Spiders! ACK!

You adapt.  Wherever you are, you will bend to what is around you and accommodate things that might be a bit strange.

In my case, it's the onslaught of creatures that live around us.  Wildlife thankfully is not completely gone from South Florida, and sometimes it even watches you back and benefits from your being there.

My Geckos and Lizards that visit my kitchen window every night are a perfect example.  If we forget and leave the kitchen light on they will come and stick themselves to the glass like a decal. 

When you're out in the yard, you have to keep an eye out for critters.  I've seen plenty of Black Racer snakes run away from me, and that's about all they do.  You come by and they run away.   While I am out there looking for snakes and other crawlies, I'll have to watch for spider webs.   This particular one and I had a week of encounters.  Right behind my bedroom window there is a Bougainvillea that is trained to grow on an arbor.  It may be a salad for an iguana since it's not exactly in the best condition.  But it is perfect for Little and mostly harmless "Crab Spiders" are all over the place, and generally are no cause for alarm.
these spiders to come by and make a web.

When I see their webs they are almost always perfectly round.  It's like they want to present themselves as a bullseye target so you can find them.  Colorful and non threatening, they're welcome there especially if they manage to eat those blasted mosquitoes that torment us here. 

After a week the encounter ended.  Being where it was I would see them every morning when the sun would rise high enough to light the target in a silvery glow.  When it left, I found myself missing it there.  Not to worry, another one will be through shortly.   These creatures seek that spot out on a schedule.

My Sourdough Haul - Recipe

When you have a "viable Mother" you need to do something with her.

In my case, Mother was the first ever sourdough starter that I made that "worked".

Since it takes between 2 and 5 days to get Mom out of that bowl and ready to be added to the bread dough, it gave me time to find a recipe.

Of course I procrastinated.  The recipe I found was very good, and I did learn from my mistakes.

You see there are some tricks to this.

Sourdough bread does not typically have added yeast.  You use the Starter as "yeast".  Those starters are also very slow acting.   Commercial yeast, like the stuff I buy in 1 pound bricks at the warehouse stores, are vigorously active.  You can add yeast and a little sugar to some warm water, stir, and step back.  You will have a bowl of froth in short order.

Sourdough starter looks like wallpaper paste that separated out and spoiled.

My recipe said between 12 and 24 hour rise time and that is why the rolls all look "Lumpy". 

What happened was the outside of the rolls got dried out and when Mom got busy with the dough, she had to break through the crust. 

The solution is to make sure you rise your dough in an enclosed space with a pan of hot water in the bottom.  This is what I will do next time I have to bake.

Since the recipe was so large, I won't bother baking for a while.

Another wrinkle is that Mother is Wet.   Mom is 1/2 water and 1/2 flour.  So if you add 1 cup of Starter, you have to reduce your normal recipe by 1/2 cup of water and 1/2 cup of flour to get the "Hydration levels" right.

Fancy talk for watch your dough or it will be too wet or dry.

So here's the big recipe.  Next time I do this, I'll increase my water since my High Gluten Flour is thirsty and my dough was too dry to start out with.  It made a great pizza crust, but the rolls were on the small size since they didn't rise quite enough.

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup starter
• 6 1/2 cups White bread flour
• 2 1/2 cups water
• 2 tsp Salt

Process

• Stir your starter to knock the bubbles out for a correct measure of starter.
• In the mixer, add starter, water, and salt and mix until smooth.
• Add flour 1 cup at a time to the mixer with the dough hook and continue until the dough has formed.
• Separate the dough into two loaves or individual rolls.
• Allow to rise in a moist area until double in size - this will take between 12 and 24 hours. 
• For decoration, slash the tops of the loaves at the beginning of the rise time with a sharp knife.
• To bake, place a pan of water in the bottom of the oven and preheat to 375.
• Bake the bread for 45 minutes or until it thumps hollow - Internal Temperature will be 190F when done.

Sourdough Starter - FINALLY!

Sourdough was my own private Holy Grail.

I seek the Grail!  I have never found the Grail!  Do you know of the Grail?  Can you help me find the Grail?

Ok, so channeling Monty Python and the Holy Grail aside, I think I finally found it.

No, my light is not Grail Shaped, evil Zoot.

