my damn lawn.  I think they're drunk anyway.

I broke my finger at work today, on the other hand I'm completely fine.

It's funny, I rather liked California.  In fact LA Metro.  It had quite a lot to recommend it.  Even the air was clear, thanks to things that those of us who don't live there understand.  LA was in a bowl, and Detroit made cars that polluted - if you watch any video from around 1968, it looks like the air quality of places in China a couple years back. 

And the Chinese are doing a great job of cleaning their air up.  After all, that's why Electric Cars out sell gas/petrol cars in many areas.

Someone for everyone, right?


 
A man in an Ohio Walmart this morning tries to buy half a cauliflower.

The young assistant tells him they only sell whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager.

The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some sh*t-for-brains out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, “…And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“California, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave California?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but porn stars and cheerleaders up there.”

“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from California.”

“You’re kidding?” replied the boy. “Who’d she cheer for?”

Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

 As the sun comes up and the moon dips below the palm trees and falls into Lake O, I am waiting for the Cream Biscuits to cool.

I'll have a Sausage Biscuit with my breakfast in a while after the second two mile walk with Mr Dog.  

May all your biscuits be warm, you sausage be savory, and your breakfasts be filling.




The pet centipede

A guy walks into a pet shop and says, “I’m looking for a really unique pet, something no one else has.”

The shopkeeper grins and says, “I’ve got just the thing,” and brings out a talking centipede in a little box.

The guy is amazed. “I’ll take it!”

That night, he places the centipede on the table and says, “Hey, do you want to go out for a beer?”

No answer.

He waits a few minutes, leans closer, and repeats louder: “Do you want to go out for a beer?”

Still nothing.

Getting frustrated, he yells, “HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT FOR A BEER?”

Finally, the centipede shouts back, “For crying out loud, I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes!”