Saturday, September 12, 2020

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Any Time I can find a story including a Moose, I'm on it.

A man feels burnt out by his busy city life, and decides to vacation as far away as possible from the hustle and bustle.

He finds himself in a cozy cabin just outside of a small, remote Alaskan town. For a few days he marvels at the serenity of the forest. He fishes, he hikes, he naps blissfully while listening to the trees sway. But by the middle of the week, he begins to get bored, and goes to town.

Checking out at the general store, he asks the cashier what people did for fun around this dull place.

"Can I eat out, are there any good restaurants?"

"Well, there's Maude's diner," she said, "but only if you like cold eggs and burnt toast."

"Clubs? Bars?"

"Ha! Bernie doesn't mind if folks hang out in his garage. But it's BYOB."

The man looked at her and asked, "How do you people not go crazy out here? It's so boring!"

A customer chimed in. "Haven't you been to the frozen lake just south of the town? It's where we go to watch the moose dance. It's absolutely beautiful to see!"

"Yes," nodded the cashier. "We all go to see the moose dance on the ice when it gets dark. They skate and move with such grace. It never gets old."

Unsure how to respond to such a ridiculous idea without offending the townies, the man thanks them and leaves. He spends another two days fishing and hiking and napping and being serene - and going insane from boredom. Sitting staring at his fishing pole, he decides to go to the frozen lake that night. Anything is worth a shot.

Aside the lake, he waits, watching for movement. Suddenly, there is a rustling of the brush, and a giant moose steps out onto the ice. Another two wait on the lake's edge.

"Wow," he thinks. "The townfolk aren't crazy after all."

The moose on the ice begins to slide forward, then splats onto its belly as its hooves slip in four opposite directions. It struggles to stand up, makes it to its feet, and immediately tumbles down again. This repeats for several minutes, and the moose stumbles from the ice. The other two slide toward the center, but one stops abruptly and the second slides antler-first into the other moose's behind. They, too, slip constantly as they try to glide. After ram into each other headfirst, tangling their antlers together, they sidestep awkwardly back into the forest.

The next day the man goes back to the store, and complains to the cashier. "What the hell was with that moose thing you told me about? I went to watch at the lake last night, it was terrible. Just a bunch of clumsy animals falling down."

The customers and cashier all burst out laughing.

"You went last night?" The cashier shakes her head. "Of course it was bad. Thursday is amateur night."

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