I have been reading the Breadit subReddit on Reddit.com lately to try to get insight to this odd thing.  After weeks of reading, I finally thought that I had enough of that and just threw my hands into the air to try to make a Sourdough starter.

Sourdough is a special bacteria that grows wild in a Starter and is named after San Francisco in California but not limited to that area.  From what I can tell, while I have re-created the taste, I have the bacillis in my area.  My own commercial yeast "went wild" over the generations of breeding that happened in that not so very pretty white bowl, but it did not jump species and become that specific species of yeast that they may use in San Francisco, but the lactobacillis seems to be here.

Any kitchen where you bake bread will have wild yeast.  I would wager that any kitchen that you do NOT bake bread in has wild yeast as well, but that's just my scientific background coming to the surface.

The story goes that you start a commercial yeast in a mix of flour and water and perhaps a little sugar.  Make sure that the glass or plastic bowl is "sterile clean".  Allow the right conditions of not too hot nor to cold to exist for the little creatures.  Leave the thing alone for 2 to 5 days.  That's right, practically a week.  All you do to it over that time is to stir it.

The resulting mix will have the consistency of Pancake Batter or Wallpaper Paste.  It should be runny per the recipe.

If it doesn't get infected or spoil, you will go through some specific phases.

In the first couple hours, the commercial yeast will bloom and the mix will rise.  In my case it grew to push the towel up in the air.  I had to remove the towel and clean it off, replacing it with a cookie sheet that was placed so there was an opening at the top of the bowl for air to circulate.  The next time I try this, I will leave the towel off until the first bloom is complete and the yeast settles down a bit.

The next five days it will settle down and beneficial yeasts and beneficial bacteria will populate the mix.  The mix will settle literally and there will be some changes of smell and color.  It went from being a wallpaper paste looking mass to what you see in the picture - a layer of amber liquid on top. 

It smelled first like beer.  Then it started to smell like what I remember Sourdough smelling like.  It was a sharp smell but not unpleasant.

I vowed to allow it to go five days, only stirring the mass once or twice a day.  I did not feed it any extra flour, yeast, or sugar.  It merely sat on the counter looking strange and perfuming the house with that brewing smell of funk.  

Finally when I decided to try it out, I got proper Sourdough Rolls, Torpedo Rolls, Pizza, and a Boule loaf.

I had success!

The recipe was this link on King Arthur Flour but I will reproduce it here for brevity.   You already have the process above.  If it sounds less precise than usual, it was.

The remnants of what I made were "fed" with another half cup of flour and placed in a semi-sealed ball jar in the refrigerator.  It is still alive, although mostly dormant and growing slowly.   I will add another half cup of flour and water each week and give it a stir from time to time to make sure it is still alive and happy.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups warm water 
• 1 tablespoon of sugar or honey (optional) 
• 1 tablespoon or packet active dry yeast
• 2 cups King Arthur Unbleached All-Purpose Flour

Process:

• To Glass, Plastic or Ceramic bowl add 2 cups warm water, 1 tablespoon of sugar or honey, 1 tablespoon or packet of yeast.
• Slowly add the 2 cups of flour while stirring it in to incorporate it to a smooth consistency.
• Allow the yeast to bloom.
• When the yeast settles down in a couple hours, cover the starter with a towel allowing it to breathe.
• Stir it occasionally over the next 2 to 5 days.

Feeding and care:

• Move the remaining starter to a smaller jar with a loose lid. 
• Place starter in the refrigerator.
• Feed every couple of days but no longer than once a week with 1/2 cup flour and water to retain consistency and "vigor".
• Yes it was vague to me as well but I added flour and water in equal parts. 
• This "extra" water will need to be accounted for in a Sourdough Bread recipe.

Or you could visit the King Arthur Flour website for additional insight on how they make their starter.

Taking Rack To The Network Operation Center

Just when you thought a computer room was the final frontier, I found a way to confuse a dog with one.

The key to getting a fearful dog to stop being fearful is to expand what they see.  Bump up against that safe-zone wall and you will find it's made out of rubber bands and not stones and mortar.  The walls are amazingly stretchy and will eventually fade away.

At least that's the plan.

