Sunday, January 24, 2021

I have an eclipse joke but it gets kind of dark.

Since it is sunday I thought I might give you a St Peter At The Gate Joke.  Yes, you will get the format, but the twist is at the end.

 Of course Sundays tend to be twisted so there you go!



 A young engaged couple were very much looking forward to their marriage.

One Sunday afternoon they went out for a drive in the country, and had a terrible head-on collision with a heavy truck.

Suddenly they found themselves unexpectedly at heaven’s gates, to the surprise of St Peter also. “How come you two are here?” he asked, “You weren’t due here for another fifty years?”

They explained what they thought had happened, the horror of the oncoming truck on the wrong side of the road. They had been so looking forward to their wedding, to their new home and to married life together. “Would it still be possible,” they asked, “for us still to get married in heaven?”

St Peter was stumped. “Marriage is usually ‘till death us do part’, he explained. Once couples arrive here, they usually don’t want to remain married, but just good friends. There isn’t really marriage in heaven.”

“But we were so looking forward to married life together. Can we not have that opportunity?” they asked.

“Well,” said St Peter, “I’ll have to go and ask the Boss and then find you a priest to perform your wedding. Can you just wait around a bit until I come back?”

So they hung around waiting. An hour went past. Another hour, Several hours. No sign of Peter. Other saints came to see to the queues forming and check in those qualifying. But no Peter. In earth time a day, then a week went past, Finally, after the terrestrial equivalent of a month St Peter returned. “Good news!” he said, “I’ve got permission and it’s all arranged for you!”

But the young couple had been reconsidering. Marriage on earth is usually for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, at a limit 70 years. To actually remain married for all eternity might be just too long. They might tire of each other. So they both explained this to St Peter and then asked him:

“If we do get married, would it also be possible to get divorced in heaven?”

“Look here,” said Peter, by now exasperated, “It’s taken me a month to find a priest in heaven. How the blazes do you think I’m ever going to find a lawyer?



A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?

Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish

Warden: your pet fish? How’s that?

Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about a half hour, and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.

Warden: well that’s just a crock of lies!!

Man: here, I’ll show you... (releases the fish into the lake).

Warden: well this I gotta see!! (5 minutes later...)

Warden: well??

Man: what?

Warden: the fish!! Where’s your pet fish??

Man: what fish??

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