When I got Lettie way back when, she was fearful.  She was terrified of buses, and I am going through that with Rack as well.  Dutifully, I'd take her to Germantown Avenue in Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia.  We would park ourselves in front of the clothing store or the bench in front of Kilian's Hardware and watch the bustle of traffic, people shopping, and basically experience the city.  It got me out of the house, and exposed her to the racket of the Big City.  Slowly we realized this was unneeded as Lettie wouldn't freak out when the 23 bus would go past on its way to Center City, or the turnaround loop at the Top Of The Hill.

I'm doing the same with Rack.  We park ourselves in front of Wilton Manors City Hall and chat for a while.  Waiting for the Dreaded 50 Bus, Rack's Pack will cool our heels while watching him alternately be engaged or panic depending on what is going by.  He's getting better, and that rubber band is stretching further each time.

When I got the chance to try something new, we jumped at it.

You see, Kevin needed to check the Computer Room.  There was an issue with the HVAC system at work, and it meant a drive to the office to make sure all was well.

Rack being Rack, all I had to do was say Ride In The Car and he perked.  We got him in his harness and soon we were riding down A1A past the bars and the tacky T Shirt shops at Fort Lauderdale's Beach.  My dog assumed his normal outlook on life, staring out the windows like a stoner.  Ooh Cool, Dude, Look at that Jogger!  Wow, man, there's a big boat out on the ocean!

Yes, that is one of the things that turns my dog into Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

When we finally got to the office, Rack decided that he didn't want to get out of the big beast of an SUV and tried to make himself as flat as possible.  I had to lift him out of the seat and plop him onto the ground.   The scents of the nearby Fort Lauderdale Sewer Plant coupled with the distant Port of Fort Lauderdale most likely threw him.

Panic aside, we walked to the building.

Herding Dogs are an amazingly adaptable beast.  They will handle challenges admirably, but you have to introduce them properly.  The challenge of the day was going into a high rise office building.  He had no problem with the doors, we've done that before.  Once in the lobby, he walked around the perimeter doing his Perimeter Search thing that I've seen many times, snuffling the corners until the doors opened on the elevator.

He sat down, cocked his head at a 45 degree angle and looked confused as we both walked inside the little stainless steel box.

When he saw us both go in, he followed and made himself as small as he could in the back corner.  I swear his eyes doubled in size when the door closed and the mechanisms came to life with relays snapping and hydraulic lift oil whooshing through the pipes.

We went up to the fourth floor and he just could not wait to get out of that box of doom.

Kevin in the lead, I followed with Rack unsure.  I don't think it was possible for a dog to get any closer to someone while they walked.

When we got to the office, the black and white dog flattened against the floor as the door opened.  Regaining composure, I lead him inside so he could snuffle around the small office.  The computer room with its constant fan white noise was a bit much for him, he didn't go in.  Standing at the door, that was quite close enough.

Finishing our inspection, we wandered out of the office and down the hall.  He liked this suite better since it smelled richly of Office Snacks left out for passers by.  I kept his snout away from those chocolates, those were for people, and they were quite good.

After he wandered around a bit, it was time to go.

We stepped out of the suite and Rack knew one thing - Get Me Out Of Here.  

He was at the end of my 6 foot purple leash the entire time.  Dragging me down the hall with Kevin behind, we made it to the fourth floor lobby.  Elevator beeped and snapped to life, Rack flattened like a pancake against the green granite floor.  When it arrived, doors opened, and he knew what to do.   Rack was actually inside the elevator before we were. 

He was clearly stressed but he did know that this meant escape from the empty office complexes with the strange smells and sounds.  

Getting to the ground floor garage, he lead the way to the SUV and practically flew into the back seat.

As we went past the beach bars with their Smooth Jazz saxophonist and the joggers that are all a part of the Beach Scene in Fort Lauderdale, Rack calmed down.  Eventually he even learned to enjoy the trip, regaining his trippy outlook on life.

Whoa Dude, that was cool!

For those who love the Philosophy of Ambiguity, as well as the Idiocyncrasies of English - Humor

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE  YELLOW ROAD  SIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
                        (This one took me a minute)
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN  ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE  THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?

Blonde on an Airplane

Blonde on an Airplane

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO CHICAGO WHEN A BLONDE IN  ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO  CHICAGO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M  GOING TO CHICAGO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST  THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,  AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES  BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND  ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.


"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO  CHICAGO  ".

Tenting The House - All Done!

All Done!  We're back.

After three days, we got the call at 9AM, right on time that we could come home.   We anticipated that, so in the rain of that morning, we piled everything we could into the Jeep and Kevin's Beast, and rolled home.  It was only a couple of blocks, so it wasn't a big trial.   Even Rack was happy to leave.

Ed Lugo's Resort was fine, no complaints, but it was truly nice to head back to our own digs.  Home Sweet Home may be a cliche, but it is for a reason.

Pulling into the driveway, we saw our house, darkened.  A light glowed in the living room, all the windows and doors were opened.   Kevin got in first and was chatting with the person from Hugh Turner Pest Control.  True to form we got The Joke.

I was told that I would have to wash everything, dishes, Linens, and the lot.   Then the lady laughed and said that we were fine.

You see, Vikane Gas may be lethal, but it does not leave a residue.  There was a grit on the floors but I attributed that to my own housekeeping shortcuts and had a mental picture of teeny critters falling like snow while the place was buttoned up.  Probably nothing more than a fantasy and the soles of a herd of workers' boots.

The first thing I noticed when I walked into the house though was "It Smells Like Death In Here".

There was a good reason for that.  We found a day later that there was a freshly killed grey mouse on a glue trap that tried to get a last meal in the attic.  It was right next to the air intake for the HVAC system so the scent was everywhere.  It doesn't any more.

Also, coming back into the House Of Death meant that all the no-see-ums were dead too.  That was a good thing because those critters who were eating my walls needed to go.  Dead Termites good, Live Termites Bad.  All the random moths that I would see fluttering around haven't been back yet either.

Unfortunately, my friends the Lizards and Geckos were harmed as a result.  There was one that was alive, probably shut itself off during the time to conserve oxygen, and it survived between the window panes when the house was closed off.  There was another one which was ghostly white and dead on the front of the house.  I'm sure there were more.  I still smell death outside now when I'm in the garden but that's fading fast.

We three settled back into the routine of life.   Rack found his spot between the coffee table and the couch.  We had 14 double bagged sacks of food, medicines, and odds and ends to unpack and load into cabinets.  My own house cleaning hack had to be fixed since we just didn't see the sense of vacuuming before the workers got here, and before they left.   There was a herd of Chihuahuas worth of dog fur creeping out from the nooks and crannies here that got vacuumed up as soon as the pest control worker left.

I am a week past the event when I'm writing this.   The house smells like beer since I'm trying to make Sourdough Starter.  I figure that since the place is open, the "natural yeasts" of South Florida will repopulate fast.  The "clean" house didn't stop my making Yogurt either, the first two brews were perfect.

Yes, normal life here means there's always something brewing or cooking or waiting for the time to bake.

But basically it's all done.  We are back to whatever passes for normal here.  Sometimes you just have to kill off civilizations of bugs to get back to normal.   It took us 6 years to get to this point, lets hope it is longer next time.

Tenting the House - Rack Does Not Like Change

We had to decamp for three days.  Really one solid day, plus two half days. 

Practically the entire time we were gone, it rained.   In fact when the rain left us here in South Florida, it paid a visit to Havana Cuba where I hear it caused a lot of damage.

Wet Cubans aside, we ended up at Ed Lugo's Resort.  Just around the corner and up the block from the house, this place was perfect for us.   A small two bedroom house with one bath.  The place gave me ideas about redoing the bathroom here.

Remove the tub, add a glass partition wall and make the whole thing a shower.  I can hear my mother complain that "You'll never sell the place, families want tubs!".

Sorry, Mom, times changed.  Plus I'm 6'4" and need the room.

Fantasy discussion with Mom aside, the place was fine.  Ed has done a nice job of clearing the backyards out and connecting them all together with a pool, large hammock, and places for discussion with other guests and the friendly staff.

Highly Recommended.

In Ed's accommodations, we were comfortable, excluding the dog.  Rack had never been away from the house for any length of time since he joined us in April.  It was November when we left our house.

He was recovering from his experiences as being a shelter and a rescue, and really still has a way to go.  Any loud noises at home will send him running for the crate.   Tuesday and Fridays are trash days here on my quirky little island, and he will spend most of the day hiding in his big plastic box.  If the windows are open he's up and down all day.  Anything noisy gets him running off.   My neighbor Kirby taking D.O.G. (yes, that is his name) for a walk, and Rack comes back into the living room trying to see.

Rack loves Kirby.  I think he likes D.O.G. as well, but Kirby is the attraction.   So we're breaking him of his fear of loud noises to tell him that everything loud is Kirby on his big motorcycle.  It is starting to work, but has a way to go.  Yes, I am lying to my dog.  No, don't judge.

So taking our little boy out of the comfort of my little house to the small place we stayed at at Ed Lugo's was a big disruption. 

His usual fear was compounded by the confusion of not being at home.  I have had him longer than anyone else at this point, but I had to wonder if inside his little mind he was thinking that he might have been one step away from another stint at another rescue.

No, get that out of your mind.

He did start to get used to it by mid day the second day, but we simply didn't concern ourselves with that.  Putting the crate in the door to the front bedroom helped, he could lay in his safe room and watch us while worrying about all the drama around him.

On the other hand, getting him out of the house was easy.   We got to take him out to different areas in town, he got to visit the Island City Park Preserve, and sniff new trees and fences.

Being a McNab Dog means he is extremely intelligent, and he did learn the area and which little house was our little house within the first 24 hours.  On the other hand, getting him out to the quieter areas meant you had to get through the noise first.

It really only was about 48 hours for us.   We had him out back to visit the house Chihuahua which helped him a lot, but every little noise sent him to the door of the house for refuge.

When you have a fearful dog, or cat, or person, life means making adjustments.   We did finally adjust him to the situation, in fact a bit quicker than we thought, but it did take time.

Better to get back to the normal routine at 9am that Wednesday.  That day, we took all the crap we brought with us, loaded it back in to the vehicles, and made the short hop back home.  What took us 4 car trips to load only took us two to get back.

When Rack saw his crate get into the back of the car, he got hopeful and nervous at the same time.  Well really, he gets nervous with a summer breeze blowing through the house.   The crate leaving meant he began to almost panic. However, opening the door with his leash on meant every time he passed by the tailgate of the car, he would hopefully look at it to leave.

Finally when the time happened, in the rain, he vaulted into the crate and we left.

Tenting the House - The Day Arrives

Would you like to run away to the Circus?

Would you REALLY?

Well join us on a little trip we want to call "Tenting The House"!

You see, we have by this time boxed all our food that goes with us, all our clothes, and all the needs of the Parrot and the Dog.

It went into the cars and brought about 3 blocks away.

And then it begun.

Almost precisely on schedule, which in Florida means about 30 minutes late, they arrived.   We really did need the extra half hour to plan this anyway since we were still bagging things and showering and doing Normal Household Things when they got here.

There arrived a box truck and this ... thing.   It's sitting in the driveway.   A truck full of things that I am sure I would have loved to explore if I had the time to.   Clamps, water, tarpaulins, signs, and everything you would need to entomb your house in a giant circus tent.

No loitering allowed, this place was going to be gassed.

The truck has an upper deck that would allow the workers to step onto my rather fragile roof so they could do their thing.

They arrived and began opening every window, drawer, and door.  Everything had to be opened just enough so that the gas could get to it.  That gas was Vikane gas, something related to what the Nazis used in the holocaust.  It would be released in the house along with Tear Gas to deter anyone from entering the place.

Why tear gas?  One of the dodges that criminals were doing in South Florida was to get scuba gear and go into these houses and basically empty them while the gas was in the place over night.  Nobody would be there to see them do it and they did get away with some of the burglaries.   Luckily these scum got caught and will be in jail for a while.

The workers inspected the entire place, deemed it ready, then cleared away an area of about a foot from the actual footprint of the roof of the house.  It needed to be clear so that the tent could be weighted down to the soil.  Anything actually living within the perimeter of this zone of death would be killed over the next three days.

It was Monday and we weren't allowed back until Wednesday morning.

Over the next two hours, I watched my Orange Tree trimmed back since it was encroaching on the carport, watched my orchids and other potted plants relocated to the pool deck, and people swarm over the place like the ants that they were ejecting from the premises.

It was fascinating to watch.  People who were as large as myself on the roof stepping over tiles, handing down clamps and tarpaulins, and eventually wrapping the place up in cheerful blue and red.

They finally affixed a sign to the place that pronounced that we were being fumigated by Dead Bug Edwards as we left for lunch.

It was surgically precise.  The house was professionally secured.  The grounds were cleared.  Things were prepared by people who clearly have been doing this for a long time. 

Tenting the House - The Preparation

Having your house tented is a major disruption.  A Huge Pain in the ... Tail.

We first had to schedule the operation.   This is such a "popular" thing here that the better companies are booked months in advance.  Oddly enough that worked in very well with what we had to go through.

I bake, a lot.  We both cook large meals and keep frozen leftovers.  The cupboard is full of things like baking soda, and mixes that are somewhat less common.  A Spice Cabinet with things like Cumin, Curry, and Vanilla Bean that actually get used.

I tell people that I have a spice cabinet and I know how to use it. 

I buy Cinnamon by the "large jar", as well as certain other spices.   It can be an obsession but my neighbors like it when ever I get a bit out of control and start baking.

All of that had to be drawn down.   The freezer needed to be "minimized" as well.  The freezer was so crammed full of food that even in the hurricane season it was difficult to manoeuvre in there.

There was a silver lining in this whole process.   When asked when we would want to have the house tented, we were told it would be three days.  Either over a weekend or starting on a Monday.  The Weekend Tentings were not as popular since we could get one sooner.   We were speaking to them in August, the next weekend tenting was in October.  That would give us two months to empty the freezer as much as possible.

The problem with Weekend Tenting here is that we have people who are going to the shopping center with the bar that is close to the house.   I had this mental image of coming back to the house after some drunk climbed under the tent after thinking mistakenly that they can hold their nose and be safe.

We went with a weekday Monday tenting as a result.  That could not happen until the Monday before Thanksgiving.

We had a date.

For three months we were purposely eating everything we could that was "back stock" in the refrigerator and freezer.   I was baking to draw down supplies as much as possible.  I managed to use up 20 pounds of flour in two months.

The instructions were straightforward.   If it goes in you it gets bagged in a giant Nylon bag.  That bag would get bagged inside of another bag.  Each bag gets separately zip tied shut.  This was true for anything in the cupboard - so there went my spices.  It was true in the freezer and the refrigerator.  If it is sealed in a can or sealed in a jar it can stay out, but plastic bags and bowls go in the bag.

By the end of the bagging, my refrigerator had two bags, the freezer had one.  There was a mountain of bags in the dining room of food that would not be harmed by being out of the cupboard.

The pet food would either have to be bagged or taken with us.   Anything that was the dog's had to leave the house.  After all, Rack's sense of smell was much better than ours was.

So dutifully, I began putting Rack's toys in a box to take with us when we would de-camp to another place.  The box being on the floor was an invitation for him to take his favorite toy out of the box and play with it again.  This went on for a while until I picked the box up and placed it high and out of his reach.

No, Rack, you may not play with that now.

Pouty dog aside, Oscar the Parrot was easier.   His toys are bolted onto the cage and the food all went into one giant bag save a little for the three day trip to the BnB.

A solid weekend plus worth of packing food, dog gear, parrot food, and people's clothes resulted in a disrupted house full of things "staged" to go.

Finally, electronics and other valuables had to be triaged and staged.  I had to make sure that I could do whatever it is that I do with my computers while gone.  The computers I have are all older and I use them differently than most.  Since data is put on the machine that it is most needed, it is spread around.   There isn't a computer in the house that is newer than a year old, and most are what others would think are underpowered.  That's a benefit since underpowered means cheap and in some cases free since they are "cast off" or even throwaway machines getting a second life.   But since there are more than one, I can spread the load around. 

There would be a long block of time that workers would have access to the house but we would not.  Luckily we had honest workers.  I've heard horror stories about that sort of thing down here in South Florida.  You've got to watch people while they're working these days.

We even went so far as to take pictures of anything and everything in the house.   While it turned out to be overkill, it is a great inventory in case of a break-in and well worth the couple of megs worth of picture files we both have floating around.

After all of this obsession and prep work, we were ready.